


Worth eternity

by Adeleee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood and Injury, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, F/M, Horcruxes, M/M, Marauders, Master of Death Harry Potter, Other, Post-War Harry, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:08:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 136,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24027145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adeleee/pseuds/Adeleee
Summary: "You said we couldn't help it. At the station you said it is past our help", he said remembering the white smoked place after death. "It whined, suffered, I heard it."They both waited for the other one to continue. Minutes went by. Somewhere the clock rang again. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang..."Harry, I need you to listen to me very carefully-"“You were wrong. That thing still lives. It is in the... that place, in my head.""-You are right. Once again I made a terrible mistake assuming the Hallows would save only you, but hope isn't lost", the portrait reassured calmly. "You are strong enough to keep that creature caged. Don't give it too much meaning. It is the horcrux's whispering you are hearing and nothing more. You can resist it, you always have.""Not anymore."
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 66
Kudos: 373





	1. No more funerals

**Author's Note:**

> As the days grow shorter it will become a king. The other yields, for it won't survive against the frost. These two trees are in constant battle, year after year. Like the seasons, darkness defeats light every time. Darkness is stronger, it will last longer.

Harry woke up and realised that all was not well. He rose and rubbed his aching head to ease the pain. A questioning meow called from the darkness and soon Harry felt Crookshanks' little head pushing, leaving fur on his black hoodie.

On his right side, Ron and George snored in the same rhythm. On his left Hermione didn't exactly snore, more like breathed very heavily. George had lately made a habit of sleeping in the same room as them. It was an unspoken arrangement made after everyone had noticed that he simply couldn't be left alone at nights. 

Two weeks after the battle, when George's screaming had woken up the entire Burrow three nights in a row, Ron had lost his nerves. He had marched into his brother's room whispering: "Oh Merlin's saggy pants" in the way, ordered his mother to go to bed and dragged George's bed next to his own. This way he only had to stretch his hand to calm him down. The screaming had stopped from that on. Now, when Harry often couldn't sleep either, he only heard George's muffled sobs.

Harry fumbled his glasses from the bedside table, which green peeled old paint revealed its wooden surface. It was pretty cramped due to the four beds and so he hit his pinkie on the corner of Ron's bed as he tried to tiptoe quietly across the room.

The Burrow's stairs creaked from his weight. Snoring voices echoed through the hallway. Harry sighed and went to pour himself a glass of water. He let the water flow a bit, just out of habit before filling the glass, although he knew that the tap was enchanted to only give fresh water. Over the gurgle he heard ticking and glanced at one of the clocks in the room and saw it was half past five in the morning. The other clock was quiet and still: it didn't tell time but rather the Weasley's whereabouts. Harry and Hermione's spoons had been added to it. Fred's spoon rested sadly between the _school_ and _garden_ -sections. Harry's was _home_ , others were _sleeping_. Harry knew he couldn't be able to get anymore sleep so he didn't even bother to try. He slipped sneakers onto his feet and went out for a walk.

The first gleams of light illuminated the treetops. The tips of his sneakers got wet from the morning dew. Harry let his feet go where they wanted without thinking of the end destination. Ripe blackcurrants hung in the bushes. Harry picked one and rolled it, deep in thought. The garden was peaceful in the morning, when mosquitos had gone to sleep but the gnomes not yet risen.

After some time Harry sat on a rock. And there he sat, staring at sunrise with glazed eyes.

Fred's death had left a shadow over the Weasley’s. The Burrow, which had been full of life, was now quiet and sad. Ever since the battle, Harry had been invited to so many funerals that he couldn't distinguish them apart. A grey cloud of mist had fallen upon the time. He didn't cry anymore, there were no tears left. Where there had been an aching, oozing puddle of grief was now an empty cavity. That cavity had grown larger and larger at great pace. He felt guilty about his hollowness. He couldn't or didn't know how to comfort anyone. And casting a patronus was impossible to him like to many others, which was a great pity, because somehow he knew that it would be much more effective than any human. Patroni was never sad.

Hermione had left two days after the battle to look for her parents in Australia. Ron had gone with her and so the couple had spent a soothing holiday far away from everything. They had come back tanned and happier, and very close. Harry was happy about that. They deserved to feel happiness.

A barking gnome kicked him in the ankle and woke him from his thoughts. Harry sighed. The berry, which he had been rolling in his hands, was now popped and broken. He lifted his head. Smoke was rising from one of the Burrow's chimneys.

The smell of bacon and eggs floated through the kitchen air. "Morning Harry", Mrs. Weasley said and all those who were at the table turned to look at him.

"Harry, eyebrows", Hermione pointed out. He relaxed his face immediately and greeted everyone. Hermione had taken upon herself to point out his frowning, which happened quite often. Harry sat on one of the free chairs and forced himself to take a piece of toast. When he nibbled on it, the others chatted about their plans for the day. Ron asked for more bacon and his mother slipped a couple of pieces to Harry's plate too. At that very moment something rubbed his foot. Soon Crookshanks ate Harry's bacon under the table as the conversation faded away.

Arthur kissed his wife goodbye and he and Percy left for work. The dishes washed themselves. As the others started going their respective ways, Hermione and Harry stayed around the kitchen table to play a game of Exploding Snap, but nothing came of it.

Shortly afterwards Hermione was absorbed in her book and Harry pretended to read the Daily Prophet. His forehead had started to burn during the night. The first time it had happened he had got a panic attack and commanded everyone to double the protection spells around the Burrow. Headlines of the troubles of the Ministry, memorials and adverts flashed before his eyes. "The Minister for Magic Shacklebolt reforms policies: - - A Thorough Investigation of the wage difference in the Ministry - -", "Underage Death Eaters' Trials Continue-", "Muggle Law Section Number 148 Reformed: A License May be Required for Muggles to Partake in a Witch's or Wizard's Funeral - -." A familiar pain spread through his whole head and throbbed until he fell asleep, and started again as soon as he woke up. Hermione said it was because of stress and paranoia and so did Ron, but Harry had a feeling it might be something else... But he had no idea what. And because there were no answers, he thought best not to tell people about it. No one wanted a reminder of what the scar's pain meant.

The clock struck. "Bong, bong, bong-", it rang determined. "Bong bong-", the slow sound made him anxious.

"Bong bong-", time seemed to slow down. "Bong bong bong." It stopped and Harry inhaled, just foggily recognising that he was at the Burrow, but really he was far away.

He is dead, I killed him, Harry tried to reason to himself. He was buried and will not be coming back. But it was no use. Harry knew what the scar meant. "Bong bong bong bong bong-" How was that still continuing? he thought. "Bong bong bong bong bong bong." He trembled on the last bong.

"Oh that was lovely", he heard a voice. Harry lifted his head up. Hermione yawned and closed her book.

"Didn't you start that yesterday?" he asked and looked at the massive book's cover. The name didn't tell him anything. Probably some muggle book...

"Yes", Hermione said smiling and left to make tea.

The days had formed into a some kind of a routine. Harry woke up before everyone else, went out, sometimes so far and for so long that the others got worried. Then someone, usually Mrs. Weasley or Hermione, reminded him about humans need of nutrition and for the rest of the day Harry helped the others to do the chores. Mrs. Weasley tried, without him knowing, to lessen his chores and to push them to others until Ron had said to his mother privately that work would do good for Harry, wake him from his thoughts. After that, to prove a point, Ron had watched Harry, who had stared blankly at the window for hours. Mrs. Weasley had objected and stated that Harry had done enough work as it is, but when Ginny had said the same as her brother Mrs. Weasley had given up.

Hermione, of course, planned to go back to Hogwarts after the summer to take her N.E.W.T.s, for which she prepared most of her time. Sometimes Ginny, who still had one term ahead, studied too, but Ron didn’t even touch the books out of principle. He meant to try to get into Auror-training with his O.W.L grades.

According to Bill, Arthur and Percy the Ministry was being renewed on a quick pace into a good direction under Kingsley’s supervision, and so because of that, everyone was busy and seeing them all together was a rare event, though they visited as often as they separately could. Harry was glad: Kingsley seemed to be a good pick for a minister. His calming presence was just the thing people needed these days.

Harry had no interest in returning to Hogwarts. It would have felt wrong and he didn’t believe he would fit in anymore. Hogwarts would always be his home but now the place was full of memories to which he didn’t want to go back just yet. He didn’t know what he would do or what to prepare for. He had dreamed of being an Auror, but now that future prospect didn’t seem right. And he really had no interest of thinking about the future.

That hollow feeling grew every day.

“Hey Harry, I need a chaser”, Ginny said and sat next to him. He had just come back from the Ministry. He was summoned there from time to time to testify something or give his opinions to someone. This morning there had been a discussion of the orphanages of wizarding world. He had brought that up days ago and now there had been made a new bill that concerned about the magical children who lived under poor conditions in muggle families or in institutions. He had been pressured to admit the poor conditions of his own childhood, which was said to give their motion a certain win. For the Dursleys’ safety he hadn’t revealed their identity. Who knows what some hooligan would do to ‘the savior’s abusers’. In the worst case scenario, Dursleys’ might be killed and he didn’t want that to happen, no matter what they had done to him.

People acted more and more strangely towards him; bowed, made way, stopped their conversations and stared as soon as he showed up or opened his mouth… So he avoided public places. He understood that most of them meant good but couldn't they understand that he simply couldn't take it anymore?

“It’s such a lovely day”, Ginny said and lifted her hand to pet his hair. Harry had a hard time not to shiver from the touch. The scar hurt from pain. He tried to ignore it and turned his head towards Ginny. She was absolutely beautiful. Her face was freckled and her hair wrapped loosely around a ponytail. It felt painfully wrong that he had become this un-feeling, walking statue. Ginny, who had always understood him, with whom he had felt a deep connection didn't deserve this. And the worst part was that Ginny understood him even at this moment, had given him peace and didn't pressure him into anything. Well, if he didn't count quidditch.

”And besides, exercise would do you good”, she added hopefully.

Harry closed his eyes and focused on breathing normally. Ginny’s touch felt good. He tried to forget the waves of pain.

“It would be nice”, he answered quietly. Ginny made a triumphant smile and lifted him from the bed with her weight, leaning backwards.

The next day, Ginny came again and jumped to his bed so suddenly that he and Crookshanks almost fell of the edge. “Harryyy”, Ginny coaxed and shook his feet affectionately.

“Yes?” he answered and tried to target his gaze to Ginny’s face.

“Would you come play again? You were a good chaser last time. And the others are gone.”

“Hmm, okay.”

“What have you done today? I didn’t see you at breakfast.”

“I, umm, have been reading… and took a shower”, he answered, trying desperately to think of any activities.

“Without glasses?” Ginny asked. He knew she didn’t say it to be judgmental nor humorous, just simply pointed it out. Harry closed his eyes and sighed when he remembered where the glasses were. Crookshanks had followed the others' example and started reminding him of the need of nutrition by taking his glasses to the kitchen.

“You little kneazle”, he scolded and turned to scratch the cat. Ron’s curtains opened. The sudden brightness ached his head. Ginny leaned against him and watched how Harry’s hand made a small circle on the cat's jaw, heard how it purred with pleasure.

“Hear, I’ve been thinking. How would you feel if we went somewhere, just you and me?” she asked slowly. Amazed he turned his head towards her. He almost managed to shut the pain away and wasn’t aware of it if he specifically focused on not focusing to it.

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, when Hermione and Ron went too, and um", she stuttered a bit. "I thought some nice beach destination would be just what we’d need, somewhere far away from everyone.” Ginny stretched her hand again to touch his hair. He got ready for the wave of pain. Fortunately this time it didn’t come and he sighed out of relief. Ginny interpret that a different way and moved up to face him. "I'll of course pay you back once I get a steady income!" she said with a sudden determination and kissed him gently on the lips.

“Ginny, I”, he started and tried to come up with something to say without giving away the scar situation and somehow compensate the disappointment that his words would cause. “ _He_ hasn’t left me alone”, he blurted.

Ginny's smile melted off. “Harry, listen to me”, she said hard. “He hasn’t left me either. I still see nightmares about him but guess what? He died and won't come back. That manipulative piece of shit won't come back because you killed him. You will get over him. It took me years and I was under his spell only a year! And you have been for - what, 17- years? It takes time. We’re not in a hurry.”

“Ginny, if I speak the truth, this will take years and-”

“It doesn't matter!” 

“NO listen!” he said seriously and rose up to a more steadier position. “He will never leave me alone”, he said and was horrified of how true those words were. “Never.”

“You are wrong.”

“I know that you are tired of hearing this, but I don't want to drag you with me-” Ginny shook her head so quickly that the sunlight seemed to burst her hair into flames.

"You are wrong. You will get over him and I won't go anywhere until you realise that too", Ginny said, declaring the very reason Harry didn't know what to say or what to do. She wouldn't go, no matter what so he couldn't say he needed time because she would wait. And she knew him too well to buy the lie if he said he didn't want her. Because Merlin he really wanted her. Who else would truly understand what he went through? Who else would know what it felt like being close to _him_ , hearing _his_ voice in his head?

“I will never heal.”

“How do you know it?”

“I know”, he sighed.

Ginny sighed too. “Right, but come to the kitchen and eat something.”

“Okay”, he said. Crookshanks meowed approvingly and padded softly to the door.

“Where is everybody?” Harry asked when they arrived to the kitchen.

“Mum is with friends. Dad, Charlie and Bill are at work and Hermione and Ron left somewhere. And George and - George is at work.” Harry nodded, took a kettle and put water in it.

“Uh where is my wand? Oh yeah there.” He grabbed his wand from the table and set fire underneath the kettle.

“Harry? Um, have you heard anything about Teddy?” Ginny asked thoughtfully.

“Teddy?” Harry asked and lifted his head. “Oh no!” he groaned and hit the knife on the cutting board. He hadn’t even remembered that he was a bloody godfather!

Sick with guilt he wrote a letter to Teddy’s grandmother, Andromeda Tonks. Andromeda was Teddy’s mother’s - Nymphadora’s mother and sister to Bellatrix and Narcissa. Harry remembered seeing her for the first time. The Black’s features had clearly been there. She was tall, or so he remembered, and married Ted Tonks who had died in the war... And years ago Sirius had mentioned that Andromeda was his favourite cousin. But that was about what he knew of her because the last time they had met there hadn’t been a lot of time to get acquainted. The only thing he had ever said to her was accusingly “You!” when he had thought he had seen her sister Bellatrix. Harry felt like he hadn’t made a good first impression.

The next day, when he knocked on the door, he hoped Andromeda wouldn’t be too angry that he had forgotten Teddy’s existence. Remus had trusted him and this is what he had done? Harry looked around. The forecourt was an enclosed garden filled with pretty flowers, to which across wandered a small path of round stones. The place looked nice. He didn’t remember seeing anything like this the last time.

A smiling woman with a child in her arms opened the door. Harry swallowed and tried to form a smile too. “Welcome Harry! It has been some time”, Andromeda said, waved him inside and shook his hand.

“Yes, it has”, Harry answered and saw a glimpse of a lilac hallway and a painting of dancing flowers on the wall before he turned to look at Teddy who was staring at him intensively. And when he did everything else from his view clouded for a second and focused on something peculiar. Teddy's eyes were lilac. How extraordinary! Harry thought.

"Nice to meet you", he said and hesitated whether to shake the baby's hand or not. 

"Teddy, say hi to uncle Harry”, Andromeda said and waved the baby’s arm. That made him feel unease. He had never thought of himself as an uncle. The title sounded weird. The only uncle he knew was Vernon and he really didn’t want to associate himself with that man in any way.

“Just Harry”, he corrected and decided to shook the baby’s hand. In that moment Teddy’s eyes… they turned green and his hair black. Harry’s mouth snapped open. Of course! Teddy’s mother was a metamorphmagus. The skill had passed on! Andromeda laughed at his expression.

"Well, Harry, could you take your shoes off? I like to keep the floors clean for him.”

“Um, of course.” He took off his shoes and put them in a stand where tiny brushy hands started to clean them.

“Tea?” Andromeda asked when they had sat at the living room table, next to a red bricked fireplace.

“Yes, please”, Harry answered. Did Andromeda have a house-elf that would bring the tea? Andromeda was a pureblood and was probably used to house-elves, but the place didn’t look like that kind where you would expect to see one. Or so he thought. Not that he had been in many pureblood houses.

Andromeda put Teddy on the floor and said: “Coming in a moment.” Harry saw the hem of her dark blue dress disappearing around the corner. Teddy was still continuing his unwavering staring. His eyes were unbelievably green, like diamonds… He had grown used to them on his own face but now seeing them on someone else... they looked unnatural, like the killing curse. Harry shook his head. Don’t think about it now. That is just a baby! 

"Eeeeu”, the baby said and stuck his tongue out. "Eeeeu?" Harry watched the corner where Andromeda had disappeared and quickly answered by sticking his tongue out too. Well there was another Marauder's child in addition to him! he thought and managed to force his anxiety partly away.

Andromeda came back with a platter full of biscuits and tea. “Harry, is everything alright?” she asked looking a little bit taken aback.

“Yes, yes fine”, Harry answered. “You have a lovely house”, he said, drawing the conversation elsewhere. People had done nothing but asked him: ‘Is everything alright?’ for the past two months.

“I'm glad you like it. My husband loved gardening. I’m sure it shows.” Harry heard a tint of sadness in her voice. “He died during the war.”

“I’m sorry.” Andromeda took her tea cup and swallowed a mouthful.

Harry noticed that he got along with Andromeda very well. Teddy was a very funny child as well. When he had apologised of his absence for the past few months, Andromeda had looked at him for a couple of seconds and then stated that Teddy wouldn’t have been much of a playmate unlike now, just cried and pooped all over. 

That was exactly what Harry liked about her: She expected a back payment for not being there all along, didn't say it out loud, but clearly wanted it. And of course he would give it, he would be here now. She was naturally a happy person even though her own husband’s, daughter’s, and her daughter's husband’s fates troubled her non stop. Her house smelled of licorise and flowers and was full of Teddy’s laughter. The baby was her salvation from depression, from which Harry was more than a bit of jealous. Seeing Teddy cheered him up more than anything and so the visits to Tonks' household became little by little a weekend routine.

During his visits they talked about everything. Andromeda got to know more about Remus and what it had been like for Harry to learn from him, and dried her tears quickly away when Harry went to put Teddy back to sleep if he happened to wake up from his naps. 

And Harry got to know more stories about the Black family history. They laughed about all the stupid things Sirius and Regulus had done when they were children. The more Harry found out the more he was curious. And it felt like there was no end to the stories and memories. Carefully, when she saw that Harry didn’t object, she told about her own childhood here and there also, not just the parts where Sirius had been.

“How my aunt used to yell at us!” she laughed. “But we rarely got caught. This one time, Sirius dressed as a girl to one big winter party and no one noticed a thing. He introduced me as his distant cousin and led me in the dance floor. I was just about fifteen. And Bella!”, she hit the table. “She really didn’t know what to do with him. He asked about lady things and when finally she realised who he was… she ripped his dress apart in front of everybody and got yelled for picking a fight! One of my dearest memories!”

Harry could easily imagine that happening and smiled wide.

Andromeda calmed herself down. “Winter parties… they stopped a couple of years after that, but I didn’t complain. I called them the party of stocking’s because every girl had to wear them and I really hated it.”

Harry’s eyes wandered to the aunt’s bare ankles. "I see you hate them still", he said and grinned. 

Andromeda grinned back. “Would you like to try them on?” she asked challengingly. 

“I’m not Sirius, but thank you”, he said and quieted down to listen if Teddy might have woken up, but heard nothing but the silent squeak of Andromeda's chair as she corrected her posture.

“No, you are not. But you remind me of Regulus”, she said suddenly. “You have the same energy. He was a great wizard like his big brother, followed him around until... well actually that stopped at the same time as the stockings.”

The time when he joined the death eaters, he thought.

“What is on your mind?”

“Well, have I ever told you what happened to Regulus?”

“You have not”, Andromeda answered cautiously.

“Don’t worry. This is a… Well, it's not happy story, but I think you want to hear it.”

In addition to visiting at Tonks’, Harry helped George at the Wizard Wheezes shop’s. Entering to that paradise of colour was always an overwhelming experience. But it wasn’t just fun and laughter. One time, when they had carried empty jars into the storeroom, some genius decided to fire out one of the biggest flamingo fireworks in the middle of the shop. It hit a shelf that had some balls of different weathers, or so Harry had understood, making a lightning-rainbow-storm-smoke mix, which took a whole day to clean away.

The person who had set them off didn’t get caught but luckily the business was flourishing so the damage and one day closed wasn’t ultimately that bad.

There were still some days when Harry got invitations to the Ministry. Apparently this time to celebrate the orphanage’s new motion, which had been a success. From here on out, there was a new department called _The Welfare of Magical Children._ They collected information of magical muggleborn children and pursued to help them and give them professional financial and emotional support in, for example, adjusting to the wizarding world. How this had not happened sooner was beyond Harry’s comprehension. Reforms were tasking and needed a lot of work, but still… the magical children, weren't they supposed to be everything to their society? Keeping the magic alive? Or had he understood something wrong in their world's ancient agenda?

He felt sorry for Kingsley. What a number of court meetings and arguments over a thing that was - in his opinion - relatively simple!

“Oh, here you are”, Ron’s voice said. Harry had found, with the utmost luck especially in the Burrow's standards, a quiet place for himself in front of the second floor fireplace. Ron let out a long yawn and collapsed next to him. He used to take very long hikes around the hills: auror training required a good condition.

“This one goes to take a shower”, Ron said after his heart rate had lowered.

“You do that”, Harry answered and watched as Ron swept past him with his long muscular legs.

That night was one of those when he couldn’t sleep at all. He went to the kitchen to get Mrs. Weasley’s sleeping potion. But it had all been taken. He shook the empty bottle. Well, it wouldn’t have helped anyway, he muttered. Nothing helped.

“Harry darling, have you thought about Grimmauld place?” Andromeda asked.

“I don’t know”, he said. Even though he had.

“You could move there”, she continued. It could be his own quiet place where he could be alone, away from everyone’s eyes. It had been a safe place for him and even a home, but it was full of memories, and Sirius’ prison. And even if that had been a safe place for Ron, Hermione and himself, a large portion of that time they had lived there had been spent worrying. Kreacher was still there. He had summoned him a couple of times to check how he was. The elf had answered ‘well’, but Harry knew he was lonely. Kreacher… how he had whistled happily when cooking… Could he disregard the terrible memories of Grimmauld place and focus on its good sides? The place was quiet and peaceful. Maybe a little bit hauntingly quiet, but still quiet.

“I know better than anyone that that place is anything but ideal. However… with a little bit of cleaning and renovation… it might be nice.” Andromeda had noticed his lifelessness like Hermione. On one particular afternoon Hermione had watched him staring, again, out of the window for half an hour and then nervously asked for the thousandth time: “Are you sure you don't want to come back to Hogwarts?” She had had to repeat the question three times before he had answered: “No, no. It is not my place any more.”

“Yes. It is at least something to think about”, he answered to Andromeda and tried to smile.

“Say bye to Harry Teddy, say bye!” Harry pressed a small kiss on to the baby’s forehead and said his goodbyes.

Days melted into each other and changed to weeks as Harry really started to think more and more about Grimmauld Place when life crawled back into the Burrow. Over six steady dwellers made living there quite tight. George had moved back to his apartment at the Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, although he ate dinner at home with the family.

Weasley’s were ‘getting over their grief’ as it were. Although no one ever got over grief, Harry thought. Grief was always present, you might get used to it but never ‘get over’ it. Because of Bill’s, Fleur’s, Victoire’s, Percy’s, Charlie’s and even Hagrid’s visits the house was always bustling. They had become a family and Harry was grateful of that and the fact that he had got the chance to live at the Burrow, but now he started to feel like he needed peace to collect his thoughts and to decide what to do. Everyone had started to notice his state of mind, not just Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Mrs. Weasley and Andromeda, but everyone. It was easier to notice now when everyone else had cheered up. Harry knew that they were worried, he could see it in their eyes every time they were in the same room as him.

Hermione and Ginny had got their Hogwarts letters. Poor Errol had once again flown straight to the window pane. Some day that window will break, Harry thought and looked at the letters melancholically. Minerva McGonagall was now the headmaster and that made Harry feel like the world was in good hands. Merlin, he loved that woman. Minerva was one of his protectors, mentors… and now when that thought popped into his head, another reason to feel guilt was born: he should go and see Minerva.

Rain dropped onto Diagon Alley’s cobblestones. Hermione and Ginny went book-shopping, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley went to get some coffee with Percy and Ron came with him to Gringotts where he planned to get money to renovate the Grimmauld Place. Children ran across the street. He heard howling and barking echoing from Eeylops Owl Emporium. His head turned to that direction and his heart suddenly filled with longing. One of the owls looked a little bit like Hedwig. Maybe he imagined it or maybe not, but it was like he could see the snowy figure waving especially to him. Its wings reminded him of something, something he needed to remember but couldn’t, he vaguely thought.

“I should probably buy a new wand”, Ron said. “I still got the death eater’s.”

“Do we go to Ollivanders after Gringotts?”

“Yeah”, Ron said and nodded his head determined. Wands were expensive. Harry would have gladly bought him a new one, but Ron didn’t accept his proposal.

Gringotts had always had a very formal atmosphere. The floor shone and everyone looked either proud or bored.

“Why do I always get the feeling that I’m not welcome here”, Ron whispered when one goblin glanced angrily at him.

“Maybe because last time you rode a a fire breathing dragon that smashed half the place down.”

“Come on, goblins never get over anything. I swear that one showed his teeth.” They walked over to the biggest desk.

“Excuse me sir, I would like to withdraw money from Potter’s vault”, he spoke to the goblin’s shiny scalp.

“Mr. Potter, we have been expecting you for a while. Follow me if you please”, the goblin said.

“Okay”, Harry said and glanced nervously to Ron, thinking how much it had cost to renovate the whole of Gringotts after the dragon incident… The goblin walked very fast compared to his size. He had a long coat that crawled on the floor. They arrived in front of a big office. Over the double doors read in golden letters: The Head Goblin of Gringotts. Harry raised his eyebrows at Ron who was also clearly thinking about the dragon incident.

“Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley”, announced the goblin. He was just about to leave when Harry said: “Thank you, Mr.…?”

“Nimbley, sir”, he answered, clearly surprised.

“Thank you Mr. Nimbley.” When he had left, Harry and Ron didn’t know how to behave. The Head Goblin was writing on a large desk very slowly on a very long parchment, which already touched the floor. The room felt oppressing. There was just one window. Harry looked at it and saw a dark forest landscape. Ron tapped his fingers nervously on the side of his thigh.

Then, after what felt like forever, the Head Goblin put his quill back to its holder.

“Mr. Potter-”. He clearly loved to take a painfully long time spreading the letters. “It has commme to my attennntion that you have not reclaimmmed your Lordshipsss officcial title.” What? He hadn’t ever thought that something like that had to be done.

“I can do it now?” 

“Exxxcellent”, the Head Goblin said and smiled, which sent shivers to Ron’s and Harry’s spines. Having faced Dark Lord or not, that was just creepy, Harry thought. Nimbley came back carrying two black boxes.

“You have to take the rings”, Ron announced, digging that information somewhere from his brain.

“Aha”, he answered. Nimbley swayed his hand and the boxes flew towards him. He opened the left one first.

“This is Mr. Potter’s Lordship ring”, Nimbley explained. Harry took it carefully. Magic spread from it and intertwined around his middle finger. Small, light, beautiful silver ornaments were carved into a circle. Strangely he felt that the ring was now a part of him.

“When the last Lord Potter died, the ring apparated to Gringotts’ private heirloom quarters. What comes to the noble and ancient house of Black, Gringotts was not able to track its whereabouts but the Lordships title can be claimed through other ways. We know that you are the real Harry Potter, because the Potter ring wouldn’t have activated if it didn’t recognise you for its heir. Congratulations Lord Potter-Black.” Harry remembered vaguely how Sirius had thrown the old gold ring away with all the other heirlooms. He squeezed his hand into a fist and noticed that it didn’t restrain his hand at all. He had never thought what real value would a thing like this have. All the heirlooms had felt meaningless, they had been garbage to him, like to Sirius.

But now, when he looked at his father’s old ring it didn’t feel one bit like a chain or meaningless bauble, but a mark of honour, a piece of history that would continue. He was proud to be the Lord of his family. He wouldn’t throw it away like he wouldn’t throw the Blacks’ ring either. To him the Black name didn’t just represent the pureblood power. To him it meant Sirius, Regulus and Andromeda. It was a name he could carry proudly. But be the Lord Black? He had known he had inherited from Sirius but shouldn’t Andromeda be the Lord? She had been disowned, but could he return her to the family?

“Um could I bring Andromeda Tonks back to the Black family? Orion Black disowned her but surely that can be undone?”

“I will write a document of this. Gringotts will send a letter to you when it is done.”

“Great!” Harry answered. “She has the right to be the head of the family then? I am only a distant relative. The right belongs to Andromeda.”

“Andromeda Tonks can be returned to the family but she cannot be its Lady if you don’t die before her.”

“Okay. Well what about Teddy? Andromeda’s grandchild? Does he inherit everything then?”

“Teddy Tonks is currently third to inherit the Black family and will inherit the Lordship after Andromeda Tonks. In addition, Mr. Tonks inherits the Potter family if you will not have children of your own. Do you wish to alter the inheritance order?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Excellent”, the Head Goblin smiled.

“Can I withdraw money from my Potter vault and then go see the Black vault?” He was curious to see what there would be.

“Yes, Lord Potter-Black, if you will follow me”, Nimbley said.

“That was cool”, Ron said as they sat in the cart.

“Indeed”, he answered happily. They raced through the tunnels that were illuminated by hundreds of lamps like dwarves mines.

When the pace slowed down Ron said: “So that you know, you don’t have to wear it all the time.”

“Actually I quite like it. Reminds me of my dad.”

“Oh okay.”

“Vault 687”, Nimbley said and went to open the door. Harry was very prudent so the gold mountains had barely lowered since his first visit. He didn’t have the energy to try hiding his money from Ron. It would have been pointless and impossible any way, he thought as he stuffed money to his bag to which Hermione had made an expansion spell. Ron walked around and lifted some old, strange objects that were lying on the floor. Harry joined him.

“Hermione would curse me if I left those behind” he pointed at a book pile.

“Probably”, Ron grinned. Some books were in Latin, some in languages he had never even seen or heard of before and some were so old that he didn’t even dare to open them.

“Let’s continue this at home so Hermione can put some non-breaking spell on them or something like that.”

“Yeah, good idea.” They collected the most interesting looking books and notes from here and there and put them into Harry’s bag. The vault of Black was slightly lower than the Potter’s. The doors screeched as they opened. Even though Harry had guessed what he might see, he was still blown away, like Ron. One quick glance told that there was more money in here than in the Potter’s vault.

“What do we do with this? I couldn’t have believed this of Sirius”, Harry said. Ron let out a low echoing whistle.

“Do you think he actually knew he owns this?” The question left a vile taste in his mouth. The place was dusty and gloom. Old portraits hanged on the walls. Their eyes followed them, eyebrows disapprovingly high.

“Seriously, what do I do with this?”

“Don’t ask me Lord Potter-Black.” Harry raised an eyebrow telling he was not in a mood for jokes. Ron noticed that Harry reminded him of one of the dark haired persons on the wall and he giggled by himself, but decided not to mention it.

“Let’s hope that this stays a private matter… Hey Nimbley, this all is strictly my own business, isn’t that right?” He didn’t want the papers to know anything of this.

“Of course. Gringotts' customers have the privilege of our full trust.” Harry let out a relieved sigh. They stuffed some books from this vault as well and agreed to go to Ollivanders and then to buy some expensive massive ice cream balls to each of them.

In the meantime Ginny and Hermione wandered inside the Obscurus Books shop. They had already bought their school books at Flourish and Blotts but Hermione had wanted to go there to ‘browse’.

“Come ooon”, Ginny rushed. 

“Just wait a minute longer.” Hermione circled around and opened one potion book. She frowned and put it back onto the shelf.

“What are you still looking for?” Hermione glanced at her and then around the shop.

“Well… something that would help Harry.” Ginny’s expression changed immediately from bored to alert.

“Have you found anything?”

“No, not a single thing. I have browsed and scoured every damn book and notebook. I know we all are a little bit blue, but… he... He has changed.”

Ginny glanced around too to see if anyone was near. No one was. “Should we take him to Mungo’s? Just in case?”

“I tried that but he didn’t agree, he said they couldn’t help and I am afraid he is right.”

“You know… I know that there is trust between him and you, and I would never ask you to break it, but I have to ask. Has he told you a reason? The core reason?”

“No, he just says he's tired. Arrrgh he has always been too modest.” They were quiet for a moment. Then Hermione suddenly spoke in a fast low voice: “I’m so worried about him! It's a miracle he is even alive! And now somehow that fighting spirit was replaced like of this- emptiness! He is so… “, Hermione cried out. Ginny hugged her. She had speculated that Hermione worried more than she showed. So did they all, but Hermione knew him best, noticed those small changes better than anyone. “Oh Ginny, I’m afraid to leave him there, in that bleak house! And when Ron goes away too, and of course that's good that he goes, but now Harry is all alone.” The shop owner walked past them with a curious gaze. Ginny felt that Hermione had wanted to tell someone what was on her mind a long time.

“There there….” She wiped Hermione’s tears in her orange jumper. “He just needs time. And he isn’t alone.” She was pissed that Harry acted the way he did, but couldn’t complain. Not now when Harry was in that state. Nor could she complain about it to Hermione. “He has us and Teddy and Hagrid.” They hugged each other for a moment longer and then Hermione pulled herself together.

“Yeah, you are probably right”, she cried and the sound broke her heart. It was so tiny and weak. They walked out into the street.

“Look!” Ginny pointed to where children blew up fireworks and played with other small colourful toys.

“Hey!” they heard Ron's voice across the street. Harry was there too and turned so quickly around to see to whom and why Ron was shouting that the small chair, which he had been sitting on, fell. “Here!”

“How do I look?” Hermione asked. Her eyes were glazed but otherwise there was no sign of crying.

“They won't notice a thing.”

They sat at the table and accepted Harry's offer to buy them their own ice creams as Ron started telling about his new wand that Harry had apparently got permission to pay for after a long debate.


	2. Cleaning

After a week since the school letters arrival, Hermione was absorbed in the books from the Potter and Black family vaults. She definitely wanted to check them out before leaving, specially the ones with runes, to practise her translation skills for the future. To everyone’s amazement, Ron started to read books too, to study for the Auror examination. And so, as everyone had their noses on books, Harry 'finally' - according to Hermione, decided to start his own project of renovating the Grimmauld Place. 

He knew it wouldn't be a problem, at last in terms of money. He could literally use money as a building material. Ron asked why he wouldn't just build an entirely new house somewhere nice, but Harry’s practical side won the argument. Grimmauld place could be quite nice when he would invest in it, and it was located near Central London. He liked the idea of London as his backyard, with all its shops and parks.

For starters all the black curtains were mercilessly thrown into the garbage. Nobody would see the inside anyway. He opened the windows and let the house breathe for a day, mainly for his own peace of mind, not to clear the air: Kreacher done that already. The suspicious items, which had managed to remain hidden during the last big cleaning, were thrown into the ‘possibly dangerous’ box and stuffed into the downstairs broom closet. The harmless stuff: socks, whips - Merlin knows why people needed those -, sheets, pillows, dark blankets and broken feathers they also thrashed.

Replacing the items with new and colourful versions was expensive, but not as expensive as he had first thought. He discovered the reason next day, when Kreacher told that the shop owner had given a discount when they had found out whose elf Kreacher was. Harry grabbed the new bags and without listening to Kreacher’s objections, apparated them to the shop and didn't leave until he had paid the full price.

After that, he decided to only use muggle shops and stores, which was a pity because he couldn’t send Kreacher to those places. Kreacher became upset and he had to explain over ten times that it wasn't his fault that master didn't want his help anymore.

Sirius’ room was the only one that survived through the makeover. Harry just organised the letters from the floor, closed to door and said to Kreacher that it should be left untouched. He would read through those letters when he had the time, save them until he would be ready.

He still slept in the Burrow, but during the days when the others studied or went on with their business, he immersed himself into cleaning - to everyone’s delight and especially to Hermione’s peace of mind. Just continuing my summer traditions, he thought with a mixture of bitterness and amusement as he imagined what Petunia might say, seeing him scrubbing the floors, voluntarily this time.

The pain from the scar grew day by day as did the headaches, beginning to limit him. It spread from his body, paralysed him with such intensity he sometimes had to stop and close his eyes for a moment. Apparently the nightmares got worse too: Ron revealed he had started to scratche his scar and hiss something incomprehensible. He had also noticed he did it unconsciously, awake or not. The potions and herbs from St. Mungo’s couldn't even heal his skin anymore, couldn't stop the scar dripping of blood. Nothing helped, least of all the knowledge that others were starting to realise what was happening to him too.

He tried to suggest sleeping in the Grimmauld place from here on, to give Ron and Hermione the chance to sleep in peace, but of course no one listened to him and Molly said he had to stay for at least until the renovations were over.

And so he sped up the cleaning process.

He understood that he couldn’t get the house to bend to his will. Even if he finally managed to silence Sirius’ mother’s portrait by nailing a slab over it and using some strong silencing spells, threw the curtains away, hid the family tree wallpaper with bookshelves and dragged the other portraits to the attic, the house would always be the house of Black.

Its antique wood carved furniture, wall candelabras and chandeliers spoke of centuries old aristocracy which couldn't be hided or swept off. He also let the snake headed faucets to stay where they were - they were quite pretty in a way, once he got used to them.

He thought he would claim the master bedroom, but decided otherwise, when something - and he couldn’t tell what - made him feel anxious in that room, so Regulus’ room turned out to be the final solution. Under the green wallpaper he found a beautiful dark brown wood. He took out the newsarticles from the walls and burned them, changed the curtains into blue ones and hung up a painting of a deer in a glade, which he had found in a flea market. One cabinet in Regulus' room didn’t open no matter what he did. Another thing that didn’t cooperate was the coat of arms, carved on the end of the bed: Toujours pur…

“Fine, be there then” he sighed. In the cabinets and wardrobe, which agreed to open, he found handmade clothes and tried them on. They fitted him nicely, once he had shortened the sleeves and shrunk the waists a bit. His curiosity grew and he granted himself the permission to open Sirius’ door and look into his wardrobe. All the clothes there were too big. It was a pity, he liked those more. They were a mixture of an aristocrat and a pirate whereas Regulus’ jacket reminded him of an aristocrat and… well, a wizard.

You are a wizard, Harry, he reminded himself and shook his head when he saw his image in the mirror. He looked like a proper little Lord…

When he came down the stairs Kreacher burst into tears.

“What’s wrong?”

“Master Harry looks so honorable! Kreacher is so proud!”

“Well, glad you like it.” 

Ron’s reaction to his clothes was slightly different. “What the bloody hell are you wearing?” Ron exclaimed at the doorway. The Weasley's and Hermione had come to watch his and Kreatcher's accomplishmets.

“Just something I found. Is there something wrong with it?” Harry grinned and moved aside as the crowd came in.

“Of course not”, Ginny hissed to her brother and then looked at Harry. “You look good, like a mix of goth and a cozy dragon trainer.”

Harry smiled nervously and rushed upstairs with Mr and Mrs Weasley, fearing that the scar would explode if Ginny came any closer. He didn’t know how he knew this, there was no logical explanation, but he listened to his instinct.

“Yes, very cozy”, Arthur noted when he looked at the merrily burning fire on the second floor. Harry wanted to keep the it going, like in the Gryffindor’s Common room, even though it was summer. It created a sense of safety and peace.

“It is”, Hermione smiled, watching the picture of Hedwig hanging on the wall.

“The dinner is served”, Kreacher came to say when the guests had stopped running from room to room.

“Thanks”, Harry said and led them to the dining room. Lot of scheming was required to avoid sitting next to Ginny.

Kreacher had really done his best. They ate a four course meal, which Harry recognised was French, even if Kreacher hadn't said the overly complicated names aloud of which none of them understood anything. His stomach was full around the second course, but he forced himself to continue and not give it to Ron - who was shovelling food into his mouth at a pace that looked like he had been starving for weeks - so that he wouldn’t hurt Kreacher’s feelings. “Do you have any more of the starter left?” Ron called out to Kreacher, who heard the orders using magic from the dining room to the kitchen.

“Ronald! We are now in civilized company and you eat the food in the order that it's served in!” his mother said from the other side of the table. The fire and the twinkling candles cast dangerous looking shadows on her face, but Ron didn’t give up.

“Honestly mum, this is Harry’s house, not some court.”

Mrs. Weasley managed to fire back before Harry got his mouth open: “You will behave properly like a grown man that you should be! ”

“Hear hear Ronald, we are now in a proper mansion, in the heart of the British nation. Behave young man”, George said with an exaggerated accent and swung his napkin in the air.

Molly breathed heavily, getting ready for another attack, but stopped herself when she saw something that she hadn’t seen in a long time: Harry smiling. The smile lit up his face and wiped out the dark shadow that was always present. The food appeared on Ron’s plate.

“Really, make yourself at home. I’ve seen you all in jumpers and slippers hundreds of times.”

“Of course Harry dear”, Molly answered and there was no talk of table manners anymore that evening.

Teddy played with his toys on the floor. “Mo mo moo”, he said and pointed at the cow.

“Yes, moo moo!” Harry answered, lying next to him on his stomach. The past month had gone by quickly and Teddy had grown a lot. He was now four and a half months old and had started crawling everywhere. “Teddy, look”, Harry levitated two hippogriffs in the air. Teddy laughed and screamed as they crashed together, rolled around and gave a small slap on his side, to let Harry know he wanted to see it again. And this time Harry levitated Teddy in the air and got a long series of giggles as a reward.

When the Tonks had gone Harry sat down to rub his head. “Would Harry like a bath?” Kreacher asked, forehead down.

“Yeah, it would probably do good, thanks”, he muttered and walked to the bathroom on the second floor. Relaxing was difficult. Many dark ideas plagued his brain when he was alone, but being around others wasn’t comfortable either, because then he had to act like he was okay. And he really wasn’t, no matter how many times he repeated it to everyone. He took off his clothes and stepped into the bath. The burning water eased the pain in his head. His skin, which had turned unnaturally white, glowed red with the heat.

He climbed the stairs up wearing clean clothes and tried to focus on the softness of the sheets.

In the morning the sheets and his fingers weren’t white anymore so he had an excuse to get another burning bath. Then he went to make tea and to sigh for half an hour.

“Master has to go to the Weasley’s today”, Kreacher reminded as he creeped from his nest and started making breakfast. Harry nodded. Yesterday Molly had announced that she wanted everyone for a dinner. He gathered there was some sort of party coming up because usually Molly didn’t say an exact time to arrive. Usually people came when they could, wanted or managed. Harry decided to go early to help with the preparations.

He apparated to the Burrow’s yard and saw - to his surprise - a familiar big figure outside the door.

“Hello Harry! How ya doin?” Hagrid called out.

“Great. Hagrid, it's so nice to see you! What are you doing here?” he ran to hug the half-giant. He didn’t remember when he had last seen him.

“Well, I wanted to come and see how you're all managing”, he answered smiling, petting Harry’s head. Hagrid didn’t fit through the door so they circled around the house to the backyard. Almost the whole family was there, except for Charlie who was substituting some other dragon trainer who had fallen ill, Harry heard Mrs. Weasley say. Bill had come with Fleur and their daughter Victoire.

“ e has inherited er mother’s beauty”, Fleur said to the child, who looked much like her mother. George had brought his girlfriend Angelina, and Ginny had invited Luna and Neville, who also planned to continue their studies at Hogwarts. Lights hung on the trees. The dining table was already groaning under the weight of the cutlery that was brought in as the people chattered around it. George had hexed the flies and mosquitos away. Neville waved at him and Harry approached the table avoiding Ginny’s eyes.

“Your aura is very restless Harry. Have you tried meditation?” Luna asked after catching up with each other.

“No, but maybe I should”, he muttered and hoped they would talk of something else.

“Have you tried the sleeping draught?” Neville asked.

“Yeah, it doesn’t help... I'll go and see if Molly need help", he said and rushed into the kitchen.

“Can I help, Mrs. Weasley?” he asked and looked around. On every stove there was a pot. Molly was like a bee, buzzing from one place to another.

“No, no, Harry you go and enjoy yourself.”

“But I really want help”, he objected.

“Everything will be ready in a minute, go go”, she pushed him out to the backyard."

As they waited for the food, which would be served later, George got a brilliant idea and suggested they could have a quidditch match. Everyone started to quarrel about a fair team split.

“Molly, you should join as well”, Arthur said.

“Who would watch little Victoire then?”

“I can”, Hagrid answered and smiled warmly.

“Yes, Hagrid can take care of her”, Bill assured. Fleur trusted her husband and put the child carefully in Hagrid’s arms.

“Okay, just this once”, Molly said.

“It has been a while”, Arthur smiled and guided his wife to the garden.

In the team Winners George was the keeper, Angelina the seeker, Molly, Arthur and Ginny beaters and Ginny, Hermione and Luna chasers. In the other team, Potatotoes, Ron played as the keeper, Harry as the seeker, Neville and Percy as beaters and Bill and Fleur as chasers.

Victoire's big eyes followed them at the other side of the garden, inside of a protection shield made by Bill with Hagrid sitting at her side. Victoire got to free the snitch.

“There it goes”, Hagrid praised the child as the snitch circled around her before disappearing. Angelina threw the quaffle, the bludgers were released and so the game began.

Ginny and Bill rushed to get the quaffle. Hermione and Neville had little difficulties with staying on their brooms. Harry cheered for Ron when he defended Ginny’s excellent tosses. Molly surprised everyone - except Arthur - by banging the bludger time after time towards the other team.

“WOHOO, MUM! YEAH!” George cheered when Molly banged the bludger towards Bill. Now Hermione had the quaffle. She left with determination to fly to Ron’s hoop, closing their distance. She knew she was a hopeless shooter so she threw the quaffle to Luna who - for some reason - threw the ball straight to Neville who was on the opposite team. Neville paniced and dropped it to the ground as Ginny burst after him. Ron, George and Angelina yelled directions to their own teams and Harry watched this all, laughing in the air.

“HARRY! Stop that and do somethin’!” Ron yelled to him, face flushing. Harry pulled himself together and circled around the field, now looking the snitch from the bushes. He had been overjoyed at George’s idea to play. It was refreshing to get up on a broom. He loved flying! Why didn’t he do this more often? It was like he had forgotten its existence entirely…

The Winners lead by 70-30, when the Potatotoes yelled time out. Ron whispered something quickly to Bill and Fleur while everyone else went to have a drink. Percy and Neville joined the whispering and schemed tactics until the game began again.

Ginny once again had the quaffle. Suddenly Neville and Percy flew to make a human wall around their only hoop. Fleur and Bill curved left to block Ginny. Hermione realised what was happening and tried to stop Ron from leaving his hoop. At the same time Harry noticed the snitch circling around Victoire. 

Hermione commanded Luna to cling to Ron’s broom with her. Percy yelled: “CHEATING, THAT’S CHEATING!” 

Molly and Arthur flew closer and waved at Ginny to throw it to them. Percy tried to catch it in mid air, but Molly banged a bludger at his direction. The quaffle fell on to the ground and everyone with it.

Harry landed next to the mass of arms and legs. Brooms lay on the ground forgotten. “Umm guys?” he tried to get their attention. Ron looked like prey: Hermione and Luna pulled his feet and Ginny at his hands, ripped the quaffle to herself and threw it to Molly, who tried to make a goal but her toss was too low. Bill caught it and started running to the opposite direction, Neville, Percy and Fleur around to protect him, jumped four meters up using magic and threw the quaffle on a large curve inside the hoop.

“YEAH POTATOTOES!” Ron yelled under Hermione.

“We are still winning! 70-50!” George yelled behind Bill. 

Harry raised the snitch and said: “Sorry, you’re not.” Ron's face lighted up and he let out a wild victory scream.

“Harry, I knew I could count on you!”

“And besides, you cheated”, Percy noted.

“I don’t think that the game was played according to the rules anyway”, Luna giggled, covered in mud.

“We seemed to get a little too excited”, Hermione said. She had never thought sports could be this fun. Ron laughed and pressed a kiss onto her dirty cheek.

After cleaning up, the setting sun cast orange and pink colours onto the sky. Harry was just cutting more treacle tart for himself when Molly said: “Oh yes, I will go and get more juice”, she said exceptionally loud.

Suddenly everyone got up. Harry thought some new guest had arrived and stood up too, sending a look of 'what is going on?' to everyone but got only smiles as a reply. Molly came back from the kitchen with a cake singing happy birthday and then it finally hit him. At the end of the song, Hagrid started it again by accident and everyone laughed, including Hagrid himself.

“Thank you all so much”, Harry said in a quiet voice. How had he forgotten his own birthday?

“Adult in every category”, Hermione said, raised her cup and sipped her drink. He did the same.

“Well, firewhiskey and butterbeer are much better than the muggle drinks anyway”, he said, thinking about uncle Vernon’s boring looking beers in the corner of the Dursley’s fridge.

“Agreed”, Hermione said and poured more into his empty cup.

“Cheers”, they said and Harry let his gaze wander around the table. At the other end there was Hagrid, feeding cake to Victoire. Was she the same age as Teddy? It looked like it. Fifteen people chatting made quite a hullabaloo but now he was grateful for every single voice. These people, and of course Teddy and Andromeda, were very dear to him. And he was 18! Time had gone by quickly.

He thought of Sirius, Remus and his parents. They had been just two years older when he was born. Two years… He glanced to Ginny who was laughing at something her father had said. He tried to think of Ginny as a mother. The thought seemed weird. Ginny would be an amazing one, but in three years… it was too soon.

At that very moment, a burning want to open the letters in Sirius’ room was born again, to read everything that he could of his parents and their life. But now he shook that thought away and focused on his surroundings.

“I’ve been an idiot, not remembering my own birthday”, Harry said and put his cup on the table.

“I thought you realised it when Hagrid was here”, Ron answered. He and Hermione had once again noticed that Harry had stared at nothing for quite some time. “Starting to have an effect?” he joked and pointed at Harry’s empty cup.

“Not really.”

“In that case”, Hermione filled his cup again.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” he asked, amused.

“Actually, it's very difficult for us, because magic blocks it, depending on the drinker’s power of course”, Hermione pointed out, at the same time trying to hold back a burp.

“How much would one need to drink it then?” Ron asked.

“Hmm, I don’t know. I would say for us... maybe a bucketful”, Hermione said looking left in the air, remembering what she had read. “So no, I'm not trying to get you drunk.”

The evening grew old. Fireflies tried to get inside the protection spell, closer to the light and the little piece of birthday cake, which was the only remaining food on the table, thanks to the half giant's appetite. Victoire had long since fallen asleep on Hagrid's arms.

Okay, I think I’m going to go”, Hagrid said and gave her to Bill. “Thanks for the food, Molly.” Bill, Fleur and Victoire got up to leave as well.

“Mumumu-”, Victoire protested in her dreams when Hagrid walked away to Harry.

“I have something to say. Would ya come here for a second?” Harry got up. He had drank over twenty cups of butterbeer but it hadn't affected him.

“I’ll see you at school then Hermione. And Ron, good luck for the exam!”

“Thanks”, Ron said and tapped Hagrid's elbow.

“Come here”, Hagrid pulled Harry to a crushing hug. “Harry”, he said proudly. To him, Harry looked happy and healthy. “Already grown up and in one piece, who would have thought?”

"Yeah... in one piece", Harry repeated. “Hagrid, thanks.” Suddenly he saw years passing through his eyes. Hagrid, showing up to Dursley’s, Hagrid’s hut, the dragons. Hagrid had been the one to bring him to the magical world, to his home. Hagrid had been there for him when he had needed someone the most. Hagrid had carried him from the Forbidden forest… he stirred from his thoughts.

Hagrid let him go and started walking the front yard, leaving big footprints on the grass. Harry followed, trying to only step in Hagrid's footprints but it was impossible. Hagrid sat on his bike and turned the key in the ignition. The nearest bird flock flew away, fearing the sound of the engine. “Remember to visit”, Hagrid yelled. Minerva would give permission for Harry, he thought. Surely would. Harry could even move to Hogwarts and no one had anything to say about that, not after what the boy had done…

“Gladly”, Harry answered and watched as Hagrid disappeared into the clear sky, leaving a trail of smoke behind.

“See you again soon”, Bill's voice carried out in the yard. Victoire was passed along from sibling to sibling. When it was Ron’s turn, an unguarded Hermione soon felt a pull on her scalp.

“Noo, Victoire, don’t”, Ron yelled and gave the child back to Bill, as far away from Hermione’s hair as possible.

“I’m sorry ‘ermione”, Fleur said.

“Don’t worry about it”, Hermione said and rubbed her head. “She has a terribly strong grip”, she mumbled to Harry when Bill, Fleur and Victoire had left.

“She may have the grippeld’s disease”, Luna said. No one said anything back.

“Well, see you”, Neville stepped near the floo. After Neville had disappeared into the flames and everyone said good night, Luna went outside.

The moon illuminated on the ground making it look blue. A raven sang nearby. “Lumos”, she said. It stared at her a moment, fearlessly. She had asked for the leftover cake piece when Harry hadn't wanted it. “Are you hungry?” It replied. “Well here you go.” She put the cake on the ground. The raven rushed to eat. Its beak became creamy. She smiled and let it eat in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is my third language, forgive me the mistakes.


	3. Sleep problems

“Would you like to watch over Teddy for a couple of days? I really am in need of a vacation.”

Harry looked quickly at Andromeda and then back at Teddy and then back to Andromeda.

“Really?" Harry asked amazed. He had never been alone with a child, if he didn't count Dudley. Andromeda nodded and laughed when Harry stood up and lifted Teddy high in the air.

“It is just you and me then!” Teddy froze and let out a displeased sound.

“Okay I'll put you down.”

“I trust you, Harry. Teddy’s parents trusted you with all their hearts.” Harry smiled. Yes, he could manage with one child. “But I will check this house for curses and hexes. Or you could go to Weasley’s. What do you say?”

He thought for a moment and decided that they would be in the Grimmauld Place. “Where will you go?” he asked.

“To visit my friend Adaline in France. Would four days be too much to ask?”

“No! Not at all. That sounds brilliant.” He hadn’t traveled much outside of Britain. He had never had the chance. Now when he thought about it, it sounded tempting. Maybe he would try it in the near future. 

“Adaline will be so happy. Would it be okay if I bring Teddy… let's say, in two days?”

“Yes, that’s fine. Ummm… will you bring all the... supplies with you?”

“I'll bring all the supplies and write specific instructions, for bedtimes and such.” She went to check the house. 

Harry watched as Teddy's hair turned from black to lilac and then black again. Yes, he knew how to take care of him, Harry thought. This will be fun!

Diagon alley was full of busy parents and their children who had come to buy their school books a little too late. School would start in five days.

Teddy, Ron and Hermione and he sat at a table at the Leaky Cauldron. He had tried a small transfiguration spell before leaving, but when Teddy had seen his hair turning brown, he had panicked and started yelling.

“Oh Merlin’s beard, it’s alright, alright!” he had comforted the child and turned his hair back to black. You of all people should have understood…

He ordered the Meal of the Day for himself and some smashed potatoes and beans for Teddy. Ron and Hermione ordered butterbeers and watched Teddy as Harry tried to feed him. He hadn’t slept very well... what a surprise. He had tried to sleep properly the night before Teddy would arrive, but couldn’t.

“You look dreadful, mate”, Ron pointed out. It looked like he had to say it even though he knew it was pointless.

“Thanks”, he muttered. “When are you going to have one of these?” Harry teased. Ron flushed and Hermione laughed.

“Not for quite some time”, she answered.

“Are they really that delightful?” Ron asked frowning, and took a sip of his beer.

“Teddy is. I don’t know about the rest of them.”

“On the house”, a voice said as plates of food were placed in front of them.

“No, I really want to pay”, he said and looked at the waiter awkwardly. He was about twenty five years old and had tied his brown hair into a ponytail. He smiled at him… and was quite handsome, Harry thought.

“Nonsense”, the waiter said. Harry really wanted to pay but didn’t want to argue.

“Well, okay then.”

The waiter nodded and started to clean the tables nearby.

“Since when has there been a waiter?” Ron asked, not that discreet. Harry thought about that too. Usually the owner, Tom, had brought the orders.

“Since the war ended”, the waiter said and they all turned to look at him. “The owner sadly passed away and this place was bought by someone else.”

“Who?” Harry asked.

“Me”, he answered and walked past their table to serve other customers. Teddy started to demand attention.

“What? As soon as I stop, you want the food?” he asked and stuffed a spoon into the child’s mouth.

“Harry!” 

What?”

Hermione looked incredibly smug. “Did you notice anything?”

“Notice what, exactly?”

“The waiter”, she hissed so quietly that he almost didn’t hear her because of the noise coming from the open door at the other side of the place.

“Well, he has awfully good ears”, Ron said.

“You practically screamed why he was there and he answered! No, not that.”

“What then?” Harry asked and turned to look at the front desk, his guard suddenly back. Had Hermione noticed something odd or suspicious? The waiter was gone. People acted normally. No one had a wand in their hands... 

“You two are hopeless”, she shook her head. “He was clearly interested in you.”

“What?” Ron asked in his thoughts and lifted his head. He had focused on Teddy’s drooling this whole time.

“Argh you… whatever. Can I feed him?” Somehow, Hermione managed to stuff the whole meal to Teddy’s cheeks. Harry’s gaze turned to the waiter occasionally.

“I'm sure he was just trying to be friendly”, he said and didn’t think anymore of it.

“As you wish”, Hermione answered. Maybe she shouldn’t try to imply those kind of things to him, especially when Ron was there. Even though even Ron knew that Harry and Ginny had fallen off, and even if that hadn't officially happened and neither of them talked about it. She didn’t know what Ginny was doing but she knew that Harry tried to avoid her, clearly backing off. Hermione didn’t approve nor disapprove, because she knew why Harry did it. Yeah, there is lot on his mind right now… It was best that she didn’t say anything of that sort, Hermione decided. 

When Teddy had eaten, they left and went to muggle London. Half an hour later Teddy had fallen asleep. Harry eyed him enviously and covered the top of the stroller with Hermione's blue scarf when Teddy's blue skin started to cause too much attention, at the same time talking about Auror training and all sort of things that Ron saw around them and found interesting. 

“Hey look! What’s that?” Ron asked pointing at a boy who had flickering lights in his shoes. “Cool, I want one of those", he said as Hermione explained what they were.

“Oh boys. Only five days left anymore”, Hermione sighed. Harry’s thoughts also drifted to Hogwarts, its secret halls, countless towers and magnificent landscapes. The castle had always felt alive and radiated with magic. He started to regret his decision not to go back. Hagrid had written him saying that he had asked for a special permission for him to visit and say hello whenever he wanted to. Harry had read the letter and smiled fondly. Well, finally McGonagall had given him a permission to go somewhere…

“It feels weird, you leaving without us”, Ron said.

“Yes it does. But there is one bright side of it. Now, without you causing distractions, I can finally focus purely on studying.”

“Study for the three of us then."

“Oh yes, I will”, she ensured. 

It was already eight o'clock when Harry pushed Teddy’s stroller inside the house. The boy had the same colour of hair as his father when he slept. Maybe that was his real hair colour, Harry thought, checked that the windows and doors were locked, put him to his small bed and went to organise his food in the fridge. He had paid an electrician to put electricity to the house. It would probably be easy to use magic to keep the food fresh and lamps alight, but he had grown used to the muggle style.

He didn’t even try to sleep that night. He was afraid that his nightmares would scare Teddy to death. So he made coffee and read one of the books he had picked up from his vault. It was very old, more like a notebook actually. It told about potions, some of which he knew and some he didn't. One chapter was about Skele-Gro in a very squiggly handwriting. Another one he recognised was the pepperup potion. He fell asleep thinking how Snape would be proud… he… reading potion directions voluntarily…

There was something familiar in the woods. He didn’t know what but he followed that. He didn’t hear his feet when he moved, didn’t separate the sky from the ground. Everything was covered in darkness and quiet, so quiet… 

Something white joined the darkness. Somewhere far away... was a light. The white spread and reflected on the dark surface. It calmed him. The light approached slowly, circled between the trees that yielded, making way.

Pain came and the light grew smaller. It ran away. Harry couldn’t think of anything, couldn’t scream: don’t go. He just looked at the light as it disappeared through the trees.

He didn’t know where it had come from. The pain had stopped. Only an empty feeling was left. His body felt cold, powerless. Harry didn’t realise that he had been asleep until he tried to open his eyes. He felt that they should be kept shut. It felt so sad opening them.

Teddy slept next to him, breathing sweetly with his small lungs. The sun hadn't come up. The only light in the room came from the streetlamps. He rubbed his eyes. He had a weird feeling. He couldn’t sleep anymore. He considered finding a troll that would knock him out. Surely Hagrid knew where those lived… He listened Teddy’s steady breathing and fell to a slumber.

The next day he got a letter from France. With it came a picture of Andromeda and Adaline smiling, a countryside behind them. "Look, it's Aunty!" Teddy looked at the picture and happily nodded his head, as if approving the picture and crawled to the corner to talk to the wall.

_Hey Harry!_

_I hope you are well. Adaline says hello. She'll come with me when I come home. I’m already tired of baguettes and croissants._

_See you soon, Andromeda Tonks._

“I don’t have any owl treats… but how about this?" Harry asked and the owl investigated his piece of bacon. He sent his reply and attached one of Teddy’s paintings to it.

On the third day, and after one hell of a night, Harry didn’t have the energy to play anymore. He went to buy a television and rented kids' films. Teddy was entertained and he got to relax a bit on the sofa.

Kreacher didn’t exactly dislike Teddy, but didn’t say anything negative out loud. The elf just watched the human child, who was just a bit smaller than he and smashed potatoes muttering: “Why does it not eat when hungry? The mouth stays shut. Can’t eat, can’t…”

On the fourth day Harry showed up to Weasley’s door. “Harry! What happened? You look like a vampire!” Harry explained about his sleeplessness and asked her to watch Teddy for a while.

“Teddy, this is Molly”, he said and gave the boy to Mrs. Weasley’s warm arms. Teddy’s hair turned orange. Harry sighed in relief. “He likes you.”

“He's lovely!” Molly said and smiled. “Ui ui ui little Teddy. Let’s go and see if we can find some toys in the attic? There is a ghoul, but it’s kind-” Molly’s voice disappeared to the stairs. Harry followed.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me”, he explained helplessly to Hermione and Ron. “When I fall asleep, even just for a moment, I see that same woods.”

“It's got worse, hasn’t it?” Hermione asked.

“Yes, and no. Sometimes the pain is not so bad. But yes. This is worse than a month ago.” They all looked at each other for a long time. They all thought the same, even though no one said it aloud.

“I’ve been thinking, thinking a very long time”, Hermione started.

“It can’t be it. He died. Everyone saw that. He was buried.”

“I know, but-”

“The Horcruxes are gone, he is dead”, he assured to the others and to himself. He had seen it. He was dead, rotten. Worms have probably eaten his skin, he thought.

“He is dead”, Ron and Hermione repeated.

None of them knew however that in reality all animals avoided Tom Riddle’s grave. Not one creature, magical or not, went near his body.

Ron and Hermione left Harry to rest and walked to the garden. They sat on the grass and Hermione burst into tears. She had pulled the pieces together days ago, but couldn’t accept the truth, didn’t want to give in, so she had been renting and buying the most darkest of books, browsed and researched night and day even though she knew she wouldn't find anything, because this situation had never happened before and no book could give her answers.

The horcrux inside Harry had not been destroyed. The sacrifice hadn't succeeded. The hallows had not just saved Harry from death, but also that piece of a broken soul inside of him. A part of Voldemort still lived and would never give Harry peace, never. “And the worst part is that we can’t do anything! Nothing! If death didn't work, nothing will. We can only watch as he fades away. It’s so unfair. He is only eighteen! Whole life should be ahead of him... I hate him! No - not just hate. I can’t find the words anymore.”

Ron picked a stone and tossed it into a nearby bush. “Maybe the best we can do is to be there for him”, he said, a rare hardness in his eyes. She realised that Ron had accepted that which she had avoided.

“Yes, maybe - maybe he needs time to understand that there is nothing left to be done. Admitting that is hard for us. But it will be harder for him.” They sat there for a while more. Then she said: “I’m scared of what he will do.”

“It's obvious. Isolate himself inside that house. It has already begun. He'll shut everyone outside and suffer until the end. But that is the problem, isn’t it? There is no end. I mean damn… he can’t die. So, I don’t know what he'll do. Maybe he can die of old age, maybe not. But I agree, let's give him some time, but we'll be there for him, try to help or cheer him up. You know… don’t take this the wrong way, but I really am happy that Ginny and he aren’t together.”

“Ron! How can you say that!”

“Well, let me explain. It would be good that Harry could have someone and, yeah I know that Ginny likes him - oh bloody hell - loves him. But this isn’t going to end. You know that.”

“But you just said that we have to be there for him? What about Ginny then? She has the right to do the same!”

“Don’t yell or they'll hear!” They were out of the normal hearing distance, but he didn’t want to take risks. “I don’t mean it like that. Harry will never give Ginny a chance to come near if he suffers from that horcrux, which means he won't let her come near, ever. If he'll get better that's a whole different thing, but it's best that he doesn't have to worry about Ginny's feelings in addition to everything.”

Hermione wanted to argue, but couldn’t because Ron was right. Silence fell over them.

They got up and walked home.

A day before school would start, Harry took Teddy back to Andromeda. Andromeda and Adaline chatted about Adaline's farm, where she kept horses. When Harry told that he had once rode a hippogriff, Adaline wanted to hear every detail of how it had felt like. Yeah, I don’t much like her either, he though, seeing Teddy’s hair stayed Harry-like the whole time. 

Hermione had transfigured the shadows around his eyes and that was why Andromeda had no doubts when he assured that there hadn't been any problems. Giving Teddy back was a relieve, but also sad... Teddy was such a sweet child.

He would have stayed the whole day with him, but because it was the last day before Hermione would go, he decided to go back to the Burrow.

“What should we do?”

“What do you mean?” Harry asked.

“This is the last evening. Who knows when we will see each other again.”

“So?” he asked and watched Ron who seemed pretty embarrassed.

“I thought we could go to a bar!” Hermione said.

“But haven’t we been? In many bars?”

“Noo, I’m talking about those kind of bars.”

“Oh”, Harry said and threw his queen to the pile of cards.

“Apparently there is music and piscolights”, Ron mumbled.

“Disco, Ron. Disco. You’ll see then. At least come and take a look. If you don’t like it then we can leave. Truthfully, I haven’t been inside one either. I’ve just heard about them.”

Harry lifted his head and looked at Hermione. If she wanted to try something else… Okay, it might be refreshing. “Fine, let’s have a look”, he admitted and stood up, stretching his back.

“Great! But hey-” she started, looking at Harry’s black hoodie filled with cat’s hair and Ron’s green jumper. “-you have to change your clothes”, she stated and went upstairs to get Ron’s black collar shirt.

“Why can’t we be like this?” Ron muttered to Harry, who shrugged his shoulders. Guess she knows what she is talking about, he thought when after a few minutes Hermione rummaged Regulus’ old wardrobe.

“Aha, this will do”, she called out and threw him a t-shirt and Regulus’ old jacket. He put them on without objection.

“Well, how about you then?” Ron asked, frowned and thought about why on earth he had agreed to this.

“These will be fine”, Hermione said and walked happily out of the room with jeans and a white top.

“Aha”, Ron said.

Harry pushed the bar door open and for a second he thought he had ended up in the middle of a torture chamber. People moved like the floor burned their feet. But then Harry realised that they were laughing, not screaming.

“Let’s go over there”, Hermione yelled over the loud noise.

“They have gone mad”, Harry read on Ron's lips and nodded. Hermione led them through the swaying crowd to the back.

“What is this terrible drumming?” Ron yelled.

“Music”, Hermione answered.

“It sounds like a trolls war song!” Harry nodded again. That was a good way to describe this noise. He wasn’t sure that every people in this room were okay.

Hermione bit her lip. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea, she thought. She had had a totally different perception of bars. Everyone was clearly drunk.

“Hey, nice glasses!” someone yelled to them from the crowd. Harry grabbed Ron’s arm, stopping him from marching to meet the shouter. He knew what muggle music nowadays was, but had only heard it on the streets through people's headphones. It was a totally different thing hearing it like this - unstopping, crazy beat. His head started to ache.

“Oh Merlin, someone is coming”, Ron said. The one who had shouted to them approached, couple guys following him.

“Hermione, let’s go”, Harry yelled. He was glad that Ron stood up for him, he had done that the whole summer - shooing away the reporters and such, but those weren’t wizards and he didn’t want to make a scene. They started heading back to the door. Pity the place hadn’t been like what Hermione had thought.

“Hey, where are you goin-?” the door closed, muting all the noise, yelling and drumming. There was an echo in his head.

“How can anyone actually like that?” Ron blurted out.

“I don’t know… Luckily we weren’t there that long, I just thought it would be different”, Hermione whined.

“Well, now we know what’s it like... Harry?” Ron asked when he realised Harry wasn't next to him, turned around and saw Harry standing in the middle of the street, hands on his head, eyes closed.

“Harry?” Hermione came closer. She and Ron looked at each other, both of them suddenly so confused and stupefyed that for a moment they didn't know what else to do than stare at him.

“Let’s - let’s go home”, Ron came back to his senses and was just going to apparate them away when the door opened again. The shouters had followed them out. Ron saw them now clearly under the streetlamp. All drunk, just one bigger than him. He could beat them even without magic, he calculated quickly.

“Let’s go”, Hermione said quietly to Harry’s ear, but he didn't seem to hear it. They couldn’t apparate in front of muggles… but Harry didn’t move, no matter what she did.

“What’s wrong with him?” one of the men asked.

“Why won't you leave us alone.”

“Ron, help me!” They had to get Harry somewhere to lie down.

“Hey - hey, listen” the second man laughed, "listen to me."

“Piss off”, Ron snapped. He knew he shouldn’t pick up a fight but he was too shocked that he didn’t know what else to do than to clear that by shouting to those jerks. Harry held his right hand around him and with the other supported his own head. Ron could see how he tried not to show how it hurt him. 

“Come back with us”, the tallest one said to Hermione and walked in front of them, blocking the alley.

“I said piss off”, Ron yelled and took out his wand. Now was not the time to test his nerves, muggles or not.

“Calm down dude”, one of the men said behind them, breath stinking of alcohol. “We just want to have fun”, the tallest said and tried to grab Hermione.

“Don’t touch me”, Hermione said hard and took out her wand too. She had survived much worse than a couple of drunk men and the situation would have required just a simple confundus spell, but panic over what was happening to Harry had partly blinded her judgement as well.

“Ooh, fiery”, the tallest man said and grabbed her neck. That was the last drop.

“Protegto!” The tallest one hit the ground. The others stopped laughing and looked at Hermione, amazed.

“Let’s go!” she yelled before the men got time to do anything else and disapperated them out. City’s voices changed to crickets' chirp. Light came from the windows to the dark night. Apparating had messed Harry’s head even more and he swayed when trying to find balance.

“Whoah buddy”, Ron said trying to sound calm, supporting him.

“Can you walk?” Hermione asked. They let Harry try to walk but it was a mistake. He took a one small step towards the house and fell to the ground.

““He... passed out.”

“I can see that!”

“I think-”, Ron lifted Harry up, “I can carry him.”

“A simple levitation spell would do-”

“No. I think he can’t handle anymore magic. And he really isn't that heavy." Hermione nodded. They managed to go up to Ron’s room without anyone noticing, except Crookshanks of course. Ron put Harry to his bed like a delicate glass doll.

“Bad idea, that was very very very very bad idea”, Hermione muttered, took off her shoes and threw them to the corner.

“At least he's sleeping”, Ron tried to comfort but failed miserably. To some unknown reason to him, Hermione pressed her fingers around Harry’s wrist and sat on the floor, hissed him to be quiet.

“Thirty-five”, she frowned and continued before Ron asked: “The normal resting heart rate is forty to sixty if the male is in good condition, but I don’t know is it different for wizards."

There was a knock on the door and a red haired head pushed inside the room. “I thought I heard someone coming. And the time isn’t even-”

“Shhhhh!”

Molly said: sorry, using her lips and tiptoed next to them. “How did you get him to sleep?” she whispered. Hermione and Ron glazed each other, but luckily Molly didn’t expect a reply, just warmed the beds like she had done thousands of times. “Come on”, she whispered and they went downstairs. 

Crookshanks watched Harry for a moment still, ears and head low before gently curling up against his back, to give warmth and to guard him.

“Sleeps like a cursed, and it isn’t even half past eight.”

Ron and Hermione returned up when the clock struck one. They slept that night on Hermione’s bed, listening to Harry’s breathing and Crookshanks purring. Hermione had braided her hair so that it wouldn’t go to Ron’s face.

They heard Ginny coming. Her door opened and closed.

Maybe everything was getting better. Harry had finally got sleep… Hermione thought and fell asleep. Ron petted her stomach unconsciously. His thoughts kept going back and forth to Ginny, who had said something that troubled him: “Not like the magic could just fade away?” 

Ron looked at Harry one last time before closing his eyes, seeing his unnatural paleness in contrast to the warm colours in the room. Let’s hope so, he thought and snapped the light away with the deluminator. None of them didn't have a clue that that would be the last night they slept together in the same room.


	4. Goodbyes on the platform

The dawn came grey and rainy. Harry was woken up as late as possible by unspoken agreement, but so that he had time to get breakfast.

Hermione and Ginny drank tea and Ron crunched on his bacons in his mouth while Harry ate chocolate on Mrs. Weasley’s request. Well, it had been more like a demand. “Well, we'll be staying here just you and me”, Mrs. Weasley said and caressed his hair.

“I - I thought that I would still live in Grimmauld’s place. Teddy visits often… and besides, I have to be able to sleep on my own. Grown man and all… Of course I’ll drop by from time to time but now I need to figure out what I’m going to do with my life.”

“You mean work? Because you don’t have to do that, my Lord”, Ron said kindly. Harry grinned at the title.

“Oh, well if you’re sure. As long as you know that you are always welcome. You don’t have to send an owl beforehand”, Mrs. Weasley said melancholically.

Their lungs were filled with the train’s smoke. The platform was full of people. Those, who had came sooner, opened the train's doors back and fort and listened to their parents last preaches and advices. The owls hooted in their cages. It took a long time before Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny found Luna and Neville, who had been waiting for them on a bench for quite a while.

The train would be leaving in fifteen minutes. They all said: "Wingardium Leviosa" and slalomed through the crowd with their cases floating behind, aiming to the second last carriage where there wasn’t a line.

Hermione hadn’t - for the first time - stressed about packaging. She knew she would get everything that she had forgotten with the owl’s help, so there was no reason to stress. Harry tried not to notice the pointing hands and the staring eyes. He closed their cabin door and looked around.

The familiar seats called him. Come, come home, they whispered and it wasn’t easy, objecting their call.

“Remember to write!” Hermione reminded.

“Yeah, we will”, Ron grinned.

“Argh you are hopeless! I’ll send a thousand howlers if I don’t get a reply!” Harry watched Hermione’s face. There, on her forehead had irreparably formed a wrinkle.

“Eyebrows”, he said. He would miss that face. Come, come home, the whispering was loud. It was five to eleven. The platform's noise grew stronger. He turned his gaze to Ginny and after three seconds of doubting, he put his hand to her shoulder. Ginny nodded stiffly and turned to hug Ron.

“What if I just freeze your body here”, Hermione pondered.

“Please don’t do that. It didn’t feel very pleasant”, Neville said and sat down, remembering the time when Hermione had cast a Full Body-Blind Curse on him. 

“Oh Harry”, Hermione said and pulled him and Ron into a hug. Her eyes were wet and she shivered a bit. Harry knew the reason. Last night something had happened, from which he had no memories. He hadn’t asked what and the others hadn’t told.

“I’ll send owls”, he reassured and brushed her hair and Ron's back. They heard a whistle. Harry felt bad and guilty, leaving Hermione in this dreadful state. She knew what was troubling him like Ron and so did he, even if he hadn’t admitted himself it. Ron kissed Hermione, said: “Alohomora” and rushed out of the cabin. He followed when the train started moving. They jumped to the platform and walked a moment next to the train when it sped up. Come come, the train yelled to him. You belong here, home, to adventure. 

No, he thought.

The voice disappeared.

The white weaved its way into the woods. Harry tried to catch it, without success.

He stopped chasing it and tried to approach without touching. It allowed that and circled around him. “What are you?” he asked. The white was beautiful. The trees roots shined from its light.

The woods were large and endless. Darkness was suffocating.

The white suddenly stopped moving. Something was coming. Harry felt it too, but didn’t see or hear anything. The white started to flicker, it wanted to be bigger but couldn’t and with every flicker it grew smaller, for the flickering tired it. Harry watched the white’s sad battle.

Now that something was behind him. The white was so small he barely saw it. Nothing was lightening the woods anymore. There was just endless darkness.

Something waited for him. Every moment made the waiting worse. There was no options. Better to face it than to wait in the darkness. His heart pumped slow, the voice wasn’t threatening or comforting, just was.

Something touched him. That too wasn’t threatening or comforting. Everything happened without reaction once again. Something turned him around. Harry closed his eyes. Or was there a reaction, feeling? Because he didn’t want to look yet.

Slowly the hands locked him to stay, human hands. Something was someone, far away and so close. There was a wall between them, a wall that surrounded them from everything and from each other, a wall without shape or form, filling the woods. He could destroy it, he could give that someone the freedom to really be close.

Curiosity…

Where was he? Was this a dream? The hands lifted his chin up. Clearly that someone wanted him to open his eyes. The white ran away, afraid. He opened his eyes, looked around. It wasn’t enough. He had to want to see that someone. He did. And saw. 


	5. Oatcakes

A strong heart pumped against his chest. It felt like it had grown bigger, spread wide and exploited his whole body. He laid there, unable to move, veins, muscles beating with the same beat.

He had to get up! Up! Bloody hell he couldn’t. His breathing quickened.

Panic came. Eyes, he remembered. Red eyes. He was in Grimmauld place, safe, he isn’t here! But those eyes stared at him from everywhere he looked, from the walls, roof and windows.

Up up up up please! If he could move his eyes, he could move his hands! They had to work. His heart connected the veins, didn’t control them. Only he could do that. But moving didn’t matter, didn’t calm him, didn’t make him strong or protected. Only magic could, so he focused on that, spread it outside of himself like his heart had done. Phoenix feather wand flew in his grip. He didn’t think how easy it had been, summoning it wordlessly, he just got up, took Regulus’ jacket and scarf and the invisibility cloak and put it inside the jacket, ran downstairs, pulled his shoes on, lashed the door open and apparated outside the Hogwarts wall, the longest apparating journey he had ever made, little caring would he split or not.

Home... he saw his magnificent home, in the shadows of the clouded sky. Lights twinkled in the massive windows. "Expecto patronum!", he tried, thinking about the moment he had first realised he actually belonged there, that he really had a place he could call home. But it didn't work. Red eyes, red eyes everywhere. Only a faint glow burst out from the wand. No, he couldn’t do it, he didn’t have an owl, no one would... “Kreacher”, he called. The elf popped in front of him.

“Yes, sir?” He thought for a moment. He was just going to send him to Hermione, but what if she was in class?

“What time is it?”

“Quarter past three”, Kreacher told. Harry didn’t know if she had afternoon classes.

“Okay, you can go, thank you very - oh no no don’t go. Take me to Diagon alley in front of the Eeylops Owl shop.” They apparated where he had wanted. Then he realised he didn't have any money. “Go to get money. 20 galleons.”

Kreacher was distraught. “Is master alright?” he asked and gave the money.

“No”, he answered. He was not. 

There was a tumult inside. Riotous owls, screaming, pushing the cages and waving their wings.

“Good afternoon! And what kind?” a bearded salesman asked in a brisk voice. He had curly hair and owl poop on his shoulders.

“I haven’t decided yet. I’ll look around”, he said, miles away. The shop was full of different owls of different sizes, colours and nature. The horned owls too angry looking, short-eared owls too silly, Eurasian pygmy owls too small - couldn’t carry big packages. He stopped in front of a sign: _Ural owl_. But then it let out a barking voice and he carried on. Harry sighed and watched the snowy ones. No one could be better than Hedwig. She had been his first friend and sacrificed herself for him, long and graceful… No, no I have to get new one. Hedwig would understand.

He went to the desk. “I need some help”.

“Sure. How can I help?” the salesman got up, lifting a box of living mice from the floor.

“I don’t know who to pick.”

“Well… do you have any characteristics in mind? Nature? Body structure?”

“Peaceful and… quiet.”

“Alrighty then, follow me.” They went to the back. “This pal will be the calmest owl you’ll ever see. It’s a asio otus, ten years old, but strong, very strong. A quiet elder companion.” Harry felt a little excitement. That sounded perfect. The salesman woke it up. Just as Harry was going to offer it his hand, the owl opened its eyes and he backed away quickly.

“What is the matter?” the salesman asked, sounding very worried.

“Nothing.” It had been the light, made its eyes seem red.

“Stay right there”, the salesman said and left him with the asio otus, disappearing behind the cages. Harry stepped back from the asio otus, who didn’t seem troubled at all. The salesman had been right. It was very calm. After a moment, when the old bird had fallen asleep, the salesman came back, holding a beautiful grey... barn owl, he recognised.

“This is a shy one, but friendly when you get to know it.” Heart shaped face watched him under the wings. Harry offered his hand and the salesman put it on his shoulder. The owl turned its head 90 degrees left and opened its wings. Harry noticed they were huge.

“You're probably fast.” It led out a small cry for an answer. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

“It’s hard to tell from these, but I think a boy. It likes moles. I'll pack a couple with you”, the salesman said with satisfaction and brushed his beard.

The owl and the moles cost 12 galleons and 60 snickles. Harry didn’t buy a cage. No one was complaining about the owl's mess and he didn’t like closed spaces anyway.

At the shop's desk he wrote letters.

_Hi Hermione_

_I’ll ask McGonagall if she'll let me talk with Dumbledore’s portrait. I’ll come there as soon as she says yes._

With the professor’s letter, he took much more time, to better his handwriting et cetera.

_Hello professor,_

_I hope the summer has gone well and the renovations are over. I’d like to ask a favour. Could I come and speak with Dumbledore’s portrait? That would mean a lot. I can come anytime it suits you._

“You know where to go?” he asked and pet the owl. He felt bad, to made it work so quickly and it was a long trip to Hogwarts. But then again…

He walked outside. “What do you think of apparating?” The owl shook its head. “Sorry, don’t freak out, but I’m in a hurry.” He tried to think of anyone who had apparated with an animal, tried to dig his memory… Nagini, it had apparated many times and it had been fine. “I’m going now.” He took the letters into his pocket and draw a deep breath. They went to the same spot where he had been a while ago. The clouds had started to rain. The owl freaked out and bit his ear.

“I’m sorry. I promise I won't do that again!” It flew around him. “I’m very sorry, but I have to go to speak with Dumbledore.” He tried to tie the letters to its ankle. It struggled for a moment but then gave in.

“Could you take McGonagall’s first? And then Hermione’s? Knock friendly on her window.” Harry gave the moles to it. After eating those it took off. Harry watched its flying. It really was a beautiful creature. Pity he had made its first day so horrible.

He walked under a thick tree where he saw the castle and waited.

It was a lunch time at the Great Hall. The headmistress was just speaking with professor Sprout when some lonely owl suddenly flew towards her. Its wet feathers dropped water on the students. Heads were turning, wondering whose it was. It handed her a letter, desperately trying to be as invisible as possible. Minerva's face softened considerably when she saw whose it was. Even without a signature she would recognise that stiffy handwriting anywhere. She wrote her reply: gladly promising Harry time to talk to the portrait alone, but then insisting him to stay and have a chat with her afterwards.

The owl stood still. This was his first mission and he wanted it to be a success, even though he was angry to the green eyed man. The bird took off and flew with one wings’ blow to Hermione. Hermione too guessed whose it was from.

“Oh, you are so wet. Neville, look at Harry’s new owl. Isn’t it cute?” Almost every lion’s head turned to Hermione and whispering about why Harry Potter had owled to the headmistress began.

_What a lovely bird. See you soon!_

_-Hermione_

“Great job! Now you can go to Grimmauld’s place or even hunt food, anything you like. We’ll see each other soon.” He walked to the gates where some house-elf was waiting for him, holding two umbrellas and checked that he was the real Harry Potter by some elf magic so that he didn’t even notice she did it. When they were inside, Harry thanked her. She bowed and popped away. Harry put his invisibility cloak on and walked the familiar way to the headmistress’ office, in front of the gargoyle.

“Password?” it asked. 

“Oatcakes”, he said, reading it from letter, which McGonagall had luckily remembered to write. She clearly wanted to continue the dessert password tradition.

The office was almost exactly the same as always. The paintings slept quietly, or at least pretended to. The desk was full of parchments in a tide pile, silvery objects stood all around, only, instead of Fawkes’ perch, there was a cosy nest made of scottish kilt and a ball of yarn. Harry went around the table in front of the portrait of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and cast a small tickling charm, interrupting the man’s slow breathing. The man opened his grooved eyelids and focused his gaze at the messy black hair. A small smile rose to his lips. Harry wasn’t sure whether is was because of the charm or him.

“Glad to see you, Harry”, Albus said, surprised.

“You too.”

“What brings you here?”

“The thing is, I haven't slept well for a very long time. Actually, barely at all since the battle.”

Professor’s face turned focused and he nodded for him to continue. Harry thought that maybe the information should be unloaded bit by bit, even though that was just a painting. How did they even work? He had many times wondered, if after death the soul went ‘on’ as Dumbledore had said, then this portrait contained just the reflection, essence, opinions. Not the real Dumbledore. This thought was liberating and frustrating at the same time.

“I’ve tried all treatments. St. Mungo’s herbs, nothing works”, he said to Regulus’ shoes. The painting didn’t answer. “Because of the nightmares. I don’t sleep. Or at least I... thought they were nightmares.” Why was he circling around the topic? Spit it out! Petunia’s voice echoed from his memories. The painting could hardly go to shock. This is why he was here. “There he… Voldemort appears.” Why it was so hard to say his name all of a sudden? Before this it hadn’t been a problem, it had been effortless. “And, I wouldn’t have come otherwise, but I believe, or actually, I think I know something is wrong. I’ve known for quite a while.” Finally, it had been said aloud. The other portraits started murmuring.

He turned his head up to look at those blue eyes, which had always… almost always known what to do and he hoped Dumbledore could help him, tell something that had left unsaid, something that no one else could tell. He hoped for the first time that Dumbledore had been lying before, that now he would say something new, something he had been holding back. He could take it, he always had. 

“Harry, are you sure that this isn’t trauma or shock?” he heard a sympathetic question.

He shook his head, draw breath and continued: “Every night my head, my scar hurts. Just like then when - Voldemort was near.” His voice sounded strange, somehow unknown. He felt a wave of dread inside him.

Albus stood up, getting support by his hands and kept his gaze at Harry, burying his emotions like his hands to his robes, at the same time moving from painting to painting. Harry dropped his head down again and didn’t follow his wandering from fields to a medieval castle’s courtyard.

Finally, Albus returned to his own painting and put his hands to the back of his chair. When he looked at those blue eyes, he recognised that something serious was coming. He summoned a stool from under the desk and sat on it.

“Harry, oh good of you to sit. I want your honest answer”, Dumbledore said calmly and continued:” How did it feel when Voldemort showed up in your dream?”

Harry frowned and thought hard. “I don’t know. The white was afraid. I mean, there was this light that got small when he came. But… I don’t know.” The question was weird. What had he felt like? The events repeated in his head over and over again. He remembered the heart’s pumping and the darkness, but now when he thought about it, he hadn’t felt fear. More like… Harry’s eyes snapped open. He remembered the hands, holding him. It had felt good, being there. Until he had woken up.

“Harry, I fear the worst.”

He waited. Something was coming. Something that Dumbledore would say that he didn’t want to hear but he had to. He had never thought that he was a coward. He wouldn’t be a coward now. He resisted the instinct to silence the portrait and run away. He realised that Dumbledore was speaking again. Quickly he returned his focus on him.

“-bravely face that what it is to come.” The room was quiet. Time had stopped, he waited. It was close. He could still run… “That night in the forbidden forest, when Voldemort tried to kill you, I believed that the Hallows would save you again.” A pause. Now it would come. This was all just a soft start. He already knew that. “But it wasn’t the only factor. Then, as I had planned, you were the master of Death. I believed that together they would have saved you, leaving Voldemort’s broken soul piece behind.”

But you don’t believe that anymore. “You said we couldn’t help it. At the station you said it was past our help”, he said, remembering that smoked white place after death. ”It whined, suffered, I heard it.” They both waited for the other one to continue.

Minutes went by. Somewhere a clock rang again. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang…

“Harry, I need you to listen to me very carefully-”

“You were wrong. That creature still lives. It is in that place, in my head.”

”-You are right. Once again I made a terrible mistake assuming that the Hallows would only save you, but hope isn’t lost. You are strong enough to keep that creature at bay. Don't give the nightmares too much weight. It is the horcrux’s whispering you are hearing and nothing more. You can resist it, you always have.”

“Not anymore.” Harry stood up. The air in the room was still. The paintings had stopped their whispering. Even the sound of rain didn’t carry through Harry’s magic that had suffocated the room. He didn’t know where he was, but it didn’t concern him. Dumbledore’s mouth moved, but he didn’t hear anything. He didn’t become aware of his legs moving, carrying him out of the office, past the gargoyle.

He ran without destination. There are no horcruxes left, I’m the only one. The last straw, breathing container that it claims, because what else would it do? What he would do? After all that, all he had done. It wasn’t fair to make him go on.

But there had never been fairness. Life isn’t fair, he should have know that by now. His speed quickened.

Dumbledore had said it was past our help, that they couldn’t help it. No, no no no. He didn’t care about the looks and yelling. “Is that Harry Potter?” “It is?” “Harry! Harry!” He ran until he fell. He didn’t see colours or feel his legs. Just emptiness.

All his life he had fought, carried the burden no one could understand. They had no idea. They all just looked at him. In every corner, hallway eyes. Red eyes everywhere. That - man, whose corpse he had seen, that small twisted creature was part of him. He pressed his forehead and tried to scratch it away. He wanted it off. OFF! His nails turned bloody. Bloody like… he throw up. The little he had ate came out. He rose up and ran again, climbed up the endless stairs, crashed into the stony walls.

People tried to stop him. Their voices turned into meaningless noise, a mass among the stone and carpets. His knees betrayed him and he had to stop to catch his breath. In and out, in and out. And then again. A hard pole hit him in the stomach and air left his lungs. He couldn’t go on. The pole stopped him. With shaking hands he tried to rip it off until he stopped himself and looked down. He was somewhere high, in a place he didn’t recognise.

Down there was an abyss. Rain mixed with the water and the border of the sky and the lake could not be distinguished. No other towers. Just the stony pole and shoes tips, reaching over the edge.

 _And neither can live while the other survives._ He leaned down, threw his leg over. He would be ready. Had been before and would be now.

 _Quicker than falling asleep..._ Sirius. He would see him again. The second leg over.

Waves crashed towards the cliff. Towards his home, their home. Its old magic with thousand secrets…“This is what you wanted. To be a part of this castle. Well, you got it!” He would sink into the bottom where he wouldn’t get up. Not if thousand years would go by. No, even forever. He wouldn’t get back and neither the horcrux. Not in his ripped, drowned body. Not with magic or with the Hallows. He let go.

The scar started to burn. Like a knife it forced him to fell backwards, away from the abyss.

No, we die now, Harry thought and reached again but then a force - more powerful than any cruciatus curse- began and he passed out.

Somewhere something jingled.

A bell. He lifted his head.

His neck muscles ached from the sudden contraction. Wooden, solid double doors stood in front of him, wide open in a desolate hall. Harry stood up numbly and walked in. The doors closed softly behind him. He followed the bell. It jingled so gently.

The moon shined from the big windows. It was snowing. Thick flakes formed shadows on the floor and the walls. The air smelled of treacle tart. He had no idea of time or place. There was a soft bed. Its white silk sheets called him. He fell on it. Snowflakes made shadows on his face. Somewhere the bell jingled again. He closed his eyes. He felt someone settling beside him and heard a soft breathing. He pressed against the other, eyes closed and didn’t know if he was awake anymore.

The white wasn’t there to be seen. It didn’t matter if he held his eyes close or not, the woods was pitch black. Hands locked around him, pulling him closer. Harry did the same. Everything was drifting, confusing. But he knew the other was there, in front of him. He didn’t feel it with his body, but he felt it anyway.

But it wasn't enough. He wanted more, wanted it deathly. And so, soft, full lips met his. Desire replaced the emptiness. Harry had never felt anything like this. He had never known he could feel something like this and now when he knew, he couldn't get enough. He couldn’t live without this, he understood it now.

Then the other pulled him away. He refused and tore him back. His hands wandered on the invisible body. “ _Open your eyes”_ , the other whispered. Harry recognised his voice. A memory returned to him from a place that wasn’t this woods.

“ _Open them._ ” He had heard it many times. How could he forget?

The white appeared between them, tried to push them apart. Harry didn’t know whether to tell it to leave them alone or to encourage it. It felt desperate and weak.

“ _Open your eyes, I beg of you_.” He wanted to, oh how easy it would have been without the memories that stopped him.

“ _I can’t_ ”, he answered. Tom ripped himself out and disappeared into the darkness.


	6. "On holiday"

For a moment Harry didn’t know who or where he was. His hands searched his surroundings, the silk sheets, half expecting to find someone there and was disappointed when he didn't. Then memories outside of the woods came. He laid still for a very long time, watching the slowly falling snowflakes. The stone walls were as blue as the winter night sky. 

Had he gone mad? What if this all was just his imagination.  _ But why on earth should that mean it is not real?  _

He wanted to feel dirty, displeased, to yell, show that he was angry. It seemed vital even though no one was watching. But he was not angry. His body was not, and his will alone to feel angry didn’t convince it. And that was even worse than what had happened. Why wasn’t he? He must be cursed or - or bewitched! He had to be. The horcrux made him feel this way, it wanted to manipulate him. Yes that was it. It must be. Yes, he would hold onto that explanation for now, make it the reality. 

He waited until his body didn’t feel lust anymore, so then at least his body didn’t feel lust anymore, and that would be the truth. 

The horcrux would do anything to survive, with all its power, which was a lot considering he had more of Tom’s soul inside him than Voldemort had, and If Voldemort was able to do all those things with such a small fragment of his soul, then what could this horcrux do, in addition for stopping him from killing them? Clearly it had some kind of a plan. And how would he stop that plan if killing it wasn't an option?

Dumbledore’s words about facing this nobly irritated him. How could he face this? This? In the woods he had... Wait, why did he suddenly remember everything? Did the horcrux want him to remember and for what purpose? He almost wanted to pass out again and ask, almost. At least he would get a clear answer… if lying didn’t benefit the horcrux. 

He wished the room could give him something to wash the disgusting taste from his mouth, but no. The Room of Requirements could only make him smell the food, not give it. 

Okay first, think! What possible reason would it have to make him feel good? Would it give it power? Like the diary had taken Ginny’s powers when she had poured her heart onto it. Could this be the same thing? But with him, making him want to touch… Tom. Harry took a long sigh. Making him want to touch, transforming himself to his handsome young self. He just would have to resist and  _ suffer?  _

Yes. Until he would come up with a different plan. 

McGonagall slept on the floor, small cat’s nest under her. How lucky she had transformed. He wouldn’t have got past an alert cat. Harry took his wand, which he had stupidly left behind, from the table and was just about to leave when he thought of his worried friends. He quietly wrote a note: _I’m going on a holiday, don’t worry. -Harry._

“Harry.” Dumbledore had awakened. Harry cast a silencing spell over the portrait and himself. “I’m very sorry for what's happened.” 

“I don’t need forgiveness. Nor pity. I’ve had enough of it”, he hissed. 

“What are you going to do?” 

The former headmaster’s eyes turned to his invisibility cloak. Albus hoped from the bottom of his heart that Harry didn’t know the exact location of the resurrection stone. 

“Thank you Albus, for the answers. But I don’t know what I’m going to do.” 

He slipped from the school with the help of his cloak and disapparated. 

Last night Hermione and McGonagall had demanded answers from Albus. When they didn’t get them, Minerva sent the reluctant Hermione, Ginny and Neville to their bedchambers. 

Minerva was furious. She had listened to everyone who had seen Harry, but no one had a clue where he had ran. “Bunch of useless rabbits. What an earth I’m going to do with you”, she shook her head and lifted her eyebrows high. “Including you!”, she scolded Albus and sat down. Harry was somewhere in Hogwarts. The safety spells told her so. But that damn Come and Go room didn’t let her enter! 

The clock struck three. 

Harry had found out something shocking and she would get to the bottom of it. She wouldn’t leave her cub alone. She formed as displeased expression as she possibly could on her face and glanced at Albus once again. 

Hermione, Ginny and Neville had whispered in front of the fireplace for many hours after the other lion had gone to sleep. Ginny had suggested that Harry would be in the Chamber of Secrets, but Hermione rejected the idea. Harry was in the Room of Requirements, she assured the others, and would come out when it suited him. He just needed some alone time. 

Myrtle had heard what was going on and floated around the castle, looking and calling for Harry. Thanks to Myrtle, now those few who hadn’t heard of this would surely know in the morning, Hermione thought. Before going to sleep she wrote a letter to Ron, telling what had happened. Harry had found out what was going on. Now they had to give him some space to take it all in, but not for long, just a little while. 

Big, foaming waves splashed against the rocks. The sea’s cold wind moved his black hair. He looked at the approaching thunder clouds, which spread over the horizon, making the air feel strange. There was something magical about waiting for the thunder. The earth waited nervously like a soldier for the army across the field. His stomach growled, but he didn’t pay any attention to it. 

So many things had happened in a day that his head felt messy. He tossed one rock over the cliff. It dropped down, banging on the walls. 

Part of him wanted to go looking for Tom. The other wanted to jump over this cliff. Then again, it wouldn’t matter, thanks to the Hallows and the horcrux. Together they would keep him alive anyway. There wasn’t a cliff high enough, no rope strong enough or not a curse powerful enough to kill him. He touched his wand, with the same core as _his_. Why Fawkes, why? Why is everything I am him? And the elder wand… Voldemort had used it too. And he had broken it. Snapped it in half. Could it still be fixed? 

Hermione’s and countless other's different owls had visited him, carrying worried letters. He had spelled the same answer to every one: _I’m on holiday, don’t worry. -Harry._

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. How life could be so hard? Death would be kind, peaceful and final. All that he wanted, all that _he_ feared. And what had it cost? Fear of death? 

Two wars had been fought because of Tom… Voldemort. What would people think if they found out that he… He had touched his lips. What had got into him? As if an outside force had urged him. But it had been him. He had wanted it. 

Over these thoughts, Harry didn’t notice that a small adder had approached him. The snake had woken up when the stone he tossed had dropped next to her. She had smelled it, using her tongue to follow the scent up. 

_ “What doesss he do here?” _ , the snake wondered aloud. Harry realised that some girl had just spoken next to him. 

_ “Sorry, um…” _ , he began. Then he shook his head and was just about to demand the snake to go away when the snake spoke first:  _ “Oh, a Speaker. How rare!”  _ , she said and slithered to his feet. She hadn’t been as interested about anything in her whole life. Okay, well maybe that fat, injured sheep… No, this was more interesting. 

Harry let her twist around him. He wouldn’t have cared less if the snake would bit him and fill his veins with poison. He had deserved it. 

_ “Speaker, there is a storm coming. Do you come to find a shelter?”  _ The snake admired the Speaker. He had a weird smell. Dry. Then she noticed his skinny face.  _ “Has to eat something” _ , she said and glanced at him, exploratory. 

Harry decided to be friendly. This snake had done nothing wrong.  _ “Not yet"  _ , he finished his thought and answered at the same time. 

She twisted and turned around his body. The Speaker had fine leather on, black and clean. 

The thunder roared. 

Minutes went by. 

She was starting to get worried. The Speaker looked like he wasn’t going to go anywhere. 

_ “Food. Food for the Speaker” _ , she said out loud. 

Harry turned his gaze from the horizon.  _ “You are so pretty. Do you have a name?”  _

_ “No” _ , she chuckled. 

_ “Can I call you Bonnie?” _ Name seemed fitting. In Scotland and all. 

_ “Yesss! Yess! And who are you? Harry? Harry! But that does not fit at all.”  _

_ “It is my name. Why wouldn't it fit?”  _

_ “It’s so ordinary!”  _

Has every snake and their relatives some problem with names? he wondered.  _ “You can call me something else. It doesn’t matter” _ , he reassured. The thunder roared again. 

_ “Oooh I have to think about thisss. But to shelter, and eat.”  _

Harry thought for a moment. The snake had a dark, one-colored skin. Her eyes looked friendly. The edges were sharp and shaped like a girl’s kohl.  _ “Speaker will be cold. Come, come and eat!”  _

_ "Fine, I’ll go to eat” _ , he assured and stood up. 

_ “No! I don’t believe you! You have skipped meals you have.”  _

_ “Well, come and check if you are so concerned.”  _

The snake thought for a moment. The Speaker didn’t look dangerous. She would win him easily. How skinny he was… Some distant instinct commanded her to watch over him.  _ “FINE!” _ she hissed. 

_ “That wassss ssssso much worse than I thought!”  _ Harry put her quickly down, partly because she was pissed and because he couldn’t carry her any second longer. Bonnie straightened herself into her full length and reached easily from the stairs into the kitchen. She looked around...  _ “Where is you mate?”  _

_ “I don’t have a mate.”  _ Well, actually… not in actuality either! 

_ “But with whom the Speaker mated? I could smell that you have.”  _

Harry paused and seriously considered to just throwing the snake out of the window. 

_ “Who is he?”  _

_ “How do you… never mind. Don’t talk about it.”  _

_ “But this is important” _ , the snake lifted her head over the table. Harry could easily imagine her being a little fourteen year old girl who wanted to gossip about relationships. 

She really started to worry about the situation.  _ “Who is he? Is he a Speaker too? Tell me.”  _

_ “Why do you ask?”  _

_ “I guessed. So he is! Where is he?”  _

Harry knew that the snake wouldn’t give up so he sighed, crossed his arms and glared her frustratingly.  _ “He is imprisoned because of magic. But he is not my mate! So stop asking.”  _

_ “Hmmm….” _ , the snake answered.  _ “What is his name?”  _

Harry closed the fridge’s door aggressively and started a staring competition with the snake. Naturally the snake won.  _ “Tom” _ , he hissed.  _ “Happy?”  _

_ “No.”  _

He took an orange and mixed chocolate powder and sugar with boiling milk in the kettle. The owl hadn’t come back. Harry sighed and hoped it was alright. Probably spreading his wings and hunting. He searched the fridge but didn’t find anything for Bonnie.  _ “Are you hungry?”  _

_ “No. I ate yesterday.”  _

_ “I came up with a name for you” _ , she said quietly. 

_ “Oh?”  _

_ “Lamonah! It fits so well with Tom.”  _ Harry rolled his eyes. 

A week passed before Harry fainted again, giving up. He had known that eventually he would have to sleep. He had wanted to. Just thinking about the woods gave him a small tickling feeling. But at least he resisted it, resisted to give in. 

He opened his eyes and watched the darkness. All thoughts about the outside world disappeared. There was just the woods and…. 

_ “Here” _ , a soft voice said and took his hand. The spot on his skin tingled. He could barely separate the other’s shape from the darkness. 

_ “I opened my eyes.”  _

_ “Well done.”  _

_ “Where are we?”  _

A long time passed before he got an answer.  _ “It is difficult to answer” _ , Tom’s voice sounded tense. Harry decided to let the subject go. It was pointless to irritate him, when there was so much more interesting things to do.  _ “We are inside your head. Or I am. Your magic is careless when you sleep and lets me through.”  _

_ “So the horcrux speaks to me in my dreams?”  _

_ “Not in dreams. But yes. I speak… and do much more.”  _ Tom pulled them close into a deep kiss and pressed him - against some tree probably, he thought vaguely - and traveled to his neck. Everything felt perfect. Here he wanted to stay. 

_ “Harry, I can't stay any longer.”  _ That wouldn’t work, he thought. Definitely not. Harry turned them around.  _ “Fuck you can’t” _ , he said and knelt down. His entire being wanted just one thing, wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything. 

Tom trembled and tried to push him away. Somehow Harry managed to stop himself and look up. Tom’s eyes faded. 

_ “Find me.”  _

_ “How?”  _

Like with his last strength Tom bent over and whispered:  _ “From the past.”  _

  
  


_ “Did you find him?”  _ Bonnie asked eagerly. 

_ “Yes.”  _ Harry smiled. His happiness was indescribable, but then he realised where he was and knowledge from the outside world spread into his memory. The smile vanished immediately. 

  
  


Both of them startled when a knock was heard from the window. Bonnie hissed and ran away to the corner. Harry went to open the window. 

“Glad you considered coming back.” The owl leaned to his touch. It had found its way back with no problem. It had met another bird with whom he had had a fun time. 

_ “Who is it?”  _ Bonnie hissed. The owl's eyes widened and it flew back out terrified. 

Harry sighed.  _ “Now it'll probably never come back.”  _

Harry stared at the ceiling with unfocused eyes. He was ashamed, he pitied and hated himself. He had made litres of coffee in order to stay awake, read every book in the house and watched hours of television. 

Part of him wanted to see Tom again, but that part that didn’t, won. 

Kreacher came to ask for the thousandth time: “Does his Lordship need anything?” Harry said no. Bonnie had made her nest on his floor. Harry had left the window open from which the owl had flew away. 

The snake hunted the city’s mouses. Apparently they were slow and fat around here. Owls had been flying from the window bringing letters but as soon as they saw Bonnie hissing, they ran away. 

On the fourth day Harry was dizzy. 

Kreacher made him soup. Kreacher was disgusted to see a living snake on the house but the elf’s duty bounded him to swallow his temper and help his Lord, even if he didn’t ask anything. 

“Can Kreacher get Master’s friends to help?” Harry shook his head.  Oh why he had to ask, Kreacher cursed in his mind. Now, after getting a straight refusal, it couldn’t get help! 

On the fifth day Ron’s voice reverberated at the door. “Can I go and open the door, could I?” Harry nodded. “Here Master Weasley!” 

_ “Who is it Lamonah? Bonnie can scare it away?”  _

_ “Don’t. He is my friend” _ , Harry answered, voice hoarse. After couple of minutes Ron lifted him in his arms. 

“I’ll take you to Madame Pomfrey. Don’t worry mate. Ron is here.” 


	7. From the past

In those nights, which he spend in the hospital wing, the woods was empty. His scar didn’t hurt so much but the pain was still existing. Or then, after all these years, he had finally became an immune to it. Tom’s absence troubled him, and that trouble troubled him even more. 

For eight days he had lied there. Once, when he had grown tired of staring at the ceiling, he had opened his bed curtains and noticed Draco walking past. Probably the blond was one of those Madame Pomfrey had been talking about who had been overusing the Sleeping Draught. 

Hermione and Ron had visited every day. Now they both sat around his bed. “Harry, I wish you could tell us how to help”, Hermione asked. 

Harry hadn’t told them the whole truth. He knew they wouldn’t abandon him if he would have, on the contrary. But he didn’t tell anyways. This was something he would have to face alone. He held his eyes half open and tried to smile. “I know you want to help but there is nothing to be done.” 

“If you could just tell us what Dumbledore said”, Hermione said for the thousandth time. It was a pity he hadn’t come up with any excuse so he said nothing. 

“Do you remember when we were here last time, just the three of us? When you saved Sirius?” Ron said on his ninth day, trying to start a conversation. 

“I remember”, Hermione said. “And I remember your face when we appeared back out of nothing”, she smiled. 

“Yeah. I startled a bit”, Ron grinned.  Then silence fell. Time turner. Time turner, time turner, time turner… echoed in his mind and his heart started pumping. 

“Where did you get the time turner by the way? Where people keep them?” he asked. 

“I’m not sure. Probably at the ministry”, Hermione suspected. “And then of course are those countless others that people try to make illegally.” 

“Bill had one when he was in school”, Ron said. 

“Oh! I didn’t know. You never mentioned”, Hermione was astonished. 

“I didn’t? Well, he told me a couple of years ago. He was just a crazy as you, taking million courses at the same time.” 

“Building one is probably hard?” Harry asked. 

“But not impossible. Otherwise they wouldn’t exist”, Hermione reasoned. 

“Yeah, yeah of course not”, Harry said vaguely. 

_ From the past, from the past…  _ Autumn’s moon shined on the hospital wing's windows. He was alone with his thoughts. 

  
  


“Alrighty then. If you could kindly explain what this is about.” Harry sat in the office under McGonagall's frown. He had promised to come and talk with her as soon as he would heal. And he had, enough to function properly at least. The horcrux had calmed down after last night's speculation and thus Harry had had time to think about how to explain his behavior. 

“Professor, I’ve had a hard time after the battle.” 

“I have noticed.” 

“I don’t really know how to start”, he said and glanced at Albus’ portrait behind McGonagall’s chair. He had to be careful. Hardly Dumbledore had told anything to McGonagall but still. He wouldn’t know what the headmistress would do if she found out the truth. He wouldn’t tell it to no one, he had decided. No one. 

“Well, you could begin with why you came to talk with Albus’ portrait and why you were in a such hurry.” 

“Headmistress-” 

“Oh for Godric’s sake I'm not your headmistress! Call me Minerva", she huffed and took a deep breath. "You are no longer my student and that's why I should have no right to treat you as such, nor have I any right to pry what happens in your life. However, I do hope that over the years you have been my student, my affection for you has come out quite clear-"

"It has, of course."

"And that you can understand I summoned you here not to interrogate, but to help you. So, will you start to explain what is going on or shall I order us dinner and then you explain?” 

“Minerva, the thing is, I came to talk of the time before the war.” 

“Great, we got started”, Minerva said and summoned an elf to bring them dinner. 

After a few minutes, in front of him appeared soup and in front of Minerva a plate full of sausages and vegetables. “Madam Pomfrey gave instructions that you cannot eat anything firm.” 

Harry turned his head at his plate, disappointed. “Oh well here you go if you don’t tell”, Minerva snapped and gave her dinner to him and started to sip his soup. 

He explained about the Deathly Hallows and how they had come to his possession. Minerva listened and asked specific questions of which giving answers Harry had to be very careful. 

He told that the breaking of the elder wand had caused the nightmares. He told that the elder wand had called him, and he had avoided it, because no one should have so much power into his hands. 

“You left one in the forest and one in two pieces under the bridge?” Minerva looked shocked. 

“Yes”, Harry said, hesitation in his voice. 

“For goodness sake Harry. I feel that they should better be in your hands.”

“But-” 

“Harry, I am quite certain that this matter is very simple. I can't stand the thought of you torturing yourself. I understand that this troubles you and sure it is a heavy burden to carry for the rest of you life, but if it is as you said: ‘No one should have that kind of power' is true, then what stops that someone from taking that power now?” 

Harry had never thought it like that. But now when it had been said, he felt pretty stupid. He had thought that no one could ever find the Hallows, but that was probably an illusion. 

“I have never knew as brave and as noble creature like you and that opinion has only grown after I heard this. I would sleep my nights much better knowing that the Hallows would be in your possession than with some mountain troll.” It felt like this subject was over and he couldn’t add anything. “And now, when we are here, is there something else that troubles you?” 

Harry almost laughed out loud when he thought about what he was going to answer. He looked straight into Albus’ eyes with a deadpan face and said: “No, nothing.” Albus shook his head, clearly understanding his inside joke, but didn’t appreciate it. 

After an hour Harry found himself in the Forbidden forest. He remembered perfectly where he had walked the last time, where his parents and Sirius and Remus had showed up and after that it wasn’t hard to find the resurrection stone. Weird. And he had thought he could never find it anymore. The earth had buried it under a small layer. Weightless small stone shined on the gleam light against his hand. He got an impulse to summon his parents and Sirius and Remus again, but instead stuffed it into his pocket.  He was surprised he had got away so easy. Minerva had said she was proud of him. Hardly would be if he had told the truth. 

The pieces of the elder wand were little more difficult to find. The journey down to the bottom seemed very deep. Harry wished that there wouldn’t be any river or something else to unease his search. Harry summoned Kreacher to bring him the firebolt. Really, house-elves were so underrated, he thought. 

He circulated around the rock’s holes and walls before an idea popped into his head. Instead of searching he landed down and let his instinct and magic guide him. 

In the fog, the bottom of the deep gorge, where every stone and pit seemed to personally want to spread his ankle, was difficult to walk.  After a couple of minutes he arrived in front of the first piece. Its head still gave off smoke. Harry took it in his hands. My wand is more beautiful, he thought, watching the elder wand’s ancient runes. He stuffed it next to the stone. 

Dark dusk came. “Lumos”, he said. The walls glimmered in his spell’s light. Drop of sweat fell down his neck. It took half an hour to walk to the next piece. Firebolt was a good walking stick in difficult places. 

He found the other end in a hole, barely in reachable distance. His body felt strange when he lifted it up. He took the other part from his pocket and thought about the legends that were told about this wand. Death hadn’t made it, but sometimes… a thousand years ago, someone called Antioch. How powerful he must have been... He put his own wand down on the ground and connected the pieces. They stopped giving off smoke. In that place, roots started to intertwine, sew themselves close, slithered in one like voiceless snakes. He helped by pressing them together hard. 

All the Hallows were once again in his possession. 

┃⚬ △

  
  


Now he knew what the horcrux wanted him to do: save its maker from the past. Of course. It wanted to go back in time where it wouldn’t be alone. That was the reason to manipulate him, use him in a way that would work. But he wouldn’t give in. 

A day went by. 

Another day. 

And how did the horcrux even want it to happen? He couldn’t go back in time! All the time travelling books said he would turn in to dust if he travelled to a time when he hadn't been born. So this whole thing didn’t matter! 

He sent Kreacher to get more time travelling books. Just out of curiosity, he reassured to himself. There was no way to help Tom. None. And not like he wanted to help him. Voldemort wouldn’t listen to him. In that blink of an eye when he would tell that he was a horcrux he would lock him away in some prison and figured out a way to get the hallows to himself. No possibility! he said in his mind. None… 

He lied to himself. The next time he woke up, the picture of young Tom didn't leave him and it was all he could think about, while staring at the ceiling. Without glasses everything clouded and offered a perfect space for his imagination that filled his view and thoughts: making Tom so real he could have been there with him. Cars lights made shadows on the walls, to Tom's face. The trees' branches spread their hands, played on his skin, casting sharp lines. 

He didn’t fight back against the… woods anymore. It didn’t matter. He had no will power left to keep that - what would ease his being just a little bit - away. And Tom couldn’t convince him to do anything anyway so why not? 

Tom returned to the woods or had he ever left? He let Tom do whatever he liked… touch and… everything. He felt the horcrux's despair. It couldn’t cover it and neither could he. Every night he welcomed that calm place. If he didn’t, the pain grew. 

He drifted into a coma. When the woods disappeared, he didn’t wake up, just drifted to sleep. These two: woods and the dreams, mixed until he didn’t know which was which. 

Until one night, Tom didn’t come. He asked the next night why and Tom said that if he didn’t eat he wouldn’t come.  Tom made him eat, rise up and drink. Sometimes he refused, just to test if the horcrux had energy to punish him. Rarely it did.  Why would he need water? He wouldn’t die anyway.  Horcrux disagreed. Harry felt its dissatisfaction even if Tom didn’t say it out loud. He didn’t have to. The pain did it for him. 

Why did he have to wake up if sleeping was painless? 

Those sweet voices filled the woods, its every notch and corner. Whispering and moans. In the woods he didn’t see Tom’s face clearly but could easily imagine. Hands hold him still, mouth enchanted him, without breathing, without stopping until he was trapped and then disappeared. Never finishing, never giving him the ultimate payoff. And frustration would have made him mad without the joy and desire. Joy that the horcrux got. It had made him consider… There was a way. A very unlikely, desperate chance to bring Tom back… 

How could he even think about this? To even consider? Why? he whispered into the darkness. Rain dropped against the windows. Where was he? This wasn’t the hospital wing, this was the Grimmauld Place. The Hallows laid next to him on the table. They touched each other for the first time in hundreds years. 

He heard Bonnie’s gossip. She had met some ‘funny little boy’ in the park and got along well. Harry started spooning yogurt into his mouth and listened to this story. 

Everyday owls flew in, but only some of them he answered. He missed his friends but couldn’t see them. Not now, when he considered this small chance… 

Weeks passed. The diary… It was the answer. It made sense. He and Tom existed then... But how could he do it without risking everyone’s lives? Even if he could convince that the horcruxes were a bad idea, he wasn’t sure what else to do. And how could he forgive himself if he would do it? 

How could he even consider this?! 

Harry stayed awake for two days. 

Oh, because of this, he answered to himself when the pain stopped and Tom stormed to meet him, body as a weapon. 

If he could go back in time, the horcrux could calm down. It wouldn’t necessarily haunt him. It could leave him in peace. 

If he would go back and wait until Tom was free from the diary and then cast an imperius curse… obliviate him and hide from Voldemort and somehow destroy the rest of the horcruxes...

No. It wouldn’t work. Already in the age of sixteen Tom had been unscrupulous, clever and worst of all - extremely powerful. Tom could easily win him even if eyes were blindfolded. And the horcrux wouldn’t agree to this plan. 

_ “You could try to explain the situation to me” _ , Tom said in a strangely colourless voice. Usually he talked with that soft, pleasant way. He didn’t ask what Tom meant, he already knew. 

Tom had not touched him this time. Was this some new manipulative way? He reached to the darkness. Could Tom stay away? No, he answered to himself. Already he felt that Tom had to force himself to stay away. Horcrux needed him… Needed to touch. A hand grabbed his arm, staying there and relief spread to both. He wanted to please the horcrux, wanted to give it what it wanted in the woods, but now he could resist this temptation… He knew he didn’t need to give what it wanted. Memories returned to his mind easily, almost with no trouble. 

_ “What if not?”  _ he answered. What would the horcrux do? He waited its decision quietly. He knew this wasn’t a dream. Even though dreams mixed with the woods happening, this darkness was too pitch dark to be anything but… this. Harry didn’t know if this place was the horcrux or was Tom just the horcrux and everything else something… else. He didn’t care. Tom didn’t tell, so he had stopped asking… 

_ “I could regret making the diary and then help you destroy what is left.”  _

Every word seemed to bring Tom pain. Was he always on pain or now -in the moment of weakness- couldn’t conceal it? Harry resisted the urge to help. Instead he pulled away. 

The horcrux was astonished. How could Harry do that? he thought furiously.  _ “Harry, I warn you-”  _

_ “Warn?”  _ Harry hissed. Pictures of the battle, attacks and curses bust into his mind.  _ “And what do you do if I don’t listen? There is no way you can make me listen. I have survived much worse than your little-”  _ The woods disappeared. Pain stunned him straight into sleep. 

Hmm, next time he would consider a second time before saying something like that, he thought when the pain faded away and familiar hands locked around him. Those hands trembled, felt weaker… it had hurt the horcrux too… But he didn’t have time to think about it anymore, for all knowledge of everything disappeared for a moment. There was just his need and moment.

_ “I gave you too much power.” _ It was hard to stop for the horcrux. This felt so good… powers grew back. But he had decided to show what he could do. Harry moaned so sweetly, was so glad… If he could give up this once Harry would be strong for a moment…. No, he wouldn’t give in.  He heard protest sounds and continued:  _ “You are used to pain. I can see that, so I'll do something much worse. If you refuse to go back in time-”,  _ he took him on a full length. Talking required strength, but he had to continue. Harry wouldn’t last much longer.  _ -”I’ll drive you mad, like this.”  _ And he demonstrated.  _ “I will never stop. And we have time. I’ll poison you inside out if you don’t listen” _ , he added, bluffing.  _ “Until you can’t think of anything else. I’ll never let you finish. I’ll never stop.”  _ And he pulled away and unfortunately wasn't able to stop the pain from spreading to Harry before it came, penetrated, endless. He was broken, in pieces. Only a petty being holding onto Harry’s magic until darkness ripped him away, deep into nothing. He knew he wouldn’t get back but tried still, cut through the pointless way through that which wouldn't bend, only break, even though the magic was the last thing keeping him alive and there was no way he would reach it, not like this, not him. Harry was already awake, didn't hear how he begged, screamed for him to come back. Please, let it end, was his last thought until he couldn't feel or think anymore, only wait and be.

_ “That was cruel. Even from you” _ , Harry said after waking up. 

“What is the ‘horrific act'?” he thought aloud. 

_ “Eating your babies?”  _ Bonnie suggested and bit her raw meal. 

Harry dropped the  _ Secrets of the Darkest art  _ -book in his side and sighed. He had got the book from Hermione, who had luckily agreed to give it without questioning why he needed it. 

_ “Luckily, eating your babies isn’t an option in this case.”  _

_ “Hmmmm” _ , Bonnie hissed, enjoying the bloody prey. 

Harry had thought about everything… eating victims… but Myrtle was... had been - in the absence of a better word - whole, so that wasn’t an option for making a horcrux… Eating himself… Destroying magic and above all… Lying with the dead. When he had mentioned the latter to Tom, who he knew had of course lied about the whole ‘I’ll poison you inside' -speech, did Tom really think he would believe he could poison him inside and hadn’t done it yet? - Tom had stopped and answered:  _ “Even I have a moral and that goes beyond it.”  _ Tom hadn’t said anything about the other options, but Harry had been relieved. Whatever the horrific act was, Harry guessed it was something to do with the maker itself and not to the victims.  Killing, like he had found out on the book, was only a part of making the horcrux, that started the whole ritual.  Like it would make it anymore acceptable. He didn’t know why this thing interested him so much. Was it because he was a result of one ritual? Probably. Maybe? No. 

He tried to understand Tom, his motives, reasons. 

Why? He wouldn’t go back anyway… 

And even if killing Myrtle had been half an accident, making a horcrux most certainly wasn’t. 

October changed to November. The horcrux was right; it did make him mad, but it always didn’t stop in time as Tom had said. Sometimes it gave him the final satisfaction, enjoyed the rare moments of happiness, growing strong with him. Harry didn’t know if these moments happened because Tom wanted them to happen or because the horcrux couldn't control itself enough to stop. Whatever the reason was, he didn’t care why they happened when they did, just enjoyed them because they happened more rarely and rarely. Couple of weeks ago he had discovered a way to get these moments: he had eaten and drank regularly and supposedly made himself strong for the journey. This way had worked until Tom had realised it was a scam. After that the horcrux hadn’t cared if he ate or not for a while and had not shown his face in the woods. He hadn’t cared did he eat either. 

This pain enduring competition had been going on until the horcrux had frustratingly promised to do what he wanted for one night on the condition that he would first eat a whole nutritional meal. Then another night for two meals, third for three and so on. 

Horcrux would make him crazy. If he already wasn’t? 

How could he make Tom listen? 

_ The Hallows _ , he answered to himself. He would give Tom what he had always wanted: immortality. He would hand it over to the most dangerous creature on a silver plate. Okay that metaphor was too ego centered maybe… But if he would be one material then silver would be nice, he thought and looked at his ring. 

What would stop Tom from taking them and killing him then? 

_ The sacrifice.  _ He would sacrifice himself in the diary. Then his powers would pass on and Tom would maybe get a part of his immortality. Could it work? 

And even if it would and that was a big if, how would they stop Voldemort? They wouldn’t destroy the other horcruxes because Tom couldn’t regret making them because he wasn’t the one who had made them. He had only made the diary… 

Tom would have to kill  _ him.  _ “No”, he whispered to himself. Stop! You only wish! Too many coincidences, too many if- words. 

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t even convince Bonnie to stay quiet in this state. Even if he got sleep and ate more or less regularly, he felt this powers fade away every day. They came back into the woods or then it just felt like it. He didn’t know, had no energy to think. 

He touched the holly wand’s engravings, admiring the wand's beauty, its stark furrows. How many times it had saved him? Twice? Three times? Why did the wand pick him if his destiny to destroy Voldemort was doomed from the start? 

Harry walked upstairs and opened Sirius’ door. He had completely forgotten the letters he wanted to read. He pulled the boxes - which Kreacher had organised - under the bed. There read:  _ Sirius Black’s things.  _ He glanced at the room. The women’s pictures, which had been cursed to stay on the walls with permanent Sticking Charms, winked their eyes. He shook his head and opened the first box, took a deep breath and lifted one parchment carefully from the pile. Some had turned yellow as time had passed on. 

The oldest seemed to be from Regulus.  _ I know that you mean well brother. Even though your meaning would stay hidden to a stranger. I hear your theatrical voice, judging me, but listen when I say I'll do everything to avoid danger.  _

There was no date, but Harry interpret from the handwriting and the tone that the writer couldn’t be a child. Regulus had died young. Very young Harry had understood from Sirius’ talks. But these letters seemed to belong to a mature person. He read the rest and moved on to the next box. There the handwriting suddenly changed messy. 

_ Padfoot! 14.7 works with mum. Pack you swimming pants we are going on a beach! -P _

Harry pressed his finger on the letter P. Prongs… 

_ Seriously NO WAY! Absolutely no!  _ _ -Moony  _

Harry would have died to know what Remus was talking about. He read all the marauders’ messages. Only a small portion contained understandable text and not just small answers to some questions. He piled the letters carefully, sorted them according to the writer. The other box emptied and he moved on to the third and final box. No Lily’s letters. Only more marauders’ messages and a few letters from Sirius’ mother and father who started their every letter with the list of titles that followed a long, scolding message of something the older son had neglected to do or done and thus disappointed them. 

On the bottom there was a picture. It showed Sirius and James smiling in their third year. Both grinned at him and Sirius nodded his head like a rock star. 

After staring at the picture for a long time Harry piled the letters back to the boxes and pushed them under the bed. He had to accept that he wouldn’t find Lily’s letters. Probably his mother hadn’t wrote to Sirius often. Sirius and Lily hadn't been close in the early years and probably hadn’t had a reason to write to each other on holidays. 

Just when his parent had started to date had Sirius probably started to spent time with her. But that had happened after the fifth year. Now when he thought about it, maybe the marauders had figured out some other way to send messages. So he would have done. All the letters looked like a child had wrote them. All had been about tricks and planning… They weren’t long like the one Lily had made, which he had found in this room a long time ago. Maybe there was just that one because then they had known each other and writing hadn’t been necessary. 

Room was full of pictures of the marauders but that what he hold in his hands was special: There was just James and Sirius. In all other pictures there was Peter too: skulking at the back, one hand loose over James’ shoulders, insecure looking compared to the other three boys. 

“Leave”, Harry commanded Peter. The shortest let go of James and walked out of the picture. The rest smirked and Sirius winked. Harry smiled back and touched the edge, wondering if he could get it off from the wall. “Finite Incantatem, Relashio!” Nothing worked. Sirius’ parents had done what they could to remove the pictures and if they couldn’t, he wouldn’t either. With a sigh he left the room, with him only a picture of James and Sirius. It felt mean to leave Remus behind, smiling his sad smile. He felt that he would in some way let him down by only taking James and Sirius but he did it anyway because leaving empty handed would have felt even worse. He took the picture upstairs, next to the Marauder’s map. 

He tried to get the closed wardrobes and chests open so he would have something to do. Some of them even opened after he had learned a couple of dark curses from one book, but Regulus’ cabinet didn’t open. What an earth there was that had to be protected in such ways? Something important it had to be!  But when time got by, his curiosity faded and the cabinet seemed less and less important. 

Yule was close. He planned to get everyone super expensive gifts, thanks to the money vaults. He had read every book from the vault that was in English. Some were old, ancient even. Letters he could barely told apart from each other were fluted into the leather. Some were so fragile he didn’t dare to open them. 

The owl he had bought from Diagon alley hadn’t returned. He hoped it was okay. 

It snowed hard. The lamp outside lightened the landscape. Trees were white from the frost, streets slippery and air cold. After a hot tea, Harry decided to go for a walk. He dressed his black hoodie and Regulus’ coat that had became his favourite. A couple of days ago he had found one spell from the Potter’s vault that could cure eyesight. He had asked about it in St. Mungo's but no one had heard of it. Curiosity won. He trusted his ancestors after finding out that there had been many inventors and geniuses in his family. The spell effected on five different level. First two were intented for blind people and the rest to improve eyesight. He had tried the third level and for his great joy and unbelievable happiness it had worked! Old glasses flew into trash and after a couple of minutes he had tried the fourth level. Suddenly the world changed from black and white to a one in colour. He saw far away the branches of the trees without squinting. How had he survived before? He had been half blind! Moving felt free. He could bow without the need to hold on to his glasses and nothing limited his view. He considered the fifth level which, according to the book, would give a “Night vision equal to owl’s”, but decided it was too effective. The fourth level “Excellent human sight”, would be sufficient. 

Snowflakes were beautiful, everyone different. They melted slowly into his hand. The streets were lightened by the warm light bursting through windows. It was -9 degrees of celsius. Harry put a warming spell under his coat. 

The happy couples sitting on the benches and restaurants annoyed him. He was jealous. He tried to imagine someone with him. But he could never feel what those people felt, could never let anyone touch himself like that. Horcrux’s manipulation was everything he would get. 

The woods had been empty for many days. Tom was gone. Maybe because he had started to eat without the exchanges. You selfish bastard, he thought. Tom had known that once his body was used to being full, starving would be thousandth times more difficult. Harry couldn’t endanger his own health just to irritate the horcrux. Tom had won, again. 

An ice rink had been made in the Hyde Park. Harry stopped to sit on a bench and watched when small children laughed or cried when falling to their backs. Teddy would like this, he thought. Children’s parents went to take hot chocolate from the nearest booth.  How happily those parents smiled when they watched at each other. He wanted the same. You probably don't understand how lucky you are... 

Harry found himself sitting at one muggle bar. He sat on the corner, sipping beer. It tasted horrible but he didn’t want to enter into the wizard’s bars. He had had enough of staring. Somehow for some reason the information that he was a Lord of two houses had, after all, leaked to common knowledge. This had raised him on  _ Witch Weekly _ ’s Britain’s top 5 singles -list, he had seen when some witch had pushed the article to his face. 

Harry sighed and turned a page from his book:  _ The secret life of Thestrals'.  _

“These are yours as a gift”, the waitress came to say. 

For the fucking love of death, he sighed and put his book away. He should start to wear a disguise in the muggle world too. He dug money from his pockets and gave them to the waitress. “Could you give them back to the buyer, thanks.” 

Harry felt someone staring at him. He kept his gaze on his book and tried to be like he wouldn’t notice. 

“Tired of the taste?” voice said next to him. Harry sighed mentally. Thanks a lot  _ Witch Weekly.  _ He looked up and almost choked of air. The man reminded him of Tom. Voice was just rough, features older and hair straight. 

The man sat opposite to him and lighted a cigarette. Harry recovered from the surprise very quickly. The man breathed smoke a couple of times. Now when he looked a second time, the man wasn’t so much like Tom. Lips and eyes were different too. Maybe his brain had just tricked him. He was still handsome though. 

When he had read books he had found out there were people who liked their own gender. Actually in Potter’s family tree there was one who had married a man. Harry had stared at the name, amazed. Very clearly in a squiggly handwriting he had seen:  _ Emory Potter - Byron Potter, née Black.  _ When he had done some research he wondered why he hadn’t heard from gays at all. Apparently it was a rare thing, but not extraordinary. Everyone just assumed that everyone liked the opposite gender. For some reason there were a lot of people who were against gays, but Harry thought it must be as stupid and narrow-minded as hating muggleborns. Still, he had never heard the Dursley's even mentioning about it. Well, then again, the Dursleys were a bad example in any category. He had been confused for no reason. He had just never thought about being gay. And he wasn't. He liked girls too. Tom was just so exceptionally handsome that anyone would want him, he thought. 

“I would like to sit alone”, he said. 

“Pity, I would have just liked the company”, the man answered, took off his jacket and leaned backwards, apparently not going to leave anywhere.  Harry put his book into his pocket and left the man’s beer unopened on the table. “Well, this place is full. I’m sure you find company elsewhere.” Leave me alone goddamned! Didn’t people understand that a corner and a book meant wanting to be alone? 

“Shame. My intuition was sure you looked company too”, man answered and put out his cigarette into the ashtray. Harry watched the smoke that still came from the cigarette and didn’t know what to answer so he said nothing and left.

The air had turned colder. He cast another warming spell and was just about to apparate to the Grimmauld Place because no one wasn’t looking when the man stepped out from the bar and started to walk towards him. Harry didn’t know why he stopped and waited. Standing, the man was slightly taller than him. 

“So was I right?” Harry didn’t answer. “It’s like I know you but don't know where.” A muggle then. Every wizard in Britain knew his face. 

“Well, you confuse me with someone else.” 

“Don’t think so. I have an excellent memory and your eyes… I’ve never seen such colour.” 

Again he didn’t know what to answer so he smiled back and continued walking. The man followed and for some reason that didn’t bother him. “You are not going to give up, are you?” 

“No, because - I mean, I don't want to sound weird or anything but I can’t let you go if I’m not sure you want me to… And that didn’t sound creepy at all”, the man stumbled. 

Harry had to smile. Why would anyone be nervous around him? He was usually the one that stumbled. The man shivered from the cold and blew warm air into his hands. Then, Harry got an idea. A fully stupid, irresponsible idea. 

“I live near by. Would you like to come?” Harry asked. 

“That would be great.” 


	8. In the bleak midwinter

He had brought a muggle into his house. A real muggle, in the house of Black. It must have been the stupidest thing he had ever done. And also the funniest in a long time. They hadn’t even told each other their names. 

The man had thought he was some kind of an animal trainer in a circus because of Bonnie and the owls which had flown in from a window when the man had wanted to smoke again. But the strange things hadn’t troubled him and the reason for this Harry had realised later when the man had got up to get his ninth firewhiskey bottle and almost fell over out of balance. 

“Sit down”, he laughed and guided him to the sofa. 

“Hmm this material feels good”, man said and fondled the armrest. “So, as I was saying, the helicopter came and took me away in this hammock. And the only thing I could think about was how much I needed to piss.” 

Harry laughed and sat next to him. “Hey, so that the same won’t happen again-”, he grabbed the whisky bottle, “-what if you take a break.” 

“Good idea. It doesn’t seem to affect you sooo in vain it is for me to... ” 

“Keep up? Yeah, completely pointless. Magic remember?” he asked and waved his hand at Bonnie’s direction who lifted her head in the air. Perhaps he shouldn’t have asked Kreacher to get so many bottles… 

“How old are you?” 

“How old are you?” he repeated the sudden question. 

“I’ve tried to figure it out. This place has to be yours, first I thought your parents. This is so big that no one could afford it alone but now it feels like that’s true.” 

“So, why do you wanna know?” 

“I’m twenty seven. You?” 

“Eighteen”, he answered and just then realised why he wanted to know. 

“I thought older”, the man bite his lower lip, hesitantly. About what he would to, Harry thought. What they could do. The night had gone so quickly he hadn’t had time to think about what could happen and how. He had just wanted company, like this man had said in the bar. But now he wanted more than just that. He wanted to try what  _ it _ felt like in the real world. This was the perfect time to test. They both wanted the same, harmless fun and no pressure. But now the atmosphere had changed completely into silence and doubt. 

“I’ve done it before”, well, in the woods, “if it… makes this easier.” 

Now or never. The scar hadn’t hurt the whole evening. He hoped the good luck would continue. He wanted to do this, really wanted. But he had to wait that the man would decide. Otherwise it wouldn’t be fair. He wouldn’t do that either with someone so young if he himself was twenty seven, at least he wanted to believe that. Why it didn't bother him this way... he didn't know. He sensed the decision before the man said it. 

“I can’t. I’m sorry… eighteen, it’s too young. I should have asked sooner. Sorry.” 

“Oh, no no it’s fine.” The man got up. He understood, even if he felt so disappointed. “But hey, you can still sleep here", said, burying his feelings, "to clear your head." He had strong doubts the man would make his way home before passing out to some gutter and freeze to death. 

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. And I really have to go before I change my mind.” Harry got up too and leaned against the wall as the man dressed his jacket. 

“What if I make you stay with magic”, he tried to joke. 

"I'm so going to regret this", the man shook his head. "You are so... fuck I'll go now." 

"What? I'm what?" 

"Effortless, natural. I don't know, already in your own skin. How did it happen?" 

"I don't know", he muttered and managed to put a warming spell in the man's jacket before he stumbled back into the night. 

_ “That wasn’t Tom” _ , Bonnie said accusingly. 

Harry glanced at the snake but, despite his annoyance, poke the fire so it would warm the room more for her.  _ “He sssmelled of smoke” _ , Bonnie criticised. 

_ “Bonnie, just shut up. Really.”  _

Before sunrise Harry shaved his short, nearly invisible stubble. Don’t try that again, he said to his image, opened the snake-headed faucet and rinsed his face and the sink with warm water. 

Why didn’t you fight back? he asked his scar. Or did you care in the first place? Or didn’t you just like Ginny, was that it? 

He was confused. Now he knew he definitely liked his own gender too. Was it possible? To like both? Or had Tom just messed his head into liking guys too? Could horcrux do such a thing? Well, with magic you could do anything. 

He tried to sleep but couldn’t and thought about the woods again, rolling the resurrection stone in his hands. It had been lonely there, now when Tom and the white thing had disappeared. He had a theory of what the white could be. Lily had tried to protect him. Protect him from Tom, as always. Magic worked mysterious ways… what if the white was Lily, or some part of the old magic that lived in him? 

The white didn’t resemble a doe, or any creature or thing but it had radiated a sense of familiarity and warm and he didn’t know what else it could be. In the woods he never felt anything materialistic. He didn’t know if he was just a idea or a thought himself. 

Time passed and Tom came back. Harry felt his presence as soon as he fell asleep. Tom approached, dark eyes glowing.  _ “Good to see you” _ , Tom said and pulled him close. Harry felt his touch. It was the only solid thing, but if he didn’t focus, Tom slipped away like smoke. He was and at the same time wasn’t. 

_ “Why come back now?”  _ he asked, feeling annoyed. 

_ “I needed to gather strength.”  _

Oh. So Tom couldn’t fully decide when to come or not. " _ It took you long enough.”  _ He felt how his words brought insane amount of anger and frustration. 

_ “Have you thought about what I said?”  _ he heard a stubbornly calm voice. 

_ “Yes.”  _

_ “But you don’t actually mean to do it.”  _

_ “Of course not! Nothing has changed. Hurt my as much as you like but I say it: I won’t go back. Would think you know when to stop. Save your strength and let me be.”  _

_ “You stupid… you still don’t understand. I don’t hurt you because I want it. Not at all. All that you feel, I feel too.”  _

_ “Why hurt me then? Let me be and live in peace.”  _

_ “You don't understand” _ , Tom raised his chin and he saw Tom’s features dimly.  _ “I can’t leave you in peace, for every day is suffering. Pain that you feel is only a portion of what I have to suffer, of what I have suffered from the moment the other pieces were destroyed. I’m broken. I need the others and if I don’t get them, in the near future there comes a day when I can’t tolerate this anymore. The pain spreads in you permanently and then there is nothing anyone can do about it! We will suffer forever. So yes, I hurt you. And I don't like that you get pleasure from others when I can give it. I remind you of what will follow if you don't do as I say.”  _ Silence fell.  _ “When the other parts were destroyed, darkness grew thicker. It has been harder and harder not to harm you. You are my container and I want you to be strong. I am on your side.”  _

_ “You just want the other pieces to live. You couldn’t care less of how I feel. Don’t lie.”  _ Harry could have swore he heard Tom laugh quietly.  _ “You stubborn masochist! I am almost tempted to show you what real pain is like. But I know it won’t change you mind. So listen, we don’t have much time. The horcrux in the diary contains the most. You’ll only need to save that. Destroy the rest I don’t care, but know that the more you save the less suffering and the less the horcrux in the diary suffers and of course the more fitting for you.”  _

He didn’t ask what Tom meant. He would get an answer anyway. 

_ “You sacrifice yourself for the diary. The sixteen years old me gets a body once more. As a Master of Death you come back in the world of the living. The diary’s horcrux will want to be near you, wants his other piece which means you. He keeps you alive because you are the key to his immortality in two ways. This what you feel when I touch you will be thousand times more pleasant. You understand now?”  _

Now there was no doubt, Tom laughed. A terrible idea popped into Harry’s head.  _ “Can you read my thoughts?”  _ Perhaps he didn’t want an answer. 

_ “I can only feel what you feel. And that what you thought a second ago, made some interesting things for your body.”  _

Harry wanted to bite something.  _ “Shut up. Why would I believe a word you say?”  _

_ “You don’t have to. You know the truth already without me reminding it. I know you value truth so don’t be a hypocrite and lie to yourself.”  _

Hands squeezed into fists. He was so furious he couldn’t think clearly. Tom accusing him of being a hypocrite was too much. Maybe he was, but Tom had no right- 

_ “What, you can’t handle the truth? Listen, I give you one painless week. One. After that I can’t carry on anymore. Use that time for your benefit and stop bathing in self loathing.”  _

_ “I don’t care if you torture me for the rest of my life I won’t do it! Never. Killing you was the best thing this world has ever seen. Torture away. No, I figure something better.”  _ It was his turn to laugh. Why didn’t he realise this sooner?  _ “Let's just go back to Hogwarts and find a basilisk fang so I can destroy you for good.”  _

_ “Your threat has no meaning.”  _

_ “Oh yeah? We are going to the station again right? What if I choose to die?”  _

_ “You think I’ll let you do that?”  _ Oh no. He didn’t remember that…  _ “I’ll release the pain, let’s see if you can even breathe then. Let's see how you make it.”  _ Harry punched, but Tom had already returned to smoke. 

  
  


_ “I think I know what to do” _ , Harry breathed out after one painless week and a one - not so painless - day, well more like an hour. 

_ “That wasn’t even half of what I feel” _ , Tom reminded and took his hand. 

_ “I know.”  _

_ “Do you want to ask me anything?”  _

Harry considered a moment. What he had to lose? Here he talked with a mass murderer. He knew he didn't have much time. Bonnie noticed his thighs were more and more skinnier against her body.  He would fade away, bit by bit, until all that was left would be bone, skin and the horcrux, for eternity, thanks to the Hallows, which he couldn't give to anyone else, because Tom wouldn’t allow that. Now he knew that the pain he had felt for the last six months was just a tiny taste of what the horcrux felt. If its power could make him pass out in just seconds how long it would take until he would give up? Tom would hold him in the borders of fainting for years, decades. It would be worse than anything. He was afraid, terrified, because he knew he would do anything to stop the pain. Anything... To be completely on the horcrux’s mercy... Nothing wouldn’t stop him from returning back in time then. At least now he had a chance to do things as he wanted, to be the master of his own being. 

_ "How do I make the time turner to hold me in that time that I go back? And how do I get the old me out of the way?”  _

From that moment on, every night when Tom could make it, they plotted a plan that would save them both. Strange… all started of Ron’s time turner comment. 

In the days he browsed books, looking for the rituals and in the nights… Well, he tried to control himself but when Tom didn’t stop him - on the contrary now when he knew he would get what he wanted - he got everything he wanted and more. 

He had to admit it: Tom was the brightest creature he had ever met. It took him less than ten days to find a solution to Harry’s every problem. And would have taken less time if Harry had focused in the relevant things at nights. 

The plan was almost flawless. Only one thing troubled Harry: it didn’t limit the diary’s Tom at all. Then again, what else could he expect? He could figure out how to limit him on his own. He would just not tell about it to the horcrux. 

He really considered it, he realised one evening, really considered. Not just the horcrux but he, Harry, his mother’s and father’s son. What if something would go wrong? The time travelling or any part of the plan? He thought and thought. He could do it, practically. He could save himself and stop the war. He could easily gather the horcruxes, but what then? He didn’t know what the 16-year-old Tom would do. And what he would think of him? Did it matter? 

Dumbledore had made sure he knew his opponent and Merlin he did. But Tom didn’t know him. Only what Ginny had scratched on the diary. 

Tom could read him like an open book. He would have no chance to hide his mind being this exhausted. Would Tom care about him in addition for getting immortality? Probably not. And this thought made him feel empty. Why? Of course Tom wouldn’t care, couldn’t care because he didn’t know anything of love or kindness. Tom would make sure he was safe and Harry would make sure the Hallows would stay with him and stop the war. The result couldn’t be worse than what had happened. Not if he could convince Tom that the horcruxes made him everything he hated: a failure and dead. 

He could do it, with Voldemort as evidence. But how about everything else? What Tom had said…  _ Killing mudbloods doesn't matter to me anymore.  _ Would he try to tyranny over muggles? Harry didn’t remember. Remembering got harder and harder every day, as did thinking. The days mixed together. Only Kreacher, Ron and Teddy woke him up. Bonnie’s continuous hissing went from one ear inside and another out. She had made a habit of sleeping with him, to give warmth. Harry remembered reading about snakes being ectothermic. How could Bonnie be warmer than he then? 

Ron came to check on him as often as he could. Luckily Kreacher cleaned the house. Else Ron would have made him move back to the Burrow. Ron hadn’t asked much about Bonnie, just followed its slithering and tried not to go near after he had accidentally stepped on it and Harry had had to smooth her for hours as a backpayment. Harry didn’t know what Ron thought about him. Probably was worried like everybody else. Ron always said hello from everybody and he sent greetings back. 

“There, we have a small elf!” Harry praised, completing Teddy's look with a red bobble hat. Teddy laughed and changed his face to green like in the picture of the muggle product’s package. It was the Yule day. Earlier in the afternoon, Harry had taken Teddy to skating and pulled him around the ring with a rope that was connected to a small cardboard box in which Teddy had sat, screaming: "Haay Haay!", demanding more speed.

He had spent the Yule eve in the Burrow, bought all a very expensive gifts and helped Molly as much as he could in the kitchen. Hermione and Ron had announced their engagement and for that they all raised a glass. Then Ron had asked him to be the best man and he genuinely had no idea what he meant until Hermione said: “Best man, Harry. For the wedding.” 

“Oooh best man, I um”, what was he thinking of course for the wedding!, “-didn’t realise." Hermione had shined like their own lumos spell. 

For Andromeda Harry had bought a gift card for the finest clothing store in Paris. “Oh Harry. I see we had the same theme in mind!” Andromeda said and handed him the finest robe he had ever seen.  “Put it on! I wanna see it right away!” Andromeda commanded.  “It fits perfectly!” she admired. It was the finest quality. A black coat and pants with a white shirt that he left hanging ‘so unprofessionally’ and on top of that all a dark green vest with silver buttons which ‘matched his eyes’. The outfit made him look thinner, but otherwise he liked it. The coat was just as long as a normal hoodie.  “I guess that pureblood knows”, he joked and Andromeda struck him gently. 

That night he walked in the Godric’s Hollow wearing that same outfit. The temperature was near zero degrees. Everywhere were snowmen and snow castles. Harry entered the church and sat behind to listen to the children's choir. 

He wished happiness to Hermione and Ron from the bottom of his heart. He wished Teddy well like all his family and friends.  He didn’t know if he believed in god. He had died and walked between life and death, so believing in any god or gods didn’t feel impossible. But he didn’t know anything about them. Dursleys had never took him to church and his memories of religion as a school subject was nonexistent. 

But when he watched those pictures of angels he felt calm. Maybe it didn’t matter what he believed? So many times he had seen someone looking at the sky hoping or praying. If one got comfort did it matter if it was true or not? He listened to the singing when the church roof buried under white snow. 

After everyone had gone he walked to his parents' grave. Only three years and I would be the same age as them, he thought and turned the stone in his hand three times. He had feared this moment. How he, for which they had sacrificed their lives could look at them after all he had done? Guilt grated the chest but he forced his eyes up. He had decided to go. He had decided to save himself and in the same time stop the war. That they would have wanted. They would understand. Right? He looked at his mother’s eyes, stared at them without breathing. 

He stood there until he didn’t feel his legs, snow flakes falling through his parents smiles and landing on his face. The sky was cloudless, filled with stars. Going on, return among the living felt meaningless. Here he wanted to stay, sink to the ground and be at peace. He runned his fingers on their grave stone, felt how steady, how final it was, cleared the frost from the letters as his own face covered with it. 

"Some day, sweetheart", Lily promised. Harry hoped she was right. 

At Grimmauld Place Bonnie got to eat a whole pig. Harry fell on the bed, closed his eyes and welcomed the sleep.  They were smoke. Drawing a line where the other stopped and the other started was impossible. He couldn’t see any body parts but felt them, kind of. They melted into each other and neither knew which was up and which was down. 

_ “Why didn’t you sing at the church?”  _

_ “I wanted to hear the others' voice, not my own. I have never sung.”  _

_ “Pity. That skill has to be learned at a young age.”  _ Then Harry heard Tom hum a few times, opening his voice. Then he started to sing. The voice was stronger and more beautiful than in the church. Soft, angel’s voice, except the singer was everything else but an angel, Harry thought. 

“In the bleak midwinter

Frosty wind made moan, 

Earth stood hard as iron, 

Water like a stone; 

Snow had fallen, snow on snow, 

Snow on snow, 

In the bleak midwinter

Long ago.” 

“You didn’t realise we have been speaking parseltongue the whole time.” 

“No, no I hadn’t, but it is very difficult to notice. Specially, when my usual talking companion is a snake. That was… beautiful.” He was strangely touched. He had never expected that from Tom, never. 

“Harry, I’m sorry but you have slept a very long time. It’s time to wake up.” 

“Yes, I think you are right.” 

_ “I must gather my strength so we probably won’t see each other for a while. But then again, when the diary wakes up you will be stronger and I doubt I can pass your consciousness ever again.”  _

_ “Now I noticed the change! But yes, I understand."  _ He felt like he wanted to say something, but didn't know what. A Goodbye? But this wasn't a goodbye, not really. 

_ “Remember to be careful-” _ , Tom managed to say before the pain billowed him.

He knew that goodbyes would be hard. 

He played with Teddy the whole day. The boy was the happiest little one he had ever seen. His heart broke to leave his godson. But he wouldn’t abandon him, never. He would go and save his mother and father. He wondered would his sacrifice for all those who had fought against Voldemort in the castle still be valid. He didn’t know. It could easily be made again if it comes to that… if it would work the same way… 

He read the Deathly Hallows for a bedtime story, even though Teddy didn’t understand anything. Harry had only heard the story once in his life when Hermione had read it. Coming back to it filled him with sad nostalgia. Teddy fell asleep halfway through, but he still finished it, very quietly. 

“Goodnight”, Harry whispered and kissed his forehead. “I’m going to save them.” His heart felt like stone. Tom was right. He couldn’t carry on, his magic couldn’t cope with this anymore. He looked at the child’s room one last time, making sure he remembered it all. 

“Haay?” Teddy suddenly said when he was at the door, watching him with eyes as green as his. 

“I hope we see each other again, in the next life”, he said and closed the door. 

He invited Ron and Hermione to Grimmauld’s place on Hermione’s last vacation day. They greeted each other at the door, his friends filled with joy. 

Conversation went on and on about Ron’s job and their engagement. Hermione planned to pursue a summer job at the Ministry as well. 

Harry wanted to tell how much they meant to him, but couldn't say anything no matter how many times he tried. Ron and Hermione looked so happy, it was pointless to worry them. He would see them again soon, he comforted himself, only younger. 

When the couple left he buried his head in his hands and tried to cry as his scar. But he was too tired to do that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words for the song: In The Bleak Midwinter by Christina Rossetti, 1872.


	9. According to the plan

Nine minutes after the noon on the 30th of December 1998 Harry stepped in the Ministry’s Atrium from the green flames. Hardworking witches and wizards walked in the same direction and he joined, letting the crowd guide him where he wanted, golden symbols moving across the ceiling forming messages. Greetings of ‘good morning’ and ‘hello’ were heard everywhere. 

He tried to look impressive and dignified as he walked to the security stand line. The attendant was speaking with some young witch who apparently had an interview soon. “ -take the name badge and put it in front of your cloak.” Harry watched as the witch disappeared into the crowd with a determined face. He hoped she would get the place. 

“Next!” the attendant yelled in a tired voice. A few minutes passed until it was his turn. “Next! Your name please and what is your business here?” the attendant’s voice changed weirdly towards the end of the question when she saw him. 

“Harry Potter-Black. I found this time turner in the Black's vault yesterday. It's propably illegal so I thought I should bring it here,” he lifted a fake time turner and his wand on the desk. People began to whisper behind him. 

“Y - yes Lord Potter. This matter will be sorted out right away. You can leave it here.” 

“Great, thank you very much.” 

The attendant smiled anxiously and gave him his wand back. Harry sneaked into the crowd keeping an eye on the attendant who called out for another worker, little caring about the slowly building line in front of her. The other worker took his time turner and started walking to the lifts. Harry cast a small confundus charm and put the invisibility cloak on. Luck was on his side and he made it to the same lift with the worker. In the fifth level bunch of foreigners pushed in and he flattened against the corner, trying to be as small as he possibly could. 

“The Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Auror Headquarters and Wizengamot Administration Services”, the voice of the lift said. The worker took off. Harry cast another confundus and pushed through.  “C'était quoi?!” they yelled. “Muffliato”, he spat before the lift door closed and ran to catch the worker who had disappeared behind the corner. 

They noticed at the Improper Use Of Magic Office that his time turner was a fake. Some high-ranking person wondered about the matter but relaxed as soon as she heard where it had come from. Harry waited patiently and watched as the time turner travelled from hand to hand and from room to room. Then he finally heard what he wanted: “Take it away. I’ll deal with it later.”

"Okay", some blond girl said and walked out into the aisle where she was hit by his imperius curse. She guided him to a dark place between two doors, one to the aisle and one to where he wanted. She didn’t have the authority to go where he wanted, but that didn’t matter. He could have used someone who had, but then the risk of getting caught would have increased. With the elder wand and Tom’s instructions he opened the door, took three time turners - just in case - from their containers and fled. 

_ “You got them! Perfeeect!”  _ Bonnie praised.

_ “Now it’s time for goodbyes I’m afraid” _ , he said and felt very melancholic. The snake hissed and circled around him. It really was the time. He had packed the resurrection stone, his old wand, the Marauder’s map, his cloak, a couple of photos and all that was needed to carry out his plan. These all were now in the mokeskin pouch which he had extended with magic. He put it around his neck in a long loop. 

He glanced at the house once again with a sigh. It had taken so much time to renovate.  _ “Well, I’m here faster than I know if the plan goes well. Bye now Bonnie. Thanks for taking care of me. You have been the best.”  _

_ “Bye Lamonah. Find me again. I want to see him!”  _

_ “I promise to try” _ , he answered. There was no time to lose. Someone had probably noticed that the time turners were missing. Kreacher watched silently as Harry put the biggest time turner and the cloak around him. “Oh hey Kreacher. You were so quiet I didn’t notice.” 

“What does Master plans to do?” 

“Heal myself. Goodbye and thank you too for taking care of me. I wouldn’t have made it without you.” 

Kreacher bowed. “Good luck, Master Harry.” 

Harry nodded nervously and pointed at the time turner with the elder wand and conjured it to spin quickly 14142 times. The last thing he saw was the picture of Hedwig handing on the wall until voices and colours mixed together and he closed his eyes. 

He opened his eyes as light wind wiped his face. The houses 11 and 13 stood in front of him tall and dark. The locket is there, he thought as he looked somewhere where the number 12 had been. He knew it had been there, just couldn't think it was there now due to the secrecy spell, which was very confusing. If it was, then it is, he tried to explain to himself, but the house remained hidden. He had to wait until Sirius would be released… and then he would get it. After checking the mokeskin pouch, he apparated outside of the Hogwarts defences. The lake water reflected the magnificent castle rising on the cliff as if it had always been there and always would be. 

With McGonagall's old permission to enter still intact and one of the founders heir's soul piece being inside of him, his home welcomed him back. He cast the Bubble-Head Charm and dived into the water. Sky’s light dimmed the deeper he went. At the bottom there was only green, endless darkness spreading in every direction and the long seaweeds and curious fishes brushing his skin. 

The castle got closer. A big cliff towered over, dark and threatening. Old, five meter thick pillars, covered with shells and other small animals, stood high like teeth, guarding a big cavity. On the left he saw weak comforting light, shining from the Slytherin Common room. 

He swam to the cavity’s mouth, where no one could see him casting a powerful light. The fishes turned back and left him alone. After gathering a moment of courage he went in. 

Walls changed to rough and lifeless, on which nothing grew. The bottom and the roof disappeared in darkness. Holes of different sizes covered his view and he didn’t want to look, didn’t want to imagine what or who there lived. Home is just on top of me, he thought, nothing can hurt me. 

The cavity started to get smaller the deeper he swam, and, after a while, he crashed into a sudden dead end. Sharp stones wounded him. Blood dissolved to the water. Luckily the lake’s water didn’t burn like salt water. He had come to the end. 

And now, the tunnel.  _ “Open.” _ He backed off as the wall started to move and make a terrible sound. Water became dusty. Small floating particles covered his view. How did the snake manage to navigate here? He tested where the opening was with his hands and climbed straight up. 

The Bubble-Head charm vanished as he emerged on the surface and pushed himself on the edge of a huge marble corridor, where huge snakes were engraved on the white pillars, twisting around together. 

His wound had already healed and the impervius spell protected his clothes so he just dried his hair and put his cloak on again. He had went shopping three days ago and bought - in his mind - exactly the same looking suit as Andromeda had bought for him, except all was black and the shirt was the same green as his eyes. _ “Who else would know my taste? And put the ring on. First impressions are everything.”  _ Harry had obeyed because he had no energy to fight back and because he really couldn’t care less. The more cooperative the diary’s Tom would be the better and apparently the better he would look the more likely Tom would listen.

He took a few echoing steps and decided to put a silencing spell on himself, hoping that the basilisk's inability to see or hear him would at least give him a chance to flee, if he happened to come across it, because without the sword of Gryffindor, fighting back would be very difficult; spells didn't work on the ancient creature. But then again, if the basilisk did manage to bite him, he doubted the horcrux inside him could cure him in time, so it really didn't matter, he sighed, exhausted and not thinking that outcome through.

The Black Lake entrance led to a huge atrium where many paths divided. He followed the biggest main route. Decorative pillars seemed to continue forever. The chamber was massive, a fortress inside a castle. Time and water had made their destruction but had not been able to destroy its majesty. Vaulted ceiling rose to heights. What in the Merlin’s name had Salazar meant to do with this place? Because as a mere assassination place for muggleborns it was too grand.

Harry leaned on Salazar's statue, waiting for the coming, playing with the elder wand, moving it between his fingers, eyes fixed at the girl’s toilet entrance. If only everything went according to the plan. He had gone through every step with the woods Tom and now it repeated itself in his head over and over again. 

I can still walk away, he thought. I could still return and let the history repeat itself. He could still go back. And suffer forever. And just the thought of that shivered him. No, he would not, not anymore. He would do this, save himself and everyone who had died. This would work. Had to work. He would convince Tom.  _ Carry yourself impressively. And by no means make him nervous.  _

A heavy door opened and poor Ginny walked in. Okay, here we go. Merlin he was nervous. He hadn’t been this nervous during the war, had he? Or then he hadn’t let himself to notice his fear. But now he feared, feared that everything could go wrong. Feared for Ginny and for all those who were in danger should he fail. 

The small girl’s body twitched and fell on the floor to unnatural position, cawing and croaking, her hair, which colour was already fading, tangled on the wet floor. Harry wanted to help her, to stop her suffering and hated himself for not doing it.

A reflection began to form next to Ginny and Harry’s heart started pumping. The diary had awoken and the horcrux inside him knew that too. The pain would stop soon… Ginny stopped twitching and passed out. Her breathing grew quiet. Only his heart pounded in his ears, he heard nothing else. The chamber was quiet as a grave, three souls weak, barely alive. 

The reflection grew solid and gradually took a young, tall and pale human form. Harry couldn’t see anything else, couldn’t concentrate on anything else other than the slow transformation. And so he finally saw him, lying on his side on the stone floor, eyes closed next to Ginny. Two corpses, dead and sad looking, but when Ginny lost her colour he admired how Tom’s blue veins started pumping blood and to pull him towards, more powerfully than in the woods. He wanted to get closer but forced himself to stay still under the cloak with the only will power he had left. 

He startled when Tom’s eyes opened and he stood up. Harry breathed as quietly a he could, listening to Tom’s first breaths. First they were quick and hasty. Then Tom squeezed his hands into fists and made his breathing deep and slow. Exactly how I remembered, Harry thought. Now he was here, so close, just a memory but called him more powerfully than anything had ever.. Stay! he commanded himself screaming in his mind. 

Tom walked by the water pool, glancing indifferently at Ginny on the way and checked his surroundings. Probably after seeing everything was as it should be he moved his gaze to his own reflection and leaned a little bit closer, looked at his shaking hands and made them calm down, raised his hands in his hair, brushed them with his long fingers and breathed out. As black as mine and that wasn’t the only similarity. The general… being was the same…. Tom was thin but not nearly as thin as him now, after being in pain for six months. Books were probably his area more than exercise, Harry thought. Tom straightened his clothes, smiling triumphantly, opened and closed his hands, testing could he do magic. He couldn’t. Frustrated, he turned around to look at Ginny. Harry’s gaze returned to Ginny too and that awoke him. There was no time to lose. History had to be kept as same as possible. Soon young him would come and before that he had to get Tom out of the way. He gave Tom another minute to calm down, at the same time gathering his thoughts. And so it began, he sighed and slowly removed the cloak. No returning now. 

Tom startled away and yelled: “Who are you?” 

Harry folded the cloak on his arm. His voice is exactly like I remembered too… 

Tom did not wait for an answer.  _ “Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts four!”  _ The giant, green snake slithered out just like six years ago. Lovely, Harry thought and closed his eyes. 

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” Tom asked loudly. 

_ “Blooood…. so sweet blood.”  _ The beast's tongue smelled the air around him. Harry was careful not to make even the slightest move towards his wand. 

“If you don’t answer, you will die”, Tom said, now managing to keep his voice steady. 

Harry breathed in and said:  _ “I am one of your horcruxes and I came to rescue you from the future.”  _

_ “Heir! It’sssss another speaker! Another Speaker! The rumors were true!”  _ the snake yelled and closed Harry and Tom into a small circle. Tom’s mouth had never been so close to snap open. A horcrux? And a parselmouth? He had never met another... At first he had thought the stranger had talked normally until Queen said… a horcrux? 

Tom approached him slowly. Harry could feel how he wanted to break into his mind, but it was impossible when his eyes were closed. Realising this too Tom gave up and instead said:  _ “Remove you deadly gaze.”  _

When there was no protest Harry opened his eyes and looked directly at Tom, but was careful not to glance at the snake. He had no time to die and come back. 

_ “Prove it” _ , Tom said quietly. 

_ “I can make the unbreakable vow, but before that, can you feel the horcrux? Because I certainly can feel you.”  _

Tom’s eyes narrowed.  _ “Yes, I feel...” _ Could it be true? 

_ “Great… Hmm, would you like a wand?”  _ Harry pulled his phoenix feather wand from inside his suit and held on to the tip.  _ “The same core as yours.”  _ This was only a temporary solution, he thought and quickly glanced at it. He would get it back. 

_ “How do you know that?”  _

_ “Destiny I guess. I explain later” _ , he smiled. Tom’s eyes weren’t red. They were dark cold brown, very dark in this light. Tom kept his calculating gaze at him and smiled too, but made no move towards the wand. 

_ “Why would you give me your wand?”  _

_ “I wished I could have explained this later, but okay. I have the elder wand too. Have you heard about the Deathly Hallows?”  _

_ “Heir, the Speaker smells weird!”  _

The green eyes watched him without fear. Horcrux, his horcrux, no other explanation made sense. But how? Why…  _ “Have you collected them all?”  _

_ “Yes, but could we talk about this later? Like I said, I’m from the future and I know what will happen next.”  _

His horcrux possibly had the most powerful tools in existence but he wanted to talk about something else! He decided to listen carefully. He wasn’t in danger. Even if the stranger knew how to destroy him he clearly didn't want to do that, on the contrary actually. 

_ “Okay what I’m about to say might freak you out a bit, so could you let me explain the whole story and then decide what to do?”  _ There was no time. Tom looked calm, for now.  _ “I’m Harry Potter-”  _

_ “Heir! Now I recognise the same smell. Kill it! Smells wrong, evil!”  _

_ “I know!”  _ Harry hissed.  _ “But could you listen?”  _ He asked and turned his eyes to Tom who watched him intensively. Queen hissed furiously. It wasn’t accustomed to not be feared and this… Harry Potter didn’t seem to fear at all. Tom had imagined meeting Harry and here he was. Older, not like he had pictured. That girl had spoke of a hero with glasses… Well, there was no glasses but maybe the hero part hadn’t changed. If this was Harry and his horcrux… He couldn’t figure a way for it to be possible. Thinking was hard and memories scattered. 

_ “Let me kill it Heir! So hungry!”  _ Queen approached Harry with its mouth wide open. Those green eyes… where had he seen the colour? Ahh his body hurt. Harry could talk with snakes, the girl had told… 

_ “Leave him alone!” _ he commanded, trying to keep his voice steady, trying to solve the mystery. Queen shut its mouth and even though it didn’t make a sound his head didn’t stop ringing. He couldn’t concentrate. He needed answers. He nodded as a sign for Harry to continue. 

_ “You made me a horcrux that night when you tried to kill me 12 years ago. Soon the old me comes in any second, so could you just go there for a second and let me cast an imperius curse on him so the time doesn’t mess up too much.”  _

Tom didn’t know what to say. And before he had time to command his horcrux to explain everything, they both heard the girls’ entrance door opening. They looked at each other, both thinking the same. Young Harry was coming… And he didn’t know what to think about it. 

_ “I know this is confusing and I promise to explain everything but could you command the snake to hide! _ Harry whispered. Tom knew he had no point to argue. They both looked like its prey in this circle so moving the snake would in any case be beneficial. 

_ “Hide there” _ , he said and pointed at the darkness. 

_ “BUT HEIR!”  _

_ “NOW!”  _ After all these years he didn’t remember that Queen would have ever defied him. And just when he had company! Tom narrowed his eyes and stared at her, chin raised. 

For Harry this all could have been pretty funny if he hadn’t have so much else to think about. The snake closed its mouth and gave up. 

In that second as the snake moved its body so that they weren’t in the circle anymore, Harry heard approaching steps. He had to get Tom to hide, now!  _ “Come here quickly!”  _ Harry whispered and Tom, to his amazement, let this Harry to take his hand. When their skins touched, a feeling… safe feeling spread to him. Very strong magic, he realised with satisfaction. 

_ “Hide here for a second.”  _ Tom didn’t know what to answer so he stayed quiet. Harry gave him his wand. Harry had so much to think about that he didn’t realise he had touched Tom. That strong magic spread to him too, only unnoticed. Young Harry had come earlier than he had estimated.  _ “Go there and see if Ginny is alive” _ , Harry commanded himself. Luckily the curse worked, Harry thought. Well, he had been much older when Moody... Barty had used it on him the first time so no wonder he couldn’t resist it now. He listened, but when Ron and Lockhart were nowhere to be seen, he let himself relax a bit. 

Clearly used to using that curse, Tom thought, walking towards Harrys, measuring the wand in his hands. After all these years he had a wand. But the sweet victory was buried under bewilderment. Harry was right, this felt like his own. Could it be true? This Harry… The Master of Death…  _ “What if we sit down and you tell me what is going on.”  _ They were in a hurry… Why? No one had a chance against Queen and he had a wand. 

_ “Alright, but just what you really need to know. We have only about an hour.”  _

Tom nodded and watched him like a statue with a face which didn’t tell what he was thinking. Harry was pleased. The situation was in control. For now at least. Harry sighed but before he started Tom said:  _ “First I want to command the young you to enchant an unbreakable vow in which you swear that you will not try to hurt or stop me in any way.”  _

Harry, who had seen this coming, nodded and watched as Tom cast the curse. Harry reluctantly gave his elder wand to the young Harry. Oh who knows what Tom would decide to do now… But he needed to be confident. He grabbed Tom’s hand and breathed for the feeling that was born was the warmest ever. He felt the pain and the suffering melting off. He was safe. Safe from everything even though a giant snake rested its head next to him on the floor, watching them with its big yellow eyes. Tom didn’t question why Harry had froze because he felt the same. But that safe and warm feeling was mixed with displeasure, because he didn’t understand how this could be.  _ “Harry?”  _

Harry woke up. They didn’t have time. If he could touch Tom, then in what state was Ginny? He saw chains, flashing out from the elder wand, locking their hands together. Very strange. Young Harry was very thin, frighteningly thin actually. No wonder the Dursley diet, he realised in the midst of all this. 

_ “Do you, Harry Potter promise to speak the truth and the truth only to the wizard in front of you and protect him with your best ability?”  _ young Harry said in dreamy voice. Harry tried not to laugh.

_ “Yes.”  _ He felt almost dizzy. There was no pain or tiredness, just good… so good in a long time. Was this how being drunk felt like? 

_ “Do you promise to show him eternal allegiance and affection?”  _

A wedding vow, he thought and bit his inner cheek.  _ “Yes.”  _

Tom’s smile grew as the chains disappeared. Harry took the elder wand back. Nothing felt any different. And he had thought that the vow would bind people together... In any case he would have tried to protect Tom, so maybe that’s why the spell didn’t leave any noticeable marks… 

_ “Now, explain everything.”  _ Harry watched as Tom swayed his wand and a stone, which had fallen from the roof, changed into a very inviting looking leather couch. How did he do that? He couldn’t have changed a match to a needle in this… awesome state. He sat next to Tom, tried to concentrate and leaned his back on the couch. Tom did the same, turning his wand in his hands. 

There they were. Now the convincing part. 

He told quickly how he had grown up, and by quickly he did it in two sentences. Tom stopped playing with the wand and kept his eyes on his. The words flowed easier and easier once he got started. He told about his first year and his meeting with Voldemort. Without noticing, they both leaned closer to each other. Harry spoke parseltongue and that made Tom focus more intensely to the story. Human languages felt strange. Parseltongue again, was like singing. Their legs got closer and closer, barely leaving any space between. 

Tom asked only the most important questions, because he knew he would get all the answers later. Then, after a few minutes, when Dumbledore’s name began to come up more and more frequently Tom’s face changed into fury. 

_ “But he doesn't now yet?”  _

_ “No.”  _

_ “Where are the rest?”  _

_ “One in the house of Black, I can get it soon. The diadem is here… Shall I fetch it?”  _

_ “I would do it myself, but when that…. man is here, perhaps it’s better you get it.”  _

_ “Okay. I’ll do it.”  _

_ “As soon as possible” _ , Tom demanded. 

_ “Okay okay.. Ummm… yes… then the ring is in the Gaunt’s house. Then we two and of course Voldemort. But I have no idea where.”  _

So Harry and Dumbledore had known where they were when he, in all these years, had just guessed, pondered in the dark. Harry had better get them as soon as possible! Another horcrux should not be kept within the old fool’s grasp, not any longer… Harry continued, told how the Deathly Hallows had come to his possession and how he had finally killed… him. He froze. Unreasonable fear spread all over him. How small, how lucky chance had saved him from ruin, how this chance had come to him now... He wouldn’t let it slip away, never again. Harry started to avoid his eyes when he talked of some woods. Something had happened there, his horcrux had convinced him to return. How? Harry didn’t seem the type to obey very easily. He would have to figure out how so he could use that method too. 

_ “Now, you can ask more later, I need to help Ginny.”  _

_ “That girl? She is utterly helpless. And by the way has a crush on you. Went on and on about her boring problems, tried to destroy the diary, tried to… destroy us. Would it be fitting that she is sacrificed?”  _

_ “No. She is my friend, but I offer a different solution. I’ll sacrifice myself in her place. Her memory just needs a bit of fixing afterwards.”  _

_ “You are my horcrux. I will not risk you.”  _

_ “I am the Master of Death. This magic won't hurt me.”  _ Harry rose, walked towards the girl and took the diary. Tom sensed a small sense of uncertainty and wanted to grab it to himself. But he can’t hurt me, he made a vow. Harry touched his book and turned gently its pages.  _ “She was my girlfriend-”  _ Who? he wondered until he realised. That….. that whining piece of…  _ “You know, a year ago-”  _ Tom stormed up and tried to take the book away but Harry was faster. 

_ “You are mine” _ , he said, threateningly when the anger took control in his confused mind, which hadn’t thought so much for a very, very long time. Harry was his and no one else! 

Harry held back his laughter. Tom wouldn’t like that he laughed, he reminded himself. He wasn't aware of how freely and how dangerously he talked. Tom’s touch had made him drunk. The nervousness, the guilt, all of it had almost disappeared.  
_  
“Ginny can’t die. I’ve thought about this for the last… well, a long time. Do you think I would come back only to die again?”   
_  
he said and put his hand on Tom’s shoulder.   
_  
“And besides, I’m much stronger than Ginny. Wouldn’t you like my blood more?”   
_

_ “She is a pureblood. You are not.”  _

_ “Neither are you.”  _ Tom’s face was now scary enough to frighten him. 

_ “I was just agreeing, don’t ruin your chances” _ , Tom hissed. If Harry was immortal, did it matter? And he couldn’t lie so… immortal. He barely contained himself from asking more questions about death. Harry couldn’t lie. It was true! He couldn’t handle the fact now. He had to think, all went on too quickly. Immortal offered his blood. Why wouldn’t he agree? Harry was strong and would be much stronger after recovery. Not as strong as he but still… Magic surrounded him. And he wanted to use himself to save girl!  _ She was my girlfriend…  _

_ “Alright” _ , he said. Harry couldn’t lie so it had to be true. And he would get immortal blood and his strength… Of course yes! Why had he even considered it? 

_ “I only have one condition. One thing and I’ll give my powers to you. I swore not to harm you so I want the same from you.”  _

He waited expressionlessly to heard the rest. 

_ “Before I do this, I want you to try to solve all problems with humans without violence. If someone attacks you or tries to harm you in any way, you are free to do as you wish.”  _

_ “What if someone tries to hurt you?”  _

_ “Well, because your horcrux lives inside me, technically we are the same thing” _ , Harry said bitterly. The Chamber’s bleak light made Harry’s face look unnatural, white and timeless. Oh he really wanted those powers. And the terms didn’t sound impossible. In fact they didn't limit him at all. 

_ “Agreed, if you use those words.”  _

After the vow Harry didn’t waste time. He took a quill and ink and started writing in the diary.  _ I, Harry Potter have revealed everything about myself to you. You will know all that you want about me in the future. I want you to live, I’ll sacrifice myself for you.  _

Tom put his hand on Harry’s thigh, feeling the unbelievable wave of powers.  _ “Continue” _ , he inhaled. He could never have made anyone mean those words, not like Harry did from the bottom of his heart, willingly and pure.  _ Take my powers, be strong and live.  _ Yes, I will. Harry fell on to the floor. 

Months ago he had woken up from a deep, dreamless slumber. Time had gone so slow that there hadn’t been time at all, until that insignificant girl, of whom he now let go with such a relieve and will, had opened his container. How he had begged and persuaded... Nothing he had got from the girl was anything, even a piece of that what he now felt. He grew, filled the place, rose up. 

Finally, he sighed. I’ll wake up and return, more live than ever. And this all came from Harry, how could it be? 

His skin glowed while Harry paled so, blood came to him, for him to use. Suddenly a huge pain went thought him. It came from his horcrux. The pain was nothing, he could live with that but what if something had gone wrong?  _ “Harry, come here” _ , he commanded. But Harry didn’t hear anything.

Harry saw colours fade away. The thought of keeping Tom alive stayed somewhere in distance, far back and stopped existing. All went dark, no, colourless. Gravity didn’t exist, he floated in nothing. There was nothing, he didn’t think of anything, wasn’t. 

Something grabbed him and didn’t let go. 

It didn’t let him be. Didn’t let him be in the nothing but stopped him. That endless journey back to somewhere where he shouldn’t be. He shouldn’t be but he was. He hated that something which didn’t let go, threw him back, ruthlessly made him to. 

A new colour was born: black, then grey and finally white. 

_ “Harry” _ , a soft voice said. 

He didn’t understand its origin or meaning. 

It was soft and so beautiful. 

He focused on that. 

Felt cold and strange. 

He wasn’t where he should have been. 

_ “Harry” _ , the voice said again. 

It was his name. He was called. It was his name. He wanted around that voice. Wanted to touch it. 

White circled around him. It created a chain of which he wrapped himself into. 

“In the bleak midwinter… Long ago.” Long ago. Where was he? He should be somewhere else.  _ “Harry, I’m sorry but you have been asleep for a very long time.”  _

All came back.  _ “The others came and I cursed them.”  _

He came back. 

He was alive. 

His heart pumped in his ears, Tom’s handsome face above him. He touched his cheek, pressed a finger on his lips, didn’t care what he would think, it didn’t matter. He felt so peaceful. He could sink into the ground, so heavy and listless he was. Tom had something new in him, something… he didn’t know what and watched his expression. Humans' had expressions. 

_ “Harry.”  _

He felts his body again, every vein and thought. 

_ “Oh bloody hell” _ , was his first sentence in the world of the living. He rose and looked around. Young Harry, Ron, Ginny and Lockhart stood there with glassed eyes. If he could have kept that good feeling just a little longer… Oh no… Ron and Lockhart were already there! It had been too long. Merlin knows how long it had taken to open that clogged tunnel wandlessly. 

_ “How was it?”  _ Tom asked.

_ “Dark, I’ll tell later but now we must move.”  _

Tom watched Harry’s pale skin and heard his heart beating, feeling… disturbed, no that wasn’t the word... worried. He had never worried about anyone. But Harry was his key to immortality so of course he should worry about him even if he could not die… couldn’t die. Dark? It had been dark. DARK? He lifted Harry to his feet. How… eloquent. He let out a small laugh. Harry’s weird gaze changed into a confused one and that made him laugh even more. He was immortal! He wanted to scream but laughter would suffice for now.

How could anyone be so handsome and elegant even when laughing? Harry thought as he watched Tom who laughed so hard that the walls echoed. A small smile formed on his lips too. 

_ “I’ll exchange bodies with my younger self now. When the time turner takes my old body away it doesn’t matter, because the present is, from here on, now.”  _

Tom tried to contain himself when he said:  _ “Rest a moment, I insist. You look - very tired.”  _ And no wonder, he thought and laughed some more. When was the last time he had laughed this hard? He didn’t remember. He had so many questions… but Harry was right. Concentrate! he commanded himself. 

_ “Don’t worry. I’ll be my cheerful young self in no time” _ , Harry said and started to draw complicated runes on the floor. He followed this with interest. Harry, defeated death three times. And his. 

Harry put his younger self to stand on top of the runes with bare feet and started to mumble the ritual. Harry had practised it for many hours. His head was dizzy but other than that he felt fine. He really had exposed himself to his magic’s limit. 

If it was strange to watch his young self, it was much stranger to be his young self. Everything looked bigger and taller. 

_ “Is the imperius curse still intact?”  _

He had to bend his neck more upwards when speaking. Tom made his old body dance waltz with Ginny around Salazar’s statue. 

_ “Not funny” _ , he said and tried to get used to his small hands and feet. Tom didn’t feel that strange pull towards the old Harry anymore. Now the young one called him. 

Queen had lost her interest and hissed impatiently in the shadows. 

_ “I need your blood now Queen.” _

_ “All right” _ , the snake said.  _ “I need food my Heir. So long it has been from the last meal…”  _ That sentence reminded Harry of Bonnie. He would go and get it as soon as he would get out from school. Could he bring her here? Bonnie had listened with excitement of his stories of the chamber. Bonnie would like to meet the Queen, but the question was: Would Queen like the company? Harry approached the snake. 

_ “Your majesty, would it be nice if I brought another snake here next year? Her name is Bonnie. You would get company.”  _

_ “Other Speaker smells weird” _ , the snake turned her head around and stared him. 

_ “She is extremely polite and nice adder.” Queen considered this for a moment. She wouldn’t stand anyone annoying, but the company would do good. She had been so alone before the Heir. And how strong the Heir was now because of the Speaker. If the Speaker said that Bonnie is good… And she could always eat it if the adder would be boring. “Yesss, she is welcomed.”  _

_ “Thank you. She’ll be glad. She has always wanted to meet you. You are a legend among all snakes.”  _

Tom followed this conversation feeling amused, at the same time carefully cutting Queen’s scales, making her blood flow on the floor. When a small puddle had formed he started to splash it on Ginny. 

_ “Now, all we need is your memories” _ , Tom said. Harry agreed. He couldn’t march in front of Dumbledore with such a messy head... figuratively. 

Tom thought the same. He couldn’t risk that the old fool would find out what Harry was, so obliviating was the only choice, because the imperius curse wouldn’t work on Harry of which he was very pleased. He couldn’t make Harry to do anything, but no one else could either. 

_ “So, the memory has to be as similar as possible with the old events. Do you want that I recall how it all went?”  _

_ “I remember. I’ll make you a great hero. Noble Gryffindor who saved them all” _ , Tom mocked. 

Harry sighed and looked Ginny’s bloody ropes.  _ “You are planning a bloody fight.”  _

As a response Tom covered him with that familiar iron smelling red blood. Harry grinned.  _ “Dramatic” _ , he noted. 

_ “Of course” _ , Tom answered and smiled like a lunatic. 

_ “All right I’ll let you write this act. Could you do it a temporary memory?”  _ He didn’t want to live in a lie for any longer than was necessary. 

Tom frowned. He had never made a temporary memory before. He could do it, but wasn’t sure when the real memories would come back. Harry was strong so he needed to make it powerful. If the real memories came back at the wrong time, it could jeopardise everything. Then again, if he obliviated Harry’s every memory, he didn’t know could he undo it perfectly. Dumbledore would be alert after these happenings. He wouldn’t necessarily get to Harry… And this thought didn’t lure him at all.  _ “This memory will last a day. You remember how you came into the chamber and saw that… girl covered in blood.”  _

Harry prepared to be obliviated. Strange, but he trusted Tom to do this. He was his ticket to eternal life and Tom wouldn’t risk his plans. Yet anyway.

Tom was left alone in the chamber with the older… no, younger Harry. His horcrux had given him the elder wand and the resurrection stone. However he did not have access to the stone because it was in that stupid pouch! Two Hallows… and the third was with Harry so the old fool wouldn’t suspect anything… Why Dumbledore had given the cloak to Harry? Why not keep it to himself? In any case, Harry would have trusted him blindly so why give up something so valuable? 

He thought and thought as he walked on through the massive labyrinth. The Hallows were real, Harry had said so and after the vow he couldn’t lie. Or could he? No, no it had taken many minutes to return from the death. And Harry would die if he lied. Was there any use of that vow? Well, at least he would know when he lied. 

He sat on the stone steps, crossed his hands and thought hard. The cursed Harry followed him. Tom rose up and walked slowly around him. 

Was that what he thought real? He looked at the diamond coloured eyes which stared back emptily. Tom tilted his head and repeated everything in his mind. His horcrux was immortal, he was immortal. The thought dominated others, shined clearly in the middle of all, like those eyes. It was a dominative colour indeed... 

He couldn’t die. 

He would live forever.    
He had made it. Reached his goal. A target that he had sworn he would get. Immortal. But the satisfaction was limited. He wasn’t alone. Somewhere far away from here some part of him, small and weak… How Harry had described it?  _ Lesser than spirit. Ugly, snake-like abomination.  _ It had to be destroyed. As soon as possible. Only he could live forever… and Harry too. Harry was the key to everything. Horcruxes had failed. He would have never imagined how badly, how severe damage he had done to himself. He needed more information. He wanted to know everything, everything! About the Hallows and… Voldemort. The elder wand was powerful but he would have picked Harry’s wand immediately out of the two. This didn’t feel right. Too long, too stiff. Well, it gave him immortality so he could forgive its ugliness. 

Would it be enough? To trust some objects to give him what he wanted? Horcruxes had failed. What if the Hallows would do the same? All it took was one duel and the wand changed its owner. But wasn't it the invincible wand? He would have to think about that later. 

After research these two: the horcruxes and the Hallows had proved to be the only ways to seek immortality. Except if he turned into a vampire, which would limit him too much. Bloodlust would follow him everywhere and he could never see or feel sunlight again… Perhaps the Hallows were the only choice. That meant that his Harry, his immortality marched right now away from him, upstairs to that manipulate, two faced old man’s hands, when Harry should be here! He drowned into the green eyes. Bloodlust... The feeling which had spread from Harry’s touch was still there. Safety and power and something he hadn’t felt before… He wanted to make a test.

First he checked that the time turner was intact and then waved the elder wand. Harry approached him, expression changed into hunger. His heart rate fastened, he wondered. The cursed wrapped his hands around him, closing the space. Faster, he commanded. He was pushed against a wall and kissed hard. He was feeling something… So many times he had seen others kissing, but had never wanted it himself or even considered it until now. The curiosity was burning. He had never seen a man kiss another man. He had been told it was wrong, but no muggle rules limited him! He couldn't care less and why should he? Evolution had made the two sexes to be together so the species would survive. Pathetic how it drove people that instinct. But not him. The cursed bit him! It hurt, he admired. 

_ “Stop” _ , he said, touched his lips and watched at the red colour in his fingers. Fascinating. He let it bleed for a while. How warm did the body felt… For so long he had felt nothing and now the feelings and thoughts came raging of him as eagerly as his heart pumped blood. And how strong blood it was, but also very limiting. Breathe, he reminded himself when he started to feel dizzy. Cure it, he commanded his magic, and his lip healed. 

So, a phoenix had found its way into his chamber. 

Interesting. 

Perhaps his horcrux wasn’t the only one nearby…. His Harry… The cursed mumbled something.  _ “Quiet” _ , he commanded and focused on his magic. Slowly he spread it, tried its power. Spread it first around him, then to the room and felt the cursed magic against him. He was powerful. More powerful than ever. He tried to hear the magic’s voice, pictured it growing larger, filling the whole chamber. Perfect. Then he felt something waking up. 

“What? Where am I?” he heard the cursed one speak. Tom opened his eyes. Amazing. Only twelve and could resist his curse. 

“Tom?” He was in such a good mood that he said calmly:  _ “Did you hurt you head?”  _

“What?” 

Oh yes, no horcrux in this one. “Did you hurt your head?” 

“No? I mean, I don’t remember. What - where are we? Why... Tom there is a basilisk! Where are- did you see my glasses anywhere?” 

“I’m afraid no.” He sent a powerful sleeping curse to Harry. 

“We need to go. Ginny is in trouble… the basilisk…” Harry spluttered, trying to stay awake. “Tom, I - I.” Harry fell on his arms. He put him on the floor, a bit disappointed. The green eyes closed. 

The time turner started to spin and took Harry to the future, which hadn’t been written yet. 

He would get his answers. But now, he had to wait. 

  
  


“How on earth did you make it back from there alive?” McGonagall asked, watching Harry and Molly and Arthur who embraced their young children. Lockhart chatted with his own reflection in the corner. 

Harry told how he had found Ginny lying on the chamber, covered in blood, but once he had realised it wasn’t her blood he had shook the girl awake. Then, from the dark, a giant snake, tongue smelling the air, had attacked. He had desperately tried to attract the snake to attack him so Ginny could run away, but then the snake had stopped, mouth open, agaped, recognising him when he had spoken parseltongue. He had bought time and when the opportunity came and the snake had turned its gaze away, he had run deeper into the dark labyrinth. Blood had been everywhere. He had hided in some hole, waiting for the snake to come and eat him, but when time had passed and the snake hadn’t come, he had sneaked back to the statue, hoping Ginny would be there too. For a moment he had considered yelling because it was likely that the snake had found Ginny, but then Ginny had showed up and together they had run away. 

Something terrible had happened before he had arrived. Ginny hugged her mother and when Dumbledore asked did she know anything Ginny said no. The diary had disappeared without a trace. They had got back when he had asked for a stairs in parseltongue. He felt tired and dizzy and he reeked, not as bad as Ginny though. His normally white shirt was now red. 

After Dumbledore had recommended Arthur and Molly to take Ginny, and Ron to take Lockhart to the Hospital Wing with Minerva, he was left alone with him. 

“You have shown true courage today Harry. But I sense that something troubles you.” 

“Why can I speak with snakes?” The thing had troubled him for a long time. No one else could, no one. And they all judged him for it. 

“I think that that night when Voldemort tried to kill you, he gave a part of his powers to you”, Dumbledore said calmly, keeping his eyes on his. Harry was terrified. What did that mean? 

“Not on purpose, but still. Voldemort can speak parseltongue, and so do you.” 

“But then the sorting hat was right. I should be in Slytherin”, he said. 

“True, you have many talents that Slytherin values. Still, the Sorting hat put you in Gryffindor, why?” 

Harry thought for a moment. “Because I asked it to.” 

“Exactly, Harry. Our choices show us who we really are, far more than our abilities. Remember that Harry. And remember, you can always come to me if something troubles you.” Harry nodded and tried to smile but just then the dizziness grew stronger. 

“Harry, is there something wrong?” Dumbledore asked and rose from his seat very quickly for an old man. 

“I don’t know, professor, I-.” Seven years of memories flooded in his mind. He turned his eyes quickly to the floor. 

“Harry, my dear boy, sit down”, he heard Dumbledore’s voice far away. He closed his eyes and let Dumbledore lead him to sit. 

No, this it too much, too soon he thought and shook his head. Miscellaneous pictures of the past, no, from the future flashed. He heard someone knocking at the door but Dumbledore cursed it closed without a wand. 

“Harry, tell me what you see.” 

He kept his eyes closed and sat, without caring about anyone or anything, gathering his thoughts. 

Hours passed. 

Dumbledore sat next to him, listening to Fawkes. The bird had started its beautiful singing. The melody calmed both men, the older especially because he felt it calmed Harry and from that he knew that Harry was all right. 

Finally the singing quieted down and Fawkes flew into Harry’s shoulder. Dumbledore watched this, amazed. 

Hello again, Harry thought when he saw the black pearl eyes. They stared at each other for a very long time. You remember me, he said in his mind and was careful not to look at Dumbledore. Like thinking the same, the bird opened its wings and closed him in. The sun shined directly on its feathers. And Harry understood. He touched his wand in his pocket and Fawkes blinked slowly. You didn’t cry just because of me all those years ago. You cried for him also. Don’t worry. I promise, promise to save him Fawkes. I promise you, Harry thought. A tear dropped along its beak. He caught it and saw it disappearing into his skin. Fawkes raised its head and fluttered its wings, rising up. It flew over the window, opened it and disappeared into the sunrise. 

Harry closed his eyes, tears dropping on his cheeks. Now he knew. He had done the right thing. Thank you Fawkes. I will not fail you, he promised. 

“Sir, can I return to the common room?” 

Dumbledore watched the boy by the window, his black hair and dark ropes, which cast a long shadow. 

“The school was evacuated last night. There is no one in the common room. Why don’t you go to the Hospital Wing instead?” Dumbledore asked even though he knew Harry wanted to go to the tower because no one else was there. When the silence continued he asked: “Harry, did something else happen at the Chamber of Secrets?” To his pity, he didn’t see the boy’s face when he answered: “I found the diary. Ginny tried to wash it into the toilet and I found it there. T.M.Riddle read on the cover... Ron cleaned the reward cabinets once when he was in detention and found the same name… Many months ago I opened it and wrote my name in it.” Harry turned his head so Dumbledore would see his face but not his eyes. “It wrote back, talked to me, like surely it had talked to Ginny. It told how its owner had framed Hagrid guilty 50 years ago. We talked a long time until Ginny stole it back. T.M.Riddle, professor. Voldemort. I realised it.” 

“Harry, what happened in that chamber?” 

“I remembered something that I didn’t tell. When I saw Ginny, lying on that pound of blood, there was the diary. When we ran away and came back it had vanished.” 

Dumbledore looked at Harry’s red hands. The boy’s memories had been altered, but the memory spell had gone wrong and some of the memories had come back. Harry didn’t know what had happened, but Albus anticipated. Tom had found Harry and used him somehow, he thought, terrified more than in years. 

“Headmaster, I don’t feel so well. Can I leave?” The small boy asked. 

“Harry-”, he started. How could he? How could he tell what he knew? He was only a child, even if he didn’t sound like one. Instead he said: “The snake is still loose. You are not safe alone.” 

Then Harry said something that stayed to haunt his thoughts and sleep for months. 

“Don't worry. The snake didn’t want to kill me.” And so Harry walked out of the office, leaving Dumbledore in his deep thoughts. Harry fell asleep as soon as he touched his bed, sun shining directly on his face. 


	10. -and their matches are likewise unusual, and occasionally notorious

As soon as he returned to the Privet Drive, Harry kindly reminded his aunt about the letter that Dumbledore had sent to her years ago and what would follow if the headmaster would know what was going on inside this house. Petunia turned pale and rushed to tell her husband that Harry had to be left alone. After that the whole family treated him like air, which suited him fine. And he had hoped he would never have to come here again... Well, it would only be a week. He had survived worse. And Hedwig was there, keeping him company. His heart had burst after seeing her. 

“I missed you”, he had said and petted it the whole week. "I missed you so much." 

“Kra k k kraah!” she answered and raised her chin. I’m sure she understood, Harry thought. Suddenly an idea popped in his head. It was probably either insane or brilliant. 

“Hedwig, listen.” He closed his eyes and pictured Bonnie being in the room.  _ “Do you understand me?”  _ Hedwig turned her head around, like saying: what are you on about? Harry smiled. It probably didn’t matter what language he spoke. Hedwig understood him anyway, even without words. 

A week later in the evening he went out, Hedwig on his shoulders, marched straight to the door without saying a word. He would meet Tom at a park, far away from this house so that any traces of magic couldn’t be connected to them. 

Even though the sun had set, it was still very bright. “Here you go. Be close to me.” Hedwig flew over him as he walked across long pavements, through a tunnel and train tracks. He checked that no one followed and then put the invisibility cloak on and apparated. 

The park's wide landscape and nature sounds surrounded him. The sky was unusually clear. The weather forecast had predicted a warm and sunny summer. Harry sat down to wait on a wooden bench and took off his cloak. After a while, steps approached from the forest behind him and he felt the horcrux inside him rejoicing for the other soul pieces' presence. 

Tom sat next to him wearing grey pants and a white shirt, looking a bit old fashioned, like from an old movie, Harry thought and gave him the Ravenclaw’s diadem. Its diamonds sparkled. He could hear the faint whispering from it and from the ugly ring in Tom’s bag which Tom had collected from the Gaunt’s house, following his instructions earlier this week. Tom gave him his mokeskin pouch in exchange. All mine again, Harry thought and put the pouch from its loop into his neck. Tom felt the same amount of satisfaction, seeing all the hallows in one place. The greatest weapons in the world, with his horcrux… 

_ “You must leave those muggles at once.”  _

_ “Belive me, I would if I could. But maybe it's better this way, my mother's protection will keep Voldemort away. And besides, I’m going to move into the house of Black when Sirius gets free.”  _

This option didn’t make Tom happy, but it was better than the current living arrangement.  _ “I would preferably keep you close to me” _ , he said and watched those green eyes. The three horcruxes called him, whispered things… How powerful were the spells that protected them…  _ “Now, tell me the whole story and don’t leave anything out.”  _ He checked the protection spells around them out of habit and crossed his legs. Harry’s presence affected him again just like in the chamber. He felt himself light and calm. 

_ “You didn’t see anything else?”  _

_ “No. Just the station. I think it looks different to everyone, how they imagine it to look.”  _

_ “And how about in the chamber? What did it look like then?”  _

_ “Umm, I don’t remember. Black? All went black. It was like I fell asleep, cold uncomfortable sleep.”  _

_ “Why don’t you remember anything else about it when you seem to recall everything when it was a station.”  _

_ “I don’t know. Got any theories?”  _

No. Not yet. 

  
  


_ “Hey hey wait a minute” _ , Tom raised his hand, amused smile on his face.  _ “How many dementors there were?”  _

_ “About a hundred.”  _

_ “And you fought them off?”  _ At the age of thirteen… 

_ “Yes… So, they disappeared and then we went to save Sirius-”  _

  
  


_ “Did you see that white thing after you recognised me in the woods?”  _

Harry thought for a second before answering.  _ “I don’t remember-”  _

_ “I can dig it out of your brain. If you just look at me, good-”  _

_ “No.”  _

_ “Harry, this is very important.”  _

_ “Alright! I understand, but I don't want you in my head anymore than you already have been.”  _

_ “Why? I’m not interested of anything else than the white thing. If you don’t remember I have to get the information out another way.”  _

_ “Okay, okay!”  _ Harry called out and eyed his wand nervously. Was it because Harry didn’t want him to see what had happened in the woods? 

_ “I guess it showed up a couple times after that” _ , Harry said carefully. Nothing happened. Even if it was the truth he knew there was more to find out, but he let the subject go for now. 

  
  


After hours of endless talking, explaining and pondering Harry's voice was hoarse. Tom had a hard time not to apparate to Private Drive and make the muggles pay. Magical child had been punished, treated horribly in the hands of muggles, again, like he had been, only this time it had been far worse. And all had happened because Dumbledore had let it happen, let Harry be there even if he could have been in Hogwarts, just like he. 

_ “Change of plans. I can’t let you be with those muggles. You will spend this summer with me and so long as your godfather will be released” _ , he added, lying. He wouldn’t let Harry live with anyone else. Especially not with some Dumbledore’s puppet! 

_ “But wouldn't Dumbledore suspect-”  _

_ “They only thing you have to do is look at him with that pretty face of yours and say you ran away from your abusers.”  _

That murderous look worried Harry. He hoped he could control Tom and he could… but not always. The main thing was that Tom would stay sane and wouldn’t want to wage war. And even if he wanted, it would happen years from now. Anything could happen in that time. 

He knew that Tom acted much nicer than he really was, but couldn’t care. He was very tired. His magic hadn’t healed properly and his young body wasn't used to sleeping poorly. The horcrux had calmed down and didn’t bother him anymore but it wanted to be near Tom. He just knew he needed Tom to heal perfectly. It hadn’t been enough to wake up the diary. He had realised this after thinking about it for a week. 

_ “Harry” _ , he said, seeing Harry staring into nothing even after he had stopped doing the same thing. He had a plan. He would make Harry calm down. Horcrux needed it after that suffering.  _ “We are going on a vacation.”  _ Yes, that way they would stick together effortlessly. He was still a bit pissed off because he had a moving creature to worry about but at least this creature was immortal. Harry looked as tired as a corpse. The sun had gone down and the noises had turned into nocturnal sounds. Harry’s bird cleaned its feathers on the bench armrest. 

_ “Where?”  _

_ “It is a surprise. Do you have your things with you?”  _

_ “No, they are in the house.”  _

_ “Well, let’s visit there first.”  _

They walked together through the park and talked about horcruxes.  _ “Oh yes! I had forgotten.”  _

_ “What?”  _ he asked quickly and checked the surrounding shield around them in seconds. 

_ “What should I call you? You probably don’t want that I call you by your name… and I will not call you by that other name so… It won't much matter if we talk parseltongue, but its weird if I just say... you know... you.”  _

_ “No, you will not call me by that name.”  _ He understood the problem. He didn’t want to use the name Voldemort either anymore. It represented failure and death. And it was vital that Harry had no problem thinking about him. He needed to build trust, good lasting impression. They walked through a tunnel. He stopped to think. This was important. Very important. 

_ “How about Marvolo?”  _ Harry suggested but he saw that he disliked the name as much as he. He remembered what Harry had told about his pathetic relatives. 

_ “No, not that.”  _ The street lamp reflected light in the end of the tunnel, casting Harry’s long shadow on the pavement. His mind went through all the options.  _ TMMRVLRDDL OAOOIE…  _ What would be different enough for Harry? 

_ “Are you coming?”  _ Harry asked at the end of the tunnel. Suddenly a thought occurred in his head. He had thought about the options countless of times when he fashioned himself a new name. He had never even dreamed of using this version and had almost forgotten its existence. He turned his gaze to Harry and decided to take a risk. 

_ “Did you know that from the letters of my name you can get the word Lover?”  _

Harry stopped abruptly. Tom didn’t see his face, but sensed the change in the air. Perhaps that had been too big of a risk. It would have worked perfectly. It would separate him completely from Voldemort in Harry’s mind and any time he would even think about the word love, he would remember him. But maybe it was too much too soon. Harry looked at him with a expression that he couldn’t read. 

Really? Was he serious? Harry thought. Was he kidding? But he didn’t see a grin or anything of that sort. Of all the choices he had picked that word? Would he agree to it? To call him by that? His thoughts returned to the loyalty vow. One could say they were partners of some sort, even if that seemed crazy. Well, who cares? He needed Tom and if he wanted that he called him by that... then okay. Not like he had anything better in mind even though Tom had probably other reasons to even suggest that than just a mere letter combination… He wanted to mess with his head. But did Tom really think he wouldn’t know that? Or was this just a test? To test would he agree… Lover. When he thought about it, it actually fitted. That word's manipulative, cunning meaning described their weird relationship very well. 

_ “Alright” _ , Harry answered and continued walking. 

That wasn’t the reaction he had expected. Maybe anger, confusion, but not that - whatever it was. _Alright_ -echoed in his mind when they walked in silence in front of the Privet Drive 4. He was careful not to go too near. He didn’t want to alert Dumbledore’s protection alarms. Harry tested the door. Locked. 

_ “Do you have anything valuable inside?”  _

_ “My books and my broom.”  _

_ “You get new ones. Let’s go.”  _ He didn’t want to be in this miserable place any longer. They didn’t know if the Trace was still in Harry, but that they could find out elsewhere. This place was watched. He didn’t have the Trace. He had removed it long ago, because no one had any business of knowing where he was or what he was doing. He looked at the houses, all exactly the same as the other. Ugly, small and boring. How little made people satisfied… 

The neighbourhood was voiceless apart from their steps, resonating on the walls and on the pavement. 

_ “It’s pointless to restrict magic this way. Completely ridiculous that we have to hide.”  _

_ “For once I agree” _ , Harry said, dragging his small legs from street to street, so tired he could barely keep up with Tom’s pace. 

_ “Magic should be celebrated and not concealed. I don’t understand why the magic community has limited us more and more over the years. And what is the result? It’s pathetic.”  _

Harry covered his mouth as he yawned.  _ “Hmmm” _ , he confirmed and focused on Tom’s soft voice. 

_ “Magic will be free I swear.”  _

_ “Hmmm… yes.”  _

The morning sun shined on the roofs as they stopped, far away from Privet Drive. Harry rubbed his eyes.  _ “Where are we going? Somewhere with a soft bed I hope.”  _

_ “Your wish will come true. Take my hand.”  _

Boring pavements disappeared into colours’ chaos. They apparated many times. First in some coast where Tom checked Harry didn’t have the Trace anymore. 

_ “How did you remove it? If it is that easy why don’t everyone just remove it?”  _

_ “It is everything but easy. The Trace is placed in the Hogwarts’ train. It is this surrounding wheel and to delete it, you must force it off from the inside. If you do it wrong, the consequences would be catastrophic.”  _

_ “A wheel?”  _

_ “A wheel, a big collar that the Ministry puts on us like dogs. But don’t worry, you are free now” _ , he smiled. They apparated from ship’s deck to another, sailing closer to their destination like pieces on board. Harry wondered why it didn’t feel any different than apparating on his own.  _ “Why can’t we stay here for a couple of hours?”  _ he hissed after his legs crashed on the forth deck. 

_ “Alright. Two hours” _ , Tom said because he felt tired too. He confunded the sailors and they sneaked into some cabin and barred the door. Harry fell on the bed. The ship went down and up slowly in big waves. He guarded the door, even though the possibility that someone would be following them was small. 

Quiet breathing filled the cabin. Strange feeling of familiarity spread to Tom and he had to wonder a moment why until he realised: four iron bunks, a small oil lamp and another boy in the other bed. He had seen the same when he had been five years old. The caretaker had thereafter learned to give him a private room. And Harry… had lived in a cupboard for eleven years. Anger burned his throat. He wanted out. He wouldn’t be in these kinds of places ever again. 

He sensed that the fifth ship was close enough to apparate. 

_ “Wake up.”  _ No effect. He sent a pleasant warm wave to the other bed. Harry’s hand tried to find something… glasses.  _ “Two times anymore.” _ Harry startled awake and bumped his head into the upper bunk’s iron pole.  _ “We are not in such a hurry” _ , he said and grinned. Harry hissed something and rubbed his head. 

At last they landed on a soft beach. Mountains rose above them, creating a dale. Green forest rose up, far and high. In the center there was a lake where two hundred metres wide rivers flowed in two directions. Blue dark water shined clean and threw small waves on the shore. The sun was higher than a minute ago. 

_ “Where are we?”  _ Harry asked and squinted his eyes. 

_ “Southwest of Norway. I have a couple of things to do here.”  _

_ “Okayy but where is the bed?”  _ Harry asked and took his phoenix wand out. 

_ “Look up” _ , Tom pointed behind them. 

Harry turned around and saw a massive white mansion rising above the cliff. The light of the sun made it stand out bright from its surroundings. 

_ “Works for me” _ , he said and started to climb the stone steps that led into a glass terrace. Right now Harry didn’t bother to care who owned the house or how Tom knew of this place, just opened the terrace door and walked through a lovely wide living room, up the wooden dark stairs. Tom followed, first checking that the protection spells were still working. 

The mansion had three floors. It had been built a long time ago, Harry thought vaguely. He saw the first bed in the second floor and fell on it dramatically, kicked his shoes off and covered himself in the white sheets, falling asleep right away. 

Tom shook his head as he watched this. How could someone be so careless? Especially Harry who knew him. But then again, Harry was immortal. He didn’t have to worry about… well only that the Hallows were safe and that Harry hadn’t done. Or was there something else going on? Did Harry want to give him the careless impression? No, he knew how Harry acted and manipulation wasn’t his style. Tom pulled the curtains in front of the big windows. 

After walking to the third floor, where was the main bedroom, he made muggle vanishing spells around the property, just in case. No one could track them here. They were safe. He took off his shoes and laid down. 

Minutes went on and on. They both had left their doors open and because the nature sounds didn't carry out inside his spells the only thing he heard was Harry's quiet, somehow calming breathing. He stared at the ceiling where a big chandelier hanged. The mansion had belonged to a muggle family that he had obliviated to forget its existence a week ago.  He had cleaned it from the pointless junk and changed the sheets - luckily to every bed. The mansion had been filled with weird muggle things. They operated with electricity, that he knew. But why those things were needed, that he didn't know. When he had torn the wires off, one black box had shown some weird black and white patterns, and that wasn't even the weirdest thing. He had found a pile of small, naked, voodoo dolls, limbs stretching in every direction and didn't even want to guess where muggles used those. 

Otherwise he liked the mansion. Its builder had had a good taste. He had even left a few paintings in place. The mansion wasn’t as big as he would have planned, but practical. Rooms were large and airy. Thinking was easier in those kind of places… Would Harry like it? Or would it be too old fashioned for him? Then again, Harry’s clothing wasn’t bad… or now it was, but that was because he had to wear his old muggle clothes… That thing would change immediately. Perhaps they had the same taste. This was the grandest place where he had ever lived if he didn’t count Hogwarts... He would have to get back there. That old fool was just in the way. 

They had to be very careful. According to Harry, Dumbledore had just a hunch that something related to his horcruxes existed. It had to stay that way and so it would be, because now the only thing, which could give Dumbledore any clues about the matter, was the copy of his locket in that cave. Other horcruxes were out of his reach and the only person in addition to Harry who knew he had planned to do horcruxes in the first place was Slughorn, whose memories were too out of Dumbledore's reach, if Dumbledore wouldn't take them by force, which he doubted the fool would do. So, the only way how Dumbledore could find out about his horcruxes was Harry... Dumbledore's trusted, who everyone believed was destined to destroy Voldemort. But if the day when Dumbledore would find out the truth would come, he would have to be prepared. That nasty hypocrite would throw Harry to the dementors without question if he knew that the chosen one was actually the thing that kept him alive. 

He tried to get sleep, but couldn’t. Harry, and the ring and the diadem in his bag whispered to him. Soul wanted to be whole. He tried to silence the voices without success. It felt wrong no to be close to them. The whispering got louder when Harry was close, but the feeling that had born when Harry had left the chamber was stronger. Like a silent sea, roaring waves. Now it, the breathing and the whispering rang in his head, all mixing together. Massive waves, an ocean, without rocks or boundaries, endless and dark… 

Harry dreamed of the woods again. He circled its trees, wandered alone across darkness. When he woke he turned his head around like an owl, because at first he had no clue where he was. A bright light tried to get through the white curtains. The room was decorated beautifully. The floor was dark brown wood, which smelled slightly of tar. On both sides of the bed was handcarved tables and in front of him a painting of a ship, sailing in storm. Harry yawned and stretched himself. He felt Tom following him when he walked downstairs. He didn’t know what Tom planned to do, other than to keep him close which was understandable. He decided to deal with everything with a relaxed attitude. As long as he wouldn’t find any corpses from the closets and death eaters wouldn’t gather in the living room, he would be happy, for now. 

“Did you sleep well?” he tried to start a normal conversation. 

“At least you fell asleep right away”, Tom answered and walked to the terrace. 

Okay not such a good start, but wow! Tom smelled amazing! How was that possible? Water drops fell down from Tom’s - not black… but dark brown - hair… and he had thought it was black… It must have been the chamber’s light. Was there a shower? Well, he wouldn’t have been surprised if there were five showers. The place was huge. He went to investigate it and left Tom to stare at the landscape. 

He found a big bathroom. He didn’t have any clothes other than those he was wearing, but he had lived in worse conditions. Finally he used magic to clean his teeth and went downstairs again. 

Tom had covered the circles around his eyes. The whispering and that strange roaring were only intensified when Harry had slept, and now it was almost unbearable. Something had gone wrong, he was sure of it. Harry’s sacrifice had left its mark. And he didn’t know how to undo it. 

“Do you know where the nearest shop is? I’m hungry”, Harry said and sat next to him on the outdoor couch.  Tom turned around and stared at him with a troubling expression. Harry couldn’t figure out what troubled him. It could be anything. And Tom wouldn’t tell him so he just sat there and waited for a response. 

“We are going to a restaurant”, Tom said and got up quickly. 

“Aye aye captain”, he mumbled and got up too. 

When the waiter couldn’t understand a word of English, Tom ordered breakfast for him too. “I didn’t know you could speak Norwegian”, he said. 

“It is an easy language, very similar to English. Many books are not translated into English”, Tom explained. Harry nodded. He had never even thought of learning a new language. 

“How long did it take to learn it?” 

“About two months. I focused more of the magical vocabulary. My skills aren’t perfect but sufficient, for now”, Tom answered, keeping his gaze on his surroundings. They were in an inn in a small village. One man drank coffee near the window. The waiter had gone out to talk with someone. Tom took his phoenix feather wand and said something that sounded like:  _ “Opertus mutus”,  _ before he continued:  _ “And it can be some value to us. There could be something in your vaults that would tell us about soul magic.”  _

_ “Yes you are right! I didn’t even think of that... But we can’t get into the Black vault right now.”  _

_ “What do you mean we can't? We only have to set your godfather free and then - Harry, that isn’t healthy.”  _

Harry put his fifth spoon of honey into his tea, ripped a couple of sugar bags open and mixed them together.  _ “Let me enjoy this. I've got nothing but crumbs for the past twelve years.”  _ Harry regretted saying that as soon as he had said it. Tom put his apple to the table which he had been slowly chewing. He wondered why Tom was so worried about his diet when the only thing he had eaten and seemed to be planning to eat was that apple. 

_ “How can you forgive that… man?”  _ Tom hissed. 

_ “He thought it was better to grow outside of it all, from publicity.”  _

Tom sighed.  _ “There, another reason that I don’t understand about the wizarding community. They let a magical child grow up with muggles and then, when he is eleven years old, they tell him he is a wizard. It doesn’t make sense.”  _

_ “Well, that is one thing that you can change for the better. Hey I’ll go and get sweets from that one shop near that street. Do you come with me or…?”  _

_ “Very well. We’ll get you your sweets. And then we go to Diagon alley.”  _

After another sailing trip, Harry went to get gold from his vault. Pity the Black vault wasn’t his anymore… But Sirius would let him use those books once he would get out. Would Sirius make him his heir again? Or would Sirius have his own children in the future? Was he too old for children? A few years over thirty if he calculated correctly. That wasn’t too old, was it? No… Arthur Weasley had been more than forty when he had had his children. So yes, Sirius could have his own children, he thought happily. 

Strong transfiguration charms hided their features when they went to buy new clothes. It was weird, waiting Tom outside the fitting room, already bags of clothes lying on the floor, which Tom had picked for him. He didn’t know where Tom got money, but didn’t ask because he sensed that Tom was still in a bad mood, and he didn't want to break this peace between them over such a small thing of which they could discuss later. 

As soon as they arrived back to the mansion, Tom walked upstairs without saying a word. Harry grabbed one of his new shirts and short pants from the bags and went to the beach. 

The bottom was filled with shells. He floated on the slightly cold water and looked at the sky, waves fluttering against his skin. He had come back, from the future. Probably the first person in history. He decided to write to Ron and Hermione as soon as Hedwig would find him. She would without a doubt, had always known where he was. 

_ “To - I mean-”  _ No, he wouldn’t use that Lover word. Not a chance.  _ “Did you put the owl stopping charm around the house?”  _ he yelled to the stairs when he had dried himself. 

_ “Yes” _ , he heard. 

_ “Could you take them off? I’d like my owl to find me.”  _

A moment of silence and then:  _ “Yes.”  _

Let the teenager sulk in peace, he decided. Or was Tom even that young… Physically he looked much older and mentally… he didn’t know how the time in the diary had effected Tom. In any case, probably not in a good way, he sighed. 

They travelled all over Europe, anywhere Harry wanted, if there wasn't a lot of people, to the cliffs and wide open beaches, to old castles and temples. He enjoyed it, but the same couldn’t be said about Tom, who acted like a robot. He just ate healthily and said ‘sensible stuff’ so to speak. Tom could have chatted and charmed anyone, but he didn't, didn't perform and Harry was relieved and appreciated it.  They both weren’t really talkative people and that wasn’t a problem for him. He was used to been quiet and quite liked it but still… Tom raised the stakes to the word quiet, even by Harry’s standards. 

Once when they had wandered around of the ruins of some old Irish castle at night, Harry had climbed on top of a wall. In addition to the crickets and the winds howling it had been silent. He had thought he was alone, but when his breathing had calmed down he had realised that Tom had followed him the whole time. And he had thought he had good instincts!  _ Is it your goal to scare me to death? Because it won't work.”  _ he had said and looked at the pale skin from the shadows. Tom hadn't answered, just stared at him deep in his thoughts.  He never saw Tom in a relaxing position. He always sat straight. Had he ever been relaxed? Could he even? Didn’t seem like it. Harry couldn’t know if Tom had always been like this or changed because of the diary. Something told him he had always been. 

When he swam and dived, Tom read books under an umbrella, all the more grumpy. He hadn’t found what he was looking for in his vault.  There were days when Tom disappeared and didn’t tell where he had been, but demanded him to stay safe in the mansion. Harry had bought his own food after that first breakfast. Tom hadn’t resisted this decision. Eating in restaurants was expensive and Tom seemed to be satisfied with what he cooked. 

The Ministry hadn’t notice his disappearance, like Dumbledore either, probably. But soon, after Sirius would escape, the safety measures would double and someone would notice something wasn’t right. 

The guilt pressured Harry for leaving Sirius in prison. There his godfather sat with dementors while he was on a vacation with… well, Tom wasn’t a Dark Lord anymore. But he was up to something… Figuring out what to do with the horcruxes. 

That night was like the others. At three o’clock Tom considered sleeping beside Harry, but decided it wasn’t an option. He would endure the pain if Harry did too. He wouldn't submit to the call.  He went to get the diadem and the ugly ring into his hands, but it didn’t help.  At five o’clock Tom really considered murdering Harry so he could get a moment of peace. At six o’clock he paced around the room over and over again. Something had gone wrong with the sacrifice, something... But what? 

Harry woke up and took the elder wand from his night table and opened the curtains. This wand’s magic was effective, but he missed his real one. Tom needs a wand too, he reminded himself. This matter troubles him more so let him use that phoenix wand for now. “For now”, he said to the elder wand. “You are just a substitute.” It didn’t answer. 

He turned his gaze to the window, to the mountains and the blue water. Life was awesome without glasses! He had healed his eyesight as soon as he had returned to the Dursley’s with his ancestors spell, but didn’t throw away the glasses like last time. Instead he had put them in his new suitcase. Perhaps he would still need to use them, because everyone thought he needed glasses. He could broke the glass and put normal glass in the frames… 

He walked down into the kitchen and made himself breakfast. There was no fridge or microwave or windows. It had been built for a staff for a different times. He had to make fire under the kettle and light the candles. Even if he left the dining room’s door open, the light which came from there shined on the stone steps leading to the kitchen and not into the kitchen itself. 

When Tom didn’t come down, Harry sighed and climbed the stairs up. The door was ajar. He knocked. When there was no answer, he walked in and found an empty room. 

He looked in five different bedrooms, in the living room, at the halls and even in the attic. He returned to the second floor and decided to check the dining room, where he remembered was a view to the beach. He looked at the double doors which led to the dining room, in so called the ‘better people’s way’. He hadn’t opened this door before, because he only used the route that led straight to the kitchen. He opened the round silver handles. Their gears clicked open. The bright light inside was dazzling. On his left embrasures created a half circle on the side of a big round dining table. The corners of the roof and walls were filled with white carvings, like flowers, making vines which connected in the center of the roof and circled around the chandelier which jingled as the room breathed, its crystals casting rainbows everywhere; on the roof, the walls and floor. 

Tom wasn’t there, but Harry felt his presence somewhere in the house. He walked by the windows. Mountains rose at the distance. A small natural beach merged with the sea, white crest of waves blending their border. Tom wasn't there either.

He decided to give up and return to his room to read books. He was just about to open his bedroom door when something moved next to him. He got scared but relief spread quickly, overcoming the first feeling.  _ “Why do you sneak like that?”  _ Tom looked at him strangely, like wasn’t sure what to say. That would have been the first time, Harry thought.  _ “What are you doing?”  _

_ “Nothing” _ , Tom said and walked away. Harry sighed. 

_ “I would really like my wand back” _ , Harry said and leaned on the door.  _ “We could go and buy you a new one.”  _

_ “It wouldn’t work the same way.”  _

_ “This doesn’t work for me either", he said and waved the elder wand in his hand. "I want that back. You can borrow it when you go and do whatever it is that you always go to do, but when you don’t, I want it.”  _

_ “Fine. Let’s go and get me my own substitute.”  _

But shopping a new wand was a little more complicated than Harry had thought. They apparated outside the Gregorovitch wand shop in Diagon alley, strong transfiguration charms on their faces. Neither of them had ever been there and they both stepped curiously in, but were quickly disappointed. It was nothing compared to the Ollivanders. There were hardly tenth of the wands they had expected. Harry tried to read what was written on the box which Tom took from the shelf, but couldn’t before Tom put it back and took another one. This one's wood he managed to see: yew. Tom didn’t even take it out of the box, just scratched the surface and put it back. 

After he had tried half of the shop’s wands he walked out without even looking at the worker. Harry followed and mumbled “Goodbye.” He didn’t get an answer. 

_ “Why can’t we go to the Ollivanders? He won't recognise us.”  _

_ “Oh yes he will, believe me. And I want to look the other wand makers' quality.”  _ For Tom it seemed pointless and stupid to explain the real reason. He missed his own wand, had missed for many years. He had dreamed of what it would feel like to touch it again. It had been like his right hand, served him perfectly from the first touch, which he remembered like yesterday. Ollivander had searched and searched, gone through every wood and core. He had thought buying a wand would always took that long until he had learned otherwise. 

“Exceptional, exceptional, where have I put them…” He had stood still, followed this all with mixed feelings, without showing them of course. Until at last, he had known that there it was, the right one, the second he had seen the box Ollivander had carried. 

He didn’t want to betray his wand, like Harry. He didn’t even want to find a substitute. Holding Harry’s wand didn't feel like betrayal because it was his twin, they belong together, but to try something else… that felt wrong. Not just for the wand but for himself. He would never perform magic as good as with his first one. It was frustrating that he didn't even know where it was. He wanted it back, not a substitute. He didn’t want to go to Ollivanders, because for some stupid reason getting a substitute from there only made his betrayal feel worse. Using the elder wand wasn’t a betrayal. His wand knew him, knew that the Hallow was just a mere way to immortality and meant nothing else. These thoughts were on his mind when he tried every wand in the Gregorovitch original shop in Germany, at the same time frustrated but glad. None of these were a match with the phoenix wand. 

Harry followed as Mr Gregorovitch summoned countless boxes, a deep frown between his eyebrows. Gregorovitch stopped testing the wands that were already made and took different wand woods forward and asked Tom to test them one by one, introducing the names in a low voice. The old man was just as passionate as Ollivander, both had the same impressiveness that was hard to put into words. Gregorovitch didn’t ask what kind Tom’s previous wand had been, probably because he heard the thick accent and guessed the previous had been made by Ollivanders so pride and want to be better stopped him from using the other maker’s features in his own conclusions, Tom thought. That, or because it didn’t matter what features it had anymore. 

Other customers came in and Harry sat on the waiting bench. Gregorovitch didn’t seem to mind to keep the others waiting. The challenge to find a wand for him was probably very tempting, but when Ollivander had become more and more mysterious, this man seemed to grow more and more serious. 

Woods, which had been selected to be the most fitting were yew - as he had thought - and walnut. They both laid on the side table by the window. Tom stood next to them, waiting to test the cores. This side of the shop was clearly not meant for customers. He didn’t see the waiting place. Long shelves covered his view. Tom felt Harry being on the other side from that small roaring that had started to ring again. For a moment it had stopped when he had touched Harry when they had apparated, but had returned soon after, commanding him to come back. And he still didn’t know why. 

Raindrops fell against the window. The weather fitted with the shop's atmosphere and colours: dark and mysterious. And surprisingly clean. The floor shined in the candlelight. 

Gregorovitch’s steps approached from the shop’s depths. 

“First we try the usual cores, as one must. I know that none of them will fit for you, but in case…” Tom raised his hand to touch the unicorn hair but he didn’t even need to touch it to know it didn’t want to be even in the same room as him. He moved over to the dragon heartstring, which had no reaction, to veela's hair which tickled annoyingly his fingers and then to different corals. 

“As I thought”, Gregorovitch waved his wand and the objects flew to the back, revealing long containers under them. The first one had stones inside. 

After the stones there were nails, minerals, heartstrings, plants and hairs. Most of the objects didn’t react at all, whereas some, like the rose petal clutched on his finger so hard he had to rip it off like it would have been glued on. 

The pile of the containers, which they had already tried, rose. Gregorovitch’s eyes were narrowed into a pondering look when he waved his wand again and the bird feathers container opened. 

“Thunderbird”, Gregorovitch said in his low voice. “Swam, hummingbird, amihan, harpy, turul…” None worked. “Great tit, raven, sirin…” The wand maker had already said the next name and Tom hadn’t stopped to look at the raven’s feather any longer and had already moved on to try something else when he heard a voice, barely louder than a whisper. It was unmistakable. He had heard it many times in the orphanage yard. Ravens had flown over, fought over the garbage bins, where he had dug newspapers to get something to read. The memory didn’t improve his mood which had got worse with the roaring which came from Harry. Gregorovitch noticed his doubt and didn’t continue. Instead he called for the two wood bricks and raised the black feather with his thumb and a middle finger from the container, pressed the feather against the walnut and handed them to him so quickly he had no other choice than to take them. He hadn’t took his gaze from the feather, which rested now under his hand. The walnut had been selected, because it had been the only one - beside the yew - that hadn’t avoided his touch or hadn't reacted at all, but had hummed somewhat satisfied. 

“Try the yew”, Gregorovitch said. Tom nodded. Like the first time, half a century ago, the yew bent over. 

“Usually I don’t ask anything about the previous wands, but I know I need this information so that the wand will be perfect. Your last wand was little bit flexible?” 

“Yes and 13 ½ inches.” 

Gregorovitch nodded and pointed between the shelves where they had come from, relief softening his features. Tom walked first, holding the objects, the black feather downs swaying in the air. 

“The order is ready within a week. Do you pay now?” 

“I will pay when I have tested the wand first.” 

“Of course. It will be 9 galleons.” The parchment opened and a quill, which was dipped in ink, rose in the air. Tom pressed the quill on the parchment, writing lightly:  _ Thomas William _ , a name, which neither Dumbledore or Voldemort could ever connect to him. 


	11. Hissing

One morning Harry woke up to a knock he hadn’t heard in a very long time. “Hedwig!” he rushed to open the window. “You finally found me! Come, you get breakfast right away!” 

The bird flew across the room to the door. Harry followed. But then his legs stuck on something lying on the floor and he fell, hands desperately trying to keep the balance and saving him to a some kind of pushup position. 

"What-?” he couldn’t say the rest out of amazement and surprise. It took a moment for his brain to process what he saw. There, in front of his bed, was Tom in a deep sleep, back rising and falling, hands in a very uncomfortable position on his side, black pants ruffled and feet bare. Harry rose up quieter than ever in his life and closed the door. 

Oh no I left Hedwig there! he cursed in his mind and opened the door again, for a second wondering had his imagination made tricks but no… Tom was there and Hedwig - "Hedwig, come her!" he hissed. She was pushing her head against Tom’s cheek. Please don’t wake up, please don’t wake up, "Hedwig, no!" He grabbed her and rushed out. 

“Hey”, Harry said in the evening, trying to keep his face expressionless. Tom came in the kitchen and poured tea as if nothing had happened. 

“What have you done today?” 

Tom leaned on the kitchen table and tried to straighten his hair.  _ “Meditated.”  _

Harry nodded and turned his gaze back to the frying pancakes. Tom noticed that he had noticed something.  _ “What?”  _ Harry asked, feeling eyes on his back. 

_ “Nothing” _ , he heard a voice that pretended to be very convincingly indifferent. Something serious was going on. The thought of what Tom had been doing in his room was unnerving. Had it been an accident or had it happened many times? Whatever the reason was, he was going to get to the bottom of it and ask about it directly. There was too much to think about even without this mystery. 

_ “I saw you in my room this morning” _ , he said in the dining room. Tom continued eating, waiting for him to continue, forcing him to decide how to handle the conversation.  _ “If there is something in the matter you can just tell me.”  _ Tom didn’t trust him. The unbreakable vow had helped to make him listen, but not to trust. He would have to do that on his own.  _ “I can only guess, but does this have anything to do with the… feeling that we have when we… touch each other?”  _ That sounded ridiculous, but he had to know. 

_ “What do you think?”  _ Tom spat, got up and walked out of the double doors. Harry sighed. 

Well, if you are not in a talking mood… 

“Would you mind taking some letters to my friends?” 

Hedwig shook her head in the outdoor couch. That’s what I thought… It wouldn’t be fair to make her go all the way across the sea again. “You will like it up here. It is your natural environment, isn’t it?” He watched as Hedwig flew over the mountains, wings vanishing into the mist. He wanted to write to his friends. But what would he say? He couldn’t reveal anything, only lie about what he was doing and where he was. He couldn’t bother them with his secrets. Not now when they were so young.

Another day without talking went by and in the night, when he could sense Tom’s anger through the ceiling and couldn’t sleep because of it, he climbed the stairs up and knocked at Tom’s door. It opened. Murderous gaze looked at him by the window. 

_ “You are in pain, I can see that. And you have sought me out because it helps. I know it, so it’s pointless to pretend otherwise. Could we just ease the pain? It would be easier to think what causes it then than just to endure it this way.”  _

_ “What are you doing then?”  _ Tom spat. 

_ “What are you talking about?”  _

_ “You don’t know?”  _

_ “No” _ , he answered and looked as realization spread to Tom’s face, how his gaze started to move, unable to concentrate on anything. 

_ “That… changes things… I can’t sleep because the horcrux inside you calls me day and night, much stronger than the other ones. You probably understand how it feels.”  _ It was like the anger had vanished into air. Mood completely changed, Tom sat on the bed. Harry went closer. 

_ “Of course I do. That’s why I’m here... But, why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”  _

_ “Well, I tell you know.” _

_ “I understand perfectly how it feels, too perfectly, but why haven't you done anything about it? I mean... if you know that I can help you, why haven't you just asked me?”  _

_ “It doesn’t affect you, does it?”  _

_ “What?”  _

_ “This… thing. I don’t know what it is and that’s what I have been trying to solve. Ishouldhaveknown youdon’tfeelitorhearit!”  _ What? Harry couldn’t make sense of what he was saying. _ “First Ithoughtthatyou are so used to it that you can survive longer without touching but nowIseeit doesn’t trouble youatall. Something went wrong with your sacrifice, butI don’t know what.”  _

A long, long silence, and the first time it was uncomfortable between them. _“Maybe it’s the soul, trying to be whole”_ , Harry tried. Tom shook his head _. “We really have messed up with magic too much. So, you haven’t slept these past two weeks at all?”_

_ “What do you think?”  _ Tom hissed and tilted his head. Harry almost didn’t believe what he saw: desperation. 

_ “Why didn’t you ask sooner?”  _ Harry touched Tom’s shoulder. The dark eyes closed a bit. Okay this wasn’t a game. Tom wouldn’t show that kind of weakness if he could avoid it. He had to do something right now to ease his pain! Before he could decide what, he was pulled into a hug and just like that he was drunk again, but this time his body was young and innocent so he didn’t even blush, only sensed happiness and warm. Merlin, Tom was as stubborn as he, tried to survive with the pain. But now he had asked help, in the last moment just like he. 

He didn’t say anything, just rose up - intending to get to a better position - but Tom didn’t know that and for a second the grip in his back was harsh until he leaned down again, rolled to face the window and said:  _ “Sleep now.”  _ A hand rested on his hip and for the first time he sensed Tom relaxing and pushing him close, making the space between them nonexistent. Chest rose behind him slowly and he breathed that awesome smell that he couldn’t describe in anything else that he knew except: pure desire. That thought made him dizzy, his eyesight unclear. His body couldn’t handle his thoughts so everything tugged in, waiting to be unreleased, but it was too much to hold in. It couldn’t be true, don’t imagine things… Tom isn’t interested of anything else than easing his pain, it wouldn’t be fair to use that need to his… wants. So he tried not to do anything, but couldn’t stop himself from pressing more close and only managed not to moan out loud with the warm feeling. 

They really had messed themselves with magic, this was too much to be anything that wouldn’t be harmful for them in some way. But now he didn’t care, just let it happen. 

Tom woke up only to fall asleep again, confused by the unbelievable amount of warmth that radiated from Harry. The warmth wasn’t just physical, it was… magical. He stayed in the bed all night. 

The waves’ roaring had vanished. He heard only the faint, non bothering, whispering from the diadem and from the ring, Harry’s breathing and heart on which he had placed his hand, only a small fabric between them. 

He had recognised others’ desires and saw how some had wanted him, but those looks had only made him feel disgusted. They had been small pieces… things. He had never understood why those things wanted to be with each other but now… he understood or at least thought he understood. Mixed feelings disturbed him. He still had lot to ask, to know. If Harry was immortal and so he too... then, would they grow? He hoped Harry would. His want to be near wasn’t just... whatever this was. 

There were three options. Either they would grow normally or until Harry would be in that age when he had got all the Hallows in his possession or then Harry would stay like this… forever. 

He wanted the Hallows to himself to be sure he wouldn’t die. But in order to do that he would have to take the risk that Harry would die and he didn’t know how this would affect him, not only because one of his horcrux would die in the process but also because of the… waves’ roaring. It would perhaps be worse if Harry died… Yes, it was better if the immortal horcrux ensured the immortal part and he could keep Harry to himself. 

How long could he control himself? Two weeks he had lasted. Two weeks… and now when he knew how this felt he wanted more. It hadn’t been the same in the chamber. There it had been just a taste but now... Harry had lasted for six months and he could do it too, but Harry was right: This wasn’t some pain endurance competition, especially because Harry didn’t feel the roaring like he did. 

He had been stupid, he admitted it. This warmth and using it would only make him stronger so why not use it? He could live without it but that wasn’t the point, to survive because he didn’t want to just survive, he wanted to do everything he wanted so why stop himself? But Harry was too young… Could he make him drink the ageing potion? No, pathetic, he couldn’t possibly suggest that. The reward would be worth the wait, to get the full load and now he would take what he could. He still had to maintain his dignity in Harry’s eyes and not just do what he wanted. For that he could control himself and not do whatever he wanted… because Harry didn’t understand yet that if he did everything he wanted it wasn’t because of weakness but power, power to not care, to do what he wanted. But this wasn’t something to explain, it was something that needed to be shown, in time. And he would make Harry do the same because they would live forever and he didn’t want to be limited because of some human dignity code. It shouldn’t limit he even now, but AH HE COULDN’T JUST TELL THAT AND DO WHAT HE WANTED. The frustration was abysmal. 

In the morning Harry stretched himself.  _ “Morning” _ , he hissed in a hoarse voice. 

_ “Morning.”  _ He decided to do what his instinct told and kissed Harry lightly on the lips... because he wanted. 

Harry responded without even realising what happened, but when he did he stopped to think because this was too much too soon, way too soon. He didn’t blame Tom at all, on the contrary but this was too much, too much. What? His mind couldn’t cope with what this meant. Tom wouldn’t do this if he didn’t feel… desire and he couldn’t do that on his own because he had been made with the love potion so the only way to explain this was that his sacrifice had worked! It had gone like he had hoped, like he had dreamed this couldn’t be… His brain stopped working.  _ “Wait a second” _ , he said and pushed Tom gently away and rose to sit. This couldn’t be a game, Tom would never, never do this kind of thing just to manipulate and why would he? He hadn’t done that with him before and they had been here for quite some time. This was real. Tom wanted to… and they could … 

Harry had stopped working, just stared at nothing. A few seconds went by and when he decided to go and leave Harry to his thoughts Harry suddenly said:  _ “You just have to wait till I’m older.”  _

_ “Of course.”  _

From that on they slept together every night and that didn’t feel weird at all. They just made sure they put magic on their clothes so it was impossible to remove them without complicated rune work. 

How did this happen? Harry thought and petted his bird. She shook her feathers and let out a quiet scream. 

Tom had so many times asked to look at the resurrection stone that Harry gave him permission to do that without him being there every time. And either way he suspected that Tom would have done it anyway, with his permission or not, he had only asked for appearances sake. 

_ “You are a real materialistic” _ , he said and climbed on the bed where Tom played with his favourite toys: the Hallows. 

_ “As long as the objects are beautiful, powerful and preferably both.”  _

Harry took the stone and turned it in his hands.  _ “It’s strange… so much power. Would think that more of these existed.”  _

_ “There is a simple explanation. Magic has withered away, limited. Only few have the power to create objects like these.”  _ A minute of silence and then he continued:  _ “You must understand we are more powerful than others? Both of us have immortal blood, together we have conquered death more than once.”  _ Surely Harry must know this? And how much influence they could have? 

_ “We haven’t conquered death, only tricked it” _ , Harry said. Tom saw that weird longing look in the green eyes as they watched the stone. Oh yes he would make Harry realise how powerful he was. 

Sometimes when Harry was alone, a huge wave of guilt, which he didn’t want to feel, came. What would anyone say if they found out? Some would understand after an explanation, but some wouldn't. He had to remind himself every moment to stay awake. Even if he was doing that what he wanted and what he had to: to save Tom, he had to admit he was gradually doing it more and more because he wanted it and not because he had to. 

Of course he knew who Tom was. A murderer, even if he had only killed Myrtle, and a psychopath even if he didn’t see it, because Tom had no reason to be ruthless now. He had to make himself remember that Tom could become that murderer, but it was hard because at the same time he tried not to think that Tom and Voldemort were the same person. 

He had started to get nightmares, real nightmares not the woods dreams. Endless piles of corpses staring at him, eyes black and expressionless. Tom walked next to him, without turning to look at them. He knew - like you knew things in dreams - that those corpses were killed either by him or Tom. He had failed them, led them all to ruin. And sometimes there was Voldemort too, when one corpse had red eyes instead of black. They cut together every skin broken or then Tom just watched quietly until all that was left was they two. 

After these nightmares he couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stand Tom’s touch. After the nightmares neither of them got any sleep. He had just stared blankly at the ceiling. Tom had left him alone and didn’t talk about it and neither did Harry when Tom had nightmares. It was very difficult to tell if Tom saw them, but sometimes when he woke and managed not to woke Tom, he saw how Tom pressed his hands together and stopped breathing. 

They didn’t talk about it because they didn’t want to. Harry knew how annoying asking was. The only thing that really helped was pretending to sleep and let Tom wake up in peace. 

When he petted Hedwig he often thought about Teddy, his laughter. But the little one didn’t exist anymore, so it was pointless to worry. He could just hope that Remus and Nymphadora would find each other again. 

One night Harry called out:  _ Bonnie! How could I forget?”  _

_ “That snake?”  _

_ “I have to go get her now!”  _ Harry rose from his lap. Tom sighed. 

_ “It doesn’t remember you. Better that you forget it.”  _ Harry didn’t listen, just rushed downstairs. 

_ “Harry…” _ , he warned. 

Harry grinned.  _ “Do you think that frightens me?”  _ Tom took his new wand, got close and smiled.  _ “Either you are going to stop me and we fight about it or you are going to put that thing away and we go.”  _

Tom looked at him weirdly, sighed and said:  _ “All right, let’s go.”  _

Hedwig looked at the snake from under her beak. 

_ “Bonnie, this is Hedwig, my first and the most loyal friend on this earth. Be nice to her.”  _ Bonnie hissed kindly and the owl answered with a small scream.  _ “Haa! I knew you two beautiful would be friends!”  _ Tom rolled his eyes. He would have to be careful. Soon the mansion would be filled with Harry’s ‘girls’. Luckily for Harry, Hedwig didn’t bother him like owls usually did. Harry and the owl had a deep connection so he couldn’t do anything about it if he wanted to. And what came to Bonnie, well… the presence of snakes was only welcomed. 

June turned to July. They travelled, but always came back to the mansion. 

Tom asked questions of this time. Harry had to explain what a television was, but when Tom realised he really didn’t know, they went to a muggle library and Tom learned it on his own. 

One could see that Tom wasn’t from this age, but only sometimes, because he didn’t reveal his confusion and because they didn’t go to big cities and didn't face muggle inventions very often. 

After some time Harry realised they didn’t avoid the big cities just for safety reasons. No, it was more than that. Tom hated airplanes. He had wondered why until one time when an airplane had flown over, them and Tom had frowned and had been grumpy the rest of the day he had finally understood. The second world war of course! He only vaguely remembered what had happened. It had been a decade since he had studied muggle history, but even he knew how Germany had bombed England. He had seen pictures of the broken homes... 

They had both grown up in a war. Both born in a world that a war shaded. Tom had been… uh, he didn’t remember how old. His own war had started once he was born. He just hadn’t realised it until he was sixteen. And here he was, walked alongside with the person who had started it. 

_ “How was it like? In the war?”  _

Tom opened his mouth only to say he didn’t want to talk about it, but changed his mind all of a sudden.  _ “Terrible.”  _

_ “So did ours” _ , Harry mumbled and walked to the living room to light the fireplace. Tom followed him and sat on the couch. Harry had only told him all that was vital of what had happened, never what it had been like. Perhaps it wasn’t wise to talk about it… Because the war which Harry was talking about was his making. He decided to tell about his war. Harry had asked, and had never asked that before. 

_ “You never knew when the next bomb would drop. All you could do was wait. And the smell… we had to hide underground for months.”  _

_ “Yeah I remember. I read about it in history books.”  _

The fireplace was on. The summer night was warm, but he had a habit to light it. Harry suddenly sensed unbelievable anger. 

_ “If that bastard hadn't committed suicide I would have killed him myself.”  _

Tom’s eyes stared at the fire and he wondered…  _ “Did you know… I found out what the Death Eaters, what Voldemort planned to do to muggleborns if they had won. Concentration camps just like nazis. I know that you can’t know for sure, but try to explain so I understand. You hold magic in great value. If all muggleborns had been killed, their magical blood would have been destroyed at the same time. Maybe so much that our kind wouldn't have any chance to survive.”  _

_ “I made the diary before the war ended. I can’t answer in any other way than this: Things that happened were far from what I originally had in mind. I would never do it the same way. The limits to ‘protect’ witches and wizards have to go, but to eliminate all muggleborns is madness. It wouldn’t work. Firstly, there are too many of them and secondly it doesn’t make any sense. Muggleborns inherit their magic like we. I only used the purebloods believes to unite them and give them an excuse to be loyal.”  _

_ “Yes I know, at first. But the more time went on the more you started to believe otherwise. Voldemort believed wholeheartedly that muggles had stolen the magic or then just didn’t care. You just didn’t care about anything else than immortality. I don't understand how you let yourself actually be like that, so stupid. Or actually I do. It was the horcruxes they made you crazy. You must understand that.”  _

_ “Of course.”  _ Harry didn’t know did he. Well, now he was going to find out. He had been silent for far too long. He had to make sure that Tom understood, because how couldn’t he? With that brain and knowledge he had to understand that the horcruxes had made him insane. 

_ “How would you do it now?” _

_ “What do you mean?”  _

_ “How would you do it now? Set magic free? Make an end of this hiding?”  _

_ “I don’t know. We can’t reveal ourselves, because that what muggles don’t understand they destroy. History has taught that to us far too well.”  _

_ “But people and muggles are more sensible than in the middle ages! They don’t burn witches at the stakes anymore. There is no reason to fear!”  _

_ “They wouldn't burn us, you are right. They would do much worse. They would put us in madhouses, like they almost did to me! Haven’t you ever thought about what they would do if they found out about your abilities? They would do experiments, tests, they would try to figure out what makes you special. You would be a mere guinea pig, a circus animal that they would stare behind bars.”  _ Suddenly a terrifying memory made Harry froze. He had thought the same, a long time ago he had thought something similar… how he would be locked up like a monkey. 

_ “I see that I’m right. You have thought the same. You can’t expect muggles to treat us properly. What would stop them from locking children up if we revealed ourselves? The only way is to make them realise that we can’t be defeated.”  _

_ “So fear is your solution? Hey come on, you can do better with that brain of yours that is still undamaged… for the most part.”  _

_ “Well, do tell. How would you fix it? Because muggles will find out about us in the future, it’s clear. If frightening, elimination and hiding aren’t options what then? We can’t tell about ourselves because they would panic… A part of them would be ready to kill us all, a part would maybe think we are the solution to all their problems, but the most part - and you know this - would fear us, would start to examine us to make tests or worse. So, how would you do it?”  _

Harry didn’t know. Tom had talked him around and didn’t seem to stop.  _ “You love magic as much as I do and as all the witches and wizard around the world. What if it all would be under a treat?”  _

_ “But it is not! No one has revealed us.”  _

_ “It will happen. Muggles have evolved too much, I know that now. Atomic bombs, Harry! I researched it all! They have the weapons to destroy this world into ash and nothing stops them now. Only one bomb like that and Hogwarts would be destroyed. We will have to be ready to defend ourselves if it comes to that. Those bombs will have to be destroyed… cast into space and the memories of their existence obliviated from all.”  _

Harry was speechless. Now he knew what Tom had been doing all this time. He had researched what had happened and naturally figured out how the second world war had ended: in atom bombs. He had probably read everything about that subject, studied muggles’ technology… and now he feared that it all was a treat. 

They looked at the fire for many minutes, flames dancing, casting shadows. Smoke rose but the soot could be cleaned off by magic so it didn’t matter. He had never thought about half of these things which he had heard. 

How many times he had stared at Hermione’s flames in that tent... Maybe someday he would show them the memories, what they had been through together. But no one except him would really know what had happened. No one else. Many had fought their own battles but not the same as he. He had walked into death in his own will. 

He hadn’t thought about what would happen after the war, after Voldemort. To defeated him had been his goal, a state he had never reached and now never would. When listening to Tom he realised the problems would never end. But he couldn’t take the whole world’s problems on his shoulders. He couldn’t save the magical world. His job was to keep Tom sane. That was his to do. He had given his promise. Fawkes trusted him. 

Harry woke from his thoughts as one piece of wood fell over the embers, throwing white ash into air.  _ “We can’t solve this kind of problem. It would be impossible. Something always goes wrong. We can only focus on what we do.”  _

Tom woke up too. He had stared at Harry, read his mind without realising it until now. Harry lifted the phoenix wand, said: “Aguamenti” and pointed at the fire. 

Tom didn’t mention their argument after that night again and neither did Harry, because they both knew they couldn’t change the other’s opinions without a working solution. 

_ “Harry?”  _

_ “Yes?”  _ Harry lifted his gaze from his book. 

_ “We have to practice occlumency.”  _

Harry sighed. Not again. He had hated it with Snape. 

_ “You are terrible at it, because no one has ever taught you how to do it in your way” _ , Tom said and sat next to him on the bed. 

_ “And you know what is my way?”  _

Tom took the book from his hand, put it on the night table and lifted him to sit. 

_ “Very well. But only the recent memories.”  _ Tom smiled for an answer, which could have convinced anyone with its innocence except Harry. 

_ “You have grown.”  _

_ “Well, I guess when you preach about those vitamins. My body has never been this healthy.”  _

_ “Mmhmm. You are almost at the same height as my chin.”  _ Harry threw a pillow into that smug face. 

_ “I am taller!”  _

_ “No you are not.”  _

_ “Wanna bet?”  _

They rose next to the bed. Tom was right. His hair only touched Tom’s chin. 

_ “I won” _ , Tom said and tapped his head. Harry took another pillow but Tom caught it in the air and looked at him with a gaze that Harry had learned to recognise as: Run while you still can. 

He stepped back, forgetting that the bed was there and fell to sit on it. Dead end. 

Their connection was strong, it grew by day and by day. The soul or whatever the thing was, wanted them close. Harry knew we was in dangerous waters. Maybe there would come a day when Tom would lose his patience and take what he wanted. He tried not to encourage him, but at the same time wanted to keep him close. Harry crossed his arms and didn’t feel surrounded anymore, just completely calm. 

_ “Right. Let’s begin.”  _

_ “What?”  _ Harry pointed at the wand. Oh, right.  _ Breathe in” _ , was the only warning before Tom raised his wand. It had worked fine… not as good as his old wand but still.. okay. 

Harry didn’t feel anything at first. But then he noticed seeing memories he hadn’t thought himself. This was different than with Snape. Snape had forcibly penetrated into his memories, when Tom… merged. He saw the Burrow and Ron’s face smiling, then Mrs. Weasley, George, Fred, Bill, Charlie… Charlie again the night at the North tower and in Bill’s wedding. Then it took a moment and he saw Cho - crying, smiling, walking past him, practising at the Quidditch field… pictures moved so quickly he couldn’t keep up. Finally they stopped. Cho in her ballgown next to a smiling Cedric. Then the memories rolled very fast. Cedric at the Quidditch field, in the Great Hall, in the hallways laughing and running next to him at the labyrinth. Then many pictures of Ginny. 

_ “Harry, you should be fighting back” _ , he heard Tom’s soft, so soft voice. He shook his head and tried to focus. 

_ “Legilimens.”  _

This time he sensed Tom’s presence. It was strong, but unnoticeable. A picture of Hermione, reminding him to do homework, expanded. He tried to think that familiar protection wall but Tom could go through it easily. Hermione’s face disappeared, then came back and disappeared again, showing how Tom attacked, hold back and attacked again. Now he understood. The next time when he felt the attack he focused his will power to fight. Hermione’s face faded away. His mind was empty. 

_ “Good. Again.”  _

The next morning Harry woke up and stretched against Tom, his vertebrae cracking, used to do work and now starting to go soft for its absence. He moved Tom’s hand away and went downstairs to make tea. They had found a lovely old fashioned shop that sold the best natural ingredients. After finding it, Tom had apparated them there when Harry announced that the food was finished. There he could get the best tea which smell filled the kitchen as Harry made pancakes. 

Tom came down the stairs into the kitchen. Strange, he usually waited in the dining room. Tom leaned next to him and looked at him.  _ “Explain once more why I can’t buy us a house-elf.”  _

_ “Because” _ , Harry said and caught the plate that Tom floated for him.  _ “-I am against slavery and you don’t have any money so I don’t like you stealing stuff.”  _

_ “I borrowed this mansion because it is the only place where I’m comfortable being and it is far away from anyone bothering us.”  _

_ “So you are going to give the memories back to the owners when we leave?”  _ he asked and raised an eyebrow. He didn't like that they lived here illegally, but Tom was right about one thing: there they would be safe from everyone. He had demanded that they would move somewhere else but Tom had refused and he couldn't make Tom change his mind no matter what, so there they lived. 

_ “If you are against slavery then why are you voluntarily doing slaves' work?”  _

Harry waved his hand so that the plates floated in the dining room and followed them, jumping two steps at once.  _ “I don’t do slave work, I cook. There is a difference” _ , he said and sat at the end of the table. Tom sat in the middle so he could see the beach landscape. And, because that way there were in the same side, not against each other… using this little mind trick, Harry had deducted. They both had college pants and black hoodies, which Harry had insisted on buying when Tom had admitted they were comfortable. He had grinned when he had seen them on Tom the first time. Tom had probably decided his normal shoes wouldn’t fit with them so he had started to walk around the house without shoes just like him. Tom almost looked modern… almost. There was still this indescribable old feeling in him that clothes couldn’t remove. 

_ “You don’t just cook. You wash our clothes.”  _ Why did he returned to this subject? 

_ “It is just a flick of a wand” _ , he demonstrated by waving his knife _ , “It doesn’t count.”  _

_ “I count it to be work beneath you.”  _

Harry sighed.  _ “Where is the line what is work beneath me? You cut my hair. Does that count?”  _

_ “No, I do it voluntarily. You have been made to do those things all your life. You have grown so used to it that you don’t see how it has affected you” _ , Tom quipped. Harry shook his head. This conversation didn’t go anywhere.  _ “You would make a fine hairstylist” _ , he said and watched smiling as Tom tried to cover his anger. But the anger only increased. Holy fuck it did! How that subject made him so angry? He tried to think for a reason but couldn’t. Maybe it was better to let it go.  _ “It would be messy if you didn't cut it… or less messy than now. For some reason you get it to bend your will. And believe me, many have tried.”  _

_ “I want you to do things that fit to a person in your station. You are a Lord.”  _

_ “Well this Lord wants to cook. And I wouldn’t care less about what I should or shouldn't do. You know that.”  _ And suddenly that anger in the air was gone. He didn’t bother to figure out why. As he put the last piece of pancake into his mouth a thought occurred to him which he had never realised to ask before. 

_ “Hey, I was thinking… Did Slytherin have a vault or something like that?”  _

_ “Not that I know of. I’ve looked everywhere without success. The locket is the only thing left and I can’t get it open without… unleashing what is inside. There is so little information left of Slytherin and from the other founders, but specially about Slytherin, who only cared to pass the information of how to find the chamber. From others he disappeared.”  _

Harry nodded and followed Tom into the living room.  _ “Do you think that somewhere could still be something hidden? You found the chamber without any instructions. If the locket held some information...”  _

_ “We are the only ones who could read it, yes. It is probably written by parseltongue.” _ Tom pulled Harry next to him, summoned their books from upstairs and relaxed, dwelling in his thoughts. After a moment he said:  _ “I need to teach you how to write parseltongue.”  _

_ “I that possible?”  _

_ “Of course.”  _ He took the phoenix wand from its handle.  _ “Don’t raise up. This will only take a few minutes.”  _ They had such a good position… He had read somewhere about oxytocin… hypothalamus produced it… a hormone for intimacy. But this connection wasn’t just that. Muggles couldn’t explain their bonding. 

Harry put his book away and looked as words started to write themselves in the air. Like in the chamber many years ago, but these flames were green, not red. 

_ “And now, write the same under that” _ , Tom said and gave him his wand back. 

_ “Concentrate. You write English now.”  _

_ “It’s hard. This will not just take a few minutes.”  _

_ “Mhhmm, try again. ‘We are the only ones’, say it as you write it” _ , Tom whispered. He had learned to write parseltongue at the same time as English. Other children had mocked him for it, seeing his notes when he had accidentally written the wrong language. They hadn’t understood a word, making him the outsider, the freak. Those ‘ugly letters’ had been excellent for curses and runes which no one could delete except him. The other children had unfortunately noticed this fact too in the later years. 

After Harry’s many failing attempts he got an idea.  _ “Bonnie, here” _ , he commanded. The snake was close, he sensed it. They always found him, he only needed to call. 

_ “What does the Heir want?”  _

_ “Hey Bonnie”, Lamonah greeted. Bonnie was just going to bury her head in the warm sand when she had heard the Heir’s call. The Heir was so powerful… Oh why Lamonah didn’t mate with the Heir! The Heir wanted it and he had to get what he wanted…. The beach was full of crabs. Fun to watch but not to eat. Too sharp hands… and not much meat. Salty and small, not worth the digestion...  _

_ The Heir offered his hand. Bonnie got close to the two humans shyly.  _

_ “You are covered of sand”, Lamonah said and shook his head. Oh no. She should have cleaned herself! But she had been in a hurry. The Heir wasn’t angry to her, was he?”  _

_ “Come here”, Lamonah said and showed his teeth, but it wasn’t a threat, Bonnie had learned it. When the Heir didn’t object she put her head in Lamonah’s warm hug. She tried not to touch the Heir but it was difficult.  _

_ “And now, look at the snake and try again”, the Heir said. Lamonah smoothed her head and breathed in. Some sparkling worms showed in the air. What was it? Magic?  _

_ “Did it work?”  _

_ “Yes.” The Heir was happy. Magic disappeared. “But you need practise before you can do it without the snake’s presence.” The Heir grabbed Lamonah. Bonnie barely managed to slither out between the two humans in time. The Heir's heartbeat grew faster! Lamonah give him what he wants. Give! She wanted to stay and watch but she knew the Heir wouldn’t like that so she smelled the air for a bit and backed off from the room, went downstairs and out. She wanted to mate with someone too… in some warm hole. But there were no mates. Only the big white bird. What a fancy dancy! It couldn’t be her mate. But she knew who would be. The Queen of the Snakes! Lamonah had told about her. Lamonah knew so many things. The legendary creature, locked alone in a castle. She must be bored… Bonnie would keep her company…  _


	12. It's not about power

_ “But it doesn’t look any different than English… Hey, what are you doing?”  _ He rose couple inches into the air and turned around to face Tom, but didn’t do it himself, all was done by magic. He was amazed, but didn’t like that Tom did these kind of things without asking first. 

_ “Doesn’t it? Then you aren’t looking properly” _ , Tom said and let him down to sit on his lap, a very… questionable look on his face. Harry crossed his arms and leaned back so his weight was on Tom’s thighs and not… well… encouraging.  _ “What are you doing?”  _ he asked calmly. 

_ “Enjoying myself.”  _ Tom raised his chin up, eyes staring at his neck, motionless like a statue.  _ “Maybe it is the blood that roars… I didn’t get it all, because you didn’t die” _ , he said slowly.  _ “I see no other explanation of what could have gone wrong.”  _

It did not go wrong, Harry thought. The sacrifice had worked, he knew it, because he had proof, proof that Tom had got his powers and that way, a way to maybe learn how to love. He hadn’t told Tom what his mother had done to his father, how he had been conceived under love potion. He blamed himself for not telling… He hadn’t told partly because Tom wouldn’t care about it, but the biggest reason was because it wouldn’t prove anything to Tom whose perception was that the sacrifice had gone wrong. But he was sure that it hadn’t gone wrong. He had realised it from the kiss, and after that he had waited for other signs but they hadn’t come, yet. But he was certain that they would. Tom had kissed him, voluntarily. And even if not with pure intentions he had still done it and that meant some part of him was curing, wanting to experience something he couldn't before, because he believed that the love potion had made him unable to even want to be close to someone. To tell someone that he couldn’t have loved without his sacrifice would be cruel to tell, even to Tom. His proof that the sacrifice had worked would be meaningless until Tom would realise it himself. So he had decided to let Tom discover that himself in time. He had hope that it would happen. He hang on to that hope with determination. 

_ Well-” _ , Tom continued, lowered his hand to his collarbone, facial expression turned alert.  _ “Let’s practice occlumency again.”  _

_ “But I can already do it.”  _

Tom chuckled.  _ “No, you can’t.”  _

_ “I can! I did it already, you couldn’t came in.”  _

_ “No…no… did you really think it would be so easy? I only made you realise how to do it so when this time I’m going to really mean it, you wouldn’t be so helpless.”  _

Harry hissed and tried to get off from Tom’s lap, but couldn’t because some spell had made it impossible to move.  _ “I can’t do it here.”  _ _  
_ _ “Why? This can’t be worse than sitting on a broom” _ , Tom said. Harry grinned. Tom didn’t understand his love of Quidditch. 

_ “Let me go” _ , he said. 

_ “At least try to fight back.”  _

_ “I don’t have a wand.”  _

_ “Neither do I” _ , Tom pointed at his wand on the table. When had it flown there? 

_ “You are so powerful. I couldn’t possibly manage” _ , he tried another way to get out and leaned on - even if it was risky - and kissed Tom gently and then tried to go, but Tom only laughed as his hands locked up around his neck and cheek. 

_ “You so predictable. And your manipulation skills are awful. Just try to move.”  _ He couldn’t, no matter how hard he focused, which was very difficult in this position. 

_ “It’s no help.”  _

_ “You don’t even try.”  _

_ “I am trying!”  _ he hissed. Tom sighed and let him go. He understood that Tom wanted to train him to become stronger but this wasn’t fair. He had no chances without a wand. 

_ “You have the power to do it.”  _

_ “Don’t read my mind.”  _

_ “I didn’t. Even if it’s so ridiculously easy.”  _

_ “Have you considered that it is the vow that makes it easy for you to read my mind?”  _

_ “It shouldn’t have any effect on this.”  _

_ “You can’t know for sure” _ , he argued and began to walk around the room. Tom floated himself to sit on the end of the bed and said:  _ “You know I’m doing this to make you more powerful.”  _

_ “I know! And I know it is important.”  _

They had both admitted that trying to find Voldemort was pointless. They didn’t know his exact location and they didn’t want to go scouring the forest of Albania metre by metre, if he even was there to begin with. And even though they would find him by some miracle they had no idea how to destroy him - a spirit with no body. So… they had to wait until Voldemort revealed himself and then kill him. But they didn’t know how to do that and didn’t know what to do with the horcruxes either. Tom didn’t want to destroy them. He wanted to use the soul pieces and their power inside them. Harry didn’t like the idea. In fact he hated it, but understood that they couldn’t destroy Tom’s soul pieces if there was a way to save them successfully, because it would possibly destroy Tom or at least harm him in someway. 

Tom hadn’t discovered how to save the horcruxes yet, or so he said. Sometimes he could sense Tom looking at him, like thinking should he say what was on his mind, because he still didn’t trust him enough to tell or/and because Tom knew he wouldn’t like what he would say. He had no idea how to save the horcruxes so he had tried to think how to kill Voldemort in the meantime. But he hadn’t got any ideas how to kill Voldemort if the horcruxes couldn’t be destroyed. And so the possibility to have more power through using the horcruxes to fight Voldemort had started to interest him also. 

Voldemort would have his body back soon, sooner than before, because as Tom had explained, the soul that had been on the diary was now alive, his existence more whole than the last time. 

All because of him. 

His thoughts ran clear now. They were free from the pain, the horcrux in him was content. It still wanted to be near Tom, he could sense it, but so did he so it didn’t matter. He was now free to think and to consider his actions and the guilt was so unbearable he tried not to think about it. It was his fault that Voldemort would be stronger. It would be on him if they wouldn’t manage to kill him. His information about the future wasn’t helpful, because they didn’t know what Voldemort would do. Everything was just guessing. Voldemort was unpredictable, now more than ever. And Tom had no idea what Voldemort would do either… 

This was better than what the horcrux would have done, he had said to his guilt. It could have tortured me to even find Voldemort and help him.... Anything that would have happen now is certainly better than what it could have done. I’m here to stop the war. Tom is on my side… well, maybe not completely but he needs me and listens to me. He knows that the horcruxes are risky and that the only way to have immortality is through the Hallows. He wouldn’t risk that. At least that he had accomplished already. In the meantime, when Tom tried to discover what to do with the horcruxes… or how to tell him successfully how to destroy them, Tom had started to make experiments, just like a minute ago: to try to make him fight back against him. But it was as hopeless as ever. He needed to become stronger and Tom was a good teacher, but as he had said many times: he hadn’t discovered a way to get him to fight back seriously. 

_ “Harry… “ _ , he was awakened.  _ “What if I said that when you have managed to get me out of your mind successfully three times we can start to do this the other way around.”  _

_ “Are you serious?”  _ he was amazed.  _ “You would let me in your mind?”  _

_ “I will let you try. You are not going to get in” _ , Tom smiled and used magic to pull him close. 

Soul magic was complicated stuff. He had read books and listened to Tom’s explanations but still didn’t understand it. There was a reason it wasn’t a popular subject in books. The soul was a sacred thing and such a big part of who a person was that few had wanted to play with it. He sighed. The exception sat next to him. Oh Tom. He was happy of his cold, calculating mind. Tom reacted to everything so clearly, straight forward and wanted to know all about Voldemort, his madness and Harry was - even if admitting it to himself was hard - proud of him. He had admitted his mistakes of messing with the soul magic and wanted to stop his mistake, to stop Voldemort because Voldemort embodied the mistake. He wanted to destroy the monster as much as he. 

They had agreed that the horcrux inside him was indestructible. They didn’t know how much Tom’s soul was in him, but there it would stay. 

One thing that Harry frequently thought here and there was how well they got along… They didn’t fight ever. Sometimes he raised his voice when he fired back about muggles equality and then Tom looked at him murderously, but they really didn’t fight ever hard or long. 

He didn’t know what he had expected of Tom. Probably nothing that the Pensieve hadn’t shown him or what he hadn't deducted. And because he had been dangerously tired when he had returned to this time, barely alive, what Tom would have thought about him or how he would act around him hadn’t been his priority. He had just been content that Tom would listen to him and hadn’t cared about anything else. But now, he was amazed how comfortable he was around him. Partly it was because the horcruxes wanted to be near each other, but it was just one reason. Maybe they were so different that an open fight would never born. Tom wouldn’t harm him because he was his embodiment of immortality and he couldn’t lose his temper because he couldn’t endanger the peace between them. But Merlin sometimes Harry wanted to yell! To carve in Tom’s stubborn skull things and he knew Tom wanted to do the same with him. Harry could imagine what Tom would do from the cold gazes. 

Otherwise life was good. He was happy about the joy that their closeness brought. Tom was a very interesting person. He knew that he hadn’t got the best childhood, but things that Tom told about his childhood shocked even him. Tom didn’t seek pity and neither did he when he told about his own life. Perhaps because he knew that Tom didn’t feel pity or compassion the same way as most people… at least not yet... or because Tom wanted to hear every detail, listening carefully because Harry just knew Tom would understand what it felt like to live in that kind of environment… whatever the reason was, Harry felt it was easy to talk to him about things that he hadn’t told to anyone else. Because to who could he tell? To Sirius? Sirius would get a nervous breakdown, like Hermione or Hagrid or anyone else. Ron, Fred and George had known the most, because they had rescued him from Privet Drive before the school had started when he had been twelve, but hardly had understood the scale of his punishments. And he hadn’t either when he had been a child. 

Tom… he couldn’t say didn't care, because he did in his own way. Tom wanted to murder the Dursley's. He had heard him say it so many times and knew how he would do it. But it was all only because he was his immortality. Even if the sacrifice had succeeded and someday Tom would learn how to love, they were a long way from it. Otherwise Tom wouldn’t have cared. And this was liberating. 

Their conversation often turned to the one prophecy.  _ Neither can live while the other survives _ had got new meanings.  _ The other. Other?  _ Had the prophecy meant Voldemort by the other? Whatever the reason was, Harry felt like it actually didn’t matter. The prophecy was always right. That was that about the circumlocutionary sentences. It might be about them or not. Tom repeated the prophecy’s sentences, quoted it to himself now and then like a poem which infuriated Harry until Tom had stopped caring about the whole prophecy and didn't pay it any attention anymore. 

Divination had always been an interesting subject, but teaching it was pointless in Tom’s point of view. Only a few people could predict the future and the whole field of divination based on guessing. When Harry had told him to shut up about it the tenth time he had also had enough. In no book, parchment or other source had inclusive information about the accuracy of prophecies. Perhaps they were just ways to seek meaning, destiny from above. To give answers to wizards and give the responsibility of their actions to the higher level. Yes, that’s it, Tom decided and disregarded the matter. The only thing that they could do for the future was to collect the remaining horcruxes, beginning with the locket. They would have to wait until Orion Black’s son would be released. Orion… that quiet boy had made interesting children. The youngest, Regulus, had discovered his secret. How? Because as insane as Voldemort had been, he had a hard time believing he could have ever been so careless to trust information about the horcruxes to anyone. According to Harry, Regulus had received information from Kreacher. But even then, the information had just been that something important had been in the cave. The rest had Regulus discovered and then hided the fake locket to the cave. And he didn’t know what to do about it and neither did Harry.  _ I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret.  _

You got what you wanted. But what should I do with your copy? 

Leaving it for Dumbledore or Voldemort to find would distract the finder into looking for R.A.B instead of the other horcruxes, but then again if the finder would realise who R.A.B was, which was inevitable, it would put the older Black child in the line of fire and that way Harry too. 

_ “So the only one left is the cup” _ , Harry said. He nodded. They sat in the dining room eating dinner. They didn’t know was Nagini a horcrux yet. Hopefully not, because it would complicate things. 

_ “Didn’t you mention that the Lestrange in question was one of my most loyal followers?”  _

_ “Yes” _ , Harry answered reluctantly, knowing where the conversation was going. 

_ “Why don’t we just set her free? You make her sound like she would be willing to help.”  _

Harry put his knife and his fork down. How could he convince Tom of Bellatrix madness? He had no interest of letting her out. They didn’t even know could they do it, but Tom was sure he could fight the dementors away. He didn’t know could he. He hadn’t managed to make a patronus in a very long time. And even if he could he wouldn’t do it for Bellatrix. He would do it for Sirius. But to make such a thing would raise questions and attention which they didn’t want even if he could hypothetically do it. And if he would do it they had no ways to decide who would escape and who wouldn’t. It would be total chaos. And he didn’t want to let Bellatrix free. She was the maddest, unstable human he had ever seen and even more dangerous than Voldemort at the moment. There, rot in Azkaban. If someone deserved it it was Bellatrix. 

_ “Because she can’t be free. No one can keep her in line. She is crazy. Even you couldn’t make her listen.”  _

_ “Are you sure?”  _

Harry looked at Tom’s face. He didn’t know what had made Bellatrix so loyal servant but it sure as hell wasn’t just the same ideologies and a way to torture people how she wanted. Even if Tom could get Bellatrix to give the cup from her vault then what? Was it worth to free her? 

_ “Bellatrix is very powerful and I know! You are too but you are only sixteen-”  _

Tom interrupted Harry in that place. He wouldn’t listen to this.  _ “We have to get that cup. I’m sure I can-” _

_ “Sorry but no you can’t!”  _

Calm down. That’s Harry, no one else. Think of him as glass. It will break easily. 

_ “I know that you are strong” _ , Harry continued.  _ “Hell, probably will be the strongest wizard ever when you have a whole soul to use but not yet! You haven’t even graduated. You can do things that others can only dream of” _ , he tried to soften his words. The room temperature had fallen many degrees lower. He had to get Tom to understand.  _ “But you haven’t seen her. You don’t know what she can do. You have never fought in an actual fight where-” _

_ “And you have?”  _ Tom’s eyes were cold and harsh.  _ “I could beat you right now. Even without a wand. You wouldn’t get out of this room and you say you know more?”  _

Harry rose up. He trembled with anger. The whole room felt of pure cold anger.  _ “Don’t you understand? This isn’t about who is more powerful but that you don’t understand what's at stake! I have seen this before. You risk things and don’t pay attention to the small things. This is the same thing happening right now! Do you know how I was able to escape that night from the graveyard? Because you wanted to perform, to take your time. You think you can fight against Bellatrix if it comes to that? Likely yes but that isn’t the point!”  _

_ “What then?”  _ Tom asked quietly. He had walked closer and closer as Harry spoke and now was close enough to touch. What was the point, Harry asked of himself. Where had he been going with this? How could he stop Tom from doing this? To mix Bellatrix into this mess was something where they couldn’t walk away from. Maybe he could control Tom. He was still young and listened to him, but Bellatrix was neither of those things. That woman was completely mental! At least Tom could control himself, but Bellatrix couldn’t. He had to make him understand. This was one crucial point that he had to get right. If he wouldn’t, everything was in danger. He was here to stop the war and to change things. How could he convince Tom? What would he listen?  _ Death. _ That. There, he knew what to say. 

_ “The point is that I have come through death and swallowed my pride to rescue you, us! I won't risk that because of your carelessness!”  _ He yelled even though Tom was so close he could have heard the quietest whisper.  _ “Don't you see? I know this from experience. We can figure out some other way to get that damn cup but she can’t be free! No matter if you could persuade her with your face and words, she would risk everything! She would run to Voldemort as soon as she could.”  _

_ “What makes you think I would let her live?”  _

_ “Well, I didn’t-”  _

_ “Thought about that, why? You know that I would kill her. Tell me why you doubted. You can’t lie.”  _ Harry glanced at him angrily. No, he could not. 

_ “Well… because I think that-”  _ How could he phrase it?”  _ “-I think that Voldemort and Bellatrix had some kind of connection.”  _ Why he just felt so angry? 

_ “That would be impossible” _ , Tom said coldly. 

_ “Yeah, heartless bastard, I know! You would never submit to something as stupid as ‘love’” _ , he sighed and tried to calm himself. _ “Believe me. Bellatrix believed to be above everyone else, ‘his most loyal.’”  _

_ “Again, that what you are implying is impossible.”  _

Harry crossed his arms. Very well, don’t care. As long as he wouldn’t free Bellatrix, he would be contented. 

_ “Because I don’t like people and I certainly could never like women. And not men either, except you of course” _ , Tom said and touched his face. Suddenly his anger disappeared. Harry didn’t know what to say. 

Why Harry looked him like that? Hardly that had been a surprise. Why he looked so lost? Hadn’t he noticed they had kissed? What was wrong with Harry? Then he got an idea. Maybe Harry hadn’t ever thought about it… never understood. He had been in his memories, in the first time sought out every memory where Harry had felt the slightest desire. He tried to go back to them in his mind. Had it been desire or mere attachment? He closed his eyes and saw that stupid girl’s older smiling face. Harry had liked the girl, kissed her many times... but had never done anything else! Of course. He had never done anything else, didn’t… hadn’t have anyone… hadn’t liked anyone, just like he. 

Harry watched as Tom’s expressions changed so quickly he couldn’t make sense of them. 

_ “Alright. We’ll find some other way to get the cup.”  _ And so Tom walked to his own place and continued eating. 

What?… Tom had said it. Just like that? He liked him, really liked him? This was… he now had another proof that he was right, that the sacrifice had worked. Tom liked… Why Tom smiled like that? Suddenly he had been angry and… what had he said? He frowned and asked:  _ “What is so amusing?”  _

Tom just continued that twisted smile. 

_ “So you believe me? That Bellatrix is crazy, unstable Voldemort’s pet. Why do you smile this is serious! I won’t stop until you promise me you understand.”  _

_ “I understand.”  _

_ “Promise! Swear in the name of your magic!”  _

_ “Harry” _ , he leaned just a little bit forward to get closer, _ “-you can’t lie to me. If you say that we can’t use Bella-”  _ he whispered softly, using his sweetest voice to see how jealous Harry was. And got the reaction he had believed to get: 

_ “Don’t call her like that. You make me sick.”  _

_ “Alright” _ , he answered slowly. 

Harry didn’t know what had happened, but apparently Tom had listened. 

The rest of the evening Tom was weirdly happy, which annoyed him terribly much. He laid on the outdoor couch, reading a book that made him even more annoyed. Once again he tried to understand the process of making a horcrux, but this book’s mysterious language and gaps made it impossible to read. This book dealt with soul magic and didn’t even handle horcruxes like  _ The Secrets of the Darkest Art _ , which was once again far away in Dumbledore’s office… He could have had it… only by summoning it when he had been in school… but it hardly mattered. He had read it many times and it didn’t tell them anything new. Tom had said that whoever had wrote it didn’t have personal experience about making a horcrux. The book was only theoretical, insufficient and pictured the soul’s breaking like an outsider watching what was happening. 

Tom hadn’t yet told him what the ‘horrific act’ was, even thought he had asked, asked and asked. 

_ “Beautiful evening” _ , Tom said and sat next to him. Harry laid on his stomach, which annoyed him because Tom couldn’t see him rolling his eyes. Tom never talked about the weather. He was up to something, Harry thought. 

They sat quietly, both watching and hearing the nature around them. The sun had disappeared behind the mountains. It was the weird time of the day when here everything suddenly looked blue. Blue moment, Tom had said, when the sun didn’t go down completely, only faded a bit. The terrace had been under the sun all day and still radiated warmth to Tom’s bare feet. The sea didn’t gleam anymore, only rippled under the mountains’ shadow. 

Tom rose and walked towards the beach. Harry watched his walking. What was he plotting? He gave in to his curiosity. He saw Tom’s footprints in the warm sand. Tom stopped to look at the water and started to roll his black sleeves up. Harry leaned on a big rough rock. Tom stepped into the water so it covered his ankles. 

_ “Come here” _ , he said softly.  _ “Give me your hand.”  _ Harry grabbed Tom’s hand. The waves twisted in his feet. Tom bent lower and so did he. Their hands touched the surface. Harry felt excitement tickling in him. The dark water rose around them, made a wall. Tom got up and squeezed his hand. He heard waves roaring and watched as the sand dried under him, water swirled into a vortex.  _ “Look at what we can do” _ , Tom said. Harry looked at their locked hands and Tom’s triumphant face.  _ “This is your doing. I couldn’t do anything like this without a wand” _ , he admitted. The vortex outburst, the water wet them to the knees. 

_ “You are right. Not alone.”  _

_ “What does that mean?”  _

_ “I used your powers.”  _

Harry wanted to say: you are kidding, but he knew Tom didn’t do that. 

_ “When do you stop doubting your powers? If you would understand and use it we would be unstoppable.”  _

Harry looked at his hand like hadn't seen it before.  _ “Maybe you can just take it from me.”  _

Tom narrowed his eyes and completely without a warning tripped him to the ground, holding his hand at the same time and  _ hit  _ him on the cheek…?  _ “What are you doing?”  _ Harry yelled, more out of surprise than of anger. 

_ “Demonstrating.”  _ Another hit. He felt his cheekbone crushing. 

_ “Stop!”  _ he yelled and tried to get up but Tom was heavier. He tried to squirm out but couldn’t move. Tom held his other hand on top of him. 

_ “I use your powers now” _ , Tom said in a voice that he could use when talking about the weather and hit him again and again.  _ “Stop! Why are you doing thi-”  _ Tom pressed his lips on his. Now the anger came. What the fuck did he wanted? Harry bit his teeth together and tasted blood. 

_ “Fight back or you are not going to like what happens next” _ , Tom said in that furious voice. 

_ “What do you want me to do? You know you are stronger! Proved, you prick! Fucking… let me out!”  _

_ “No”,  _ Tom said and to his utter terror started running his hand on his side, slowly trying to take off his shirt. No, he wouldn’t give in, not like this. He managed to free his other hand and smacked Tom right in the middle of his face and heard it crack. Tom spit the blood out and admired how Harry’s injuries faded away. But it wouldn’t be enough. Not nearly enough. He wouldn’t get this opportunity again. He had to show Harry his powers. He turned Harry around to face the ground, carefully keeping their hands together without letting go. So, violence didn’t work out. He had to try another way… He ripped Harry’s shirt and saw for the first time a glimpse of the muscles and the skin which hadn’t been in the sun. As white as his… 

Harry felt Tom’s hand running down on his back. Panic came, as slowly and steady as the hand. He couldn’t fight back. “Accio wand!” 

_ “I locked them away for now” _ , he heard an amused whisper. No. He had no chance without his wand. Tom was too strong. Why did he do this? Had his patience finally ran out? Sick bastard! What did he try to prove? He couldn’t do wandless magic, not in that scale that he had just seen! 

_ “Let me go!”  _ Harry yelled, now a small desperation’s blink in his voice. This worked then. But the voice troubled him. Did Harry actually think he would do it this way? 

_ “Tom let me out!”  _ No affect. What could he do? What could he say? He scratched Tom’s hand and felt his nails digging deep, ripping Tom's skin off. Pity his nail weren’t long.  _ “TOM I’m twelve! Understand? Merlin, you are sick!”  _ But he already knew that. Then the hand stopped. Did his words do that? He stopped his fighting too to breathe. 

He couldn’t continue this, Tom thought. Couldn’t, even if he wanted to. He had done all that was there to be done which didn’t cross the line. And then it hit him. Why hadn’t he thought this before?  _ “Well, if you don’t give me what I want, I shall ask Hedwig nicely. Perhaps she can convince you.”  _

No, Harry thought. He didn’t care what happened to him, Tom wouldn’t use Hedwig in his twisted game. 

_ “Accio Hedwi-” _ , but Tom couldn’t finish what he started, because then Harry’s magic woke up. He was turned around and barely managed to cover himself as fist started hitting him as hard as horse’s kicks. He smiled and rose up, holding on to the other hand. He knew it! Nothing else worked with Harry!  _ Accio Hed-”  _

_ “ACCIO ROCK!”  _ Harry yelled as loud as he could and pointed with his free hand at that massive rock, bigger than himself and threw it at Tom, who cast it away as easy as a leaf in the wind. Instincts took control and he pointed at the sand, made it fade away beneath Tom’s feet, burying him.  _ “Here, your grave!”  _ he hissed, but it lasted just a few seconds before a big wave stormed over, taking both them to the depths. All happened so quickly he couldn’t process it. Mouth and eyes were filled with seawater. He was pushed down, down to the bottom. He closed his eyes, squeezed Tom’s hand so hard normal human’s bones would have crushed in pieces and fought back. Up, up, up! Ascendio! he thought and splashed into the surface as Tom’s hand let him free. 

And so as quickly as his magic had awakened, it now faded away into its shell, tired. Harry had never used it so much so quickly, He could not have done it in his old body, but now his young, fresh body held his magic, spreading and expanding and growing for the first time without the wand. For a moment, it had been raw and original. Just like it wanted. Now it was tired, but soon would return again. 

They laid on the beach, shoulder to shoulder. “You bastard”, Harry whispered, mouth full of sand and who knows what. 

_ “It was the only way” _ , Tom said and pushed himself up.  _ “I needed to show you what you can do, without letting you stop and think.”  _

_ “Oh fuck you.”  _ Harry pressed his forehead on the sand once and got up.  _ “I thought you would kill her!”  _

_ “You don’t use your powers unless you have to!”  _

He didn’t know what to say, didn’t want to say anything or go nowhere. He looked at the dark sea. It had all been a bluff. He crouched down and rubbed his eyes. 

_ “It was the only way.”  _ Only way… He shook his head.  _ “We aren’t even injured.”  _

_ “I disagree. I disagree very much” _ , he turned to look at Tom.  _ “You threatened to kill her. My first friend, just to get me-”  _

_ “See any scars on my face?”  _ Harry sighed. No, there were no scars, not visible ones. Tom’s face was wet, but there were no marks. Harry watched his hands. No marks on them either. 

_ “You moved a cliff with your bare hands. Look!”  _ The place looked like a battlefield. He didn’t understand. He had never done anything without his wand except when he had been a child. How was that possible? How had he done that? He hadn’t even realised what he had done, just looked at the first thing that would stop Tom and then called it to him... 

_ “Do you understand now? We are different, powerful. You just have to learn how to practise it.”  _

_ “How can you still be unharmed? You made a vow not to harm any humans.”  _

_ “This was necessary. Even the vow knows that, don’t you see?”  _

They would be unstoppable. He would release Harry’s magic, make him more powerful than ever and really show how to use it. Harry had always been powerful, when he had to be. But forcing him to fight everytime when he wanted to train him couldn't be an option in the long run. So he had had to make him believe he could do it whenever he wanted to. 

He offered his hand but Harry hit it away and marched back to the mansion. We are better than the rest... He looked at that black hair and thought about the green diamond colour. Harry fit into this mansion. Lord Potter Black… His face was now young and when he had saw him the first time, it had been haunted and in pain, but he could easily imagine what Harry would look like when he would grow healthy and strong… Sharp, hollow cheeks… face of a devil because that Harry was… magic as raw and dark as his, the Master of Death. Harry fit into the grand halls, in the middle of everything ancient. His, he wanted to claim to the world and hide Harry at the same time, because no one else would have him. Harry had to be kept safe and free with him. 

He had finally fully accepted that Harry and the immortality came in the same package, and only together. So he had started to take that into account when planning the future. 

Harry didn’t like to be famous. He had done nothing with this information until he had understood where that dislike came from. Harry had always been the center of attention, had to live his life according to others' expectations. Harry wouldn’t need to do that anymore. He would be free, like he. Well, not from him, but that didn’t count, because Harry couldn’t live without him so it didn’t matter even if he made him be with him. 

They would start again. Harry could step out of the stage and he could stop the plotting and manipulating other things... other people because finally he wouldn’t need to manipulate anyone, because he had got what he wanted and that was immortality, that was Harry. And Harry already knew him, whether he liked it or not. It would be frightening if anyone knew him as well as Harry. But it didn't matter because the vow prevented Harry from harming or betraying him. 

He knew they wouldn’t be free until Voldemort would be destroyed. But when that would be done, he would be free. Free to do whatever he wanted. He wouldn’t need anyone anymore. The only reason he had made connections or got admirers was power. Power, which in the end had been nothing but a pathetic web of madness, which had got out of control. If Voldemort had stopped to think, he could have had it all, but no. The Immortality, Harry was his. 

Nothing couldn’t have organised his priorities better than the time spent in the diary. Of course he would unfortunately have to organise the little things, make people do his bidding in order to free the magic as he wanted, but that would take time and it wasn’t his number one priority now… How to get the horcruxes saved… Harry wouldn’t agree to do that what he had considered, not yet. That would take time as well. But it didn’t matter. He had time, unlimited amount. 

When Harry got out of the shower he still could sense the power that had awakened. He would release it, expand it, make it the most powerful in order to do which would be maybe necessary soon… And after that, he would never stop. They could do everything, everything… Magic had no limits.  _ “Don’t ever, ever threaten Hedwig again. It was the last time that I can forgive you!”  _ And now when Harry would stop that stubbornness he would begin. 

_ “Do you hear me? Never again.”  _

_ “Of course not. I don’t have to. You realised that what I’ve been trying to tell.”  _

The green eyes looked at him.  _ “You are impossible!”  _ Harry said and turned to face the window. 

Yes, yes I am. 


	13. Not so dangerous

Harry had had days before when he would stare at a wall without talking for hours. He hadn’t cared about it at first, knowing that this behaviour wouldn’t affect Harry’s physical health in any way. And who was he to measure normal behaviour? Sometimes he himself forgot to compensate his need to breathe with magic until his heart rate increased.

But the lifelessness only got worse and after realising why the bleak and hollow look on Harry' face started to make him so unease he had to do something to keep him moving. Not because Harry was still angry for what had happened on the beach, the anger wouldn't have been a problem, but because Harry suffocated it. Buried the anger inside and somehow after all what happened to him it repleaced itself with the only way it was allowed: with emptiness, for his sake, to keep the peace between them two. 

He wasn't going to apologise for what he had done on the beach, he didn't believe in apologises. He believed making up for things, but he wasn't going to do that either, because what had happened had been necessary: to make Harry realise his powers so they could start training. 

_ “Bonnie, keep him company” _ , he commanded her. She was so shy she could only answer:  _ “Yes, Heir” _ if Harry wasn’t around. 

After a moment she came back and said:  _ “Lamonah sleeps.”  _

He sighed. It was lunch time.  _ “Wake him up.”  _

_ “Yes, Heir.”  _

Again she came back and whispered quietly:  _ “He won’t wake up.”  _

Very well then, don’t wake up, he decided and continued investigating the Gaunt ring. 

He made Harry to look at Hermione’s determined face again. They both heard her voice: ‘It is only a few extra classes, it won't take much time.’ He liked to use memories of Hermione in their occlumency exercises, because she was the only one of Harry's friends that didn't annoy him. At least not very much. Her untiring eagerness and hunger to learn all she could about magic was admirable. He had never met anyone who was willing to work as hard, apart from himself. 

‘What about Flitwick’s essay? Hey, come back!’ Harry hasted out of the common room, Ron by his side, planning to head out to the Quidditch field. The memory shook as Harry tried to pull him out. He forced on even harder and felt the resistance growing more strong. 

'Who would in their right mind do homework when we have a match next week?’ Ron’s voice said.

'Yeah’, Harry answered in the memory. ‘You’re right-’ the voice was interrupted. Good, he thought. But not good enough. “You’re right - You’re right - You’re right -”, he stopped the memory and dwelled in the same moment over and over again until it was clear that Harry couldn’t stop him. 

_ “Let’s rest” _ , he said and left from Harry’s mind.  _ “You are making progress. If I was a normal Legilimens you could force me out.”  _

_ “Let’s try again” _ , Harry said. He was surprised of this answer but didn’t object. 

_ “Suit yourself.”  _ He found an old memory. Harry was very young looking, sat on a chair and wrote to some notebook… It was his diary! He saw his own writing revealing itself on the pages and felt Harry’s and his own excitement growing. But then suddenly, before he was even getting started, he was... out. 

_ “How did you do that?”  _ he asked. 

_ “I don’t know. I just… did.”  _

_ “Again!”  _ This time he was prepared and held on to the memory and didn’t let anything distract him. But it was hard because at the same time he felt Harry touching his neck outside of the memory, in his bed. The reality and the memory mixed together and he had a hard time concentrating and not pulling back out of the memory in a way that would hurt Harry. He saw the diary in the candle light and heard the quill writing but felt warmth that had nothing to do with the fireplace in the memory.  _ “Not so easy anymore, is it?”  _

He pulled out.  _ “Legilimens can be far away from your touch so that doesn’t count.”  _

_ “All means are permitted, you said it yourself.”  _

_ “Again. And don’t touch me” _ , he said even though he wanted the opposite. 

The diary opened in front of him. Harry’s messy handwriting pressed on the page. Being in the memory hurt him, made him uncomfortable. Young Harry was falling into the diary’s memory. He was inside of a memory’s memory. There he was, fifty-years-ago and felt Harry’s excitement, in and out. Harry didn’t need to touch him to make him distracted, only thinking about him and what feeling it brought was enough. This wasn’t the way for occlumency he had in mind, but it was powerful, maybe the only thing to get him lose control.  _ “Is this wise? To use legilimens against the Legilimens at the same time?”  _

In response Harry - and he had no idea how - sent a wave of warmth in the memory which clouded everything. He vaguely saw himself wandering in the Hogwarts halls, edges fading away. Then another wave of warmth came and forced him to leave the memory but not Harry’s head. They both were in the middle of consciousness, not seeing anything. He tried to find a new memory but all was blocked by the warmth and for a split second he thought he couldn’t get out, but did. 

_ “How did you do that?”  _

_ “I don’t know” _ , Harry blinked.  _ “That was odd. It hasn’t ever happened to me. But hey! Now it’s my turn.”  _ Your turn? Oh, he had promised to let Harry try… 

_ “No, you only managed to get me out twice. The touching doesn’t count.”  _

_ “Don’t be boring” _ , Harry took the phoenix wand and pointed at him, so confident that he would give in that he decided to do just that. He took a better position on the bed and looked deep in the green eyes. A rare dark hue shadowed them, mirroring his own hypnotically.  _ “Try” _ , he whispered. 

_ “Legilimens!”  _ Nothing happened. Harry tried a few times and still nothing.  _ “It’s like there isn’t a wall at all. Just emptiness. I have nothing to try to get to. How can you make it like that?”  _

_ “I will not reveal all my tricks to you. Especially now when you have your own. Okay you had your turn, back to your mind.”  _

This time he didn’t use the spell, only looked at Harry’s eyes, dived inside the dilated pupil and saw only darkness, warm darkness. So pitch-black that he was reminded of the time he had spent on the diary: not being able to move, staring at the darkness forever, endless emptiness, sometimes lashes of pain so long and painful they pierced him, feeling his magic broken more and more… He quickly pulled out and said:  _ “Well done. Now, about the patronus-” _ to change the conversation, trying to shook the haunting memory away. 

_ “What about it?”  _

_ “Can you make it?”  _

Harry tried but couldn’t.  _ “I haven’t been able in a long time… Expecto patronum!”  _ Only a faint glow came out of the phoenix wand.  _ “So, it seems that if you want to free the mad ones from the prison you’ll have to do that yourself.”  _

_ “I can’t. I have never been able to make a patronus”  _ , he admitted. Harry frowned. For a moment they looked at each other, both thinking the same. He knew why Harry couldn't do a patronus: his memories weren't powerful enough to keep the negative emotions away. But had no idea why he couldn't, not even that faint glow. He refused to think his theory of why Harry didn't manage to do the spell was his problem too because he had happy memories, very powerful happy memories. Something had just always stopped him... something he was sure had nothing to do with the spell itself because he knew how to do it. Of course there were other ways to make dementors go away, but unfortunately none as powerful as a patronus. It was a very big gap in their magical abilities, one he knew had to and would be filled someday, when he would discover a way, for both of them. 

_ “So” _ , he cleared his throat,  _ “Freeing the mad ones is out of the question then. I have to figure out some other way to get that cup from Lestrange’s vault.”  _

_ “Well, we could just… you know… go and get it… put an imperius curse on the goblins and find the vault.”  _

_ “That way you would have to reveal yourself and ask to withdraw money from your vault to get to the wagons, because we can’t successfully curse twenty goblins at the same time. Some of them would escape and alert the others using their own magic. So, because I don’t want anyone to know where you are right now, we would have to use some other witch or wizard who has a vault in there.”  _

_ “Well, what is the problem with that?”  _

Because I don’t want to leave this mansion if it isn’t absolutely necessary, he thought but said:  _ “The cup isn’t our priority right now. You are.”  _

He was eating alone in the dining room. His eyes looked at the rainy beach view, but he was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t see anything. Soon the seventh month would end and the letters to Hogwarts arrive with the students’ names and addresses. Harry didn’t have the Trace anymore so the Ministry couldn’t find him, but would Hogwarts consider Harry to be one of its students? Because If it would he didn't know were his protection spells powerful enough to seal Harry's location. Hogwarts had a way of telling where the magical children lived, a secret way of which no one knew expect the headmaster and the deputy headmaster. The letters were usually sent in July, which menant they had a week. A week and Dumbledore would know their location if he didn’t know already. 

Even if he was pretty sure that Dumbledore couldn’t get in, the thought of that man staring at the mansion’s location, without seeing anything but still knowing Harry lived inside, was unnerving. 

He sensed Harry walking on the other side of the wall, next to the room where he was, and going to the kitchen. 

The raining increased. Soon he felt Hedwig flying inside his protection walls. He waved his new wand and put the owl blocking spells back on. 

Harry walked into the room and started to eat frozen pizza. 

_ “Why do you eat that when you can make so much better food yourself?”  _

_ “So now you accept that I cook?”  _

_ “As a hobby, not as a necessary chore.”  _ Because that would cross the line of Harry’s status and because Harry really seemed to enjoy cooking and he didn’t need to deny him what he wanted if it wasn’t against what he himself wanted. But now, when he had no problem with Harry’s cooking, Harry had stopped doing it. Probably because he was still upset of what had happened on the beach. The rainy evening’s gleam light made Harry's cheeks look more hollow than usual.  _ “I’ve noticed that you don’t like to cook every day and I certainly won't’ do it myself, so I’m going to get us that house-elf.”  _

_ “You are not going to leave anywhere. You haven’t stepped outside for two weeks and I know why” _ , Harry said and summoned water in a glass. 

_ “Well, I would advise you to do the same. If something unexpected happens, the closer we are to each other and the Hallows and horcruxes the better” _ , he pointed out. 

_ “So how long are you planning to be here? Until you figure out a way to save the horcruxes?”  _

_ “Until that’s possible, yes.”  _ Harry grinned uncomfortably and drank the water in one shot. He didn’t like the fact that they had to hide either. It was unbearable but necessary. No matter how hard they would train, they wouldn’t be able to match for Dumbledore or Voldemort for many years to come unless they would use the horcuxes’ power, which was still not possible… Yet, he thought and looked at Harry’s small adam’s apple. Harry had grown again. Magic made it possible, knew that Harry’s right form wasn’t this young. 

An owl started to hoot outside. He swallowed and tried to concentrate on something other than Harry's neck. 

_ “And when is that possible? A year? We can’t wait that long. Voldemort is coming and bloody hell the food is nearly out.”  _

_ “Hence the house-elf. It could bring us food” _ , he said, just realising that himself. How had he not thought about that before? He had so much in his mind... so basic thing would cause them so much trouble, because yes, they needed food. Harry wasn't able to channel his magic into replacing his need to eat yet and he had no real reason to do that either. 

_ “Don’t say you knew this was going to happen and blame me for it. You didn’t plan it.”  _

_ “No, I didn’t.”  _

Owl’s hooting and the rain filled the silence in the room. Then Harry spoke:  _ “I’ve been thinking. What if we went to Hogwarts? There is Remus. He surely knows where Sirius is if he is escaped by now. We’d get the locket and then we could leave Hogwarts and maybe go to Grimmauld Place.”  _ They had tried to get a message to Sirius. But Hedwig brought the letter back unopened every time. Either the man hadn’t escaped or had put the owl blocking spells on. So, in order to get the locket they would have to use someone who knew Sirius’s location and could send a message to him so naturally he had thought about using Remus too for this. But they would have to wait for Sirius to contact Remus and explain he wasn’t guilty of betraying the Potters. Harry had wanted to get the rat now and bring it to Ministry so Sirius would be free, but he had argued against that. How could Harry explain how he knew who the rat was and what it had done? Dumbledore would only be more suspicious. Harry had said he didn’t care about Dumbledore. Only thing that mattered to Harry was that Sirius would be free. But he had said it wouldn’t work. No one would believe the word of a twelve-year old, standing next to a wanted murderer even if the jury would use veritaserum to question the rat, because whatever the drinker thought to be the truth, wouldn’t necessary be the truth. No one would send the rat to prison without any other proof than veritaserum. Memories could be altered. They would need more proof and witnesses of what had happened so that the jury would be convinced and that they unfortunately didn't have. And in addition to everything, Sirius had admitted to murder the Potters because he blamed himself of their death so to alter the jury’s decision would be very, very difficult. 

_ “I agree that we use Remus, but I will not let you return to Hogwarts.”  _

_ “I’m going to explode here with you” _ , Harry said and laughed humorlessly. _ “I don’t remember when I have last seen a face that isn’t yours or the shop lady’s. I - want - out.”  _ And in that second Hedwig flew into the dining room so quickly that he only saw a glimpse of white wings.  _ “What is it? Why are you so scared?”  _ Harry asked when Hedwig pushed her head against him. “Kraaak kraaak!” Hedwig screamed. He turned to look at her. 

“We are just arguing, no big deal. Did you spread your magic again so that she felt your anger?” 

“No, I did not”, he said and frowned when a cold, unexplained feeling washed over him. 

“Kraak kra kra kraak!” 

“Stay inside for now. It's pouring of rain”, Harry said to Hedwig and stood up. 

“Harry?” he said slowly. His voice sounded so bizarre that Harry stopped moving. “Hedwig doesn’t hoot, does she?” 

“Not exactly. Well, you could say that she does, but it sounds more like -” a brown owl flew to the dining room and Hedwig attacked before he had time to do anything other than to realise it was the one who had hooted. The brown one had no chances. It hadn’t expected a fight but Hedwig clearly had. A letter, which the brown one was carrying, dropped to the floor along with its carrier. Hedwig flew over, keeping her other leg on top of the brown one’s body, screaming to show her victory. Harry was just going to pick the letter up when he yelled:  _ “Don’t! Immobulus!” _ Everything stopped moving from Harry to the rain outside.  _ “Don’t touch it!” _ He read the Hogwarts seal on the letter.  _ “If you don’t open it, they don’t know you have read it.” _ He released Harry and Hedwig who landed on the table to eat what was left of Harry’s pizza. Rain started to drop again. 

_ “Just as I feared. The old fool knows where you are.”  _ He breathed in and thought of how this owl had endangered their whereabouts. _ “Avada kedavra!” _ The brown one’s eyes stopped moving.  _ “Incendio!”  _ It burst into flames along with the letter. 

_ “Wha-?”  _ Harry looked at the ashes and then back at him.  _ "Weren’t you supposed to use the owl blocking spell?”  _

_ “I have. But I’ve let Hedwig come and go once a day as she pleases.”  _ And now I paid for it. 

_ “Oh… good.” _ Harry’s expression softened a little.  _ “But the other protection spells are always in place? So he wouldn’t get in?”  _

_ “No. I used parseltongue so no.” _

Harry nodded. 

_ “From now on Hedwig will stay inside this mansion or in its backyard.”  _

Harry nodded again.  _ “Well, what about elves?”  _

_ “There is nothing I can do to block them. If I couldn’t do it when I was a decade older I cannot do it now either.”  _

_ “Oh no!” _ Harry looked at him, like expecting him to share his shocking feeling.  _ “I forgot Dobby! I just remembered. It is still there! At the hands of the Malfoys! How could I have done that?”  _

A doorbell rang. 

_ “What was that?”  _ Harry asked. Fear and amazement washed over him. He took a step in Harry’s direction before freezing for a second, then pointed at the door with his wand, but froze again before he managed to do anything, his mind stopping his instincts. Harry recovered faster than him and hissed:  _ “Lock the door” _ and ran upstairs. It wouldn’t make a difference… the one who could defy his protection spells would be able to come through anything he made. But he spells were unbreakable! This shouldn’t be happening! He forced himself to ran upstairs and took the bag that Harry gave to him. 

_ “All here?”  _

_ “Yes, except the cloak.”  _ He grabbed Harry’s hand, but they couldn’t apparate, just as he had feared. The doorbell rang again. He tried to think. How… how to get out… how to get pass the Anti-Apparation spell… elves!  _ “Summon Dobby!” _

“Dobby?” Harry asked. 

_ “Yes! Summon it!”  _

“Dobby?” Nothing happened. It wasn’t loyal to Harry enough or its master had forbidden it from coming. “Kreacher?” Harry tried but it didn’t come either. They were trapped. “Run! Take them with you. I can handle Dumbledore.” 

_ “No. You are coming with me.”  _

_ “He will find me again. It’s easier to explain now. Go!”  _

_ “What if it’s  _ he _?”  _

_ “Would You-Know-Who ring a doorbell?”  _ Harry didn’t look nearly as nervous as he felt himself to be. 

_ “He will read your mind!”  _

_ “Can you do it? Check it.”  _ He tried, but couldn’t without using the correct spell. 

_ “You see? I can do it. He won’t harm me.”  _ There was no time to think but think he must. Harry pushed him to the terrace.  _ “Go!”  _

_ “Give me the cloak.”  _ He wouldn’t give it to Dumbledore again. Dumbledore wouldn’t hurt his precious little saviour if he thought Harry was still on his side. They had a chance… but the cloak would remain with him. 

_ “No.”  _

_ “We don’t have time for this, just give me the cloak!”  _

_ “Either you fight me and Dumbledore sees you or you go. I don’t really care which one you choose.”  _

_ “I choose neither.”  _ He squeezed Harry’s hand and tried to bring the protection spells back in the house, just so they could apparate away… just one small metre where they were standing… 

_ “It’s hopeless” _ , Harry said calmly.  _ “Go, I meet you in Hogwarts.”  _

He couldn’t believe that giving the cloak to him meant so much to Harry, to risk all they had because of it? 

_ “Go! Before he comes in, go!”  _

Harry watched from the window as Tom made himself invisible and disappeared into the rain, before going to open the front door, clearing his mind on the way and hanged the cloak beneath the other clothes on the hanger. 

“Good evening professor”, he said. 

“Good evening Harry. Well, it’s not much of a good evening. It’s pouring of rain”, the professor said and looked so relieved to see him that it calmed him too. 

“Yes, it is. Umm… what are you doing here?” Dumbledore was still taller than him even though he stood three steps above the man. 

“Oh I have many reasons, but the main reason is to bring you terrible news I’m afraid.” 

They stared each other a bit until Harry asked: “How did you break the protection?” 

“I have learned a few tricks here and there in my years… They could have stopped anyone else, if you don’t mind me praising us both. I presume you used parseltongue to make them?” 

Harry didn’t answer the question, instead asked his own: “You used the owl, didn’t you? When it got here, you could come too.” 

“Yes, correct, that was your only mistake, otherwise it would have been unbreakable.”

Harry nodded and waited for Dumbledore to continue. Rain dropped on his blue umbrella. 

“Sorry for breaking in like this. I promise you I mean no harm. I have something very important to tell you and in my defense, I did try to send you many letters in advance, but when you didn’t answer I was so worried I had to come. You understand better when I tell you the reason.” 

“Okay. Do come in.” He stepped aside so Dumbledore could come in. 

“Thank you Harry”, Dumbledore shook his umbrella before entering, “It is just that my business cannot wait any longer. I had to come, because you are in danger.” Dumbledore sighed and glanced at the big hallway that widened before the living room into a space where left and right were hallways and on top of the other a grand staircase. “My, my this is a lovely house.” 

“Yes. Glad you like it. Are you in a hurry or would you like to come and drink tea or something?” 

“Thank you for the hospitality. It was a long trip.” Dumbledore took off his shoes when he saw that Harry had none. They walked to the dining room and Dumbledore sat down on Tom’s seat. Harry had a hard time not to imagine Tom’s face if he had been here. “Just a minute. I’ll go and get the tea.” 

“I see my letters found their destination”, Dumbledore smiled and pointed at the owl’s ashes on the floor. 

“Um”, Harry swallowed, “that was the first one I have seen. It came in just a minute before you. I did that by accident.” 

“Hmm.” Dumbledore said and vanished the ashes. It came from my window, Harry thought. It was always open for Hedwig... He went to the kitchen and thought about what he would say and how far did he believe Dumbledore would be willing to go to get him to safety. 

“You have grown”, Dumbledore said.  Harry didn’t answer, just poured more sugar to his cup.  “And you have practised magic. The protection spells were very impressive.” Dumbledore’s eyes tried to find his but he kept his gaze at his cup.  “I don’t want to sound so nosy, but you can probably understand why I ask questions when you hear my news. One dangerous prisoner has escaped from one of the securest prisons of the magical world. His name is Sirius Black. He is charged of being a Death Eater, one of Voldemort’s most loyal servants. Everyone, including myself, believes that you are in grave danger, because he is after you.” 

“I see”, Harry answered and sipped tea. 

“It is good that you have so effective spells guarding you in these times. But still, being alone, in a country where you have no connections is risky.” 

“I can take care of myself. I have money and I have people here. The muggles in this village are very nice.” 

“I’m sure they are, but muggles can’t protect you the same way. Have you thought about visiting in the Burrow again? You could stay there for the rest of this summer. Molly tells me you are most welcomed and that your friends miss you. Your protection spells are maybe too effective, they keep your friends' letters outside too.” 

“I could visit… it would be nice.” 

“Good, good. Being with friends can always cheer you up.” 

“But I don’t need cheering up. Actually, I’m happy. I don’t remember being this happy ever in my life.” 

“Does this have something to do with why you ran away? Don’t feel pressured at all, I’m just worried about you. I have personal experience of how is it to grow in a home where isn’t nice to be, terrible even. Remember when I told you before this summer that if anything troubles you, anything at all, you can always tell me and I will listen and try to help as best as I can.” 

“Of course”, he smiled and Dumbledore smiled too, but it was a sad smile. 

“Children grow so quickly. At first I hardly recognised you. Did your eyesight grow better?” 

“Oh, um, yes. It did. I found one spell in my vault that could cure eyesight. Would you like to try?” 

Dumbledore laughed. “That’s most generous. Did you knew that it is accustomed in old wizarding families not to share their spells to outsiders? So I couldn’t accept the offer even if I wanted to. I have grown so used to my glasses that I wouldn’t be able to live without them. They are, in some way, a part of me. But you... glasses don’t do you justice or add more character on your face. You are much better without them. You are going to be one handsome man Harry if you don’t mind me saying.” 

Harry grinned. “No, I don’t mind.” 

Dumbledore put his cup down and looked at the beach view from the window. “How did you find this building?” 

“I just… found a seller and I translated the galleon to krones and from there on it was pretty easy.” 

“Hmm... a simple little summer cottage… Harry I have to ask again, how on earth did you evolve so much over this summer? Whoever has taught you must give me professional tips.” 

“I think it’s just because I’m more happy here. It’s easier now. I don’t know how else to explain it. And parseltongue is very effective… I was hesitant to use it at first, but it is like you said: It is not our abilities that define us, it’s how we use them. I, um… have one pet, Bonnie…  _ come here. _ ” 

Dumbledore’s eyebrows rose as Bonnie slithered in Harry’s arms. “I am safe, professor, I really am. No one can come here anymore when I block the owls from entering.” 

“Except those who can use parseltongue”, Dumbledore said quietly. 

“Well, Voldemort isn’t coming now. I’m grateful for you for taking care of me but that isn’t necessary.” Once again he tested would Dumbledore tell him about the prophecy or his mother's sacrifice that had protected him through his aunt who shared the same blood. But he got nothing. And he was disappointed. More than just a little bit as Dumbledore stood up and said: “Well, it is getting late and perhaps I’ve said what I came here to say. Just visit in England too. It has been a fine summer for once. I’ll put the protection spells back on, but oh… you must be able to leave… Or would you come now? The Weasley's wouldn’t mind. Your birthday is coming soon. It would be shame to celebrate it alone.” 

Harry thought for a few seconds. As much as he hated the idea of leaving Tom alone with his two Hallows and horcruxes he had no choice. No matter how calm Dumbledore seemed to look like or how he supposedly could choose to come or not, Dumbledore had probably already put his own protection spells around this mansion so no one but he could enter. That was nothing he hadn’t already expected to happen. After all Dumbledore believed him to be the one to kill Voldemort so leaving him on his own was out of the question. 

“Yeah… If it isn’t too much trouble for them. I’ll go.” The sad thing was, the Weasley’s didn’t know him anymore, not like he knew them. Still, he was grateful that they were willing to invite him to stay over. 

  
  
  
  


He smiled as the Weasleys sang happy birthday to him again. Only two years anymore and he would be the same age as his parents when they had died. Two years… the thought seemed shocking. He had realised that he must have been an accident and not a planned baby. Lily and James had been so young and the whole country had been in a war. It must have been hopeless on their side. Voldemort’s supporters, followers and those who had remained neutral or had been hiding out of fear had probably seemed unstoppable. So few had actually fought against him directly, only a handful of people had had faith or will to continue. Not an ideal environment for raising a child. Nevertheless they had decided to raise him. What would have happened if they wouldn’t have? Would Neville had been able to stop Voldemort if Voldemort had tried to kill Neville and not him? Would Neville be in his situation right now? Well, it was pointless to guess. He doubted he could ever think about his birthday without thinking about his parents. 

Ron patted his hair and took a big piece of his cake after him. He was nineteen now. And Tom would turn seventeen this year. So much change he had accomplished in Tom and so much more was yet to come, he believed or at least hoped. Around this age Tom had murdered his own father… Harry understood why. Riddle senior hadn’t raised a finger in order to help Tom, had done the opposite than what his parents. But even though he understood why Tom had done it, he still judged the deed. Tom wouldn’t have needed to avenge to his grandparents, he could have just obliviated them and leave. He had done it purely out of bloodthirst and for the feeling it brought when using the unforgivable curses. 

He had seen that person who had done those things, would have done those things when the brown owl had turned to ash and the green light had illuminated on Tom’s face. He had had so much else to think about when it had happened that only later, now when he returned to that memory he really had woken up and realised that whatever he could do or even if his sacrifice had worked, Tom was still capable of doing the same things as the last time. He had to remind himself of that more often, even if it was painful. Tom wouldn’t hurt him - if it wouldn’t be necessary -, but could be a monster to everyone else. Tom might look like an angel, feel to radiate magic that was so like his, but underneath it all there was still the same possibility of a darker path. It would take years, decades before he would be sure that the possibility wouldn’t be there anymore. It was his job to stop it. His and nobody else, forever. 

Well, life at least will not be boring… And he had a long life ahead. If the horcrux inside him would never be destroyed which seemed to be the case, and because of that he couldn’t die, he was happy that there was someone with him to share that eternity. 

“Do you want to play?” Ron asked and showed his cards. He nodded in his thoughts, smiling. 

It had been lovely to return to the Burrow and see other people for a change. He had missed them all so much over the summer, and Hermione too and it was pity that she wasn’t there with them. But of course Hermione wouldn’t be here. She had known Ron only two years and didn’t live here anymore like his mind automatically told him. 

The Burrow was more colourful and noisier than he had remembered. He was so used to Tom, who moved so quietly and didn’t chitchat about things that he would have counted as pointless. Harry hold back his tears as he saw Fred again, smiling and happy. The Weasley’s were whole again. The only sad thing was that they all treated him differently, for he was still a child to them. He also couldn’t sleep, just listened and cursed Ron for his loud snoring. Tom never snored, just breathed quietly. The room was too hot and he could find the right position to sleep. And Peter Pettigrew’s whining in his rat form didn’t help his sleeping either. Its fat body laid on Ron’s bed. He wouldn’t have wanted nothing more than to tell Bonnie to poison it. But he couldn’t. He needed it in order to get Sirius free. Harry sighed and turned to face the window. He missed his godfather more than anyone. He would tell everything to him, and to Remus too. Only recently he had realised how easy for him it had been to talk to those men, how they both had treated him with love and care from the first moment they had met him. They would understand his situation. Together they would prove Sirius’ innocence. 

He walked around the garden with Arthur, who told him about Sirius and how dangerous he was. Almost exactly a year ago he had lived here, walked in this garden. The same bushes were filled with berries and all looked the same. It was comforting to think that no matter what happened, the Burrow would always be safe. Nothing would happen to it. Harry would fight with teeth and nails if anyone would harm it. This was a place of peace and happiness. Years would go by, but from the Burrow’s chimney there would come smoke and the gnomes would be tussling with each other. Harry turned to look at Arthur who talked with a very serious tone for some reason. Oh yes, he talked about Sirius… He sighed and tried to focus. 

Every day he wondered where Tom might be and what he was doing. Well, at least not freeing Bellatrix, because he couldn’t cast a patronus, he said to himself. Tom had told him about it so he could try and help him, but he couldn’t and he felt guilt for it. Tom had taught him so much about magic that it wasn’t fair that he couldn’t taught him to even make a patronus, which he had taught to so many else. 

Sometimes he had let Tom hold onto him and use his magic when he had no energy to train. It had felt awesome and exciting, even better than to do magic on his own, sweetly tingling his whole body. When he had asked how Tom did it, he had realised that Tom didn’t know. He just tested and trained and saw what happened. He sighed. That really summoned up his life: Test and see what will happen. 

In the middle of August he started to make even longer hikes around the Burrow, so far that he saw the Lovegood’s house far away across the hill. He wanted to visit there. He missed Luna’s company, her attitude about the world… but Luna didn’t know him yet. Asking Ginny to introduce him wasn't something he wanted to do, because he didn’t want to bother Ginny. He avoided her just like he had avoided the older Ginny. Luckily it wasn’t difficult, because Ginny avoided him too and was incredibly shy around him. No wonder. He probably reminded her of what had happened in the Chamber of Secrets, specially when Bonnie was always around him. He had commander her not to hiss at Ginny, but she didn’t always listen.  _ “Really I’ll tell Tom if you don’t stop” _ , he always warned Bonnie as a last way to get her to close her mouth. 

He hiked far away, hoping that Tom would find him, but as days went by he understood it wasn’t going to happen. Maybe the ‘waves roaring’ had stopped and Tom was able to sleep without him and that’s why he had no need to come, he thought and sighed. Or perhaps Tom didn’t want to take the risk that Dumbledore would find out about him so he stayed away. He really didn’t know what Tom meant by ‘waves roaring’, but it was something to do with the diary’s sacrifice. It didn’t affect him, or so he thought. At least not in that scale as it did on Tom. Three weeks ago they had last saw each other… If the waves did roar, three weeks of that none stop must be like hell. He could imagine the anger and frustration. But there was nothing he could do about it, because Tom could be anywhere. He had to just wait for Tom to come and find him. Maybe they could practise in the Chamber of Secrets? In the meantime he had started to practise on his own: just some harmless wandless magic and transfiguration when no one watched. 

Across the hill he saw Luna’s kites, flying in the wind with his brilliant eyes. He smiled as he imagined Luna’s face as he would wander next to her and ask to fly one with her. She probably wouldn’t mind, even if she didn’t know him. Well, she had to know his name and his face after what had happened last year in Hogwarts… He could just go and introduce himself… Why not? His smile widened. He wouldn't stay long, just to say hello so that Mrs. Weasley wouldn't worry. 

He whistled as he got closer, so the girl would know he was coming. Now he saw the two kites closer: one was blue and the other grey. She floated couple inches above the ground like a doll in strings. But she was the player not the toy. 

“Hi!” he yelled and waved his hand. Luna turned to look at him, blond hair on her face. “I saw you across the hill and decided to come and say hello. We go to the same school. I’m Harry”, he lowered his voice as he got closer. 

“Hello”, Luna smiled and landed on the ground. “I know who you are. I’m Luna.” 

“Nice kites. Did you make them?” 

“Yes. Would you like to try? Here, take the grey one.” Luna ran to meet him and handed him the kite and the only thing he could think was how small she looked. Merlin, he had grown. Luna barely reached at his heart’s height. The wind didn’t blow so hard as he had estimated so he didn’t have to hold so hard on the string. “Who is she?” Luna asked and he frowned until he realised that Bonnie had been following him. 

“Bonnie”, he answered. 

Luna nodded. “Could you teach me how to say hi to her?” 

“Um”, he was amazed. Bonnie hissed friendly and tried to catch the kite’s string in her mouth. No one had ever asked him to teach parseltongue before. People thought it was a bad talent, thought that snakes were unfriendly, vile and dangerous. But that wasn’t true and Luna knew that, Luna, who never minded for other’s opinions and beliefs about animals. Oh, he had missed her. “Say  _ hi _ .” Could this work? 

Luna let out some vague s- sound. “Try again.  _ Hi. _ ” 

_ “Hhhhhhi” _ , Luna said and smiled. 


	14. Protector

To home and to adventure, the train’s seats said as he sat on them carefully, trying not to wake Remus. 

“Why here? Do you know him from somewhere?” Hermione asked and followed him to the compartment. 

“He was my father’s friend”, he said. “I thought we could keep him company.” 

“Oh. How do you know that?” 

“I just... remember him.” He could sense how unsatisfied his answer made Hermione, but decided he had no energy to explain further. There were already a thousand things he would have to explain, one more couldn't hurt. Life hadn’t treated Remus kindly, he thought. And not his friends either: one dead, one charged of being a murderer and one actually being one. He mumbled a tiny silencing spell around Remus. Luna sat next to him and watched her father waving a big yellow handkerchief outside of their window. Ron and Hermione sat on the opposite seats and waved to their parents too. He felt himself to be an outsider, looking at this scene far away. Strange it was, to be back and seeing all this again. Probably to you too, he thought and watched Remus’ face that looked so much older than it actually was. 

He had gone back and forth between the Lovegood’s and the Weasley’s the remaining summer. Sometimes Luna had stayed over at the Burrow and sometimes Ron at the Lovegood’s house with him. Luna had said he had never seen his father so happy, now knowing she had such good friends. When Harry had heard this he was both happy and sad and swore to include Luna from now on to their group with Ron and Hermione. Apparently Luna never felt lonely. She said she had many friends, animals and creatures, but Harry refused to believe that the fact that she had no friends in the school didn’t bother her. Everyone thought she was odd. Weird... They lived in a magical world and people who wore green robes and owned frogs considered Luna to be too weird… Maybe Luna didn’t realise how lonely she was. He hadn’t either before he had made friends in Hogwarts. They had both grown used to being alone. But from here on they wouldn’t. He would make sure of that. 

Even Scabbers and Crookshanks fighting couldn’t awake him from his thoughts as the train left the station and landscapes of green trees and rivers crossing the countryside flew in his eyes. 

He handed money to the trolley lady to buy sweets but didn’t eat a single one himself. It was like the air around him was misty, everything seemed to move slowly. He didn’t hear as Hermione and Ron talked about what they had done this summer. 

“But how did it only take a day?” Hermione was shocked. 

“I just copied Harry’s. He made all his homework in two hours”, Ron said and grinned as Hermione turned her judgemental look at Harry’s direction. “Honestly, you two! You’ll never make it pass this year with that attitude! We have extra classes. Harry, did you look at the runes book? I found it fascinating! All the things you can do with them-” 

“But Harry didn’t take the rune class”, Ron pointed out. 

“No, he did. He changed his electives it in the last minute before summer. Don’t you remember?” 

“You took Ancient Runes voluntarily? Hello? Harry? Honestly he has been like this all summer. Now, when his eyesight is better it has been balanced by making him deaf - HARRY!” 

“Yes?” 

“You took Ancient Runes? Seriously?” 

“Yes I did. It is a useful subject.” 

“It is, isn’t it?” Hermione said and Ron sighed dramatically. “But how did you make all your summer homework in two hours? Snape will kill you if you just scratched something.” 

“Believe me, he didn’t. It was all excellently well done.” 

“Let me see Harry.” 

“Why? It’s under all my clothes and books. Don’t worry about it, Snape can try and kill me if he wants.” 

“Argh, suit yourself.” Crookshanks jumped on Harry’s lap and started purring. Harry was sure that the cat knew they were already friends. 

It started to rain and the sky darkened as they travelled north. Soon forests and rivers were replaced by fields and copses. 

He had transformed Bonnie into a small worm, not bigger than a pen so that no one would know or object her presence in the castle, because he wasn’t sure did Hogwarts allowed snakes as pets, specially when he already had Hedwig, who was currently flying to Hogwarts all by herself. 

Suddenly the train slowed its speed. He sighed and removed the silencing charm around Remus. 

“Why did we stop?” Hermione asked and looked outside the window into the dark rainy night. 

Green, blue, yellow and red robes ran across the corridor. Yelling, shouting and owls’ screaming filled the air. “Go to your compartments!” older students yelled. “Dementors are coming to check the train! Don’t worry! Stay calm!” 

Train’s doors opened and the screaming intensified. Compartment doors were slammed shut as people rushed in, without caring who was already in. 

“What’s happening?” Ron asked. Luna breathed out in the cold air and he saw it as a white smoke. They are after me, Harry thought. Any minute now he would see their black figures and hear their rattling breath. 

“Professor! Professor Lupin!” No affect. “Remus!” he yelled and shook his robes. The man’s eyes opened and looked at him. “Harry?” his voice was full of wonder. Unfortunately Harry had no time to introduce himself properly. He had lost track of time. The dementors had arrived sooner than he had expected. 

“There are dementors coming on the train. Could you make a patronus so they don’t come here?” he asked.  _ Stand aside, you silly girl  _ he heard Voldemort’s voice. No, he isn’t there, he assured himself. They are just soul sucking monsters, nothing more…  _ Not Harry! Please _ his mother begged. But it was pointless to beg, utterly pointless. Tom didn’t care about those things… she had to die… 

_ You silly girl.  _ The voice was mocking and cruel, but also taken back. 

Remus kept his eyes on him and a smile formed on his lips as they moved. A wolf enlightened every face around him. Luna clapped her hands. 

“Thank you”, Harry said and rubbed his forehead which had started to hurt again. The fact that he couldn’t make a patronus himself had never troubled him more than just then. 

He took the chocolate that Remus offered without question, thanked for it too and bit a small piece. The dark and rich flavor spread in his mouth and he took another bite. 

“Luckily you were in the same compartment. Harry, did you know… I was your father’s good friend. That was the same seat where he sat on when we first came to Hogwarts.” 

He smiled and felt the fabric beneath him with his hands. “I knew that you were. I recognised you somehow.” 

This made Remus’ smile wider. “How extraordinary! You were just a baby when I held you the last time.” Crookshanks let out a small meow and pushed his head against the man. 

Harry smiled and sank into a comfortable silence. 

The dementors had probably left the train, because children’s voices echoed from the corridor again. 

When the train arrived at the destination, Remus rushed out so he could put his stuff to his own room before the starting feast in the Great Hall. They had no hurry and he changed his clothes to school robes as the others cleaned their candy papers on the seats. 

It was pouring of rain when they found the last carriage, standing alone at the edge of the Forbidden forests. Two thestrals let out a small humming sound when he got near them. 

“What was that?” Ron yelled and looked at the forest. 

“Relax, it’s a thestral. They pull the carriage.” He patted the other thestral’s neck and stepped inside the carriage. Luna copied him and giggled as she gave instructions to Ron so he could pet it too. The only source of light were the lamps, swinging as they hit a rock or a hole on the ground. Long branches created a round roof over the road. Occasionally a lightning made the rain drops look like falling fireworks. Thunder rumbled. Great weather for returning home, Harry thought. He hoped that Hedwig had found cover somewhere. Hermione conjured her bravura small flames and everyone leaned towards them. Poor Bonnie in his case. Like he could hear her hissing from there… But it couldn’t be true. He had sealed the box and enchanted it to stay closed. So why he heard hissing? And it deepened the sound… No, that wasn’t Bonnie, it sounded more like… Harry lifted his head and scoped at the window. It couldn’t be any one but… 

“I feel sick”, he said to the others and stood up. 

“But Harry”, Hermione said as he opened the door, “You can’t go out! Wait! I can give you a bag. WAIT Harry you can’t go, Sirius Black is after you-” 

“I jump to the next carriage, don’t worry!” he said and pretended to hold a vomit. 

“There isn’t any carriages left! Harry!” He cursed the doors to stay closed so the others couldn’t follow. His clothes got wet immediately. He ran into the forest, pushing the bushes and branches aside. Thunder rumbled again. 

_ “Where are you?”  _ he yelled.  _ “Lumos.”  _ The ground was wet, full of needles and leaves. He held his wand high and felt Tom coming closer before he saw a light, lumos spell, glinting behind the trees. 

_ “What are you doing here?”  _ he asked but didn’t get an answer. Approaching steps slowed down and a dark, hooded figure stopped like before an edge of a cliff. What an earth Tom did here? 

_ “Lumos Maxima!”  _ he said without fear and got closer.  _ “Why do you have to be so dramatic? Take the hood off.”  _

His wish came true and the smile on his lips vanished. Now he felt the horcruxes presence, their whispering. In his wand’s light he saw red around the dark eyes, veins bulging sickly the blood around in contrast with the white face, paler than ghosts. But that was Tom, had to be. 

Tom’s whole being felt scattered, smaller. He had lost weight too. Cheekbones were sharper than before and his suit seemed be at least two size too large. He had guessed that their separation had been difficult, but never imagined this… He was just going to say that he was sorry, but then he remembered that Tom couldn’t stand pity. He swallowed and touched the withered face. It was cold as ice. Tom closed his eyes and let out a rough breath, like his throat was as dry as a dust. Harry didn’t know what else to do so he did what his instinct told and wrapped his hands around the taller boy. Tom started to tremble. Harry didn’t know what to say so he stayed quiet. Tom breathed as if he would be running and leaned on him. Harry buried his other hand to his thick hair. 

He had no idea the situation had been this bad, that Tom had experienced the same as he a year ago. They couldn’t be apart anymore. He refused to see Tom suffering. Well, maybe it wasn’t so bad as it had been for him… They had seen each other a month ago… but then again he had had the woods Tom, easing his suffering. So Tom had had to be without any comfort much longer than he had been. Ron had found him half dead in the Grimmauld place when two months had passed. Merlin how Tom could even stand? He had fallen into a coma when the first month of pain had passed and barely moved at all. And he had thought he had a good pain tolerance… 

Who knows how long they stood there until Tom’s breathing became steady. 

Tom hated this. He had sworn he wouldn’t let himself be like this when he would see Harry. Pathetic. 

… Had Tom slept at all since they saw each other? Probably not. He hadn’t slept when he had been in pain… 

To be depended and need someone else... He had accepted that Harry was part of his life, but the torturing sound… he had tried to get rid of it, but hadn’t succeeded no matter what he did. The only way to silence it was this… No, he couldn’t! But the other half took control of him. The half that had ripped him and made him come here. He needed that heart which voice consumed him. But not anymore. Harry was there, he could… Tom tried to clear his head, but the voice was too strong, the need to be close was stronger than him and it frightened him. 

“Dementors guard the castle. Let’s get out of here”, Harry’s voice called. The green eyed watched him. He had dreamed of this and touched it... him now. He was really here! This wasn’t a hallucination but true. The voice had quiet down, changed its tune into a humming melody. 

Tom’s hands pulled him from the neck towards him. Their wands dropped to the ground. The need to ask questions died out as suddenly as their lumos spells. Harry couldn’t resist. Tom needed this. It was a miracle that he could control himself over the pain… His robe was ripped open and shirt broken in half. He heard Tom do the same to his shirt. They held each other close. Rain came pouring on and there they stood in the darkness. 

This was the first time he felt so much real bare skin against himself, not just the woods horcrux smoke. He had been hugged before, many people had and he had slept next to Tom every night for two months. But this was different, without the clothing layer. They weren’t just smoke but real living flesh… Little by little, Tom’s skin warmed. He felt him getting his powers back, the air thickened around him. 

Now the pulse beat hard, calling him… No, he couldn’t, Harry wasn’t strong enough to stop him from taking what he wanted. Or no, he lied to himself. Harry was strong enough, not him. 

“Why did you let yourself in this state?” Harry asked. “I thought that you were okay with this thing that pulls us together. Why have you resisted it again?” 

It was easier to think and to breathe. But he needed more. His shaking hands found Harry’s backside and the back of the neck and pulled him close, but not close enough. 

“Wait, wait”, Harry tried to speak. “I won’t do this now. The pain has blinded you.” Tom’s every move was slow and tired and he wasn’t ready to do this. Not yet. “There are dementors guarding the castle so if you would just come inside and go to the Chamber, I’ll meet you there tonight, okay? I have to go now, Dumbledore will notice I’m not there.” 

_ “I don’t care” _ , Harry heard an answer that didn’t sound like Tom… it was a horrible, dry whisper. He froze and turned his gaze away into the forest. It is only a voice, nothing more, he reasoned to himself. Tom just needed a hot drink. He hadn’t necessarily talked in a very, very long time. 

“Come on, let’s go”, he said and grabbed their wands on the ground and started to knit the shirts back together. The result wasn’t perfect, but he didn't care. Harry put his shirt back on and gave Tom his wand back. It was terribly cold now when Tom’s body didn’t warm him. Why had Tom decided to come now, when there were much safer and better places to meet? “Lumos.” Just as he had thought. Tom’s eyes looked painfully hungry and even though his wand pointed straight at the face, the pupils were larger than he had ever seen before. 

_ “I don’t care about anyone else. “ _ Tom wasn’t okay. He had to get him to lie down until he would collapse into the wet ground. 

“Let’s go”, he took his hand, but Tom didn’t move, just looked at his forehead with a weird expression. Tom never looked at his scar like other people casually glanced at it now and then. This sudden interest was unnerving. 

_ “Has your scar been in pain?”  _

The question terrified him, but he didn’t know why.  _ “No. Just the usual.”  _

_ “Are you sure?”  _

_ “Yes. I haven’t seen the horcrux in the woods and I haven’t seen any nightmares. Why do you ask?”  _

_ “Because I have a bad feeling.”  _

_ “Is that why you came?”  _

_ “I’ve had weird... dreams. The same kind that you told you had when Voldemort returned.”  _

This was bad. Really bad. Did it meant what he thought? 

_ “Well, what has happened in those dreams?”  _ he asked, forced his voice to stay steady. So that was it? Had Voldemort returned already? And they had no other plan than to take the horcruxes' power. 

  
  


**_A month ago_ **

  
  


He stared at the roof. It was midday and he was in bed, but he didn’t care. He didn’t sleep anymore, so it didn’t matter. 

A book laid on the table forgotten, next to the diary. He had tried everything, every curse and ritual, but the sound didn’t quiet down. Well, it was better than  _ it.  _ It was a voice that echoed in his head. A voice he didn’t want to think about. Even now, when he didn’t hear it, it frightened him. 

_ “Harry…” _ , it had whispered. Nothing else. Cold and gaunt. 

He heard it everywhere, awake and in his nightmares.  _ “Harry” _ , it commanded. 

  
  


**_Three weeks ago_ **

  
  


_ The bottom of the jungle sloped downwards. It was wet, felt good against the scales. A bird flew in the sky. Too high, couldn’t catch. Couldn’t. It fell down on the branch, stupid. Away! She hissed to it. It just looked at her, turning its grey head around. Shhhh! AAAR! It screamed at her. She showed her teeth. She had eaten a big rat. Meat soft, ran quickly. Not ran anymore.  _

_ There was a familiar smell in the air. She followed. Had to return to him.  _

_ She slithered over the stumps, over the stones, hissing, hissing hissing. Here. The big rock she saw already. Inside, in the nest.  _

_ Not much light, but she saw, she saw... She approached the small human. Human had shed his skin again. The silk dress was so soft. She wanted to wear one too! Long time ago she had a dress… pretty one.  _

_ “Nagini”, she heard.  _

_ “Yes… yess…” The human was impatient. Not like her at all. She could wait. “Yes, drink, drink.” The human sucked her nipple, hungry he was. Never satisfied. Eyes bloody. Not so weak anymore. This prey had powers, the girl had cried and cried and cried and cried when she had brought her here. Not cry anymore. Quiet... so quiet.  _

He woke up to his own screaming. His whole body shook. That voice again. This time there had been another. Nagini… How had he trusted a part of his soul to a snake? How could have he been so stupid? Nagini. He tried to remember what he had seen. There had been some girl, small girl… Why? Ahh, he didn’t remember! 

This was intolerable. He got up and tried to remember. Anything, anything at all. That roaring in his head again. The more he tried to remember the less he remembered. 

  
  


**_Two weeks ago_ **

  
  


Limbs were numb, cold as dead. The voice emanated above all, repeated in his head.  _ Harry…  _ , it commanded.  _ No. No _ , answered. Harry… He had to go on. He couldn’t meet him, didn’t dare. If he would, then  _ he  _ would be closer to Harry too. And Harry was his,  _ "MINE” _ , he yelled into the dark room. No one answered. No more waves roaring or horcruxes whispering. Had he lost his sense of hearing? 

Better that way. 

He was in the diary again. 

Time didn’t go on. 

But there was light, so no. This wasn’t the diary. He was alive… 

Tom forced himself to stand. It felt like every vein was squeezed, every bone weak. When was the last time he had eaten? He didn’t remember. The voice repeated in his head. Any minute now. 

He was dizzy. He had got up too quickly, yes, that was it. And again, the pain was born. Harry… he had to touch, to see. NO. 

Harry was his. His, his, his… , he said to himself. Countless of times. 

Harry came closer to him, older and taller. He pictured those eyes above him. Sharp, marble white face waited for him. And the arms, touching. This was a dream, he thought. It cannot be. Where was he? 

_ You are perfect _ , Harry said.  _ Divine. Like those ancient Greek statues.  _ Harry’s tongue penetrated in his mouth, demanding more, never getting enough. He felt him hard against him, but didn’t see, couldn’t look even if he craved it. 

_ Then you are a Devil. With those eyes…  _ Harry’s lips grinned. He felt the touching again. Strong strokes. 

_ Devil, ha?  _

_ Yes.  _ Suddenly he bit him, hard on the neck, travelled down. He closed his eyes… 

_ Harry…  _ , the cold voice again. He woke up startled. The pain came again. Why? If that voice would have been quiet just a moment longer. He tried to picture the dream again, but couldn’t. He had been so happy, the dream had been so real. Everything he had wanted. He didn’t care about that cold voice, for a new voice had taken its place above all momentarily.  _ You are perfect _ . There. Focus on that. He bit his own lip and tasted his blood, their blood. He suck that, draw breath really quickly and came, for the first time in his life. 

But his body wasn’t strong so the happy feeling didn’t last long. As quickly as it had came, now it was gone. And he yelled. Yelled to this pain until he had no breath left. Something cracked broken, but he didn’t care about it. 

Harry. He had to see him. Now! But he couldn’t get up. No matter how he tried. He tried to reach for his wand.  _ Accio, Accio!  _ he called it with magic. It didn’t move. 

  
  


**_A week ago_ **

“Kraak, kraak, kraak!” 

“Kraaaaak! Kra-kra-kra-kra-kraaak!” 

Something sharp poked his cheek. 

“Kraak, kraak?!” 

He opened his eyes. Something white covered his view. It took a moment for his eyes to see. “Kraak?” 

Hedwig? It that you? She bit his cheek. How did it get in? He looked at the window. It wasn’t open. Then… why did the curtains flutter in the wind? 

“Kraak?” Hedwig looked at his eyes. Then she disappeared. Don’t go! Come back! 

And she came. With a bread. Tom looked at her eye in the eye. He couldn’t get up. The bird seemed to realise that too. She spread her wings and picked the bread into his mouth. 

“Kraa-kraa-kraaak!” she said when she paused and then continued feeding him. The bread was dry, but he forced it down his throat. 

Hedwig flew away for a moment and then came back, always with another bread, until she landed on his feet to rest. 

  
  


**_Present_ **

  
  


_ “Well, what has happened in those dreams?” _ Harry asked. He was just going to answer, but then he saw something that stopped his thinking. Something approached them behind the trees. It was darker than the rainy forest, was the darkness itself. 

_ “Harry!”  _ he said and pointed at it. 

Harry turned around to look. Oh no. Not again! The dementors. They glided past the trees, one after one after one, a big black wall. How had they found them so quickly? And why did they come here? Did they pass Tom’s protection spells? Or wait a minute, did Tom even put them on? Harry didn’t wait to find out. 

A happy memory, happy memory, he tried to discover. They were just a couple meters away. How they had not noticed them on time? A cold wave washed over. Air changed, suffocating. Harry felt Tom taking support of him. Tom tried to apparate them away, but couldn’t focus, hearing that voice again:  _ Harry…  _

_ “No” _ , Tom mumbled. 

No. Tom couldn’t take this now, couldn’t conjure a patronus. Happy memories. His parents! Think of them! But the only thing he saw was those ghostly reflections that the resurrection stone had shoved to him. Where were the smiling faces? He couldn’t find them. No, he tried to conceal his mind so dementors couldn’t sense him. It didn’t work. A dementor bent down, that rattling breath… It took off its hood, grabbed its hands over Tom. He had only seconds. He pointed his wand and thought about Tom, about the horcrux’s joy. “Expecto patronum!” he yelled. “Expecto patronum!” 

It didn't help. He felt those deathly hands grabbing him too. He had no happy thoughts. Voldemort was alive again and he would live forever without a soul. 

Tom’s hand squeezed around the elder wand. No, he wouldn’t die. Couldn’t die. Not here like this, not ever. These creatures couldn’t hurt him. He was immortal and would live forever. With Harry. He crushed Harry’s hand and raised the Hallow, pointing at the creature who touched what was his. 

“Expecto patronum”, he whispered. From the tip of the wand there burst out something white, but it faded away when he heard that voice:  _ Harry _ … again. Think! What Harry had said? The memory had to be strong enough! He heard the voice but didn’t give it room. Coldness teared his throat. Then, he remembered his dream. The older Harry who had said:  _ You are perfect.  _ He closed his eyes and lifted the Hallow again.  _ Then you are a Devil. With those eyes…  _

_ “Expecto patronum!”  _ he yelled in parseltongue. 

From the elder wand there burst out a glowing, graceful, black winged beautiful devil, bigger than a dementor. Tom opened his eyes and looked at it.  _ “Attack” _ , he commanded and pointed at Harry. A dementor, which mouth already kissed Harry, was thrown away. The devil waved its wind a second time. It conjured energy shields, one bigger than the other before. It circled around him, leaving a trace of white smoke behind. The dementors disappeared. 

┃⚬ △ 

Harry watched mouth slightly open at the devil who stared him back with exactly the same eyes. Tom lifted him up. He couldn’t believe it. 

“Tom! You did it!” 

_ “Yes I did”, _ Tom answered smiling and kissed him, neither noticed the name that he had accidentally slipped. He had thought Tom didn’t have enough powerful memories! What memory Tom had used? Hardly he would get an answer to that so he asked instead:  _ “What is it?”  _

_ “What do you think?”  _ Tom asked and put him down. 

_ “Ummm…”  _ It didn’t remind him of anything he had seen before. It fluttered its wings slowly and smiled at him, face beautiful and black, a little bit scary too. 

_ “I don’t know” _ , he said honestly when it landed on the ground and stood proudly in front of him so tall that he had to raise his chin up to see its face. 

_ “It’s you” _ , Tom answered and laughed at Harry’s face. 

_ “Oh. And… in what way?”  _ he asked amused. 

_ “Immortal mythical creature.”  _

_ “Aaa” _ , Harry realised. Of course. Tom’s Immortality… so his happiest memory. He wasn’t sure what he should think. He felt immensely proud of Tom. This was another proof that Tom was healing. A sign that he had Tom on his side for real, because no one could fool a patronus. It was pure, uncovering magic. And Tom could do it, because of him. But his proud and happiness was mixed with sadness, pity and anxiety which had nothing to do with the conversation they had had before the dementors had arrived. 

He would always be everything to Tom. But that is what you wanted and how it should be, he said to himself. There was no reason to feel anxiety. We shared a soul. And if you are his happiest memory that’s only a good thing. Then why he felt so guilty? Patronus was pure, uncovered… He was important to Tom, of course he knew that. He was immortal because of him, but to know that he was his patronus - that took a form of a stag - and was one of the most important and almost a sacred thing to him… and even thought he was Tom’s happiest memory just because he was his immortality, he felt guilty because he was there because the horcrux had made him to come. It was ridiculous to feel guilty… they were both together for selfish reasons. 

The devil faded in the air. The air got colder and Harry woke up from his thoughts. 

_ “Thank you. You saved my life.”  _

Tom was amazed. Yes, that he had done.  _ “So, I suppose we are even then.”  _

_ “Naah I don't’ know about that. If you count the things Voldemort did. But I don’t count them. It wouldn’t be fair.”  _

_ “Well, if we would count them, how many times have I killed you?”  _

_ “Let’s see… that time in this forest and when I gave my powers in the diary, so twice.”  _

Tom scorned.  _ “Good that I have time to pay them back” _ , he said and looked at the elder wand. 

Harry scorned too.  _ “I have to go. Hermione will alert the entire staff any minute now. And I’m cold.”  _

_ “You go inside. Let’s meet in the Chamber tonight.”  _

_ “Sounds good. You got all the horcruxes and the stone?”  _

_ “Harry, no matter what, I will never forget those.”  _

They both had forgotten what they had talked before the dementors had arrived, but now it all lashed into Tom’s mind. He couldn’t be apart from Harry again. Their connection was so strong that he couldn’t break it, for better or for worse. He would stay and make sure that  _ he  _ couldn’t get into Hogwarts. Not at least through the Chamber. He looked at Harry’s pale face. The forest’s almost non existing light made them look ghostly. And even though he knew that paleness wasn’t healthy, it made Harry look more beautiful, supernatural. Oh yes, he would stay. Fuck Voldemort. And Fuck that old goon. He would stay in his home, in Hogwarts, where he belonged. 

_ “I must say I’m glad you stay” _ , Harry said. 

_ “I’m too. Mmm… could I lean on you please?”  _ Now when the patronus was gone he felt his powers grow weaker. He was hungry, cold and tired and he feared he would fall to the ground any minute now if Harry didn’t touch him and give his powers to him. 

_ “Yes, of course” _ , Harry answered. He had never heard Tom say: please before and was amazed. He glanced at Tom now and then as they walked over the muddy hill to home, Tom leaning on him, without feeling ashamed. 


	15. More chocolate?

How am I going to explain this to Hermione? Harry wondered as he climbed on top of the hill. The castle’s torches lighted the dark night in the distance. They stopped to draw breath and Harry looked behind where they had come from. Water flowed on small streams over the trees roots, down where the dementors had almost got them both. The patronus had washed away the feeling of hopelessness. He couldn’t feel its mouth on his anymore, only a bit cold on the inside. 

_ “That was frighteningly close” _ , he breathed in, turned his head on the clouds and let raindrops fell in his slightly open mouth.  _ “What made you come here? Couldn’t you wait until tomorrow and… I don’t know… look me out then? Or at the train station? Anywhere except here and now?”  _

_ “You had been attacked. I felt it, the cold. I’m not sure how, but it is something to do with the diary sacrifice.”  _

Did Tom meant the dementors on the train? How on earth had Tom sensed that?   
_  
“Let’s talk later. Go now”  
_  
, Tom said and let go of him. 

_ “Okay.”  _ Tom was right. He had to get moving.  _ “Uh, are you all right?”  _ The front door was in entirely different direction than the Black Lake and he didn’t want to leave Tom alone in this state, crawling into those dark holes. He didn’t even know could Tom swim. Hardly any orphanages’ child had had many chances to practise their swimming skills in the 1930s… 

_ “I’m all right. Go now” _ , he got a little bit annoyed sounding answer. Okay, if he said so, Harry thought and left to tramp closer to the castle.  _ “Expecto patronum”  _ , Tom whispered and disappeared into the darkness, leaving that great winged creature for his protection before he could object. Though he was grateful for the protection, it wouldn’t help to explain his absence to anyone, only raise more questions if someone saw it. It walked quietly by his side, wings on its back which didn’t quite reach to the ground. Harry admired how special patronus it was. He had never thought that a patronus could be black, or that the colour could glow, how delicate veils floated behind it, how the green flames burned behind it eyes. 

"How do I explain where I’ve been?” he asked. It smiled seductively, tilted its head and, to Harry’s wonder, pointed with its black, long finger at his heart. “I don’t understand”, he answered and stopped his walking, amazed. What did it try to tell? He was even more confused when it lifted its other hand to cover its mouth and shook its head. Harry knew this gesture had to mean something other than just its inability to talk. “Do you mean the dementors? Their kiss? They didn’t get me… it was close, but didn’t…” The patronus let its hands fall down. Harry was sure that if it could have embodied some other feeling than happiness, its facial expression would have been disappointed. It looked that no one was close for the last time and then faded into the air. 

Harry was overwhelmed with a sudden confusing and nostalgic feeling as he started climbing up the stone stairs. Had it meant: keep your heart open? Something told him it wasn’t that either. Tom hadn’t made it to do those things, because why would he had? The patronus knew something… or had he imagined it all? 

The front doors were barred with wood, iron and charms. Well, I guess I could just…, he thought and banged it three times as hard as he could, but the huge door muffled the noise. Oh Merlin’s beard. Then he got a second idea. “Accio Nimbus 2000!” 

He flew over the castle with his old broom and stopped for a few seconds to look at it all. The moon was hidden behind the clouds, all light came from candles, torches and sudden lightnings. He saw something moving inside Hagrid’s Hut. Fang was probably afraid of the thunder and jumped around in front of the window… The Black Lake was the only place where there wasn’t any light… so the first years had already crossed it with their boats… He opened his mouth again and let the rain wash him.

Voldemort had maybe returned and he didn’t know how he would defeat him, didn’t know what the future would bring or what he would do, but now he let it all go for a moment and enjoyed to just being alive. He should have to do this more often… come here up high and just… he fell backwards to lay on his broom, in perfect balance. It would be amazing to be able to create thunder with magic. Just the snap of his fingers and… A thunder roared… Just like that. 

A lightning cracked somewhere near. That awakened him. It was time to leave. 

He knocked at the boy’s dormitory window when he saw Ron stepping into the room. But of course Ron didn’t noticed him, just walked past the window. It didn’t open from the outside, no matter what he tried. He guessed that some kind of spell protected the castle from outsiders, which made sense, considering the circumstances: a mass murdered was on the loose. They just didn’t know he was already inside the castle… “Ron! Neville!” He waved to Neville, who stepped into the room too. “Here!” Harry could see Neville sensed right away that something wasn’t right. He looked around with a confused expression. “Here!” Then Neville saw him and rushed to let him in. 

“Harry! Everyone are so worried! Hermione, HERMIONE!” 

“No - Neville, don’t!”, he tried to shout, but Neville had already run to the stairs. 

“What a dramatic entrance”, Ron grinned. “What took you so long? And where did you get that broom?” 

“I summoned it. Hey, Hermione didn’t told anyone where I went, did she-” 

“HARRY! OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU THINK?! TO RUN AWAY LIKE THAT? HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID? DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT RON’S DAD WARNED YOU ABOUT?! DON’T GO ANYWHERE ALONE!” 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t feeling well. Did you tell to the teachers?” 

“YES! To professor McGonagall! She is looking for you! Well don’t just stand there, go! Hey, what is that…” Hermione’s voice quieted down suddenly. “What you got there?” Harry tried to back away, but the wall stopped him. “What’s that?” Hermione managed to pull his collar away before he realised what this was about. He flinched away, but the damage was already done. “Where did you get these?” Hermione asked and Harry couldn’t stop his blushing. 

“Well… um... my uncle got mad to me and… you know”, he lied. 

“WHAT?” Ron yelled. In that moment Seamus and Dean came into the room and wondered why everyone were so terribly serious. Neville had pressed his head down and looked at the floor like in funerals. 

“Oh Harry, is this why you have been away from home? I didn’t know that it was this serious! You have to tell to McGonagall. You can’t go there anymore.” 

“Hermione is right”, Neville said quietly. 

“Yes, I know. Could we discuss this another time?” he said and nodded to Seamus and Dean before going down the stairs to get his sentence from The Head of Gryffindor House. 

When everyone had fallen asleep that night, Harry put his invisibility cloak on and opened his case, where small Bonnie had curled up into a whiny angry knot. He gave her a piece of raw bacon and put her in his pocket. Castle’s candles and torches flickered and the still ongoing rain banged on the big windows. Harry tiptoed voicelessly to the second floor girls bathroom. Myrtle probably lurked in the pipes, because she was nowhere to be seen. 

_ “Open” _ , Harry whispered. He sneaked the white marble stairs down to the chamber. The closer he was to the bottom the more darker and dirtier the stairs were. Soon the chamber widened and air turned damp. Gloomy light illuminated from the debts. Harry returned Bonnie to her original size.  _ “Finally! That was awful!”  _ Bonnie hissed. 

_ “I’m so sorry” _ , Harry said.  _ “Are you ready to meet the Queen?”  _

_ “Oh no. Now? I don’t look presentable at all…”  _

_ “Nonsense, you are lovely. Just remember that I'll come and look for you tomorrow. If you want to get away, you only have to say. If she teases you or threatens you, you can live with me.”  _

_ “Yes, yes, Lamonah! Summon her!”  _ Bonnie braced herself and pulled her tongue out. 

_ “Alright, if you are sure?”  _ Harry looked skeptically at the Salazar’s statue.  _ “I don’t know if this works, but… Umm… Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts four?”  _ The statue’s mouth didn’t open. Harry felt stupid.  _ “I guess there is nothing to be done other than wait for Tom…”  _ Suddenly the water started rippling and bubbling. A great black shadow got closer and closer to the surface and he closed his eyes. Bonnie was speechless. Harry’s legs got wet when a big wave washed over the floor. He heard something big slither beside him.  _ “Sssspeaker. You have returned. Got any food? Ssso hungry.”  _

_ “No, I haven’t, but I can bring some. Umm.. Here is Bonnie. The snake I was talking about” _ , he pointed vaguely to where he thought the little one was. 

_ “That’sss interesting. Come, come closer” _ , the big snake encouraged. Harry heard Bonnie approaching. After that, nothing made a sound and he was getting nervous, because he didn’t know did the snake actually have the self control not to eat him if Tom wasn’t there.  _ “Can I open my eyes Queen?”  _

_ “Yes, yessss you can. The Heir commanded not to hurt you.”  _ Harry opened his eyes. Bonnie was like a small worm next to the Queen. They were smelling each other. 

_ “Do you know where… he is?”  _ Harry didn’t see a reason to be more specific. He refused to use the name Lover. The whole name felt like an immature joke at his expense. 

_ “He is collecting food.”  _ Harry nodded. That sounded like a good idea. The snakes’… familiarization seemed to be going well so he left them in peace and wandered deeper into the chamber. The massiveness of the place was as breathtaking as always. He found one of the smaller rooms, which could only describe to be small here, and sat to wait on the stairs. 

_ “And here I should live?”  _ a soft voice carried out from a huge barrel vault. 

_ “If this fortress doesn’t suit you your majesty, then nothing will.”  _ Tom sat beside him and passed on a food basket.  _ “Say that again.”  _

_ “No” _ , Harry shook his head with a smile and bit, with great enthusiastic, a piece from the first cake of which he got on his hands.  _ “I promise to use that title IF you became a royal person.”  _

_ “Well, then I have to do my best to reach that goal” _ , Tom answered seriously and took a red apple. 

_ “Hmm, this is so good” _ , Harry said and moved on to the other cake.  _ “The Hogwarts elves know what they are doing.”  _

_ “Not as good as you.”  _ Harry narrowed his eyes at Tom’s serious expression and handed him a sandwich. 

_ “Eat something other than vegetables or fruits for once.”  _ For some reason Tom shook his head in disgust at the sandwich.  _ “Well, chocolate then?” _ Tom bit one piece of the chocolate bar.  _ “You brought something for the snakes too, didn’t you? So that Queen doesn’t eat Bonnie.”  _

_ “I didn’t. They can wait till tomorrow.  _

_ “But-”  _

_ “I commanded Queen to treat Bonnie with respect before you came.”  _

_ “Okay, good.”  _

_ “Harry, why didn’t you give me the invisibility cloak before I left the mansion? Why it was such a big deal to you?”  _ The question came so suddenly that he wasn’t able to answer.  _ “I used the cloak many times before, so the fear that the Hallows would switch their loyalty to me couldn’t be the reason you didn’t give it. I’ve tried to understand. You couldn’t think that I would just take the Hallows and go, because I wouldn’t do that, you know that. It couldn’t be a desire for ownership or sentimental attachment, because, as I said, I had borrowed it many time before. So, what was the reason?”  _

Harry stared at the chocolate bar in Tom’s hands and followed as Tom took another bite. He heard small cracks when the motion was repeated again and again.  _ “All that you said. All those were the reasons” _ , he admitted and put his own bar of chocolate back to the basket. Speaking the truth had never felt so difficult. 

_ “Hmmm… You didn’t trust me” _ , Tom said and smiled, which made Harry’s inside twist of guilt, no matter how he reasoned to himself that he had no reason to feel guilt. Tom didn’t trust him either, or wouldn’t trust without the unbreakable vow of truth and loyalty.  _ “I don’t blame you” _ , Tom said quietly, stood up and transformed the cloth, which had been on the basket, to a big double bed.  _ “Do you stay here for the night?”  _ Tom sat on the bed and leaned back with a… questionable look. The view so was tempting, all that he had pictured when sleeping alone for this past month. 

_ “All right, just to sleep.”  _

Tom grinned in a self-satisfied manner.  _ “Yes, of course. Or what else did you expect?”  _

_ “Shut up. Could you do that awakening spell to ring at six o’clock? If I’m not back in the Gryffindor tower in the morning, Hermione will murder me. I already got a week of detention from McGonagall. I don’t want more trouble.”  _

_ “Couldn’t you just talk her around? Slughorn was always open to make a trade. You could offer to give remedial instruction to the younger students or do something that he wants to be done.”  _

_ “Yes, well, McGonagall is different. If she gives you detention, you will go to the detention.”  _

_ “Sounds terribly boring and unpractical”,  _ Tom said, pointed at him and suddenly all the wetness and dirt was gone and he felt himself to be very clean. He fell on the bed. The room was enormously airy without any other furniture. The highest spot of the roof was straight above him. The stone wall curved towards the center. Water hummed, which was confusing. It was hard to believe a room of this size was under ground. The horcruxes whispered next to the bed.  _ “If you think your dreams mean that Voldemort has returned, shouldn’t we have to start to try and see how to use the horcruxes’ powers?”  _ Tom faced him on his side and stared at him intensively. 

_ “He hasn’t returned yet, but is recovering. And I… speaking the truth, I’m not sure how we can use those powers. In theory, I could absorb them in me, but I don’t exactly know how.”  _

_ “Sound pretty risky. What if it all goes wrong and the horcruxes take control of you?”  _

_ “That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to figure out.”  _

Harry sighed. _ “Well, try to hurry up. We got no time. Soon I just have to find Voldemort and let him try to kill me.”  _

_ “It wouldn’t necessarily help us at all. What if the curse wouldn’t bounce back at him? He would only know that you have the Hallows.”  _

_ “Yes, you are right. I just… said it without thinking… But what else can we do? He is too strong. I can't defeat him, even if we practised decades. And, even if I did, he would return, thanks to the horcruxes. We can’t kill him. We have to capture him… somehow.”  _ He was so tired he couldn’t keep his eyelids open. Queen and Bonnie hissed somewhere near… 

_ “Not if the horcruxes are absorbed” _ , Tom whispered.  _ “Then he would die, because the horcrux in you wouldn’t be enough to bind him to this world alone, I think.”  _

_ “You think?”  _ Harry sighed again.  _ “I don’t like this uncertainty. Too much is at stake.”  _

_ “Me neither.”  _ They listened a moment to the water humming until Tom managed to start before him:  _ “I know, you think I haven’t told everything I know, but it isn’t true. I don’t know how to absorb a horcrux if I’m not its real maker. I just know it requires strength, just like making a horcrux. So, in the meantime, when I discover the answer, we practise. You are doing all you can, like me, know that.”  _ Harry nodded and turned his stomach against the sheets. 

_ “You could take the truth vow too. It would make this all so much simpler… I wish I could read your mind” _ , he mumbled and didn’t expect to get a reply, but got one:  _ “I will not risk my life by swearing an unbreakable vow. We can’t be sure does the Hallows protect me too. Even if your sacrifice would have worked perfectly, it is still likely that the immortality didn’t pass on to me after all.”  _ Harry wrapped his hand around Tom’s wrist. Their skins started to tickle.  _ “And I’m not sure you would like to enter in my mind.”  _ Harry didn’t know what Tom meant by that. 

_ “What were the dreams which you spoke before? Those where Voldemort was? Strange that I didn’t see them.”  _

_ “Actually, it’s not strange. I’m the one who is half him, you only a portion. There is many explanations, but I believe I saw them, because I didn’t hold my mind closed, like you.”  _ Because you suffered and couldn’t keep him out, Harry finished the sentence in his mind. 

_ “Oh yes, I almost forgot! That dementor attack on the train. How could you possibly feel that?”  _

_ “I don’t know” _ , Tom whispered.  _ “I felt… cold. And I had to come and check that you were all right. We… have to get that locket… from the house of Black. As soon as possible…”  _ Harry let out a vague sound of agreeing and drifted into a restless sleep. 

  
  


In the first morning lesson, Harry had a hard time to keep his eyes open. The dementor’s kiss had affected the horcrux inside him somehow. His scar was in pain again, a nagging annoying pain. And his nightmares hadn’t left him in peace either, like they hadn’t left Tom either, until they figured out a way to make the nightmares go away: they kissed until his scar didn’t hurt anymore and until they both were so messed up by the warmth and the growing of their magic that it was the only thing they could concentrate. Unfortunately that meant he hadn’t slept… at all. Ancient runes, the symbols and meanings mixed together into one incomprehensible mess. Hermione poked him with her elbow when it looked like he was about to fall from his desk. Why these chairs were so uncomfortable? Luckily he didn’t need to go to the mist of the Divination class. 

He had used magic to conceal his tiredness, but on the way to the Transfiguration he almost wished he hadn’t, because everyone around him didn’t understand how tired he was and jumped up and down like monkeys and asked questions when he wanted nothing more than peace and quiet. Fortunately when McGonagall stepped into the class, everyone shut their mouths immediately. 

Flitwick didn’t have the same… something to keep these teens quiet so he had to suffer from the noise. When the Charms class ended, they went the the Great Hall and his face almost fell into his coffee cup. The caffeine didn’t help, but at least it didn’t make him more sleepy. 

“Hey, Harry! Wood called for you”, Ron said and pushed him with his elbow. 

“Oh hey Oliver”, he smiled as he saw the boy marching next to him. 

“Hey. Listen. They first Quidditch practice is on Saturday at seven o’clock in the evening. See you there.” 

“Yeah”, Harry nodded. “Oh, um… I have detention in the evenings this week-” 

“I make sure that you go there before the practice.” 

“Okay, thanks.” 

“He is eager. Merlin, it’s the first day”, Ron said when Oliver went to tell the same thing to Fred, George and Angelica. 

“Yeah”, he said, miles away. He kept his eyes on Remus, who chatted with Dumbledore at the moment. Then Remus stood up and went out from the door that was behind the teachers table. 

“Hey, Ron. You trust me right?” 

“Yeeees, why?” Ron asked and looked very, very puzzled. Hermione’s attention was raised too and she leaned on the table to hear what he was about to say. 

“Umm, Scabbers, is it in the Gryffindor Tower?” 

“Yes.” 

“Good. Can I go and get it? I explain everything later, but I need it now.” 

“Why? Why can’t you explain now?” 

“Because it takes time which I don’t have right now.” 

“Okay. What are you going to do with it?” 

“Nothing. I just take it with me. There is something I have to do.” 

“Does this have something to do with you, running away yesterday?” Hermione asked. 

“Yes… I explain later. Bye!” He really didn’t know how to explain it or how he knew who Scabbers was, but he couldn’t just take Ron’s rat without saying something. 

When he arrived in front of Remus’ office, he stopped for a moment to gather his thoughts. He repeated everything that he had to say and how. Then he knocked. 

“Harry! This is a surprise. Come in”, Remus said friendly and closed the door behind him. There wasn’t many objects in the room. Just the teacher's desk and some books. The window was wide open, curtains wavered in the light wind. “Sit down”, Remus encouraged. He didn’t know how to behave. He sensed that Harry was very nervous and guessed it had nothing to do with school. Harry was so like James. Except the eyes… He didn’t want to talk to him as a teacher, even if he had figured out it was the best and easiest way to get to know him and don’t be oppressive, but now when Harry had said he remembered him, he wanted to treat him familiarly. He didn’t know how much Harry remembered, but he remembered everything about him. How Harry had laughed on his knee and ate porridge… And there he was, the same child, sitting there. Remus was filled with longing, nostalgia and sadness. “Would you like some tea?” he asked and tried to keep his voice steady. 

“Yes, please”, Harry answered very politely. The teacups flew from the corner into the table and soon the teapot poured orange liquid into them with a large arc. 

“How was your first day?” Remus asked. 

“Fine, it was fine”, Harry said and lifted the cup on his lips. “I um… “ He didn’t know how to start. He put the untouched cup down and drew a deep breath. “I have something I need to say that is related to this.” He took the Marauder’s Map from his robes. Remus’ eyebrows rose. “I know that it was made by you, my dad, Sirius and Peter.” He put it on the table, remembering the moment when Fred and George had given it to him, their most precious treasure, just so he could go to Hogsmeade… have fun like the rest, so he wouldn’t feel like an outsider. He had no idea how it had ended up in Filch’s office. Maybe for some reason the Marauders had left it in the castle and by some destiny the twins had found it… the marauders of the next generation. But now it was his and it felt like a piece of his father was now in the room with him. It was more personal and important than any Lordship ring could ever be. He felt guilty that Fred and George couldn’t have it anymore, but they had said they knew the castle’s every secret passage already. Which was wrong, Harry thought. The twins nor the marauders or anyone knew them all and not even Tom. The castle was alive. No one could ever know it completely. He was sad that the twins didn’t have the chance to give it to him this time and he felt slightly guilty, like he would have stolen it from them, but he would be forever grateful for what the twins had done for him, made him feel included, a part of their family. 

Remus sat on his chair, cup forgotten in his hand. He really didn’t know what to answer or how to explain… He would tell the truth, but how in the Merlin’s name had Harry guessed? Had someone told him? 

“I ask that you look at this room in this map.” Harry passed the map on to Remus, who almost dropped his tea when he took it with shaking hands. It was just like he remembered… It’s magic hadn’t faded… He turned the pages and found his office easily. And then… he stared at the spot, amazed. 

“Peter?” he whispered and turned pale and lifted his gaze next to Harry where the map said Peter was. 

“I guessed you can see him.” 

“Yes… only Marauders can see each other in the map… but Harry, where - where is he?” 

“I have him, in rat form. But before I show him, I ask that you listened to me first.” Remus nodded and put the map on the table. “That night, when I got this scar, someone had betrayed us and told our location to Voldemort. Do you know who our the secret keeper was?” 

“Yes”, Remus answered with caution. 

“It was Sirius at first, yes, but then my parents switched to Peter before the attack. They thought that Voldemort wouldn’t suspect Peter to be our secret keeper, so Sirius agreed to the switch.” 

Remus nodded. “Harry, how can you know all this?” 

“Oh you know? Perfect!” So Sirius had contacted Remus already. This made things a lot easier. 

“Sirius explained this all before the start of the term”, Remus said and rose from his chair. “Harry, could I have the rat now? I don’t want you near of it any longer.” Harry passed the frozen rat to Remus, who tossed it into a small cage and cast a dozen spells on it with a murderous expression. “I repeat, how on earth did you know that that rat is guilty?” Remus asked, his wand pointing at the cage. Now the hardest part. He knew he couldn't lie. Remus would sense it right away. 

“I promise I will tell you someday. I tell it to Sirius too at the same time, but not now.” 

“Why not?” Remus asked. 

“Because, in order for you to understand, you would have to hear the whole story. And I can’t tell it here. The risk is too great. The less people know, the better.” 

“You can trust me Harry. I wouldn’t tell a soul.” 

“I know you wouldn’t. But your mind can be read or the truth can get out in some other way. When Sirius is free, I’ll tell you both when we are in a safe place.” 

“Remus shook his head and looked at the green eyes. Something about them sent creepy waves in his back. But they were honest. After he had calmed down he said: “I see you speak the truth. And I believe you. It must be terrible, having those kind of secrets so young." 

Harry smiled. “We all have our burdens Moony.” 

Remus let out a small nervous laugh. “I guess that’s right.” 

“We have to take action. We can prove Sirius’ innocence now.” 

“Indeed. We could contact Dumbledore right away. He has influence in the Ministry.” 

“Yes, he has, but I don’t want to involve Dumbledore into this.” 

“For the reasons you can’t tell me”, Remus smiled. 

“Yes”, Harry grinned. They had talked and talked and talked. The darkness had fallen and the crescent moon stared at them in the sky. They were drinking their tenth tea cup. 

“You really are amazing child, Harry. I can’t describe how happy I am to see you.” Harry put his cup down and walked around the table to hug Remus. Remus pressed Harry against him. He felt like someone would have lifted a heavy burden from his shoulders. When was the last time someone had hugged him? 

All their problems would be solved. Sirius would be free, after all these years and they would live together. Sirius and he and… Harry, just like in the old days. Harry pulled back and saw Remus’ wet eyes, which were sad and happy at the same time. 

“Let’s take that rat in the Ministry as soon as possible. And remember to send that letter to Sirius.” 

“I remember. Good night Harry.” 

“Good night… Moony”, he said and closed the door. 

“Harry!” Ron yelled to him the second he stepped inside the dormitory at six in the morning, after spending the night with Tom. 

_ "Shhh! _ People are sleeping”, he hissed. 

“You forgot McGonagall’s detention!” 

“Oh fuck.” 


	16. A real mystery

“What?” 

“He doesn’t wake up”, Ron said. 

“Well, take the pillow under him, splash water on his face, open a window, anything! You’re not going to have time for breakfast”, she answered and waved her bag over her shoulder. 

“Those things won’t help. Hermione please! I couldn’t wake him yesterday either. I think he has put some kind of charm over his bed so he can’t hear us. I can’t remove it, but maybe you can.” 

Hermione growled, put her bag down in front of the Fat Lady and strode up the boys’ staircase into the third years dormitory, because even if Harry’s mysterious behaviour - of which she still knew nothing - annoyed her, he couldn’t let her friend oversleep the second time in a row. 

“Get up Harry! Wake up! Harryyy!” Ron was right. There was a charm over the bed. Harry didn’t hear her. 

“Finite Incantatem!” she tried the Counter-Spell, but it didn’t work. She shook Harry’s feet aggressively. That worked. Harry hissed angrily. “WAKE UP!” 

Harry pushed his lips outwards as to say: shhh, and frowned. “Harry up! Or you will be late for Runes. And this time I’m not going to use your late detentions as an excuse. You deserve those. Actually, I don’t understand how easily McGonagall let you off. Only two weeks of detention! I would have given at least a dozen more! Get up! We have half an hour to eat and make it in front of the Runes class.” 

The rest of the day went excellently well. She had no problem using the time turner nor finding empty classrooms and closets to turn the hours in secrecy. No one saw even a glimpse to suspect anything. Professors Vector and Sprout gave her house points and to crown it all, Professor Flitwick praised she was the most industrious student of Hogwarts when she returned her essay before anyone else, which the Professor had given the day before as a long term homework. 

But then, as soon as she returned from the library that evening into the Common room and saw Ron playing cards with the twins but didn’t see Harry anywhere, her happiness vanished. 

  
  


“Where were you yesterday?” she asked the next morning behind her  _ Numerology and Grammatica _ book. 

“Hermione, I’m grateful that you look after me, but that really isn’t necessary”, Harry assured and bit a piece of toast, “I understand that you are annoyed that I don’t tell you everything, but I promised to someone that I will not tell what I’m doing. I thought I could keep this whole thing a secret, but of course you realised I’m hiding something. I promise to tell as soon as it’s safe. I don’t keep this from you because I don’t trust you but because I promised I won’t tell.” 

“I understand. But-”, she leaned closer to whisper, “-if I realise what is going on without you telling me about it, can you confirm that I am on the right track? Then you don’t have to break your promise.” 

“Hermione”, Harry warned. 

“Yes yes! I won’t say anything here. Let’s talk tonight, when you come from the detention.” 

“About what are we going to talk about exactly?” Harry sighed. “I don’t want to lie to you. Couldn’t you just wait till I’m able to tell everything when it’s safe?” 

Hermione couldn’t take it anymore. She slammed her book close, stuffed it into her bag and said firmly: ”Tonight. After everyone is asleep.” It was anything but a good sign that Harry had secrets in times like these. She didn’t trust Harry to see Sirius Black to be nearly as dangerous as he really was and she didn’t trust to this mysterious person, who likely might be as dangerous, because Harry’s judgement about what was dangerous was far from reasonable. Why had he ran into the Forbidden Forest? What was he doing at nights? And for what reason did he need Ron’s rat? 

Something mischievous was going on, she could feel it. At the end of last year Professor Dumbledore had assured that everyone was safe, that the whole Chamber of Secrets business was over and the guilty was caught, but she knew otherwise. Ron had told what had happened: how the diary, which had haunted Ginny, had disappeared. The guilty had not been caught. That giant snake was still free if Dumbledore hadn’t done something about it, which she doubted, because according to Harry, Dumbledore couldn’t get inside the chamber even if he wanted to because to open it required parseltongue. So Dumbledore couldn’t possibly be completely sure that the danger was really over and that the snake was away. How had Dumbledore convinced the Ministry that the school was safe was a great mystery to her, but luckily it had happened. Studying magic at home would have been impossible so she was grateful that the school had been opened. But if Dumbledore didn’t know what had happened, she was certain who was the most likely to know: Harry. And if Harry had any doubts that the students would be in danger Harry would do something about it. 

She knew that whatever Harry was not telling, it had something to do with the chamber. But why had Harry promised not to tell them? What had Harry discovered and how? And then Hermione realised: the diary! It had disappeared, hadn't it? Perhaps Harry had found it like the last time! Perhaps Harry had found it and gave it to Dumbledore and together they had found out what had happened. But no… It couldn’t be… Why would Dumbledore want Harry to keep it a secret? It didn’t feel right… Someone else didn’t want them to know… someone who benefited from it, who didn’t want the secrets to be revealed. Oh no! There was a monster in the chamber. A monster who only one could control… The Heir of Slytherin. Of course! Who else would want Harry to hold secrets from them? 

Hermione shook her head and focused on what Professor Vector was saying. She would solve everything tonight but right she needed to fill the page of  _ Basics of Arithmancy lesson nr. 1 notes _ which shone with emptiness. 

After Arithmancy she wandered across the halls towards the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. She had said to Harry she would go to toilet after Runes which was in entirely different direction so she didn’t need to worry about bumping to someone at the same time in the same place with the Hermione who… Hermione checked the clock... had twelve seconds ago turned the time turner an hour backwards in order to go to the Arithmancy class. 

The hall, where the door to Defence Against the Dark Arts was, was full of muttering students. All waited enthusiastically for their new teacher. 

  
  


“That was quite a class”, Ron said to fill the silence. They sat on their favorite seats in front of the Common room fireplace. Harry stared blankly at the flames. Their other classmates had retreated away to discuss what had happened, eyeing Harry's back. Hermione knew Harry felt those eyes staring and knew what they were talking about, no matter how quietly they whispered or how unnoticeable they tried to be. 

“Damn those Boggarts are nasty”, Ron said and threw a Bertie Botts’ every flavor bean in the air and caught it in his mouth. 

“Indeed”, Harry answered. Hermione opened her book but couldn’t concentrate on reading. Her hands still shook. For the first time in her life, she hadn’t been able to conjure a spell that was needed to. Everyone had waited their turn impatiently, had been sure she would soon vanish the Boggart away and step down to make room for someone else who wanted to defeat their biggest fear. But that hadn't happened. She had failed.  _ You are hereby expelled from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry  _ she had read the words and heard as her wand snapped broken. The parchment had laid on the floor barely a second but it had felt like eternity. The knowledge that she could not live in the magical world anymore, that she couldn’t practise magic ever again, crushed her. There was no way she could make it funny, no matter how she tried when others watched next to her, others who would never need to fear the same. 

Harry had lifted her up and tried to drag her away from the Boggart, but the Boggart hadn’t left them alone. It had followed Harry, forgetting every other eager and laughing student, suddenly noticing a pray whose fear was so large and better than anyone else's. Professor Lupin had tried to allure it to attack him, but it had been pointless. A suffocating darkness had washed over, covered the windows and lumos spells. The Boggart had expanded, made itself bigger and more realistic than ever before. 

“Harry it’s not true. It’s not true”, she repeated the same words which Harry had said to her, but they were no help for Harry any better than they had been for her. The darkness had revealed bodies, endless piles of limbs. Harry had fallen to his knees. She had tried to drag him away but she froze still when she had realised that one of the bodies was her. Or at least it had looked like her, only older and more terrifying. The bodies were nude but she didn’t see breasts or any other intimate parts. The shadows covered them, showing clearly only the faces, eyes black. 

“Everybody leave the room immediately”, Lupin had commanded those who already hadn’t ran out from the room screaming. She didn’t even stir and neither did Ron. They were too startled and taken aback to move. Hermione saw the elder Ron and Ginny and Neville and Luna. All eyes watched Harry. But nothing didn’t puzzle her more than the screaming: one woman’s and one boy’s voice, both so painful she had to cover her ears, but that didn’t help. The Boggart made the noise with magic. It couldn’t be silenced with hands. She forced her gaze from the familiar bodies and looked at the source of the sound until she saw a beautiful red haired woman, mouth petrified open to an everlasting scream, which had no words or meanings, at least to Hermione, and beside her a handsome, black haired man. Harry’s parents, she realised, clinging to each other. Lily… and to whom that other voice belonged? Hermione looked and looked for another open mouth, to find it meant important. Who was it? Whose voice she had never heard before? 

“Riddikulus”, Harry had tried again and again until Lupin had carried him away. The Boggart transformed back to a big spider and Ron threw it back to the cabinet where it had come from, shrinking on the way into a mere unformed mess. 

Hermione wanted to ask whose the boy’s voice was, but the more she thought about it the more certain she was that she knew the answer already, or at least was pretty sure that she knew, and it terrified her. 

“Hermione, you know you can’t be expelled, right?” Harry asked. Apparently she wasn’t the only one who had thought about someone else’s Boggart to distract her thinking. “You are the best witch that Hogwarts has ever seen. And even if you would get only Trolls from every subject they still wouldn’t expell you. You know this?” 

“Yes, I know”, she answered quietly. “The letter you saw… it’s not all that I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that somehow, some way they throw me out, because… you know.” 

Ron stopped throwing candies and stared at her. “What do you mean throw you out? From Hogwarts? No one could do such a thing. You are a witch like we. I mean - we are wizards but - well...” 

“I knew you wouldn’t understand” she said and pointed at Harry’s Lordship ring. “You both come from ancient Pureblood families. To you this all is obvious. And I know Harry, you didn’t know you were a wizard, but… I don’t think I can explain this… If - if something happened-” 

“Nothing is going to happen”, Harry said, removed Crookshanks from his lap and placed his hands firmly on her shoulders. “You don’t have to explain, I get it. You love this world. I could never even imagine living without magic either! You are afraid you will lose it. But I promise Hermione, I promise that no one can take away your magic even if they tried.” Hermione felt her body relaxing. Suddenly Harry seemed much… bigger, firm and not just because he had grown so much over the summer. “Magic is not just blood. It’s everywhere. No one who now lives knows why some are witches and some don’t. But you are and you will be. I promise. Here, take chocolate, it helps!” Harry cut a piece from his chocolate bar. 

“Oh Harry”, she said and hugged her friend. She had known that all, but hearing it out loud was really comforting. She hoped she could comfort Harry the same way too… 

“Good night”, Harry said and let her go. 

“Good night”, she answered automatically, but luckily Ron had stayed allert and wasn't going to let him get away so easily.

“Wait a minute! You promised to tell what happened to my rat!” 

“Couldn’t it wait? It’s a long story and I’m really tired. I promise it’s fine.” 

“Ha, like you are going to go sleep now”, Ron snapped. “I know you are just going to wait until we're all asleep and then sneak off. Every night the same thing! You can maybe fool Seamus and Dean, but Neville and I know about your cloak so it’s pointless to show that oblivious face. Where are you sneaking to?” 

“Harry, we really just want to help”, Hermione continued. She didn’t want to be oppressive, but she saw no choice. Harry was in danger, like always. Voldemort, Sirius Black and now this Chamber of Secrets thing again. She wanted to help, to support. This kind of secrecy between them was strange and weird and she wanted it to end! 

At that moment a pride of laughing and singing older Gryffindors burst into the common room. 

“Alright juniors shoo shoo. These seats are ours”, one of them said and sat next to Ron. They had no other choice but to rise up and change their seats. Crookshanks didn’t give up so easily. It hissed a moment, then stretched itself and took its time to show who really was the king of this place before slowly padding behind them to the corner of the room. 

“Okay, I’ll tell everything about Scabbers but nothing else.” A triumphant smile spread across Hermione’s face. That night they got to know everything about Sirius Black’s and Scabber’s true story. But the more Hermione listened the more she felt like she didn’t know a thing about what was going on. Harry didn’t answer how he knew all this and didn’t tell a word about the chamber or that boy’s voice or why he had ran on the Forbidden Forest that night when they had come to Hogwarts. 

Hermione’s feeling of her ignorance only grew day by day. She couldn’t say that Harry had changed over the summer, because that would have been wrong to say. He was still the same Harry, but something had happened! Surely had! Suddenly Harry knew literally everything about everything! Harry never raised his hand in classes, but when teachers asked questions, Harry always had the right answer. She had to admit: she was jealous. 

However, even if Harry managed to impress all the other teachers in the school, Snape’s increasing anger towards him seemed to balance the praising. All the house points which Harry managed to get were lost every week in Potion class. The ongoing war between those two had risen to new dimensions. Now, when Snape couldn’t complain about Harry’s poor skills, he targeted his bullying to Neville, which didn’t suit Harry at all, which naturally meant that Harry - and often Ron too - spent their evenings in detention after firing back at Snape. 

But this punishment wasn’t as bad as she had first thought. When Ron had detention three evenings in a row, keeping Harry company, Harry’s patience had probably ran out because, as Ron had said, Harry just ‘waved his wrists and all the pots and pans we were meant to clean were clean!’ Harry had made Ron swear to keep this as a secret - apart from her of course - but Hermione thought that this attempt to keep Harry’s powers secret was ridiculous. Everyone who had eyes could see that Harry was skilled in wandless magic, almost breathtakingly skillful. That Hermione could handle, because wandless magic didn’t require actual studying, but what came to everything else, she simply had just given up to understand. It took two hours for her to make her homework when Harry did it all within an hour at top! It was annoyingly admirable and unfair. Specially when she knew that Harry never studied, just pretend to read when others watched. 

  
  


“So, are we making progress here?” McGonagall asked and Harry startled awake from his nap. Ron’s teapot rolled across the school desk with its turtle legs. “Potter, your turn”, McGonagall said and snatched Ron’s teapot in her hand, changed it to its original state and put it in front of Harry. Hermione’s own turtle had fallen asleep in front of her. Harry took his wand from his robe and muttered the spell. The teapot overheated and the wooden desk under it began to give off smoke. Her turtle woke up and toddled away from the smoke into her lap. 

“Stop that ridiculous performance Potter. I know you can do it.” Harry sighed for his failing attempt and changed the teapot into a cute little turtle. “10 points to Gryffindor”, McGonagall said in a frustrated voice and turned around to instruct the Slytherins. 

“Potter, come here for a minute”, they heard a command when the class ended. 

“Yes, Professor?” Harry asked politely. Ron, Neville and she waited behind the closed door until Harry came out with a tired face. 

“What did she want?” Ron asked. 

“To offer extra work or private teaching. She said I have no point sitting in her classes when I don’t learn anything new. But I’m not as good as she thinks! And apparently Flitwick agrees with her.” Harry continued telling how McGonagall had demanded him to change the turtle into a small dragon, which now flew over him burping little smoke rings, and vanish chairs and pillows. 

“But transfiguring a dragon is the hardest thing this year and Evanesco is taught in fourth year”, Hermione said carefully. 

“I don’t need any extra work. And she can’t make me do more just because I’m good.” 

“Arrgh I don’t understand you”, Hermione snapped and hurried up her pace so that Harry, Ron and Neville had to almost jog to keep up. “Why can’t you try to exploit her generosity! If she offers you private teaching it’s terrible waste to say no.” 

“I - I don’t think it that way. I don’t want to seem special.” 

“BUT YOU ARE! Harry you are the best!” Hermione hissed face red. “And don’t say that you aren’t because it’s annoying! You can make things float without your wand, I’ve seen! And you don’t even have to read the theories before doing the spells! Just now you turned the teapot without studying the specific forms and its materials effect on the transfiguration. Don’t underestimate yourself! It’s pointless because if you are worried that others will notice it’s too late because the whole school knows, so stop it!” She stopped to draw breath and realised just then that she hadn’t turned her time turner. “OH NO!” she cried out and broke into a sprint. Between her notebooks flew papers into the ground which Harry summoned in his hand. 

“What the bloody hell was that about?” Ron asked. Harry knew it had something to do with the time turner so he shrugged and didn’t comment further. 

  
  
  


Last week she had looked out the one and only person who knew more about what had happened in the Chamber of Secrets: Ginny. Because she had to, she absolutely had to know more of what she feared was true. Screw Harry and his secrets! She had to know, because if she was correct, then Harry was in danger… in terrible danger. The only reason why she had delayed was because she had been afraid to talk to Ginny about that which had caused her trauma. But this had to be done and Ginny just had to endure it! 

Ron’s sister turned pale. “I - I don’t remember. I didn’t see the diary after that day and I don’t know where it disappeared.” 

“Okay, but do you remember anything about it? Anything at all?” 

Ginny seemed conflicted. “I remember something, that it just appeared among my things and that his name was Tom Riddle”, Ginny whispered and blushed. 

“Tell me all about it. This is important Ginny!” she pushed on. 

“Hermione, I don’t want to talk about it! It’s awful!” 

“I understand but Ginny! Harry might be in danger. I think that the same diary is with Harry still and that Riddle speaks with him. You have to help me. What did he look like? Where was he from? Anything?” 

Ginny looked like she was about to cry. “Uh… he was very handsome and smiled all the time. But I don’t know where he was from!” 

“Okay well, what was he like?” 

“Polite! Smart and and understanding. But then everything changed.” 

“In what way?” 

“He started asking strange things... That I kill Hagrid’s chickens. They were food for that monster! I don’t remember seeing it but I know it was there!” 

“Did he ever mention Harry?” Ginny’s face blushed even harder. 

“No. Not exactly. Just asked now and then more when I told about Harry. He asked how Harry could talk with snakes and how Harry survived from You-Know-Whose attack, but I didn’t know about that. I couldn’t tell and he never asked more.” 

  
  
  


Library books smelled amazing, Hermione thought and turned the page. She sat in a quiet corner behind long bookshelves next to Harry who talked with Luna Lovegood at the same time as Ron and Neville made homework on her other side. 

“I don’t understand this”, Ron announced. Harry tossed his own homework across the table. That pissed her off. She accepted that Harry taught and instructed Ron, but copying answers was another thing entirely. 

“No Ron, you find the answers yourself”, she said and snatched Harry’s papers to herself. 

“Come on! I learn it better if I look what Harry has written.” 

“That's nonsense! You just don’t want to do your homework.” 

“No one wants to do them, except you.” 

Harry sighed. “Let’s go out”, he said and rose up with Luna. 

“Hey wait. I’d like a word with you.” She had planned to finally say what she had figured out when others would have gone and she would have stayed with Harry alone to read, like usually. For some reason Harry was very interested of soul magic so nowadays they spent a lot of time together in the library. Hermione was happy for the company. It was boring to read and do homework alone. 

“Well, we were planning to spent the evening in the forest so you can just say it now before we go.” Harry glanced at her face and continued right away: “Could you wait just a minute Luna?” 

“I’ll go ahead. No need to hurry”, Luna said happily and left to bounce between the aisles, her long dress hems waving back and forth, making her look like a ghost floating in the air, blond hair only intensifying the impression. 

“Where were you planning to go?” Hermione asked. 

“To look at the thestrals”, Harry answered. “What is it that you wanted to talk about?” 

“Let’s go over there”, she mumbled and slipped Harry’s homework page in his bag. 

“Aha”, Harry answered cautiously and followed her into the farthest corner behind the last shelf where no one could hear them. 

“Harry, I’ve been thinking. I don’t understand why this person wants that you don’t tell us anything. You trust us, isn’t it enough for him?” She didn’t get a reply. “Listen, I think I know who he is.” Harry pouted his lips slightly. He looked like he wanted to say something but couldn’t. She decided that if she wanted to get some kind of reaction, she needed to surprise him. “Tom Riddle”, she whispered. Harry cursed out loud. 

“I should have known… Bloody hell. Come. And don’t say a word. Not a word! You never know who is listening. Come!” 

“Where?” 

“To some place where I can be sure no one listens to us. Wait, I’ll get Ron”, Harry sighed and wandered between the shelves and came back with Ron. 

“It’s not fair to leave Neville alone”, Ron snapped. “I’ll tell everything to him either way!” 

“In that case I can’t let you come with us”, Harry whispered. Hermione was shocked. “You don’t realise what is going on here. Just shut you mouths and follow, please?” 

“Okay, okay, Merlin”, Ron raised his hands in the air, as shocked as her and was quiet for the rest of the journey. The climbed quickly to the seventh floor. Harry glanced now and then at some weird piece of parchment, but she didn’t ask about it, was just silent as Harry opened a door which had appeared into the wall and led them to one peculiar looking balcony where she had never been and which she didn’t even know existed even though she had walked next to its door for hundreds of times. Harry leaned on the stony railing a bit too recklessly for her taste. 

“Okay, tell me everything you know.” 

Hermione braised herself and started: “When we had the first Defence class, Lupin showed us that Boggart. When it took the form of your fear, I heard screaming, boy’s screaming. I’m sure it’s the same person with who you spent your nights, isn’t that right?” Harry glanced at Ron, but didn’t say anything. “I knew it couldn’t be a normal student because why else would you be so sneaky about it and why else wouldn’t I ever see him.” 

“Wait a minute, so…” Ron frowned and looked at her. “That voice could be anyone who is important to Harry. I doesn’t necessarily mean anything… of that sort.” Hermione wanted to kick Ron’s face. She couldn’t interpret Harry’s face but sensed his discomfort. 

“There is nothing weird that Harry is with a boy” she hissed. “And that isn’t even the point of this conversation.” She silenced Ron by lifting her hands. “The point is who the boy is! I wondered why the Boggart didn’t show him, only made you hear his voice. And then I remembered what had happened last year, how you found the diary and how it spoke back to you. That diary disappeared, or so you said, but I believe it is with you still and you still talk with that boy every night.” She paused before continuing. “Ginny told me that the boy wanted her to feed that monster in the chamber. So it still lives in there and the only one who would want you to keep it from us and would benefit from it is the Heir of Slytherin.” 

“Hermione, let me explain. He won’t let that snake harm anyone anymore! All are safe.” 

“Is that so? Really? Are we all safe?” 

Harry didn’t answer. 

“I’m sure he is very important to you, but”, Hermione tried to keep her hands away from each other. “Are you sure you are safe? All that I know about him points on the contrary.” 

“I am.” 

Hermione didn’t believe it. She didn’t trust that diary, not for one bit and she couldn’t trust Harry’s judgement about what was safe and normal and what was not. Oh how hard she wanted to curse those Dursleys who had treated Harry so poorly! The bruise on Harry’s neck haunted her. No wonder Harry wanted to run away from them. But Harry had them, he would always have a home with Ron or with her. They were the family and support of which Harry trusted. The fact that that Riddle had almost managed to make Harry exclude her and Ron outside of that trust was both scary and infuriating. 

“Why do you trust him? Riddle?” she asked. 

“We… we have a mutual understanding. I can’t tell you more.” 

“D’oh! Tell me something! Or do I have to pull a hair out of your head and go meet him myself!” 

Harry laughed. “He would know that it isn’t me the minute he would see you.” 

“So you have seen him then”, Hermione pointed out. “He isn’t just a diary. He is a real person.” 

“You are a real Sherlock Holmes Hermione. How little did you need to figure this out. You must swear not to talk about this with anymore, not in anywhere, not even a word.” She nodded. She hadn’t said everything she wanted, but was satisfied for now. 

“So… did I hear this correctly? You date the Heir of Slytherin?” Ron said slowly. 

“Pull yourself together Ron. If I can put up with it then so can you. You're not the one who was petrified.” 

“Yes I am just the one whose sister almost got killed. Nothing personal about that!" Ron fired back. She realised she had spoken without thinking and glanced at him apologetically, but Ron had already shrugged her comment away and showed that her worrysome expression only frustrated him more by making his face even grumpier. 

“I'm so sorry-” 

“Shh Harry. I won’t hear your apologies. It is Riddle who has to apologise, from all of us”, she added. 

Harry shook his head. “If you ever meet each other, I want to be as far away from that place as possible.” 

  
  
  


They parted at the stairs. She offered to carry Harry’s back upstairs so that Harry wouldn’t have to take it with him to the forest. She climbed up with a shocked Ron. 

“What’s up with him?” Fred asked when they sat with them on the red seats. Ron opened his mouth and closed it again. 

“Don’t you mind Fred. He will get over it soon enough!” Hermione said firmly. “He just needs time to think about it.” 

“Why? What happened?” Fred asked. 

“Hermione, you aroused out interest!” George said. 

“Forget about it. You will never know”, she lifted her head up. Oh she wished Ron would stop that blank staring! Idiot! Didn’t he understand what Harry felt right now? Well, of course not! “Ron!” she whispered. 

“What?” 

“Merlin’s beard say something!” 

“What?” 

Hermione made a frustrated sigh. “You have no right to look like that! Pull yourself together Ron! This can’t be the first time you hear that a boy dates a boy.” 

“Of course it’s not!” Ron whispered and looked around the room before continuing: “But it isn’t common, like with wizards. Or I think so. No one talks about it!” 

“It is as common with wizards as it is with muggles”, Hermione said, even though she wasn’t sure. 

“Well, have you seen anything like it?” 

Hermione ignored the question. “People just don’t reveal it, because it’s not considered as normal, but there is nothing wrong with it! We have to be supportive. He didn’t tell us for the same reasons as others. He fears we are going to start acting differently because of it. Which is terrible! It doesn’t matter if he likes boys or girls. Isn’t that right?” Hermione raised her eyebrows threateningly. 

“Yeah. I mean, yeah. I don’t really care! But to some people it's a big no no because, well… they can’t have children. So, wizard families don’t like it. Because there are so few of us.” 

“That sounds like something Malfoy would say!” 

“I don’t think that way”, Ron defended himself. He didn’t want to be compared to that guy in any category, he thought. “It’s just the reason people disapprove them, that’s all. I have nothing against them. Blimey, why didn’t you tell me just a hint. It would have helped a lot!” 

“I’m sorry”, she said. “I couldn’t be certain and I didn’t know was it my place to tell.” 

Ron nodded thoughtfully and joined his brothers, leaving her with Crookshanks who was staring at the cat in McGonagall's painting. "It's her animagus form", she explained and petted him. 

  
  


“Umm, Harry?” Ron mumbled the next morning. 

“Yes?” Harry asked. He laid on his bed, one leg on top of the other, reading a book. Ron squeezed his hands into fists and marched next to Harry’s bed. “You know, um, I don’t care about that thing, you know. Sorry if I seemed a little… off yesterday”, he whispered. Harry rose and smiled at him. 

“That’s okay. It was a surprise to me as well”, Harry said and pat him on the back. 


	17. Almost

At the end of November cold winds blew north, painting nature with frost. The cold stung the skin. Hagrid stepped out from his hut and smelled the air. It would snow soon, he thought. Students wrapped their cloaks’ and common rooms’ warmth around them. The Black Lake’s surface froze and the ‘bravest’ Gryffindors tested it with their weight. 

The animals in the Forbidden Forest made their last preparations for the winter. The unicorns had left south a long time ago. The fairies fussed their last chores. The centaurs trotted around the forest more often to keep themselves warm, their fur already grown thicker and stronger. 

Somewhere in the shade of the forest two snakes intertwined together. They had finally decided to fall into a long, dreamless sleep. For the last time they smelled each other, their pulse slowed down and the other snake’s warm didn’t help any longer. Half a year would pass until they would wake up again and shed their new skins. 

Luna watched at this all in the Ravenclaw Tower, from the window on top of her bed. All the noisy creatures would drift into sleep and those quiet and mysterious ones would come back. Luna took her scarf from the chair and hurried to greet them. 

At the same time Harry wandered in the Room of Requirement, looking for furniture for the chamber. So far he had found a lamp, bookshelves, endless piles of books, a wand holder, bathtub, chessboard, curtley, blankets, pillows, a carpet, hair comb, hangers, another lamp and a glass bottle with a sailing ship inside and countless other stuff Tom hadn’t liked and thrown away into the farthest corner of the chamber, from where Harry dragged them back into the Room of Requirement when he had the time and if he bothered to. 

Harry took this trouble so the chamber wouldn’t feel so empty. The wide space was nice, but he had grown tired of it when time had passed. Tom wanted him with him at nights so he had to search these things whenever he had the time when he wasn’t with his friends or in detention. 

As the days went by he had began to notice this small change in Tom. He wasn’t as quiet, as robot-like. Tom moved more, pointed at things, raised his eyebrows, used his body more freely, walked to greet him instead of waiting… small movements that did not exist before, Harry thought as he walked deeper into the room. It was huge. He had investigated only a small portion of it. What would Tom like? Wherever he looked he saw stuff, reaching from floor to the ceiling, everyday something different. Had to be careful where to touch. Once he had opened a big wooden wardrobe filled with coats and a squirrel had jumped from there and bit his finger. After curing the wound he had decided to smuggle the squirrel into the Forbidden Forest, but when he had opened the wardrobe again, the squirrel had disappeared. Funny, he had thought when suddenly he had got an urge to step inside the wardrobe, but then thought against it as he remembered what a broken vanishing cabinet could do. 

Endless chandeliers, clocks, weathervanes and rattles made a quiet sound. He noticed an old gramophone, playing a voiceless record. Would Tom like it? Or would it be too muggleish for him? Harry decided to give it a chance. He had just taken out his wand and was going to shrink the gramophone when he glanced to the right and a familiar object distracted him. He saw his reflection on the glass. The Mirror of Erised. What was it doing in here? Hadn’t Dumbledore said he moved it away? Or had Dumbledore just brought it here? 

Harry looked at the old frames. He forgot the gramophone completely and approached the mirror.  _ I show not your face but you heart’s desire _ , he read the letters backwards. He remembered the last time he had watched this and held the philosopher’s stone. Voldemort had been furious. The stone had been just there for the taking… Was it really been destroyed? Dumbledore had said it was… But then again, he had also said he would take the mirror away and there it stood. 

Good that it was. He would see his parents again. Not those dead faces, but living, smiling ones. He moved closer. He had rolled his white sleeves up to his elbows. The tie and the robe he had left in the Gryffindor Tower so the only colour in him that wasn’t black or white came from his eyes. It was still strange to see his face without glasses. They had always just somehow been there and now when they weren’t, nothing limited his dominant eyes. They reflected on the surface like colourful diamonds. He had grown again. He could have sworn he was even taller than when he had been fourteen years old. The wandless magic affected on him, made his core stronger, just like Tom who was sometimes so strong it startled him. He waited patiently for what he would see and leaned on, but then doubt arose. Would he see his parents? But he couldn’t turn away, he had to see what it would show him. And then he saw the familiar red hair. Lily… his mother leaned on him. And there… he laughed when his father walked beside him, comparing their height with his hand. James was just about ten centimeters longer! And his mother… Lily was shorter! It couldn’t be! This looked so funny! He could have been their little brother. His father smirked at him, yelled something he couldn’t hear, but he knew it had something to do with his height. And then… Sirius came. Looking exactly the same as before, as old as he really was. Sirius rose to his toes and put his head on top of his, showing James who really was the tallest. Remus smiled next to Lily. The werewolf didn’t have to take part in that competition. Sirius noticed Remus smiling, easily the tallest of them all. They had all dressed up nicely. He, his father, Sirius and Remus had suits and Lily a beautiful green dress. But Harry didn’t focus on that, only looked at the smiling faces. Lily, James, Sirius and Remus moved aside and Harry saw bunch people behind them: Ron, Hermione, Hagrid… all there. 

All smiled, everything was well. Harry didn’t know how long he stared at them. He saw the Marauders fooling around as Lily watched him, circled around him. Harry’s legs started to stiffen so he sat down. Lily pressed a small kiss on his forehead and started to walk away, others following behind. 

“Don’t”, Harry whispered. Lily turned around and smiled comfortably. Harry rose back up and touched the glass. He wished he could follow them, wherever they went. Why did they have to go? Harry pressed his forehead on the glass. He only saw his shoes, touching the glass on the stone floor. Why did they go? Just when he was getting over from his amazement and starting to get used to their presence. 

Hermione and Ron had been as old as they would really be… engagement rings on their fingers. He hadn’t seen their wedding! It would have been on May. And he was supposed to be best man. But he couldn’t have waited that long. A couple of months and he wouldn’t have been able to move on his own. Had he let them down? Would they forgive him if he told? He would never know. And he couldn’t ask it either. They didn’t even know they were married. But they weren't! Harry reminded himself. Hermione and Ron didn’t know anything about it. Could he tell them someday? 

Before he could answer to himself, a pair of shoes appeared in the glass in front of him. Harry stared at them. They were black, leather shoes. He knew perfectly whose they were. He turned his eyes slowly up. He saw himself again in the suit, next to Tom who looked at him, nineteen years old and breathtaking. 

The others hadn’t gone away. They stood farther away, but even Lily’s face couldn't make his eyes leave from what he saw. Tom’s face was the only one that didn’t smile. On the contrary the expression was serious. He was himself, his real older self… and how that happy face had changed too. He looked at himself, stared at the the image back. 

“What?” Harry asked. His image hugged Tom, who was between them and saw how its expression looked accusatory, how it caressed Tom's back. For some reason Harry was starting to feel irritated, strange and hungry. It felt like the image dug its nails straight through Tom's jacket, piercing his soul, Harry thought and felt sick. Others smiled far back. The image Harry pulled Tom into a deep and fiery kiss and when they stopped the image looked at him again. Mine, it said. Harry couldn’t take it anymore. He stepped away. The image disappeared and showed him in his white shirt again. 

Harry didn’t know what to think.  _ Men have wasted away before it. Even gone mad _ , Dumbledore’s voice echoed in his head. 

He had guessed he would see Tom too, because without Tom he would waste away, suffer forever so of course Tom would be in that image. All had felt so happy. Sad, but happy, like the last time he had looked at the mirror. But now, he didn’t feel just happiness. Why had the image looked at him that way? He walked next to the mirror, but so that he didn’t see his reflection. He touched the frames. 

After a while of consideration he decided not to look at it again and not to tell Tom what he had seen. He took one of the fabric from the pile the mirror leaned on and covered it, moved whole piles of junk in front of it. He wouldn’t look at it again, not ever, even by accident. He turned around and walked to the gramophone and started to shrink it smaller. 

Harry walked to the Slytherin common room, wearing his invisibility cloak. Only a couple of students played cards under a big window, otherwise the place was empty. Harry turned to the right into an aisle which stonewalls were aligned with green torches. Then left and right and left again until he found a wooden door. He stepped in, closed the wooden door and said:  _ “Lumos.”  _ He was in a small closet, full of all kinds of junk.  _ “Open.”  _ A heavy wall slid aside. A long pitch black hole seemed to continue as far as the eye could see. How long had it took to make all this? Harry wondered and not for the first time. 

As soon as the hole widened into an open space Harry felt the familiar magic embrace him and lift him up…  _ Lift him up? “Hey, what are you doing?”  _ he laughed as he flew across the air. The feeling was even better without a broom. He couldn’t decide where to go, but the sweet jingle of magic substituted the need to control where he was going.  _ “That was fun. You can do that more often” _ , he said as he touched the floor again. His bag flew somewhere and he heard a whisper behind him:  _ “One and a half days. Why?”  _ The image in the Mirror or Erised pierced his mind again and the weird feeling of something strange returned. He didn’t want to tell Tom about that so he said instead:  _ “I found a gramophone. Which you destroyed” _ , he looked at the pieces on the floor. _ “Show yourself.”  _

_ “I don’t like music so it doesn’t matter” _ , he heard and Tom made himself visible in front of him. 

_ “You don’t like music? Why?"  _

_ “It’s just stupid noise.”  _

_ “What about singing? You can't hate it. You are so good at it” _ , Harry said and smiled. 

_ “How do you know that?”  _

_ “Well… I assume it” _ , he said and suddenly felt pain. So sudden and quick he got scared. His lungs were on fire. The lie burned him. Why had he lied? Why? He touched his throat, but no one was strangling him. How to make this stop? His head pulsated. He fell on the stone floor. Tom grabbed him, tried to yell something he didn’t hear.  _ “I -”  _ I heard your singing! he tried to say. I heard it, I heard…There was no oxygen, no voice left. 

_ “Form the words, you don’t have to say them! Harry, tell the truth!”  _ Harry was choking, his brain told him. Choking… Oxygen! A wartime memory of how to resuscitate returned in his mind. He forced Harry’s twisting body under him, separated his hands from his throat. The veins were already blue. His wand fell on the floor and instincts took control. He breathed his lungs full of air and blew. Harry tried to say something and grasped on his shoulder painfully, eyes watering. Singing... Harry knew he was good at it. Why? He touched the lightning scar and said:  _ “Legilimens” _ , invading the memory which Harry wanted to show. But it was just darkness, the same darkness he had seen when he was in the diary. He forced his anxiety away. He was living. The diary was just a book. He was free. This darkness could do anything to him. He pulled off from the memory. THINK, he commanded himself. Singing. Harry’s grip became loosen, he couldn’t hold on anymore. He had never sang to Harry. How could Harry know he was a good singer? He had never heard…  _ “Heard!”  _ he yelled.  _ “You heard my voice!”  _ Harry nodded. 

The burning stopped and he draw breath. Tom spun away from him.  _ “You!”  _ he croaked.  _ “Take!”  _ he breathed harshly.  _ “That - vow - off!!”  _ he managed to say. 

_ “WHAT IS IT?”  _ they heard a yell and a huge splash. A wave billowed over. Queen had come from the water. She first looked that the Heir was unharmed and then moved her head to Harry, who still laid on the cold floor. 

_ “CAN’T I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR EVEN A MOMENT?”  _ She yelled, right now not caring about respecting the Heir. Tom didn’t seem to focus on her at all, only stared at the soaked Harry. 

_ “I can’t - lie to him without - choking” _ , Harry cried out, pure rage in his eyes. He had forgotten the vow… just for a second and almost choked for it! 

_ “Sssssaaarhssh!”  _ the snake cursed and Harry got satisfaction knowing that she would scold Tom.  _ “Heir, remove that spell!”  _

_ “Not before Harry tells me why he didn’t tell the truth. You put us both in danger!”  _

_ “Oh I put us in danger? Me?”  _ What an arrogant bastard! How could he blame him?  _ “For a second I was careless! This is your fault. You wanted that vow in the first place! You will remove it now! I don’t want to go through that again, never!”  _

_ “I repeat: not before you tell me why you had to lie.”  _ Tom stood up and gave him his hand to help him up, but he struck the hand away and rose up on his own. He didn’t want to tell what had happened in the woods. He couldn’t. It had been that horcrux’s manipulation and he had fallen for it. Tom would probably laugh if he found out… But he had to answer something.  _ “The horcrux sang for me. Happy?”  _ Harry hissed. Tom saw that storm behind the green eyes. Beautiful and powerful. 

_ “What did it sing?”  _ he asked, water steaming all over him. If he could get Harry’s anger channelled on his magic… it hummed so threateningly… 

_ “It’s none of your business!”  _ Harry snapped. He tried to dive into that green storm, but Harry’s strong occlumency shields were activated.  _ “You can’t do it anymore. Frustrated?”  _

_ “Guess” _ , he whispered and smiled a smile which he knew would annoy Harry out of his mind. 

_ “Speaker? You have to calm down” _ , Queen warned. The whole chamber radiated of heat. 

_ “Lamonah?”  _ Bonnie hissed quietly over the water pool edge, just arrived. Tom lifted his hand to silence the snakes and moved it on Harry’s cheek. 

_ “Don’t worry. Harry would never hurt me.”  _ It did the trick. Warm water attacked him. Queen yelled Harry to stop, but he commanded her to leave. 

_ “Heir?”  _

_ “Leave us.”  _ Why did he always have to say things twice? Queen dived under the surface, pushing Bonnie along with her tail. The water lifted him up up up until he disappeared high to the ceiling where no light could reach and then let him drop. It was almost boiling hot, he marveled. Harry was so predictable, his anger so raw and hot, while his calculated and cold. Tom floated himself on one of the snake statues and crushed a piece from it. Harry ran behind a pillar just in time before the crushed piece hit it.  _ “That could have hit me!”  _ he heard Harry’s yelling. They hadn’t had a proper duel in days. Harry’s magic had rested for far too long without an effort, he thought. 

Another rock crushed on the pillar and it almost broke.  _ “Come out” _ , he heard Tom’s infuriating, pleasant voice and the third rock shook the floor beneath his feet. Harry closed his eyes and located the now invisible Tom with his magic. The fourth rock flew into the air. Harry stepped out and slid under it. Tom flew over to face him. Normal dueling spells weren’t powerful enough, they weren’t a match for their wandless shields so they didn’t usually use wands, but now Harry broke that rule and summoned the phoenix wand into his hand. Harry didn’t need words anymore to conjure the spells he wanted, only thinking sufficed. He cursed an invisible wall of pure uncontrollable force and threw it at Tom, wrapping it first in waves which splashed against something, leaving only that force behind, which Tom sucked for himself to use and spread it everywhere, conquering all the escape roads, made himself visible once again and smiled a cruel smile which also spread on Harry’s lips before he closed his eyes, focused his thoughts and attacked straight on without fear. 

Hot steam filled the chamber. Neither of them saw anything but the steam, but it wasn’t necessary. Their wands struck air like invisible giant swords, dancing the familiar dance where even one mistake would be deathly painful. The stokes became faster and sharper as they got closer to each other. Harry felt his powers fade away when Tom only seemed to get started. But he couldn’t give up, he simply refused to. He landed on the floor and stopped his offensive spells entirely, having energy to just defend himself. Breathing was hard. Tom had to notice he couldn’t go on, because the attacking strokes became weaker, losing their power.  _ “Your powers won’t fade away, it only feels that way.”  _ He didn’t understand what Tom meant and felt a sudden lash on his side, unable to defend himself from it successfully. But the lash wasn’t painful at all, on the contrary.  _ “What did you do?”  _ he asked confused when a weird pricking spread from his side to the rest of his body, clouded his thoughts with ecstasy. His tiredness was suddenly gone. He didn’t need to breathe. Tom looked at him with an expression he had learned to recognise as: run while you still can. 

But Harry didn’t run, he attacked forward. The wand clanked on the floor, forgotten. From where they touched each other their magic shivered, sending power waves in the air. They fought whose lips got to dominate until Tom surrendered. The air had stopped moving. Neither of them breathed, they didn’t need to. Harry was trembling like he. For a moment, for a fleeting moment they were one, equals, until his spell lost its effect and couldn’t charm Harry to carry on anymore. No, don’t stop, he wanted to whisper, to ask. That feeling that had just arisen… he couldn’t explain it. Like he had wanted Harry to take the lead, while he would have submitted. What? To submit? He didn’t want to submit. He wanted to be in control. This didn’t make any sense!  _ “And now, the vow” _ , Harry whispered in his ear and a small wave of pleasure washed over him. So, his diversion attempt had failed. 

_ “All right, I’ll remove it” _ , he said and caressed the back of Harry’s neck.  _ “But to remove it requires a third party and right now we don’t have it.”  _

Harry made a displeasing sound.  _ “I could just curse you to come with me and let Remus remove it.”  _

_ “You can try” _ , he tempted. 

_ “Oh shut it” _ , Harry said and pulled him close. 

  
  
  


A christmas at Hogwarts was as amazing as Harry remembered. The smell of cinnamon and children’s laughter filled the air. His friends went home after he had assured he would be fine with Tom. Harry bought tons of candy to all those who stayed in Hogwarts, which was a lot, because there was only five of them. Well, at least there is enough for all once they return, he thought. 

After the Eve he sneaked back to the Gryffindor Tower, this time with Tom under the invisibility cloak, who claimed that Dumbledore could easily sense him if he made himself invisible with magic as soon as he would step outside the chamber. Harry had noticed Tom’s moods changed more and more suddenly these days and he thought this happened because he was bored. And no wonder. Anyone, even Tom, would become crazy after staring at the same walls for months.  _ “Well, what do you think?”  _

_ “It’s red” _ , Tom hissed disapprovingly. Harry grinned. They climbed to his dormitory. 

_ “-of course I bought her a book. What else should I have - hey Hedwig!”  _ The bird flew over him, claws threatenly display. But his ‘watch out!’ scream never came out, because then he heard Tom say:  _ “Come here.”  _

“Purr purrr”, Hedwig leaned her head on Tom’s fingers as he petted her feathers.  _ “When did you become best friends?”  _ he managed to say when he saw Hedwig biting friendly at Tom’s hand and Tom  _ laughed _ because of it? He had never even let Hedwig touch him before! Tom summoned an owl treat from his night table into his hand. Harry stared at Hedwig without believing his eyes. 

“Hedwig, what has happened?” Tom smiled mysteriously and neither answered his question. Harry petted Hedwig’s neck too. “Someday I’ll find out what happened.” The bird shook her head and he thought - and not for the first time - that she had no doubt understood what he had said. 

_ “You got presents”, _ Tom pointed out. Oh, yes. A big pile waited for him. 

After he had opened them all and admired the Firebolt that Sirius had sent to him again, Tom whispered something to Hedwig and freed her out from the window that he always kept open for her day and night. No one had and couldn't have any objections of this arrangement. Ron had only asked that he kept the coldness from spreading from the window with magic. Hedwig had to be able to come and go wherever she wanted and whenever she wanted, especially to check on him while he slept, which seemed to be very important to her. Hedwig stared at him for a moment and then flew into the winter sky. Harry had no time to think about this new friendship before he noticed Tom leading him through secret passageways he didn’t even know existed!  _ “This only opens when the moon is descending”, “Two knocks and step to the left”, “Flatter it and it will let you pass”...  _

_ “I’ll have to write these instructions down” _ , he said as he stepped through the laughing girl’s portrait. 

_ I’m home _ , Tom thought. The Chamber of Secrets had become his own prison room as if he had been forced to be there as punishment, but now he was really home. He heard it moving, smelled its life. He took off the invisibility cloak. He was home and wouldn’t hide, because he had nothing to worry about. Harry kept an eye on the map which told that Dumbledore was nowhere near them. Maybe that Sirius Black wasn’t entirely useless. This map was an excellent piece of magic. 

Tom seemed to be on a funny mood, if he was even capable of that, Harry thought. But then again.. he thought about Hedwig picking treats from Tom’s hand… Those dark eyes looked at everything full of wonder, Tom’s fingers touched the stone walls feeling the carvings, telling what had changed over the years, telling how he heard the magic whisper. 

He would soon be seventeen, Harry thought. Time had gone so fast. Less than a week and he would be grown up… During December all the hollowness had disappeared from both of their faces. Harry had worked hard on the Quidditch field, Tom had practised their magic, making them both stronger than ever before. 

Tom closed his eyes and started pacing three times next to the wall and the door to the Room of Requirement appeared. Light reflected on that handsome face. The features had softened, were more warmer now than in the bleak chamber. There wasn’t a single mark on Tom suggesting that he was just sixteen years old. That face could have belonged to someone even older than him. The door opened and Tom led him in. 

The fireplace was on, warmed the air peacefully. The big windows showed the snowing outside or then it was just in this room, Harry didn’t know which one was true. The wood squeaked quietly under his weight. They were in a huge… no, massive room. Where did Tom need all this space? Shouldn’t they supposed to look more information about soul magic? Tom hooked his cloak on an old fashioned coat hanger, took the mokeskin pouch from his neck and then waved his wand and glasses of butterbeer appeared in his hand.  _ “How? This room wasn’t supposed to give food!”  _

_ “It didn’t. These were in non-being mode, I just summoned them back. Happy Yule” _ , Tom said. Harry put down the Marauder’s Map and was just going to toast their glasses in honor of the celebration but when he raised his glass he realised Tom had already drank the whole thing in one shot. Okay now he didn’t keep up. Tom never drank anything like that, he thought and sipped his own drink.  _ “Hmm” _ , he hummed as the drink warmed his throat. Tom stared at him. Harry stared back. He had learned that waiting for the answers worked better than to ask them. The glasses were filled again. Tom was still as a statue. He took another sip and fell on that big bed next to the big window. Was this what people meant when they said he was lifeless? Did he act the same way when he stared at nothing? 

Harry startled when Tom blinked. He seemed to finally wake up from something - whatever that was about - and sat next to him. Like nothing weird hadn't happened, Tom pulled him for a short kiss and summoned a book from a shelf that had just appeared, turned on his stomach and started to read. 

Yeah that was probably some side effect from the time spent in the diary, he thought and summoned a book too. But he couldn’t concentrate on reading. The flames flared on the fireplace. He felt himself restless. Tom on the other hand seemed to focus on his book with such intensiveness he wouldn’t be amazed if the gaze burned a hole on the page. 

Almost. He had almost done it, he thought as he pretended to read and tried really hard not to think about Harry’s body next to him. This would be the final night before Harry would start to focus on getting his godfather free. Harry would spent the rest of his holiday on St. Mungo’s which meant they wouldn’t celebrate his birthday alone like he had planned. So, because of this, he had decided to do  _ it  _ tonight, while nothing else would distract Harry. 

Why had he hesitated? The sweetness of the butterbeer tasted in his mouth. And he didn’t even like it. Why had he ordered it again? It was to Harry’s taste not his. He knew that Harry had always ordered it so he had chosen it so Harry would like it, so he would be one step closer to give in, to give him what he wanted… what he had wanted this whole time. And that what Harry's body now wanted too. Harry wouldn’t necessarily have said yes, but he could have tried. All had gone so perfectly! He had been as perfect as he possibly could, had let himself to relax and enjoyed himself so why had he hesitated? He would have needed just a couple minutes and Harry would have melted, he was sure of it. Harry’s body was ready. The magic had accelerated his physical growth unnaturally fast. He had felt Harry’s body reacting the same way as his when they touched each other. It had been going on for weeks now. Harry finally wanted him so why hesitate? 

After thinking for a moment he realised why: he had pulled the strings again in order to get what he wanted. But Harry knew he didn’t like butterbeer. He had seen the confused face. Pretending didn’t work. It was pointless, just another attempt to pretend, to manipulate. And Harry knew it! Nothing of that kind would work with him. He had started to spin the net again, almost without noticing it. But now he had realised, luckily before he had continued. That’s why he had hesitated. 

Harry sighed and raised his hand on Tom’s back, to give it something to do. Wonder that book didn’t have a hole, he thought when he looked at that intensive gaze again. He really needed something to do. He didn’t want to read or pretend to read. That happened in classes too much already. Could he lure Tom to duel with him?  _ “Come here” _ , he tested and pushed Tom from the shoulder around on his back, getting himself on top. 

He threw his book away to free his hands. See? He wants this. Do it. 

Tom’s hands grabbed him, loaded with their magic. Ha, got you! He also released his magic, letting it fill the room which started to change itself according to their wants. They were like fire, Tom’s tongue and lips encouraging him with every movement… they were perfect against him, giving all they had, soft, strong, merging with him so that the border where his own flesh and magic stopped and Tom’s began was unclear and unmeaningful, free from bounds. Soon Harry forgot his thoughts about dueling. This was so much better. The horcrux inside him hummed pleased. He felt the long fingers under his shirt, drugging him. 

Harry let out a sound that affected him more powerfully than any curse he had ever known. It had sounded begging, but wasn’t, but it wasn’t demanding either. It couldn’t be from this world, was the only way he could describe it. He turned them around and pushed his hip forward as a test. 

He didn’t care what Tom had done, he needed it more. Now. A second push. That, that it was, that motion. He wrapped his arms around Tom’s lower back, would have wanted to reach lower, but couldn’t. Why was this fabric between them? It prevented him from feeling it all. 

There was not a single drop of hesitation left in him. Harry radiated warmth, specially down there. “Ah”, he heard. The sound wasn’t quite perfect. 

_ “What?”  _ he reminded and when the next moan was in parseltongue he felt like passing out. He freed Harry’s mouth so it could make those sounds again and moved his own lower, kissed the pulsing neck which was finally as white as he wanted, after not being under the sun for months now. Harry ripped his shirt in half and he returned the favor. The warmth was suffocating in a good way. He forgot every logical thing and just pushed on. Harry spread his legs and then he felt it: hard and eager. He swallowed and looked in Harry’s eyes. He didn’t see the green colour, just the giant black pupils. 

The last time he had felt Tom’s body it had been weak and shaking as a result of months of suffering. It wasn’t weak anymore. His fingers wandered on the muscles. Tom was thin, as he, but strong. The flames had turned green. It was just as warm, but the gentleness of the red fire was gone. Tom looked like himself again. Curiosity grew. He wanted to see him completely. He hissed some spell and it made the rest of the clothes disappear. 

He breathed in. Harry was… beautiful. Suddenly he didn’t know what to do. Harry on the other hand seemed to exactly know what to do: he started to  _ move _ and moan and looked exactly the same as in his dreams. Then, unexpectedly, Harry touched him down there. Panic made him freeze. And that made no sense because he wanted him to touch it.  _ “Oh, yeah, sorry…”  _ Something dropped on the floor.  _ “The ring” _ , Harry explained. The Lordship ring. Harry always kept it in his right hand…  _ “That probably hurt” _ , Harry said and smiled. 

Tom stared at him motionless. What had got into him now? He wrapped his hands on Tom’s back, trying to get him to move again, without success. He didn’t move and he didn’t know why. Desperation took control of him. No no no no! Don’t stop now! Memories of what had happened on the woods came back: the disappointment that always came when he woke up, how the horcrux had lured him into its trap, just at the edge of the climax, and then vanished.  _ “Not again” _ , he whispered. He would do anything, anything to avoid that disappointment. 

He twisted them around using his legs. The bed met them, without letting out a sound. 

He dived between Tom’s legs. There wasn’t much light, but he felt Tom’s every cell with his magic so he easily found what he was looking for and took it into his mouth. Tom made a sound he had never heard before: something between a moan and a scream, he thought vaguely as he felt the member getting harder. It pumped blood as fast as his heart.  _ “No… stop.”  _ He didn’t believe what he was hearing. Tom maybe said no, but his body told something else as Tom thrust towards him. This feeling was amazing. Just like into the woods but hundred times better. Tom was solid, powerful and alive, filled with magic. And he could reach everywhere, touch that soft skin, at the same time licking and sucking. He was in hypnosis. His mouth was filled with stunning, enchanting tasting stuff that he couldn’t get enough. Every time it happened he felt Tom relaxing more, letting himself free. The air around him was clouded of desire, not just the smell but the essence of it. His mind felt heavy and light at the same time. He would never stop. He would continue.  _ Until you are trapped.  _ Forever. He didn’t need to breathe, didn’t need to stop, ever. He mimicked the horcrux, did the things it had done, but soon realised Tom enjoyed it more if he was gentle, moaned more if he was slow. His mouth was filled again but just when he swallowed and was going to start it all over, something pulled him away. Hands ripped him off. No! He used magic and fought back. Nothing would make him stop. Leave me alone! A couple seconds more, just couple seconds and he would make them strong. 

But the hands were winning, forced him to stop. He would wake up again.  _ “No!”  _ he yelled and closed his eyes, prepared for the disappointment and pain. 

_ “Harry, calm down” _ , he said, which was actually pointless, because Harry didn’t move. The flames’ shadows danced on their faces. He heard the wood cracking again, now when their magic didn’t bury its sound anymore. He had no idea what had happened. His thighs bled from the deep cuts Harry’s nails had afflicted. 

_ “What happened?!”  _ Harry whispered, eyes closed and… cried, to his confusion. Why Harry cried? Crying always made him angry. Tears were a sign of weakness and Harry couldn’t be weak!  _ “Why?”  _ Harry asked. Tom wanted to yell: stop that! Tears dropped on his bleeding cuts. Harry was still between his legs, sat on his knees like praying. He rose to face him and tried to dry the tears away. He would have wanted to close his legs, but couldn’t, because Harry - trembling Harry - was there. His blood spread on Harry’s skin but he didn’t mind that. The pain would stop soon. 

_ “Why?”  _ Harry whispered again with a voice he couldn’t interpret and had never heard before. The fireplace flared. He didn’t want to answer, wouldn’t have wanted to show weakness. But he had to give some kind of an explanation. 

_ “Because I had to.”  _ Because I didn’t know what to do, what you did and what happened. It had felt intensive, too good and chaotic so he had to wake up from that dream while he still could, because he knew that if he hadn't it, they would have been trapped, if not forever than at least for a very, very long time. Something had made him wake up, when his body hadn’t been his to control anymore. A tiny whisper beyond magic… 

_ “Wh - what do you mean you had to? I - I don’t understand!”  _ Tom turned his gaze away.  _ “Explain!”  _ he whispered. But to have an answer to that was nothing compared to that desire he still felt. He wanted to fill his disappointment and emptiness again with that amazing feeling. The horcrux inside him wanted it too. He wanted it more than anything before, more than in the woods where the horcrux had done the same to him… The rational side of him, which wanted answers, vanished. The desire to touch to… fuck was too strong. The horcrux in him knew this too. That little taste of it all wasn’t enough, he wanted more! The horcrux couldn’t have forced him, but it didn’t have to. Harry lifted his bloody finger on Tom’s lip, rubbed it gently without caring about anything else. The world could be set on fire, he didn’t care. As long as he would get what he wanted. 

But Tom stopped his hand. 

He was so full of rage he couldn’t decide what to do. 

What was happening? Was Harry losing mind?  _ “Harry” _ , he said but Harry didn’t hear him. Had he done something wrong? Had he let his magic too free to make what he wanted, and so enchanted Harry somehow? He covered their legs with a blanket so he could focus better. Had he caused Harry to go so deep in magic he had accidentally damaged something inside him? Because he couldn’t figure out any other explanation. If it was because of that then Harry couldn’t do this anymore. Not yet. It had felt better than anything in his life. He had been so powerful and alive… This was too strong magic to be tested so carelessly. They could do this again in the future. 

Tom squeezed his wrists. Not so hard it would hurt but hard enough because he couldn’t move it. His hand trembled. The trembling spread everywhere. He couldn’t continue. Tom didn’t want to. He had been stopped, like always. And this time by the real, living Tom, which made this all so much worse. Why? He would never do that to Tom, to rip him off, to make him go through that same emptiness and disappointment. So why he had done it? Had he done something wrong? Had he understood something in the wrong way? 

The green eyes opened and looked at him with a feeling he now knew: rage, anger. He had to get Harry to calm down before he would try to do it again. He let go of the wrists and tried to get his magic steady, but it was impossible to chain when it was this free and powerful.  _ “Why did you do it?”  _ Harry whispered. 

_ “Because you are too young, your body isn’t ready for… taking this. Why couldn’t we wait a bit longer?”  _

_ “You were never bothered by my age! Don’t lie! Tell me the real reason. Who - who does something like that? I knew you wanted it - so why couldn’t you just.. let me continue?”  _

_ “I’m sorry” _ , he said, and for the first time meant the words as he said them. 

Harry couldn’t understand anything anymore. Tom didn’t meant it.  _ “You know what? I don’t care. I’m done. You do everything you want and you wouldn’t have stopped me if you hadn't wanted to.”  _

_ “It’s not that simple!”  _ Tom said. Harry shook his head. He wouldn't wait to hear an excuse. He wanted to get away from here. He stood up and fixed his clothes. 

_ “Here. I leave the cloak and map for you in case Dumbledore…”  _ he couldn't finish his sentence. His voice trembled too much. 

The flames were low and steady now. He refused to watch as Harry dressed himself. He tried to figure out what to say. But when he finally had it was too late. Harry had already opened the door, stepped out with bare feet and slammed the door shut. 

  
  



	18. Anything else but free

He walked hastily up the stairs. The pressure in his head spread to his throat, and from there to his chest. But he resisted the tears, kept them hidden for a little longer. He tried to breathe, not to think about anything, but it wasn’t possible. He could pretend to be calm but not to fool his own mind, not now, not after what had happened. The Bloody Baron's transparent figure moved out of his way. Just a little longer, hold on, just a while, he commanded himself and succeeded. 

Only after he opened the Gryffindor Tower bathroom faucet and hot water flowed into the bathtub, he gave himself a permission to let go. 

Tears blurred his eyes. He wanted the pressure gone, had imagined it would make it easier if he let the tears come, but it didn’t happen. The pressure only got worse. 

He forced me away… It all happened again. 

Harry stepped into the middle of the hot water and let it surround him. He covered his face with his hands. 

He forced me away… he forced me away. 

Harry inhaled a rattling breath. He wouldn’t have needed to breathe, but right now it seemed his body wanted it, not for oxygen, but to ease the pain. 

Why? What did I do wrong? Why he suddenly didn’t want to anymore? 

His body began to tremble again. He felt very small, small and weak. Luckily no one would see him like this. Tom wouldn’t follow him, that he knew, so no one would come. No one had a reason to come. 

The bathroom’s cold stone walls steamed against his magic. A dim light came from a small window. Harry waved his hands in the water, let it run between his fingers. It had turned red. He had looked for wounds in his body, without finding them, but that he hadn’t even expected. After hours of bathing he still got blood under his nails. It was clear whose it was. 

The sadness and confusion was replaced by guilt. 

What have I done? 

Tears had dried a white path on his face. He cleared the blood from the water and heated it again. What have I done? 

He tried to ponder that without thinking about that flawless body under him. But it was not possible. He had been free, had forgotten everything except the need, the want to be close of it. Nothing else hadn’t mattered except the feeling which Tom had aroused in him. What would he have done to be able to continue that, make that body come again, again and again, being aware that if he continued, its walls would have broken… At that moment… anything. 

He couldn’t blame Tom for stopping him. He should have blamed himself, from the start, he understood it now. He hadn't stopped when Tom wanted. There was no excuse, no way to justify what he had done. Because nothing, nothing gave the right to continue without Tom’s permission, even though Tom’s body had wanted it, even though he had been in that bewitched state. 

A terrible word haunted him on his tongue. A word, which meaning described what he had done. He had never believed in his life that he would do anything, even remote things which described that word, but now… he had. Harry leaned his head and back against the bathtub. Rape, he thought and felt the pressure in his throat again. 

He had felt guilty many times in his life, for countless different reasons. Sometimes it seemed that he practically dwelled on it. But never had he felt so mortified, so embarrassed and so many other complicated feelings towards one person. He wanted to go and apologize, but he knew Tom didn’t stand apologies. Only actions could repair the damage. And Tom couldn’t even know why he wanted to make it right so badly, not only because what he had done, but because in some level he now had to see himself in the same light as some other person he knew: Tom’s mother. She had used Tom’s father, drugged him with love potion and then raped. The fact that he now had to admit that he too hadn’t been able to control himself, to resist that perfect creature, was unbearable. He had used it, perhaps not exactly the same way and with the same intentions, but still, he had. 

He couldn’t explain this to Tom, probably never would. And in addition to everything else, he had been stopped, Tom had stopped him and forced him to go through that darkness and disappointment once again… And it all was his fault… 

Harry rose from the bathtub, took off his wet clothes and put on the warm Weasley jumper, grabbed his broom and opened a window. 

In winter the castle looked even more magical than usually. The sky was completely white but it didn’t snow. There was rime, formed on the stones and roofs. It was peacefully quiet and the air still as if the frost had froze the wind too into nothing. The tree branches could barely carry the snow on them, but they didn’t shake it off, because the snow guarded them from the cold. On the ground Harry could see small footpaths here and there. He followed the biggest ones. They circled in the edge of the forest, went through the gardens, came back absent-minded and without planned destination, wondered towards the Stone Circle, now with them a big dog’s paws, jumping around, digging holes and diving into the snowdrifts until both footprints returned to Hagrid’s hut. 

Harry pondered whether to knock or not, but decided to fly away. He didn’t want to chit-chat about little things. 

Crying had after all cleared his thoughts. He rose higher and higher, leaving the towers under him. The wind blew weakly this far up. Harry leaned on his stomach, getting a comfortable position on the broom, watching this all, until he had decided what to say and do. 

The chamber floor was pleasantly warm. Bonnie came to meet him. Her body was small compared to the snake statues, but this impression soon vanished as she pushed his legs with a head that was easily as big as his. Tom had said that Queen’s presence affected on Bonnie, made it grow unnaturally big. Harry thought the same, because he hadn’t figure out a better explanation.  _ “Ooouh Lamonah did it!”  _ Bonnie shouted shrilly and ruined her scary appearance. 

_ “Mhmm” _ , he answered. 

_ “Come, come! He is here!”  _ Bonnie hissed and zigzagged across the floor, rushing him in every corner. I know. I know, he is there, Harry thought as he sensed Tom approaching. He had come because he didn’t want Tom to suffer from the ‘waves roaring’ if he wasn’t with him. It would have been more than unfair, to avoid Tom because he felt guilty. He walked on, forcing his steps steady. They echoed on the marble floor. 

Tom came forth behind the corner, face as expressionless as his. The regret was consuming him. He straightened his hand, holding his gaze low. It took a while before Tom stepped closer and took his hand into his own. 

_ “It won’t happen again. I will never do the same if you don’t want to” _ , he said and hoped he was right. 

There was a long silence before Tom answered. The pressure in his head got worse during every second.  _ “I thought you would still be angry.”  _

_ “I am. But only at myself.”  _

It took a while before Tom answered again:  _ “We were too careless.”  _ Harry frowned and swallowed.  _ “You are right, it won’t happen again. I discovered a way how we can be sure the pull between us won’t control us too much… I assumed you would return once you have the locket and not before, but luckily I prepared just in case, if you would happen to return earlier.”  _

_ “How could we ever do it?”  _ Harry faced those dark eyes.  _ “I don’t think I can stop” _ , he said and it required great strength to say it out loud.  _ “Not yet, at least. It’s too strong. I don’t want that you have to force me away.”  _

_ “Harry”  _ Tom whispered and smiled a little,  _ “It could have happened to either one of us. I should have realised you are not ready.”  _

_ “It still doesn't justify what I’ve done.”  _

_ “What is it then? What have you done?”  _

Just as he had thought… Tom had no idea…  _ “I forced you into it, I continued when you didn’t want to.”  _

_ “Unbelievable.”  _ Harry was confused by Tom’s stunned voice.  _ “The anger I would have understood, but this… you blame yourself? It isn't your fault. We just did too much too quickly. Now I know a way how we don’t have to worry it happens again. I brewed us amortentia, without targeting it to anyone, so it just suffocates the drinkers feelings. We can drink it in terms and the one who drinks makes sure to control the other.”  _

_ “No. Absolutely no!”  _ Harry shouted. 

_ “Why not? This might be the only way to ease our condition. I don’t want to hold back when I’m with you, and I imagine you don’t either, so until you can control yourself, I’m ready to drink it. I trust that you can control me when it’s your turn.”  _

_ “That… I’m glad that you trust, truly. But it wouldn’t be fair. And it wouldn’t help. It would only mess our heads even more. The one who would drink it wouldn’t enjoy it, I think...” _ , he added, because he wasn’t sure. The thought of him not feeling the pull but Tom being free was… tempting. 

_ “Are you sure? When I drink it, I could do things I wouldn’t dare to do now with you without fearing I couldn’t stop.”  _

_ “You would still need to force me to stop” _ , He tried to reason against it and was terrified that he was actually intrigued and Tom didn’t help him, being ready to do this, probably because he was so horny that anything would do right now, anything that allowed them to continue… 

_ “Not if you pass out of pleasure before it. Accio amortentia!”  _ A small glass container flew in Tom’s hand and he held it in front of his eyes, its sheen illuminating between his fingers and Harry watched it stunned.  _ “I’ll give you the first round, if you promise to do the same for me.”  _

Harry felt surrounded. Everything in him screamed: yes! But he had to resist.  _ “I don’t care if it isn’t right” _ , Tom continued and caressed his hand,  _ “At least do it once, and then we can practise it without this potion.”  _

_ “I’m grateful that you are willing to do this, but I can’t. That’s not a potion. It’s poison. It would take control of you.”  _

_ “It would free me from this desire. It wouldn’t silence the waves, but at least helped somehow.”  _

Harry couldn't argue, even if he wanted to. Their situation seemed hopeless. All because he couldn’t control himself. He felt it again… his heart pumped, urged him to go on… 

_ “You forgot this” _ , Tom said. Harry had no time to ask what he had forgotten before he saw Tom’s fingers slowly putting his silver Lordship ring in his right middle finger. That familiar, addictive feeling spread to his hand and there to his side, as Tom’s fingers returned the same way back, too slowly and softly to be an accident.  _ “If you aren’t willing to use amortentia, I will make you practise controlling yourself, every day, bit by bit.”  _

_ “Good” _ , he said, relieved that Tom didn’t pressure him anymore. He would gladly choose this option.  _ “But I’m going to explode if you keep doing that” _ , he said and Tom let his hand go. 

_ “You should probably go. Remus is propably worrying where you are"  _ , Tom said.  Harry wanted to slam his head on the wall. He was supposed to meet Sirius today! And he had forgotten!  _ “It’s just one day of delay. Don’t blame yourself so much.”  _

How in the name of Death he forgot? Now somewhere out there was Sirius, probably worried sick why he was late like Remus. He had waited for this day, when he would see his godfather again and now… He closed his eyes and tried to keep himself together. He didn’t want to pity himself in front of Tom. 

_ “Before you go, I have to tell you that someone else has been looking for you too. When you left from the Room of Requirement yesterday, I looked at that map and saw Dumbledore, directly in front of me, on the other side of the door.”  _

_ “What?”  _ Harry needed a moment to realise how serious the situation sounded like. 

_ “Whole night he tried to get in. It was a miracle he didn’t break the door. I sneaked out from the other side, just in case, even though the Room of Requirement shouldn’t let its user’s enemies in. I’m not sure was I able to avoid all his tracking spells, but he didn’t follow me, so at least I’m safe right now. It is clear I can’t leave from this chamber, if it isn’t absolutely necessary. He knows about me, has probably waited for the right moment to attack for a very long time.”  _

_ “How did he knew to look for us from the Room of Requirement?”  _ he asked, instincts commanding him to take out his wand and check if Dumbledore was here right now. But he knew Tom had already made sure to add all the possible spells around them. 

_ “He has somehow found a way to use the same magic as in this map or then just guessed right. Either way this changes our situation gravely. Perhaps he didn’t know for sure that I was in the castle before this, but now he has proof. He knows that you spend the night in the Room of Requirement when all your friends went home, knows about the diary, knows you couldn’t practise your magic on your own. And, like he doesn’t have enough ways to seek the truth, you told your friends about me, so the knowledge can be dug from their unprotected child heads” _ , Tom added accusingly, which Harry knew he deserved. It had been irresponsible and selfish for him to tell Hermione and Ron anything, just because he had felt bad to keep secrets from them. 

_ “I’ve commanded Queen to watch the entrances and kill everyone who enters without hesitation, but that doesn’t protect you in any way. If Dumbledore approaches you or tries anything, anything at all, then I want us to move in Grimmauld Place immediately. It is, at this moment, the safest place for us, as soon as I’ve cast my own protection spells around it. I was thinking that I might make you the Secret Keeper so no outsider could step in. It has to be you, because I’m not sure could Voldemort pass the spell if it were me.”  _

_ “And because you don’t trust others, you take the risk that the same thing doesn’t apply to me.”  _

_ “Exactly.”  _

Harry sighed. Tom had once again used time to his advantage and planned for the future, where as he had spent the day doing nothing.  _ “If it comes to that, okay. But as I have said a million times, Dumbledore isn’t a danger to me. I haven’t personally given him any reason not to trust me and he wouldn’t do anything harmful, even if he suspects something is going on. But hey, I’ll go now. Could you give me the map, now when you have no intentions to leave here?  _

_ “Yes, you need it.”  _ Harry took the parchment. _ “Go get our locket.”  _

_ “Actually, I didn’t plan to get it just yet” _ , he said carefully.  _ “It would be embarrassing to ask something as soon as I see Sirius. It would hardly matter if I waited that Sirius gets free officially and then we get it? It would only be a week… Which reminded me… have you figured out a way to get that cup from Lestrange’s vault yet?”  _

_ “No. It looks like we have no choice but to break in.”  _

Harry nodded, thinking how could he explain where he had been all this time. 

_ “Alright, a week. But this doesn’t mean that we aren’t in a hurry. I know you don’t need to be reminded but… just saying.”  _

_ “No, I definitely don’t need to be reminded” _ , he sighed. They were in a hurry. Voldemort only grew stronger day by day and they still didn’t have a proper plan to defeat him yet. 

_ “What?”  _ Tom asked. 

_ “It’s probably pointless to ask, but have you already figured out a way?”  _

_ “No, not yet.”  _ Harry nodded. He asked the same question from time to time, but always got the same answer. Tom hadn’t figured out a way to use the horcruxes' power, or just wasn’t ready to tell him about it yet. 

_ “You don’t eat anymore, do you?”  _ Tom asked suddenly. 

_ “Um… no. I don't. How do you… oh yeah, the map. I’m not hungry, haven’t been hungry in a while. I guess what you said was true, that magic can replace the need to eat.”  _

_ “Of course I was right. You are getting stronger” _ , Tom said in a voice of which he couldn’t interpret was he annoyed or satisfied, but he knew the answer was the latter, because hardly the fact that he was getting stronger would annoy Tom.  _ “Say that you found the Mirror of Erised. After that they will not be angry at you.”  _

_ “Okay” _ , Harry nodded, thankful for the excuse. 

  
  
  
  


The sleigh slid on crystal clear ice. Harry doubted that the horse could drive them across the lake without slipping, but he had insisted on using this transport method when it was so rarely available. The horse pushed the sleigh moving and off they went! He neighed as happily as the horse. The weather had turned even more cold and their breathing left a trail of frost behind. If someone would have looked at them from the castle’s window, he would have seen a small, brown spot, shrinking into the distance, between the whiteness of the sky and the earth. 

Harry sat quietly next to him, watching the horse’s light canter, miles away. Two weeks had passed from the last full moon, but the absolute feelings chaos which radiated from Harry was so strong he had had to check the calendar, just to be sure he was right about the day, because usually he couldn’t sense people’s feelings so easily if the full moon wasn't close. The smell of sex had been so stunning that he lost his concentration when he had seen Harry yesterday. Normal people wouldn’t have smelled anything, and Harry had washed himself many times, but it was still unmistakably strong to every animal related being. Some outsider’s smell, which he had first mistook for Harry’s own personal sent, troubled him. He didn’t understand how it was possible for Harry to be this close with this person to fool his own nose. He had no idea how to tell to Sirius about this. Thirteen years old! Not that Harry was immature on any scale, but thirteen! He had wanted to ask who the person was and go tell him to stay the hell away from Harry! 

But after considering it for a while, and with great self control, he had decided otherwise. Even if Harry and he were close, it wasn’t his place to ask about it, specially because the reason why he knew about it was because he was a werewolf. 

They had decided to meet Sirius in a place far away from dementors and other humans. Harry had suggested many times meeting in Hogsmeade or somewhere near of it, but he had said it was too risky. Dementors swarmed there. Just a moment ago at the gates they had floated disturbingly close to Harry before he had cast a patronus to keep them in line. But the dementors weren’t the only reason why he had delayed Harry’s and Sirius’ meeting. Azkaban had done no good to his already impulsive and anxious friend. He had wanted Sirius to take a break between Azkaban and meeting Harry, take time to calm down and strengthen himself. He didn’t want Harry to see Sirius before that, before he was sure Sirius was thinking clearly enough and ready to meet his godson, without giving a bad first impression. 

They walked to the edge of the forest. He had used this place during his transformation so he knew it was so remote that they wouldn’t need to worry about bumping into other people. He sensed Harry’s desperation, doubt and guilt and tapped his shoulder, hoping this gesture could ease his being at least some way. 

Yesterday had been one of the most stressful days of his life. He had looked for Harry everywhere, wandered around the castle, afraid that something terrible had happened. Luckily it hadn’t. Harry had said he had seen the Mirror of Erised… whatever that was and saw his parents. After that, he couldn’t be angry at him. Knowing that Harry had seen Lily and James happy must have been… strange and lovely, so he was everything but displeased that Harry had found the mirror and stayed there, feeling happy for once. 

“What time is it?” 

Remus pulled his brown jacket sleeve up and looked at his watch. “11.58.” 

Harry nodded. 

“Nervous?” he asked. 

“Yeah.” 

“You will be fine.” He hoped Sirius would behave well…. Oh, he hated that he had to fear how Sirius would behave, hated what Sirius had been forced to endure… All because of that rat! Think about Harry, think about Harry, Remus reminded himself. He had dwelled on his worries enough already. He had to be supportive, here, with Harry. Harry was the one who had lost the most. 

He didn’t understand how Harry could stay so calm, not even showing nervous movements, only a blank stare. What had happened? What had made him like this? This closed? Or was this just Harry’s way of handling his emotions? 

Harry was also incredibly skillful. Sometimes, when he asked Harry to demonstrate some spell he could sense his powers which accidentally showed when he didn’t concentrate enough to hide them. When it had happened the first time he had just thought he imagined it all. But when the same had repeated over and over again he had understood: Harry was unbelievably powerful. The students noticed it too, perhaps not fully knowing the scale of it, but their eyes turned towards Harry like puppies, following their leader’s example. Even that Malfoy’s kid didn’t try to pick a fight anymore, just stayed quiet or even nodded approvingly to Harry. He didn’t know was it the Harry’s power or popularity or his unwillingness to answer to the aristocrat’s attention begging comments, but whatever the reason was, he was glad that it had happened. It made keeping the students in control very easy, now when the truce between the Slytherin and Gryffindor third years was on. 

“There you are!” he heard a yell from where Harry was looking. Sirius tramped on the snow, wearing ragged cloak and worn out boots, but otherwise, Remus realised, looked quite well. The beard was shaved and hair on a loose ponytail. The cheeks were still hollow, but smiling. Remus put his hand on Harry’s shoulders to give support. 

“Harry”, Sirius said uncertainty and stayed a couple of meters away. 

“Hi”, Harry said quietly and looked into Sirius eyes. Sirius’ smile faded away a little bit and was replaced with an expression which Remus noticed was exactly the same he had on when looking at Harry. Harry’s eyes were scary, hauntingly even, not that you would expect Harry to ever do you harm, but they reminded of horror, of some deep abyss which he didn’t want to think about. 

Sirius cleared his throat and said: “You play well. I saw you, flying around the field,” Sirius waved his hand to demonstrate, “I’m sorry that I came. Had to see that match. Moony told about the dementors. I wouldn’t have come if… if they, I mean, if the dementors hadn’t come…”, Sirius mumbled, still having trouble speaking after being locked up for so long. “I know it was irresponsible, but no one got hurt, I-” Remus’ eyebrows rose from amazement as Harry ran to hug Sirius. 

Sirius was just as surprised about it. He wrapped his hands around the mini James. Human contact felt strange but welcomed. Had Harry forgiven him? After quite some time Harry pulled away and looked at him with a sad expression. No… Harry wasn’t James. He reminded him of someone else, but he couldn’t figure out who. He cleared his throat again, thinking about what he wanted to say and continued: “It’s nice to see you.” Harry continued to smile that sad smile which made him want to ask was everything okay. 

“You are exactly like I imagined”, Harry said. 

“What then? What has Moony told about me?” He glanced at Remus, who didn’t have time to answer before Harry said: “Rock and roll like.” Now the smile changed happier. 

“Well, um… that’s my goal. You look good too.” Indeed, they kid looked good. Harry grinned. Okay, there was a bit of James there after all, Sirius thought and turned to hug Remus. 

“Good to see you”, the wolf said and squeezed him tightly against him. They had met before already. He was thankful that Harry hadn’t been with them then. That day had been a mess, they had cursed, cried and yelled. He had just got out and been in a terrible, terrible state, half mad and Moony just as distraught as he. He had never saw his friend like that, but couldn’t have blamed him. So much injustice… It would all change now! That rat would die. He wouldn’t settle for anything else. Remus let him go of his warm hug and suddenly the air felt much colder than a second ago. 

“Shall we go somewhere inside? It’s freezing out there.” Nowadays he was cold all the time. It just passed through him easily and the warm didn’t stay, no matter how many spells or blankets he wore. Cursed Azkaban… 

“Okay, but first”, Harry said and took a wand from his robes. In that second Harry’s eyes and hair changed brown and Sirius felt like his face was being rubbed. “I can’t stand the staring. And people think you are a mass murder.” Good point. 

“That was extremely well done Harry!” Remus said and smiled the half smile which was so familiar to him. Oh… yeah, transfiguration was demanding! If Harry could do that stuff already… “ You are as skillful as your parents”, he said and pushed Harry’s shoulder gently. “Merlin… you look…” He glanced at Remus and bit his inside cheek. Harry looked just like James. Harry blinked and probably knew what he was about to say because he hugged him again. 

“As I’ve said, Harry is the best of his class in every subject”, Remus said proudly. 

“No, I’m not. Hermione is. I don’t count.” 

“What do you mean you don’t count!” Sirius yelled. He was baffled. 13 and could do a perfect human transformation! 

“Argh”, Harry sighed and shrugged. “Hey, I have an idea. Why won’t we go to one pizza restaurant in London.” 

“Sì, gladly”, Sirius answered, digging that Italian word from his memory. Harry nodded smiling. 

“Umm, where is it exactly?” Remus asked. 

“I’ll show you. Take my hand.” Sirius smirked and took Harry’s smaller hand on his own. It was flawless compared to his which was full of cuts, wrinkles and frostbites. It would never heal completely but it didn’t matter to him. It was only skin. 

“Harry, umm, I wouldn’t want to be the spoilsport, but you aren’t allowed to do magic outside school. Transfiguration is entirely different matter than group Apparation.” 

“Merlin Moony, relax, no one is looking”, Sirius laughed. Remus shook his head. 

“I don’t have the Trace on me anymore. I have practised magic the whole summer and the Ministry didn’t notice a thing.” 

“How did you get it off? We tried so many times but never succeeded!” he wondered. 

Harry smirked mysteriously. “I’ll tell later.” 

Sirius got more and more excited, when Remus only seemed more worried. 

After a few minutes of convincing, Remus gave in. “Alright, a pizza and an opportunity to see you group Apparating is too tempting to decline. I do this solemnly out of curiosity, not because I approve.” 

“Is he always this motherly?” Sirius asked when they stepped inside the restaurant. Harry smirked again and led them to a quiet corner. Red lights decorated the windows. A fat, chatty man came to give them menus. 

“I’m paying, by the way”, Harry said and opened the menu with a face which said no objections. Remus opened his mouth to argue, but then remembered seeing James’ gold mountains in his vault. He could let Harry pay… this once, he decided when the food didn’t look expensive. 

“How did you know of this place? Did you come here often with the Dursleys?”, Sirius asked and looked at the big, laughing group two tables from them. 

“Well, no. I usually just… went by myself.” 

“WHAT?” Sirius looked scandalized. “But you are a child! How could they let you? In a muggle London!” 

“They are muggles”, Remus reminded, but was troubled as well. To let a child alone in a big city seemed very risky to him. 

“Don’t worry, I can protect myself from muggles if it comes to that.”

“But Harry, that isn’t the point”, he said carefully. 

“No, it isn’t”, Sirius said. “And even if you could, what about wizards then? Who knows how many Voldemort’s supporters still roam free in this land. You can’t be left alone to look after yourself!” Sirius shook his head and gave him a look of sheer disbelief. “Let’s go, Harry, right now. I want to talk with them.” 

Harry sighed. “No, Sirius, sit down”, he begged. 

“I’ve sat down long enough!” 

“Sirius”, he warned and glanced at him, telling wordlessly that he wouldn’t let this subject go, but it had to be handled in a different way. Sirius sat down. “We are concerned about you Harry. Let us help. You are everything to us, you are our best friend’s son. You can tell us if there is something that troubles you.” 

“Oh bloody hell”, Harry sighed again and drank his coke. “Fine. I see no way out of this. I’ll tell you everything about my lovely family.” 

“I will murder them”, Sirius stated. “I’ll murder them.” Harry hadn’t told them much, but his stomach already felt sick and he feared Harry hadn’t even told them the worst parts. 

“I’m so sorry for what you have been through. I should have visited…” Lily and James’ son had suffered while he had never knew, had never even asked about him. For some stupid reason he had assumed Harry was okay with the Dursleys. It would have been his job to look out for Harry. His, and his alone. He had no right to ask for forgiveness, not now or ever, but he swore to be here now and look after Harry. It wouldn’t be enough to atone for what he had done, but it was the only thing he could do. 

“It’s not your fault Remus”, Harry said. “No one is to blame but the Dursleys. They did it. You had no idea what was happening. I know what it must have been like for you, after my parents died and Sirius was arrested. Dumbledore put me there so Lily’s blood would keep me safe through my aunt. You were right Sirius, no one knows how many wants me dead, even after all these years. Imagine what had happened if anyone found out where I lived after Voldemort was gone, what his Death Eaters would have done if they had any idea where I was. Dumbledore kept it all secret. You couldn’t have helped me or even visit me.” 

“What about after a couple of years?” Sirius asked. “Why Dumbledore didn’t tell about you after most of the Death Eaters were locked away?” 

Because there was no one to tell, Remus thought. He had ran far away from everything, lived in the shadows. He had been a coward, thinking he had no place to be, no family, but how wrong he had been… Harry had been there and Sirius, both trapped but not behind bars which he couldn’t have broken if he had tried… If he just had tried. 

“I don’t know”, Harry said. A lie. He recognised it easily. “Don’t worry about the past anymore. Let’s leave it behind us and start new. I’ll write to the Ministry tomorrow and tell that Peter is guilty. They probably want you to come and testify, but don't. I don’t trust them. It's better that you stay hidden until this business is over and you are officially free.” 

“What if it doesn’t work? Sirius asked. “There is a big chance it won’t, with only a rat as evidence.” 

“I will send the whole press after them. I’ll use my name. ‘Harry Potter’s godfather wrongly imprisoned.’ That buys them a lot of enemies, which they don’t want. They would want to deal with this peacefully and quietly, but I’m going to give them everything but that. I’m ready to drag the whole Ministry to the ground. People need to realise how messed up that place is and demand change, specially since what lies ahead. Voldemort is coming and it would be so easy for him to take control over our corrupted government.” 

“And you are going to stop it?” Sirius asked, smiling proudly. 

“Someone has to”, Harry sighed. “People already consider me to be the chosen one, I might as well use it for good purposes.” 

“How do you know all this? How do you know that Voldemort is coming or how Lily’s sacrifice keeps you safe? Who told it to you?” Remus asked. 

“I'm sorry, but I can’t tell.” 

“Why not? How is it that we know worse than to know how you know it? Hardly any of the Dursleys”, Sirius’ grip around his ice cream cone tightened, “know anything, and I don’t believe Dumbledore has told it to you after all that I’ve heard, so who?” 

Harry sighed and looked much more tired than what was allowed at his age. “At least tell me who has taught you? You can’t have learned it all by yourself, considering where you have grown.” Remus knew Harry wouldn’t be offended by his words, not after what he had heard, so he continued: “It’s a miracle you can control your magic. By all odds it should be aggressive and vile, but it isn’t. You can control it better than anyone at your age, so please, Harry, I have to know this if nothing else. Who has taught you?” 

“You must understand that it’s easier for a child to practise wandless magic, the capacity to use it is larger and practically limitless then. I’m no better than anyone else. I’ve just practised it very much.” 

“Yes, yes, we know. So who taught you?” Sirius asked impatiently. 

“You will go to the Grimmauld Place after we leave, yes? And you both promise not to tell a soul about it?” 

“We promise”, they said at the same time. 

“My boyfriend”, Harry said and turned his gaze to his ice cream. 

“How old is he?” Remus asked and feared the answer. Harry seemed to notice this and released him from his fear: “Sixteen.” 

Remus let out a relieved sound. “That’s good to hear. I was afraid that-” 

“Yeah, I get it, no need to tell me. He didn’t think it was likely that any young person could teach me so much.” 

“How don’t you know who he is?” Sirius asked. “You are his teacher. I thought you kept an eye on him.” 

“I have! But you can’t expect me to know everything that goes on in the castle. Harry, you promise to be careful, right? You are only 13 and I wouldn't want anything happening to you that you don’t want to happen. I see he is very important to you, but remember… You can always say no if… there comes a situation where-” 

“Relax Moony. Harry hardly needs that talk yet.” 

Remus wanted to point out how wrong Sirius was, but kept his mouth shut about it. 

“So… you like guys then?” Sirius asked. 

“Umm, yeah. Both girls and guys actually”, Harry mumbled and waited their reaction nervously. Sirius started to chuckle and hit his fist on the table. Remus wanted to smash his ice cream on Sirius’ face. 

“Why are you _laughing_?” He asked, even though he knew why, but because Harry didn’t, and the longer it would take for Sirius to pull himself together, the more likely Harry was going to understand the situation wrong. 

“It’s not that, I don’t-”, Sirius said. “I’m just so surprised. Welcome to the club kid”, Sirius raised his ice cream in the air and winked. 

“Really?” Harry’s eyes lighted up. “Wha - how did you realise?” Harry blurred out. “I - I have never met anyone who likes both too!” 

“Oh, I realised it very early! After living with such handsome men in Hogwarts… it was quite clear. We always joked that James was the same and to this day I’m sure he liked guys too. No one kisses with the enthusiasm that he had if you are entirely straight-” 

“SIRIUS! Harry doesn’t want or need to know about that-” 

“I want! Tell me everything!” 

“No, he won’t!” Remus pointed his finger at Sirius. “That was just one time when Sirius and your father messed around and Sirius PROMISED NOT TO TELL ABOUT IT!” 

“The kid wants to know”, Sirius raised his hands innocently. “You started it.” 

Remus sighed and Harry laughed. 

  
  


On the last day of the year Hedwig brought an answer to their letter. It told that someone from the Ministry would fetch Harry with his guardian and the evidence to the Ministry as soon as it suited them. 

“Are you sure you want me there? They don’t treat werewolves fairly. It won’t help the case if I’m a part of it.” 

“I want you! The fact that you are a werewolf has nothing to do with this! We can do it. I trust you.” Remus sank lower in his seat. He was Harry’s last option. Harry didn’t want to involve the Dursleys into this and couldn’t ask Sirius, whose reputation and state of mind stopped him from coming. 

“Alright. But brace yourself for resentful glances and snorting.” 

“The hell with them”, Harry said sweetly. 

  
  


The Ministry worker came to fetch them the next morning, while some students still ate their late breakfast. Harry had had a short conversation with the Headmaster and so he had got an official day off, based on being Harry’s guardian and support in the Ministry. Remus had followed Harry’s and the Headmaster’s exchange of words very carefully. He didn’t know what had happened between the two, but swore to himself that some day in the near future he would find out. Under all the formality and compliments he had sensed Harry’s discomfort and Dumbledore’s worry. This secrecy was unnerving and he didn’t know what to think. He had always held Dumbledore in high regard and couldn’t understand how he could have left Harry with the Dursleys, even if the whole arrangement was for Harry’s safety. He didn’t know which one was worse: that Dumbledore had known what was going on inside that house and allowed it or that he hadn’t known and left Harry totally alone. 

That rat swayed in his case, petrified, rope tying his legs and hands together with all the world's trapping, blocking and locking spells he knew. A full sea of plum-covered robes waited for them. Remus recognised a couple of people, but most of them were unknown to him. Harry and he were led to sit on the lowest row, directly opposite of the other side platform, where the Minister of Magic himself sat. 

They had arrived in time. Workers sneaked in from the big doors before they were closed with a loud ping. Remus felt trapped. His hands were sweaty even though it was anything but warm in there. Harry seemed to look at this all with a deadpan expression but he sensed his astonishing anger towards somebody sitting opposite them. Remus had no time to ask why because then the Minister of Magic cleared his throat and the big room quiet down. 

“In order for this trial to begin, the evidence’s bringer, Mr Potter, being a underage person, needs a guardian. According to my sources, Mr Potter’s current guardians were not willing to attend. In their absence Mr Lupin has made a petition to act as Mr Potter’s guardian.” Cornelius Fudge made a short break, during which many glances under frowned eyebrows were exchanged. “Even thought this hearing does not deal with custody dispute, I will say this: This temporary arrangement does not hold. Mr Lupin will sign a magical contract with Mr Potter, but to formalise it you need the current guardian’s approval.” 

Some young worker strode across the room with long steps to bring a parchment in front of Harry and him. He wrote his own signature, under Harry’s familiar messy letters. The parchment was taken to Fudge who read it carefully through and then continued: “I hereby declare this trial to begin, in the presence of Wizergamont, on the second day of January-” The rest of the Minister’s words were mixed into one mindless porridge in Remus’ ears as his concentration changed its target. The one worker who had fetched them from the school brought the rat forth, opened its shackles and changed it back into a twitching, stinky human. 

The whole sea of plum-covered robes let out shocked inhale and now more than ever Remus just wanted to leave as far away as he possible could with Harry from this place. Peter wanted to escape too, but his effort was hopeless. He was bound into a very uncomfortably looking chair. Remus breathed through his mouth. The foul reek of unwashed human was intolerable and he wondered why no one did anything about it. 

The trial went on, on and on. Peter never stopped that infuriating whining. At some point Amelia Bones, who was one of the few people Remus had recognised, was asked to come down from her seat. Madam approached that stinking mass and pointed her wand on Peter’s forehead. 

A memory of that horrible night spread like in a big pensieve, in a middle of the room for all to see. At first Peter tried to fight and the memory was just unclear smoke, until he was forced to give up and the smoke took a form of a crowded, dimly lighted street. People were hard to separate from each other and the memory was little bit see-through so Remus saw the people sitting opposite him, but as soon as the memory cleared up he didn’t even notice their faces. 

Harry grabbed his hand as Sirius appeared from the dark smoke. He saw Sirius’ young, handsome face, black hair against the cheeks, eyes wide and enraged. Seeing his face like that didn’t just hurt him. It brought back all the memories of the ones he had lost, reminded him of the time when Lily and James had been alive. He saw young Peter too, but tried to ignore him, didn’t even want to look at that face. 

“How could you?” Sirius screamed and waved his black wand casting curses. “You coward! How could you?” Sirius yelled like he was being tortured. Peter sat on the ground inside a strong protection shield. 

“What did he promise you? Hmm? TELL ME! I want to hear Peter, tell! Tell me!” Sirius didn’t even cover himself, just lashed the air and it looked like he didn’t really know where Peter was. 

The older Peter was forced to watch without blinking and had stopped his whining. Instead he yelped. Remus wanted to quiet him, to end him, like the younger Sirius wanted to kill the younger Peter, but instead of asking why Peter had done what he had, he didn’t even want to ask, because he didn’t care. He just wanted that human gone. 

“Lily - next to Harry! James!” Sirius lowered his wand for a moment. “Why? I know you can hear me! I’ll dig that from you filthy mouth some way.” 

It started to rain in the memory. Muggles watched Sirius with concerned expression, had no idea what was going on. Then, the protection shield vanished. Peter attacked. 

“No”, Remus whispered. Luckily Sirius realised it in time. Remus knew what was going to happen, but nevertheless couldn’t stop himself from being afraid of it. 

After all it was still strange to see them fighting. It seemed to be strange for them too, because even though the curses were lethal, it was clear they didn’t mean them, not really. 

“You were on his side all along, didn’t you?” Sirius asked and didn’t cover himself, was too mad with grief to care. “You planned this from the start!” Peter stopped cursing and tears rolled down his cheeks. “Just wait what happens when people find out it was you!” Then everything happened so quickly that Madam Bones had to repeat this part of the memory many times, making sure everyone saw what had happened. While the young Sirius and Peter fought, destroying the pavement with their spells, a group of people apparated to the other side of the street. Somebody screamed and people didn’t know which way to run, now when both ways were blocked. Sirius’ crying turned into laughter. “He is alive! And I don’t think I have the patience to wait what they’ll do to you! I’ll - I’ll kill you now! What do you have to say? Nothing? You sicken me. You were always a coward, I knew it. A disgusting rat, fight! FIGHT! For once in your miserable life, fight! ” 

The Apparated people cast shields around them and approached. Sirius would have made his mother proud, cursing like that, he realised, in the midst of all this. Some purple spell burst out towards Sirius, but he just jerked it off like it was an annoying fly. “YOU WILL NOT STOP ME! Dance rat dance!” Then it happened. Peter's face twisted of madness and desperation, his arm muscles bulged and a green light fired towards the muggles who ran around them. Remus noticed every detail after watching it again and again. The curse was voiceless, swift and spread out uncontrollably like a lightning. None of the muggles or Apparated people saw nothing but a flash of green. That and its source was impossible to see at its casting moment. The dead fell on the ground and the Apparated people attacked as one front. Sirius laughed, without realising what was happening. Peter attacked once more and Sirius lashed the air without saying his spell out loud. It hit Peter. He disappeared in the air like he would have Apparated. 

Sirius’ laughter echoed in the room as the memory absorbed back into Peter’s head. 

It was completely silent, apart from a pen’s rustle against a parchment, marking everything down. Remus pressed his head down and noticed Harry had lifted his hand on his forehead, probably thinking about the same as he: so it looked like that: a lightning. 

“How could this injustice happen? An innocent man in Azkaban, for 12 years!” he heard an old lady’s voice. 

It cut the silence like a hot knife butter. The whole room started to grouse, murmur and complain. 

After what felt like forever Remus inhaled shortly and saw how Fudge stood up and the voices were blocked. “The defence of the accused.” 

No one spoke for Peter, including the accused himself. He just stared at his shoes, paralyzed. There was not a single drop of blood in Remus which felt sorry for him. The Wizengamot mumbled for a minute more until Fudge called out: “Those approving the accused sentence?” Every hand rose up, including Harry’s. 

“I declare Peter Pettigrew guilty of malicious murder, association with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and planning to murder a magical child. The Wizengamot sentences you to have the dementor’s kiss-” 

“NO!” 

Remus turned his face towards Harry, like every other human in that room. Harry had been asked to testify his own part, but never had he rose up like now, without first being spoken to. 

“Mr Potter, do you have anything to add?” Fudge asked politely. Remus was sure the Minister would have refused to listen to anyone else, but taking into account everything that had happened and was about to happen, the Minister probably saw fit to play it safe, now when Harry had all the rights to belabour this whole place to the ground, as he had planned. 

“Yes, Minister, I have. That man doesn’t deserve the dementor’s kiss. It’s too quick and fast ending for him. I suggest that he will be sentenced to Azkaban for the rest of his life. He will suffer it much more than just being an empty bag of bones.” Harry stared at Fudge, his hand behind the other, politely, but alert. 

“Hmm”, Fudge thought, opened his mouth dramatically and then closed it, pursing his lips together pondering. 

“What says the jury?” 

In that moment the door banged. Someone from the lowest row left to open the door, others muttering approvingly to Harry’s suggestion. Peter had turned his eyes to Harry, to Remus’ great disgust. There was something so sick and odd in the eyes that Remus really needed to control himself so that he didn’t storm to strangle him. Fudge rose up again. “The jury has reconsidered. Peter Pettigrew will be sentenced to Azkaban for lifetime of his crimes which are equal to -  _ what? _ ” The person who had banged on the door had climbed up unnoticed through the crowd next to Fudge and looked like the embodiment of nervousness. 

“Sir, you have been asked immediately to the Minister’s office.” 

“Can’t you see that you are in the middle of a trial?” some perky voice asked and again Remus sensed the unbelievable rage, surging from Harry. The speaker was a woman whose face reminded him of a flat fish. What on earth had she done to deserve that kind of anger? 

The messenger blushed as red as the robes around him. “Sir, they insist. There has been a terrible, terrible incident.” Remus could easily hear the messenger’s whispering, because everyone else wanted to hear it too and were quiet. Fudge sighed dramatically. “Sir, immediately, nothing is more important right now, I swear.” 

“All right! I’m coming!” Fudge waved his hand in the air to shoo the messenger away. “This trial will continue. Do excuse me.” And so the Minister of Magic left with that blushed messenger and walked the stairs quickly down. The mumbling continued again and Harry sighed even more dramatically than Fudge. 

“Well, we got what we wanted”, Remus said. 

“On the contrary, I didn’t even get started”, Harry said and Remus saw how his green eyes followed that flat faced woman, who walked out of the room, pink heels echoing against the cold walls. 


	19. The cabinet opens

_ “Did you get him free?”  _ Tom asked behind his book, leaning on the end of the big bed against the wall. He looked as majestic as ever even though his feet were bare and he was wearing only a simple black hoodie, which made him look, in addition to everything, so alluring, so… nice that he couldn’t do anything else but sit on the bed corner and stare. Tom pretented not to notice this and didn’t comment anything until it seemed he could no longer resist himself:  _ “Feel free to admire me, as long as you tell me what happened in the Ministry at the same time.”  _

Harry told. Once he had finished the story Tom slammed his book closed and asked surprisingly quickly like he was in a hurry:  _ “When did this happen? A couple of hours ago?”  _

_ “Pretty much. Why?”  _ He didn’t see a reason why it mattered. 

_ “What could be so important that the Minister is asked to leave in the middle of an important trial?”  _ Tom thought out loud. 

_ “That’s what I wondered too. I guess we’ll find out when the Prophet comes tomorrow.”  _

Tom looked at him like he had said something stupid.  _ “It would be too late then… Do you have the map and cloak here? And your wand?”  _

_ “Yes” _ , he answered and was amazed when he saw Tom, jumping up from the bed and rushing to open the top drawer of the shelf where he kept his horcruxes. After he got that open he moved on to the drawer underneath the first one, where the resurrection stone and the elder wand were.  _ “What are you doing?”  _ Harry asked, but Tom didn’t answer before he had finished mumbling his own opening spell. 

_ “I may be wrong, but we cannot afford not to act according to the worst probability.”  _

_ “What does that mean?”  _

_ “I think the Death Eaters have escaped from Azkaban” _ , Tom explained and put the invisibility cloak in the bag in which he had packed all the other things.  _ “It must be him. He went to free Bella so he would get the horcruxes. But we must make it there first.”  _ Tom grabbed his hand and started to run. Harry made his legs to move, at the same time trying to understand what he had heard. But he thought they would have more time. His sacrifice for the diary would help Voldemort to gather his strength much quicker, he had known that but… Now already?  _ “But we can’t be sure that it has even happened! There are many other explanations to why the Minister was called to his office!”  _

_ “Where is Sirius?”  _ Tom shouted in front of him, walls returning the sound to him. 

_ “In hotel Ritz in Piccadilly street, Trafalgar suite!”  _ he answered and then realised why Tom had asked… He wanted to make sure that the worst had really happened. Sirius was the only person who knew where Azkaban was. 

Harry wanted to ask more questions but he knew that talking would only disturb them. They rose in the air and flew towards the Black Lake entrance, for it was faster than running. But it was also exhausting, the most exhausting thing in existence. Queen noticed that something was going on and followed behind them, demanding to know where they were going. Her terrifying open mouth chased them, giving him the strength to go on, even though he knew she wouldn’t hurt them. 

They passed the ancient stone pillars. The passageway divided and narrowed.  _ “She is faster, come!”  _ Tom shouted. He was so focused to keep up that he didn’t hesitate to follow Tom on the Queen’s back. Her sharp scales teared his pants as he pressed his thighs against them and wrapped his hands around Tom’s hip. 

Queen sped up, rushed on at an incredible pace like the floor would have been one big slide. The hall, in which he recognised the Black Lake entrance was, widened in front of him. Just when he thought the snake would swoop in the water, Tom commanded her to stop all of a sudden. He was thrown onwards right against Tom and gasped because of his bleeding thighs.  _ “Why did you do that?”  _ he hissed. Tom’s hand forced its way inside his suit and took the Marauder’s map from there. 

_ “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good” _ , Tom said and started to turn the parchment aggressively.  _ “I don't see Dumbledore!”  _

_ “Maybe he has been summoned to the Ministry” _ , he suggested.  _ “He is their Chief Warlock after all.”  _

_ “Let’s hope you are right. Impervius” _ , Tom charmed the map to repel water and stuffed it in his bag.  _ “Hold on.”  _ Then Harry heard something he had never heard before and it made him flinch and forget everything else for a second: Tom cried out of pain. He looked at the source of it and saw Tom’s fingers, between the sharp scales. Blood drops streamed like a small river under the black sleeve. 

_ “That is not necessary! At least take a fabric between that!”  _ he tried to reach and lift the fingers away from the blades. 

_ “These would cut them much easier than they do my skin. Her scales block every curse and spell, they can’t be transformed. And I can’t even cut them because-”  _ Tom concealed the second scream when he clung on to the blades even harder, but Harry could feel the pain with his body. He had no time to pull back so he could hold his own weight, because then Tom commanded Queen to go. They dived into the water and it made them even more heavy, crushed them painfully. 

They burst on the surface on the opposite shore and in that second Tom shouted:  _ “We Apparate when we are out of Hogwarts grounds. Be ready so you don’t splinch.”  _

_ “I am ready. But before that we have to cure those”,  _ Harry protested. Tom didn’t listen, just hissed spells which made them and Queen invisible and soundless. 

_ “I cannot leave from Hogwarts! You have to go on without me before we cross those tracks” _ , she said. 

_ “I know” _ , Tom answered. 

_ “Goodbye Heir” _ , she hissed when they rose into the air again.  _ “Be safe! The both of you!”  _

_ “These wounds will not be cured just like that” _ , Tom said and knocked on the suite door, probably noticing that breaking the safety spells would require more time than this way. 

_ “Which do we get first? The cup or the locket?”  _ Tom didn’t answer, just stared at the door, squeezing his fists together and wiped out all the signs of pain from his face. Sirius opened the door and looked in horror at their legs and Tom’s hands. “Harry what are you doing here? And who is he?” 

“Lord Black, can we come in?” Tom asked. 

“Um, of course, come in”, Sirius said and they rushed in. Tom cursed the door closed and took a couple of steps towards Sirius, barely leaving enough personal space in Harry’s opinion. 

“Earlier today your trial was interrupted because the Minister got a message that something serious had happened. Hardly this sort of thing happens without a good reason. We believe that there has been a breakout in Azkaban.” 

“What? How?” Sirius asked. 

“He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has most likely released them.” Harry felt like his guts turned inside out. They had been too slow... He should have just ask Sirius to get that locket from Grimmauld Place last week when it still was surely possible! He had been careless, lulled himself into a sense of security. It would not happen again. 

“If this is true, Harry and I need your help. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named”, Tom continued, glancing at him and he understood right away, that from now on, it was not safe to say Voldemort out loud, “-wants certain objects, they are the reason why this all is happening. We need them before he gets them and only you can help us.” 

“Who are you?” Sirius asked again. 

“Harry’s partner. I’ll tell more when we are in a safe place.” 

“Mmhmm”, Sirius crossed his arms and looked at Tom from top to bottom. 

“First we must make sure that our speculations are right. Lord Black, you are the only person who knows were Azkaban is. I ask that you go there to check that the breakout really happened.” 

“Wait a minute! What if he doesn’t get away?” Harry interrupted. Azkaban was said to be the most secure place in Britain and now the Ministry had probably alerted even more Aurors there to keep the prisoners in. 

“He will, because I’m going with him”, Tom answered and handed him his bag, keeping his eyes locked on Sirius. “Harry doesn’t want to put you in danger, and neither would I. You are one of the most important people to him, and I wouldn’t ask this if there would be another option. There is only one way to defeat You-Know-Who and the more we delay the more likely the way slips from our hands. Are you ready to help Lord Black? I turned seventeen a week ago so I’m in charge of my own life. But shouldn’t Harry stay? He can’t cast a Patronus yet.” 

“Harry stays”, Sirius answered and Harry couldn’t do anything but look as his godfather, who after a minute from meeting Tom the first time, was ready to go in a place from which he had tried to get away for over a decade. “We’ll return soon”, Sirius comforted him and walked to the door. 

“The protection spells Harry”, Tom reminded over his shoulder and closed the door. 

Harry was left in the glamorous suite with a confused expression and Tom’s bag in his hand. How could Tom do that? To convince Sirius so easily without even telling his name? Harry glanced around and saw a gold decorated ceiling and old fashioned, expensive looking furniture. 

Now it began, Harry thought. The war. If Tom was right. And they didn’t even know how to win it. He didn’t dare to sit on anything with his bleeding legs so he just stood there, frowning. 

After a couple of minutes Tom and Sirius returned. “The situation is as I feared-” 

“The whole island has exploded!” Sirius interrupted, “Dementors are furious!” 

“-and I don’t want to risk all that we have just to get the cup and Sirius could never broke into Gringotts all by himself. So, let’s go get the locket”, Tom said and grabbed him with his scarred hand. 

“It is as likely he collects the locket as the cup. Why do we take the risk of seeing him in Grimmauld Place when it is out of the question in Gringotts?” he had to ask because it troubled him. 

“Because if he checks the cave first, he’ll find the fake locket and it will take time for him to understand that the real one could be in Grimmauld Place, much more time than to get the locket with Bella” Harry glanced angrily at Tom like always when he accidentally slipped that infuriating nickname. “We have better chances if… we... the locket”, Tom’s voice suddenly faded and he closed his eyes like he was about to fall asleep. Harry was hit by a weird happiness, which had nothing to do with himself, but in spite of it he managed to hold Tom in balance as Tom began to laugh uncontrollable, endless laughter. 

“What’s wrong in him?” Sirius’ worried tone came from somewhere far, far away. Harry didn’t need to ponder what this was about. He felt the same need to laugh and knew there was only one explanation for it. 

“It’s just - uh”, he tried to speak but couldn’t. Tom fell on his knees, wrapping arms around himself, looking as mad as was humanly possible. 

_ “He got the cup” _ , Tom hissed. 

_ “How do you know it? I only feel happiness… Did he get the locket too?”  _

“What are you two hissing about?” 

Maybe Tom’s mind was much more strongly connected with Voldemort’s so it was much more difficult to block than his connection. Tom was, after all, half of him, when he was only a portion… 

_ “He is strong” _ , Tom whispered. 

“Could someone explain what the fuck is going on?” 

“We go to Grimmauld Place. I’ll explain everything there” Harry said and helped Tom to get up. 

“Can you Apparate him in that state?” Harry didn’t know. But he had no time to wait. If they wouldn’t make it to Grimmauld Place before Bellatrix they wouldn’t just lose the locket but also their best hiding place. Tom couldn’t return to Hogwarts, not while Dumbledore seemed to have made it his goal to find him. Countless, many century old spells protected the House of Black. And there was Kreacher too, who could Apparate them where they couldn’t go themselves. “I’ll take us to the front stairs”, he said and didn’t listen to Sirius’ counterarguments. Those times, when he had Apparated with Tom, had felt like he was the one Apparating himself. He hoped it would feel as comfortable to Tom with him. 

“Are you ready?” he asked and finally Tom looked into his eyes properly, giving him his hand. Harry dug the invisibility cloak from the bag and threw it around them. Then he felt to his great relief that Tom’s hands were healed. He looked at his thighs. They were healed too! Their magic seemed to be powerful enough to even protect them from a basilisk’s wounds, he thought. 

In England the weather was much milder than in Scotland. It rained wet snow. Their feet squelched on the stairs as Sirius led them into the number 12. “Kreacher!” Sirius shouted as soon as they were all in. The best sign of authority is when the leader doesn’t need to express his authority, it should be clear without an effort, Tom thought smugly. 

“Command him to speak only the truth to us all and to stay here”, Harry said. Sirius nodded and marched across a hallway next to a big staircase. Tom made sure they were alone and lighted up the candles with a flick of his wrist. The place was freezing cold and extremely dirty. He was very disappointed. Was this all that was left from the noble and ancient House of Black? Was this the place where Walburga and Orion lived and- 

“WHO DARES TO COME TO MY FAMILY’S HOUSE! THIEVES! THIEVES! LEAVE AT ONCE YOU FILTHY SCUM!” Harry rushed towards the sound which seemed to come from a portrait.  _ “Who are you? Out! All of you out!”  _ The voice sounded peculiarly familiar… but he had no interest to investigate portraits. He followed Sirius, wand ready in his hand. Who knew what curses this house had in store for them. It reminded him of a haunted mansion in children’s fairy tales. Eyes watched him on the walls. The dust silenced their steps. An instinct told him to be as quiet as possible. 

“KREACHER!” Harry’s godfather shouted and Tom's neck twisted slightly out of discomfort. 

“Does _ he _ have any idea where we are?” Harry asked. 

“No, but better not to take risks”, he said and pointed Harry with his wand and cast the Fidelius Charm on the house, naming Harry to be its Secret Keeper. The knowledge of where he was disappeared from his mind successfully. 

“You?” a grunt was heard from somewhere above. Eyes glistened in the candle light between the second floor stairs. 

“Kreacher, I command you to answer truthfully to us all and to stay here from now on. You can’t have any interaction, conversation or contact with my cousins or family members or even distant relatives in any way, except with Harry Potter!” Sirius got a reluctant reply. Harry pushed him gently out of his way and walked under the stairs. “You do as Harry says? Do you hear me?” 

“Sirius, you don’t need to yell at him”, Harry said calmly. “Kreacher, I’m Harry Potter, Sirius’ godson.” The elf focused its foggy eyes at Harry and came down from the stairs like a toddler who just learned how to walk. It stayed to lurk on the last step, hiding behind the wooden stair railing. 

“Kreacher, here”, Sirius pressured. “We don’t have time for your show.” The elf scowled at its master and tried to defy the order. It pulled its big ears, apparently trying to tear them off. Tom was about to ask for the locket, but then he saw, from the corner of his view, Harry… falling. He couldn’t process anything else before he bent down, trying to… he didn’t know what exactly because conjuring a shield would have been much wiser. His hands already touched Harry’s shoulder when he realised that Harry didn’t fall. He kneeled.  _ Kneeled down on one knee before that filth!  _ The elf let go of its ears. All stared at Harry who spoke to it calmly, completely unaware of their amazement and disapproval. “Sorry that we came so unexpectedly, but we had no time to warn you in advance. We came because we have a very important question for you.” They foggy eyes glared at the silver ring in Harry’s finger, which too glimmered in the candle light. “It concerns about the Dark Lord and how we could defeat him. We believe you have something that could help us, you see… Regulus left a golden locket to you, do you remember? You tried to destroy it, but you couldn’t. If you fetch it for me, Regulus’ wish to destroy the Dark Lord will come true.” The elf's eyes narrowed suspiciously. 

“Harry, get up”, Tom hissed and got an angry glance as a reply once again. 

“I promise to destroy it”, Harry said and stayed to wait on the elf’s eye level. Tom couldn’t take it anymore and lifted Harry up with magic. Sirius nodded to him approvingly. 

“How does he know?” the elf asked. 

“I went there, in that cave and saw what he had written on the fake one which he left behind. I’m so sorry for what has happened to you. He was a good man. If you give that locket to me, I’ll make sure he didn’t die in vain.” The elf bowed its head down and started to weep. 

“What are you talking about Harry?” Sirius asked. 

“I’ll explain later.” Sirius sighed out of frustration. 

“Kreacher will bring it to Harry Potter! Master’s last command will be fulfilled at last! This one is so happy!” it nodded its head repeatedly and wandered somewhere… Harry stopped him by leaning his hand to the wall and shook his head slightly. 

“He will bring it, just wait.” Endless paintings and portraits had woken and their questions mixed together into irritating noise. 

“Merlin, I hate this place”, Sirius barked. 

“I know”, Harry said. 

“How do you know it?” 

“Well, it isn’t difficult to see”, Harry explained quickly. Then Tom heard it, the whispering, over the other noise and the elf stepped from the darkness into the light. The golden chain jiggled. Harry straightened his hand to the air. His heart beat fast as he followed the elf’s slow journey through the aisle. The whispering was incoherent, much more aggressive than the ring’s or the diadem’s. The magic in it was thicker, but weaker too… and prickly. He saw a glimpse of the letter S. Slytherin… Harry got it and, without a second of doubt, handed it to him. 

_ “Grant me the… no… shhargs I hear, come…”  _

_ “You are mine. Stay closed” _ , he commended. The whispering faded into hissing. 

“Hang on a minute. Is that parseltongue you are speaking?” Sirius asked. Did he honestly not notice it until now? 

“Umm, yes”, Harry said and stared at the locket. 

“But.. that’s dark magic!” 

“There is no dark magic. There is only magic and those who categorize it in their ignorance”, he pointed out and slipped the locket around his head to rest on his chest. Its little heart beat against his own. 

“Why do you know how to speak parseltongue?” 

Tom waited for a moment like he would consider whether to tell or not. Then he opened his mouth slightly and glanced at Harry like he would seek for support and leaned on the wall, the other hand touching his hair. It was time to convince Sirius. 

“We are connected to You-Know-Who, Harry and me. I found Harry last summer, like fate had brought us together. Our magic is alike. We can do things that shouldn’t be possible in our age. We find each other, sense each other.” He held a small break. “I had, of course, heard about Harry before I met him. I knew the story about the boy who lives, but that wasn’t all. My caretakers told that I became… strange when I was three years old. Aberrant, odd… and then the dreams began too. I dreamed of him… Sorry if this sounds silly”, he grinned apologetically to Sirius who was drawn into his story, “I recognised Harry from the moment I met him. He called me, like always. Harry is the one who will defeat You-Know-Who and I am bound to Harry. That’s why we know what he wants, and much more.” 

“Now I understand why you couldn’t tell me anything Harry”, Sirius said and Harry nodded hesitantly. “Bound to Harry, you say”, Sirius said with humor in his voice. He gave him time to digest what he had heard. The story was pretty over the top, but explained many things in a simple way. 

“I’m sure you understand why we cannot trust these things to any man, to anyone in my opinion. But because I know that Harry keeps you in high regard and that you are one of the closest people in his life and that you feel the same way for him, I know I can trust you to keep this to yourself.” 

“Take that off”, Harry said and pointed at the locket. When he didn’t do that Harry took it himself. “Its chain left marks on your skin”, Harry sighed. “You didn’t even realise you had put it on your neck, did you? We can’t wear it.” Harry dropped it in the bag, to whisper with the other horcruxes. “I suggest that we keep them in different places, all of them, just to be sure they don’t… plot anything.” 

He nodded and waited if Sirius had something else to say. He had decided to treat this one kindly. They would live together for quite some time and it was preferable that the ones closest to Harry would like him. Gaining this one’s trust had been easy so if he wouldn’t get along with the others it wouldn’t matter. It was enough to get one on his side so that, if the need would arise, some conflict between he and Harry could be solved much easier. 

“I’m glad to hear Harry isn’t alone. I want to hear the whole story someday and know how you know all this, but hey, it’s almost dawn. You ought to return to Hogwarts or you’ll get expelled.” 

“Actually, we won’t be returning to Hogwarts”, Harry said. “We must stop You-Know-Who and we can’t do it at school. And besides, as you well know, I’ve already learned everything there is to learn and more. Thanks to him”, Harry smiled a little bit nervously. “So if it’s okay, we would like to stay here.” 

A long silence followed that sentence, during which Harry looked at the horcruxes and Sirius clicked his fingers against the wall, smiling amused.  “Alright”, Sirius said slowly. 

“Can I speak with Harry for a moment?” he asked before Sirius managed to continue. He smiled his most pleasant smile which had made people melt before him. 

“Er… yes, of course”, Sirius cleared his throat and tried to bit his inside cheek unnoticeably. “I’ll go and see if Kreacher has stored some food in the kitchen. Oh, I will miss that hotel…” 

Harry followed him up to the second floor and into a room with many bookshelves. He left the door open and lighted the candles on the dusty chandelier above them. 

_ “It’s probably quite impossible to carry on without a name from here on.”  _

_ “Yes, it probably is”,  _ Harry said and watched him anxiously. 

_ “I’ve tried to fashion myself a new name, as it seems that the Lover name”,  _ Harry scowled,  _ “feels insulting. I confess, it was stupid and immature to ask you to use it.”  _ He knew Harry still thought of him as Tom and that had urged him above everything to discover a new name. Harry couldn’t think of him by that hideous name. So many times he had heard Harry accidentally say it and every time it had annoyed him more and more. He wanted to leave it behind him, but because he hadn’t figured out a better option he had let the matter go. But now, it had to be decided, because there was someone else with them.  _ “I have tried to invent a new name, built it of things which would define me again. The name Slytherin will always be important to me, but its significance has grown smaller when I met you, replaced with something far more important. The name Potter belongs to you, you are proud of it and it is yours like the name Black will be yours. But you also have a third name which you could claim as your own, the Master of Death. The Hallows brought us together, you share them with me. Shouldn’t it be fitting that I use their makers’ last name?”  _

Harry’s face was cleared of anxiety and then Harry smiled, not with his lips but with his eyes.  _ “Of course” _ , Harry said calmly.  _ “Peverell. It fits you. And what about the first name?”  _

_ “I haven’t been able to decide. Got any ideas? First I thought Aurelius, but after awhile I didn’t like it anymore.”  _

_ “Good, it doesn’t fit to you.”  _

_ “I thought you could help. You are so good at giving names. Hedwig for example, that’s a lovely name. ”  _ Harry turned his head towards the cold fireplace and his eyes… looked sad all of a sudden.  _ “She will get here” _ , he assured.  _ “I’ll expand a whole forest for her in some cabinet… and mice for prey.”  _ Harry nodded. He got all the time in the world so he waited patiently for Harry to reply. His plans had succeeded. They were safe and far, far away from Dumbledore much earlier than he had dared to hope. 

Luckily Harry had told in time about what had happened in the Ministry. Of that he had understood the time had finally come to test his theory and keep his mind open. And he had waited and found out exactly what he had wanted! Voldemort had absorbed the cup and got its powers. It was possible! He knew it now for sure. How they could absorb the rest he didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. It was possible, gave power and if Voldemort was ready to absorb them, knowing the risk that it could take control of him because he was lesser than the soul within that cup, then he could do it too. The power of it had even cured their wounds like he had anticipated. 

It was a pity that the cup was lost but it was a small loss compared to the knowledge he got. He might have known that Voldemort had absorbed the cup even if he hadn’t kept his mind so open, but he had done it anyway, just in case. Luckily he had had some time to prepare, to harm him and Harry with the basilisk scales so badly that he wouldn’t have had any way to cure them by himself so quickly. Everything seemed to go exactly according to the plan! Harry hadn’t even suspected that he hadn’t left the fake locket into the cave for Voldemort to find, just trusted his word, almost too easily. Harry didn’t even question why he would risk the fake one to fall into Voldemort’s hands, even though it would have been so easy to have someone collect it from that cave and kill it afterwards, which was precisely what he had done. He had burned the fake locket into ash along with that muggle who had screamed its throat sore after drinking that poison in the cave. Well, he guessed his performance today had been so impressive it hadn’t left any space for doubt. 

_ “How about Thomas? It sounds… strong, old-fashioned, more you. Thomas Peverell.”  _ When Harry said it out loud they watched each other for a long time. The name floated in the air, fell down between them, once and for all, like it should have always meant to be. He had waited for this option. It wasn’t the best possible and would still connect him to that old name. But if Harry thought that way and it didn’t bother him… he could get use to it too. 

_ “Thomas Peverell” _ , he said. Harry laughed in his thoughts.  _ “What?”  _

_ “You really should go out more. You need sunlight desperately. You glow like a ghost… or maybe not a ghost… they float around. You are as motionless as a statue.”  _

_ “What did you say?”  _ he asked suddenly. 

_ “I said you are like a statue. But you ruined the impression by moving. Stop” _ , Harry said and was visibly surprised that he obeyed.  _ “Tilt your head slightly right and take the wand in your both hands. Twist it between your fingers. Argh like you always have them! Yes! Like that! Perfect. Now someone should come and take a picture. Aurelius… maybe it would have fitted after all. You remind me of the Greek statues. No don’t move, wait! Let me savor this in my mind!”  _ Harry laughed, but as soon as he came close all the amusement vanished. But he continued nonetheless, refusing to let Harry blame himself for what had happened at Yule, because this new discomfort and doubt that came when he touched him was because of that. He couldn’t show his frustration, no matter how tempting it was. Instead he showed there was no reason to worry, by pulling back. And then continued. But not more. Even he couldn’t pull back if they would continue more than that. Not yet at least. 

  
  


┃⚬ △

  
  


_ “I got an idea” _ , Harry said. They were still in the same room, waiting that they could think clearly after all that kissing.  _ “I would have never realised if we weren’t in this house, but I just remembered that one cabinet in Regulus’ room which I couldn’t get open no matter how I tried. Regulus discovered that the horcruxes existed. What if he hid something in his room before he died, something that would explain how he did it.”  _

_ “It’s most likely” _ , he said, this new clue waking him up from his dream.  _ “Let’s go check that cabinet.”  _

_ “Wait. You don’t have any socks” _ , Harry pointed out. He had waited for Harry to notice it.  _ “But.. I guess you don’t need them. This is our new home after all” _ , Harry sighed and looked at the moth eaten curtains and the cold fireplace. 

_ “Only a temporary home” _ , he corrected.  _ “And after I’m done with it, you won’t even recognise it’s the same house. You didn’t think I would spend my time in this haunted mansion, did you? I’ll make this a house worthy to us. It’ll be easy. The foundation spells are already there so it just requires a bit of fixing.”  _

_ “I thought the haunted mansions are to your taste?”  _ Harry asked. He didn’t appreciate the comment enough to answer. 

Harry insisted that they explained to Sirius what was going on before checking Regulus’ cabinet. Harry and Sirius chatted a long time and would have chatted even more if he hadn't pointed out that it was far beyond sunrise. From that Harry had realised his patience was at its limits. 

“That one”, Harry said and pointed at a large, dark, wooden cabinet. 

“Harry! I just realised!” Sirius called out and raised his hands in the air. “You remind me of him, my brother! I couldn’t see the resemblance before but now I see it! You look like him, but only younger.” 

“Oh”, Harry answered and Thomas saw Harry wasn’t sure how to react to this information. 

“You have the same… something.” Sirius stared at Harry with a weird look on his face. “Now when I see you in this room… it’s unmistakable.” Thomas let his gaze go around the room. Newspapers and articles covered the floor. Not a very effective house-elf, he thought. 

“So long I was disappointed in him, counted him to be like the rest of my family. I wish I would have known the truth sooner… I can’t understand how you know this, but I believe you”, Sirius said and touched Harry’s shoulders. This started to get on his nerves. And it didn’t help that he had had to listen to Harry’s long explanation of Regulus while Sirius constantly asked his irrelevant and stupid questions. Why he felt so inpatient all of a sudden? Or was he just grown so used to Harry’s company that other people’s tediousness was even more annoying than usual. He turned his gaze to the cabinet. 

_ I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more _ , Regulus had written. Well, perhaps you are right. The Hallows wouldn’t necessarily keep him alive… He couldn’t trust that his soul piece within Harry would make him immortal too. He had to find a solution which guaranteed it. Maybe he and Harry would go on a little trip to meet the Count Dracula when all this would be over, he thought… 

Regulus had made this all by himself, never trusted anyone… the curiosity of what he would find inside the cabinet only grew. 

“There is one thing I don’t understand”, Sirius said. “When he had hidden the fake one in that cave why didn’t he leave from there with Kreacher?” 

“Because he couldn’t. To replace the original with the fake one killed him. And he probably thought that he would have died anyway once Voldemort would have discovered what he had done”, Harry answered. 

“Sirius, would you summon Kreacher here. I have to talk to it.” 

“Kreacher”, Sirius summoned, in a considerably kinder tone than the last time.    
“Yes, master?” the elf popped next to them. 

“Do you know how Regulus realised what the locket was?” Thomas asked and waited impatiently for the reply. 

“Master didn’t tell it. It shouldn’t know.” 

“But do you know?” Harry encouraged it. The elf doubted for a moment when they three looked at it so intensively. Then it turned its eyes to him, thinking hard. He wanted to dive in its mind, but unfortunately legilimens didn’t work on elves. 

“Master Regulus told he read something similar… Didn’t dare to speak it to Dark Lord, feared the Dark Lord’s anger. But he told to someone else. A stranger who came, without telling the Mistress! Oh no no no, Kreacher didn’t tell Mistress, but it should have. Kreacher heard and stopped to listen. It didn’t understand all and heard only little. But Kreacher remembers... Talk about souls and immortality. Regulus was interested of such things”, the elf spoke quietly, ears down, “The stranger gave Master something. Kreacher never saw it, but knew that the young Master wanted to keep it secret. Kreacher wouldn’t have told but the Chosen One must know.” And so it went out of the room, head down of shame and almost tripped on the stairs. 

“The cabinet I tried to open so many times maybe contained all the answers”, Harry said out loud. The elf had said just what he wanted to hear. “How much time do you need?” Harry asked. 

“A couple of hours. The runes have to melt the locks layer after layer”, Thomas explained and touched the wooden surface. 

“Okay, can I help you somehow?” 

“No”, he answered and called a decorative bowl from the shelf, filled it with water and started to paint symbols on the wood. Apparently Regulus had studied Runes far beyond the N.E.W.T level. But so have I, he thought and faced the challenge smiling. 

  
  


Exactly after three hours, when the grey daylight shined through the black curtains, Thomas walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Harry and Sirius sat around a big table. The pair had stayed in Regulus’ room and talked until he had commanded them to go away. Harry had objected, but Sirius had managed to talk him around. Now their ongoing conversation faded away. 

_ “It’s this.”  _

Harry rose and stared at the book in his hands. He knew he would discover something from it. He was sure. 

“Erm, could you enlighten me too? What is it that you have found exactly?” 

“Sirius, I need your help, get up”, Harry said. Thomas blinked, confused. Harry breathed slowly in and out as Sirius lifted his legs from the table and got up. “Sirius, do you know the incantation to the unbreakable vow?” 

No! Not now, he thought. Like Harry would have read his thoughts because the book in his hand flew on the table and was replaced with Harry’s firm grip. 

Sirius let out a confused laughter. “Wait a second, what do you mean do I - WHAT? Has either of you… Harry!” Sirius yelled. 

“Or you could swear the same to me”, Harry said quietly. Sirius heard that and turned his shocked face towards him. 

“Have you sworn… Why would you ever, ever swear an unbreakable vow? I can’t understand why - THOMAS YOU UNDO IT RIGHT NOW!” 

Thomas didn’t even blink when Sirius stormed across the floor, stopping right on his face, clearly wanting to hit him, but controlling himself just at the last second. He just stared at Harry angrily, covering his distress with it. 

“DO YOU REALISE WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF HARRY WOULDN’T OBEY IT? WHY WOULD YOU EVER LET HARRY SWORE SOMETHING LIKE THAT? I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT HIM! Why? What is so important to risk Harry’s life? I don’t care what it was about. YOU WILL RELEASE HIM! OH HOW COULD YOU?” Sirius escalated himself by yelling. When he didn’t respond Sirius hit his fist to the wall and yelled at it instead. 

“You thought I wouldn’t remember?” Harry asked when the room was silent again. He hadn’t even thought about the whole vow. He had grown so used to it, to its certainty and to the trust it brought. But now, after it would break, the certainty would be gone. He could never trust Harry’s word again. Suddenly he felt sick. An empty feeling spread inside him like poison. 

Of course the day when the vow would be broken would have come in the near future but now… just when they got a new clue… Had he asked everything he needed? Every detail? It felt like he hadn’t. It felt like million things still needed to be said. And he hadn’t even read what the book was about. It felt meaningful. He would find something in it and needed Harry and his memories, to which he couldn’t dive into anymore without forcing Harry, but even then he couldn’t trust that they were real and not altered by Harry’s will or imagination. He had built Harry’s occlumency shields too strong, even for himself. 

He wanted to keep that certainty. Just now he understood how much he would lose if he couldn’t trust Harry. Could he do what Harry asked? Swear the same truth vow? Was it worth of the trust? No. One mistake and he could die. He wouldn’t risk that. He wasn’t that desperate. 

“I’m very disappointed in you. Harry, I thought you’d value your life more. James and Lily would be disappointed too, whatever the reason was. And you! What was so valuable to risk Harry’s life?” 

He would lose that trust… Henceforth those green eyes could look at him and lie without him knowing… He had thought he had more time… Pathetic how he had let himself grow use to that trust. It would end now. They had agreed that it limited Harry too much. 

But what about his vow? Could he demand that his promise to try to solve all problems with humans without violence if someone wouldn’t attack him or try to harm him, would be broken too? Could he demand to remove the one and only thing Harry had wanted in return for his sacrifice to his diary? No, he couldn’t. Harry wouldn’t agree and there was on point to even try to convince him. He would lose today, because there was no way to force Harry to keep the vow any longer. Harry would fight, make him do it. It would be removed with Sirius’ or some other things’ help. And if he threatened to remove his own vow it would only destroy the last trust they had left. 

_ “How could I ever trust you after this?”  _ he wondered. 

_ “You? Trust me? Shouldn’t that be my question?”  _ Harry asked, eyes harsh and relentless. 

“English! Goddammit!” 

Harry broke their eye contact and sighed frustratingly. “Sirius I know that this all seems very hard to understand. But know that I think about my parents very often. I consider my actions and know they would understand why I did what I did.” 

Sirius robbed his eyes. “That’s very hard to believe when you do something like this.” 

“The vow was as much my doing as his. It was sworn with a good reason, but there is no reason to have it anymore. So… could you take it away?” 

Sirius glanced at them once more and then took out his wand. “Alright. Will you, Thomas Peverell, release Harry Potter from… what was it again that you swore?” 

“To speak the truth and the truth only”, Harry said.  _ And protect him with your best ability and show me eternal allegiance and affection,  _ he waited for Harry to continue, couldn’t face those eyes right now so he stared at their locked hands.  _ And protect him with your best ability and show me eternal allegiance and affection.  _ Say it already! But Harry didn’t say it. It took one heartbeat until Thomas realised he wasn’t going to say anything else. He couldn’t believe it. 

“Will you release Harry from this vow of truth?” 

“I will”, he breathed out and only one red chain burst out from Sirius’ wand and then disappeared. Darkness fell on the room, but to him it wasn’t as bleak as before that. 

“You can trust me. Know that”, Harry said and handed him the book, which he had got from the cabinet, back. The book was heavy. Its thick covers and bindings loosen up. The poison inside him vanished, grew weaker and weaker until it was no more. It was replaced with warmth. The sweet certainty came back, stronger than ever. 

“I know.” He knew but couldn’t believe it: he had someone he could trust. He wanted to touch Harry, without limits or controlling himself, for the first time wanting to just be near.  _ “I know” _ , he said again, got closer and leaned on carefully, hoping that Harry would understand that which he couldn’t express any other way. I can trust you. Harry was hesitant, but then he pulled him to meet him from the back of his neck and was slow, so very slow, took his time to give everything he could, made it deep and strong. And Harry understood. 

“Have you no self control you too?” Sirius asked and pulled him away, which wouldn’t have been possible if he hadn’t been so deeply in his own dream. The light which came from the suddenly open curtains hurt his eyes. 

“I see what is going on Thomas and I will make one thing  _ very  _ clear. You will not do anything, I repeat, anything that would cross the line and just a second ago you very too fucking close to cross it! Do you understand?” 

He had been disturbed. He had been disturbed… by this… thing. “What if your line is already crossed?” he enjoyed seeing what his hint did to Sirius’ face. It yelled in pain. Hit me, try it. I want to see what you’ll do! 

“Stop it.” Harry stepped between them. 

“But Harry, you can’t just let him do that! Not yet!” Sirius pointed him with his wand and he scorned. “What if I told you Harry wanted it.” Verbal fighting would be enough for him, because the physical one he would win too easily and he couldn’t harm Sirius, not while Harry was present. 

“Harry, come”, Sirius said, grabbed Harry and walked out of the kitchen. “I’ll make the bed in my brother’s room for you. Thomas can sleep in the bedroom on the second floor.” Thomas rolled his eyes and followed them. 

“Listen, I’m very happy that you stay”, Sirius said at the stairs. “We can make up the lost years. Hey, where do _ you _ think you are going?” Sirius hissed so angrily it almost sounded like parseltongue, when he walked past them and climbed to the third floor. 

“To sleep”, he answered without a care in the world, opened Regulus’ room door and started to transfigurate the room to match his taste. 

Harry joined him after a while. “I know he is short-tempered but you must understand he has spent over a decade in prison, blaming himself for what happened to my parents and to me. He just does everything to protect me. Don’t let your patience run out and don’t do that anymore when he watches. It’s killing him when we don't tell him everything. Try to see it that way. Will you?” 

“I try”, he said. When you are around. 

“Good”, Harry said and went to the bathroom. In the meantime he finished the room with a huge fireplace. After pondering for quite sometime he realised that all those who were close to Harry were now his problem too. Those people would be an excellent way to make Harry do anything, so he had to make sure they were safe and not used as a bait. Sirius was already here and so would Remus be too when the term would end, but those weren’t the most important ones. Harry had already lost those men once, so the second time wouldn’t necessarily be as bad. Hermione and Ronald on the other hand… losing those two would rip Harry apart. Ronald was safe in the Burrow, because the Order of Phoenix would probably keep meetings there, but Hermione had no protection. And between those two, he was pretty sure the girl was more important to Harry if he had to choose. Hermione had to come here, he decided. She was the most reasonable of them all. He would get the girl on his side and might even like her. She was the only one who hadn’t betrayed Harry or left him. But women usually were more caring and true than men… Their loyalty was more deeper and not so easily changeable, for better or worse. 

The flames burned smoothly when Harry came to rest next to him. Just when he heard that Harry had fallen asleep Harry did something unexpected: turned his right leg between his legs. He woke up from his thoughts and stared at the roof. Harry’s knee rubbed him softly in slow rhythm and then he realised Harry couldn’t be asleep.  _ “What are you doing?”  _ he asked, even if he knew perfectly well what he was doing. 

_ “Nothing” _ , Harry whispered and bit his neck just in the right spot. 

_ “Wait, I’ll go to get a shower first.”  _

_ “You don’t need to. You smell amazing, even better now when the water hasn’t weaken it.”  _

He hissed angrily, not because of Harry but because he had to restrain himself.  _ “This is pure torture…”  _ Harry smelled amazing too… of autumn, like coming home after a long and miserable summer. 

_ “I made my clothes unremovable when I was in the bathroom, using runes. Let’s do the same for you.“  _

He wasn’t sure could runes stop him anymore. But it was better than nothing. 


	20. Yes, my Lord!

The open space was filled of people. Traitors shivered… whispered among each other. 

Quiet, shh everybody. 

She had been left close, closer than anyone else… Only one was closer than her, in its full length on the floor, hissing quietly, watching. Like  _ he.  _ The light left  _ him  _ in shadows, but she didn’t need it to know what  _ he  _ looked like.  _ He  _ fetched me and only me… commanded others here. 

She had recognised _ him _ immediately, even though  _ he  _ didn’t look the same as the last time. No…  _ he _ had changed. He looked like he was more than thirty years old, but how much older? She honestly couldn’t have even guessed… so incomprehensibly handsome that she couldn’t understand how anyone could look like that. And more powerful than ever. Not fully human, no. Something more… Like human… hair as dark as her own. And those eyes… looking at Nagini. 

There was something else, something she didn’t understand. The shadows, like the light, didn’t reflect on _his_ face. The skin was pale, dimly luminous… The shadows didn’t affect _him_ , they came _from_ _him._

But  _ he  _ can be touched! That can’t be real…  _ he  _ touched my hand! 

_ He  _ can be touched,  _ he  _ was there. Alive, like I always knew. 

Always. Yes, I knew. Always always always, I knew! 

Nagini hissed at her. Bellatrix didn’t stand back. Not until those eyes glanced at her, warning to stay away. 

“Sorry, my Lord!” 

No one had dared to speak directly to  _ him _ , no one had spoken except me. Just bowed and mumbled ‘my Lord’, and then fled back. They though they were out from  _ his _ reach. Fools! No one was. 

Rodolphus stood with the others, expected her to join him. Ha! That man was the last person to whom she wanted to speak. 

Lucius arrived… walked with the others. Why Cissy wasn’t with him? She would disgrace the whole family by staying away! Or what if she wasn’t aware of the invitation? Yes, that had to be the reason. Stupid sister without the mark! 

“Many have come. Welcome” _ , he  _ spoke softly, watching them all. “Lucius… Avery…” For each name  _ he  _ held a break during which everyone hoped they could sink through the floor, because for a moment they were forced to look and fear more than ever. The Dark Lord was breathtaking. And alive. How? They wanted to know and listened to this new voice, recognised its deep meaning and tried to brace themselves for the pain. It would come soon, the pain. 

“And lastly… Bella.” She lifted her head up, curls swayed once in the air. “Those who are not present will miss out what I am about to announce, but do make sure my message reaches them too. I have returned, after twelve long years during which I have paid of my mistakes.” Mistakes? The Dark Lord doesn’t make mistakes! What does that mean? “I underestimated the power of the prophecy that said a boy, born in the end of July, would have the power to defeat me. I tried to kill him that night when I went to Godric’s Hollow, as you all know. And when I did, I fulfilled the prophecy, but not in a way people thought. Harry Potter could not have defeated me… It was done by old, powerful magic. 

That night I was merciful. I gave the boy’s mother a choice: to step aside or save her child. And so I gave her the power to destroy me. She chose to sacrifice herself and that sacrifice cast an ancient protection around the boy. I did not realise it. I couldn’t have harmed the boy in any way. I had made a trade more powerful than any other spell in existence: her death for the boy’s survival. My own killing curse reflected to myself and the prophecy came true. Still I survived. Not even that sacrifice was powerful enough to kill me. But it weakened me, made me lesser, took my powers away. 

I made a mistake of being merciful. That mistake almost cost me my life. Now, what about your mistakes? Twelve years I gathered my strength back. It would have been easier if someone of my loyal followers had helped me. It is probably needless to say... no one did. No one.” The Dark Lord walked slowly by the big windows and others made way. Nagini followed her master and hissed at anyone of who they walked past. “Some tried I know that, but what about those who didn’t? I don’t care why you did it. But what should it cost to you? I’m open for suggestions. Amycus?” After facing the Dark Lord for a second, Amycus fell on the floor without letting out a sound. Some were terrified. Some had the sense to keep their minds steady and closed. Art, Bellatrix thought, seeing the cruciatus curse after such a long time. 

“Thorfinn?” The man couldn’t speak. “Walden?” This time the man in question couldn’t even open his mouth before he was struck down. Same thing happened to many. Bellatrix clapped. “Lucius? What do you think is the proper punishment for abandoning me?” 

“My Lord”, Lucius kneeled, “Every day since your-” 

“I didn’t ask what you have done. I know that already, just by looking at you. Should I be merciful again Lucius? Do you deserve it? Or should I make sure you can’t betray me anymore?” 

“I deserve whatever you see fit to give me, my Lord. I am yours to command.” 

The Dark Lord left Lucius on his knees and turned to speak to them all. “It is time to answer for your mistakes, like I have done. A new era begins, where there is no space for mistakes. Lucius, stay, I wish to speak with you. Bella, Rodolphus, Rabastan, you stay too. The rest of you… gather everyone here. Tell them I wait till dawn.” The big doors opened on the other side of the hall and people rushed out, relieved. They had got away easily. 

The cold wind flew in and Nagini slithered closer to its master. The Dark Lord smiled and said something to it. The snake attacked on one of the men lying on the floor and created a warm pond. Bellatrix giggled. They deserved it! Traitors! Cowards! Liars! Why didn't  _ he  _ kill them all? They all deserved to die. 

“The Lestrange family has shown their deepest loyalty towards me. You deserve a great reward for your troubles and suffering which you had to endure. I know what limits you took when trying to find me. Go and rest. We'll speak more soon.” 

They bowed and left. 

“Bellatrix?” Rodolphus asked weakly as soon as they were out. 

“What?” she snapped. Wretched looking man approached her, brother at his heels, worn out rags swinging in the wind. She wanted out of these clothes! They reeked. 

“Bella?” 

“ _ He  _ will reward us over all others! I knew it! I knew I KNEW IT! Ha ha ha ha haaa!” She danced in the snow. 

“How did you get your wand?” 

“ _ He _ gave it to me. Oh no... not to you then?” she asked sarcastically. “Come, come! Let’s spread the word!” 

“We have to rest, to gather strength, didn’t you hear?” Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “He commanded. Oh, so nowadays you are defying his orders as well.” 

“Shut your mouth you idiot! We could have been heard!” But there was no one else in the garden. Hardly anyone had heard. But still… how could he say such a thing! 

The man noticed it wasn’t wise to pressure his luck any more without a wand. “Let’s go home, to rest, like he said.” 

Bellatrix scorned arrogantly. She didn’t feel cold or tired. All of it was replaced with the want for action. But she really wanted to change her clothes. “Whatever”, she said and apparated the three of them at their mansion door. 

The brothers rushed to the kitchen to bit their teeth in the first loaf they saw. How pathetic! They didn’t even starve. They had got food three times a day for the last decade. 

Bellatrix ran up the stairs, took off the rags and burned them. Let them burn! BURN! 

_ He  _ fetched me first… The hot water felt good against the skin. She had filled the bathtub, scrubbed herself, emptied… 

filled, 

emptied

and filled it again, until the water was clean. The broken chandelier swayed on the roof. Its light glistened on the water surface. 

Azkaban was gone! She wouldn’t see it again…  _ He  _ had come, took me away. The dementors had bowed when they had walked past them. Bowed! Those were her to command now! Roles had changed! And  _ he…  _ They would make this world pay, burn it all to ash… Bellatrix opened her legs a bit more. She would be beautiful again. Just like before. All suitors had wanted her. She had been the best and she would be again… 

The porcelain tub couldn’t take her hand’s squeezing anymore. It cracked on the side. The crack was small. Drops of water dripped on the floor. 

Bellatrix staggered off the tub and opened her dressing room door. Her skin steamed. 

I’ll take this, she decided after pondering her options and dressed a black, tight fitting dress over her lacy underskirt. Hmm, maybe these shoes to match… 

Just then the bedroom doors burst open. She called her wand immediately in her hand and raised it like a knife in the air. Who would dare to attack here? To my room? I will make them bleed… 

“Bella?” A familiar voice asked. “Are you here?” It was a woman’s voice. A distressed woman's. She ran across the room. 

“Sister!” Cissy stood by the door and looked exactly like she remembered, with her silver hair and perfect, cute face. 

“Oh Bella! How is this possible?” Sister hugged her promptly. 

“The Dark Lord is alive! And released us! Will you help me with the corset laces?” 

“He is alive?” Cissy wondered. “So our suspicions were right. Lucius has felt the dark mark stinging for months… Oh Bella, do you know where my husband is? He didn’t come home and I’m terribly worried.” 

“Lucius was asked to stay behind.” 

Sister turned even more pale than usual. “Where are they? Tell me!” 

“ _ He  _ didn’t say the name of the place. Cissy  _ he  _ is stunning, more stronger than ever-” 

“Take me there”, sister insisted hard. 

“Tie these up first”, Bellatrix said, turned around and supported the dress over her breasts. She didn’t understand why her little sister was so nervous. They weren’t in a hurry… The got time till dawn. Cissy threw her curls over her shoulder and grabbed the black laces. 

“Hey! Not so tight!” 

“Don’t whine. It has always been this tight. And now, take me there.” 

“What are you planning to do?” 

“To get my husband.” 

“Cissyyy”, Bellatrix warned, other eyebrow high. Blue eyes stared at her firmly. 

“Do as I ask. Take me there or I’ll ask your husband to take me, with whom you know I have worse chances to succeed. Don’t look at me like that. I’m going, one way or another.” Little sister hold her chin up and pouted her red lips. 

“Fine, it’s your life. But give me the same makeup as you have.” She had forgotten how to do subtle transfiguration spells… Cursed Azkaban! 

“My husband is in danger and you want me to play your little maid. How dare you?” 

She was just going to say it was better not to disturb them, when she started wondering why her little sister was so nervous. “Why would he be in danger?” she asked. Lucius had failed the Dark Lord as everyone else, but at least had made fine work at the Ministry, so would think it would compensate for what he had done in some way. Or was there something she didn’t know? 

“He was the commanding officer! If the Dark Lord is going to blame someone for not helping him then Lucius is most likely his target.” 

There was something her sister didn’t tell. She saw it from the corner of her eye. Cissy was excellent at hiding her emotions, the best, but she knew… something was going on. Cissy was also an excellent witch who loved her family above anything else so she didn’t dare to delay her anymore. If they fought now, Cissy would win. Usually she would win, but now her little sister would fight for a good reason and she just because she didn’t want her to suffer. And passion always won skills. She had learned that a long time ago. 

Cissy’s wand tapped her forehead. “There, you are as beautiful as always. Let’s go.” 

This time there were more people in the hall. “Where is Lucius? Does anyone know?” People nodded vaguely to where the stairs were. 

“I would recommend not to disturb them now. It would only cause more problems”, Snape spoke. 

“YOU FOUL WORM! How can you be here?” People were terrified of how loudly she yelled and fled away. Snape watched her in a disrespectful manner, that disgusting hook nose high up. 

“You have to ask that from the Dark Lord.” 

“Hmph! I will”, she answered and wanted to dig Snape’s eyes out. When all the other people stared at the stairs, she wandered around the hall, wondering where the tortured bodies had went. She wanted to make sure they had been punished properly. 

Lucius returned and relieved Cissy rushed to meet him. The sun rose and reflected in from the big windows, lighting everything. 

“What happened?” her little sister asked. 

“You will find out very soon my love”, Lucius answered smiling, silver hair shining so brightly she couldn’t look at them. 

“Aa, Bellatrix. You look well.” 

“So do you”, she snapped. Too well. There were no signs of the cruciatus curse. Why wasn’t he punished? She noticed that the filthy worm started walking towards the stairs, closer to where  _ he  _ was… Why? Why did  _ he  _ need Snape? That traitor should have been killed ages ago. 

She had just decided how she would punish him, when Snape returned and rushed out of the hall. There it goes… runs again into the old man’s arms to report everything he heard! Some day… someday she would catch him… 

“A new day has arrived”,  _ his  _ voice spoke. Bellatrix startled and turned around.  _ He  _ had come to the light. Shadows fought against it, didn’t give space on  _ his  _ face.  _ He _ didn’t need sunlight. It wasn’t just shadows that came from  _ his  _ face… but it wasn’t light either… Bellatrix bowed under such greatness, tears rolling down her face. These traitors weren’t worthy of  _ his  _ presence. They didn’t appreciate, didn’t understand! Nothing could kill  _ him. He  _ would live forever, only growing stronger, more beautiful than any one. The whole world should praise  _ him.  _ She would make them bow, but even that wouldn't be enough. Not nearly enough. Nothing would. This world wouldn’t suffice. It had to be made better, worthy of  _ him.  _

“-We shall leave that bleak and hopeless time behind us. Let’s welcome a new, bright future which shall spread to every corner of the world, starting from this day.” Bellatrix couldn’t keep her head down anymore. She wanted to see too. Oh, yes! Yes! “I present to you our new Minister of Magic, Lucius Malfoy. May he lead our revolution and rule this country with pride.” 

Lucius bowed, thanked for the honour and started to speak, Cissy by his side. Others turned their gaze at the shining couple. How? Why would they look at anything else when  _ he  _ was there? But then she understood. Magic sealed  _ him _ from their eyes.  _ He  _ didn’t want them to see  _ him _ ! Of course! Only  _ his  _ powers could turn their eyes away. But it didn’t work on her, because  _ he  _ wanted her to see. 

_ Come _ , she heard a command inside her head. The Dark Lord nodded to her and turned away. None of the cheering people even glanced at her when she ran across the floor. 

“-It has been a great tragedy to see the restrictions limit our lives more and more over the years. Caution is necessary, but this is no longer about that.” Bellatrix would have wanted to stay and listen, but now there were more important things to do. She would know what was going on soon anyway. “-Those laws forbid us from practising our religion. They force our children to stay hidden, they limit what we can wear and say-”, Lucius’ voice carried to the stairs. When she had scuttled up the stairs she wasn’t sure which way to go, until she sensed an unmistakable radiation of magic from the other end of the wide hallway. 

“Soon there will be nothing left. Soon we will all be just-” Lucius' voice faded. 

The doors were open. She saw mirrors with golden edges… reflecting the sunlight. A huge ballroom, she realised. Nagini looked at itself in the glass surface, quietly for once. 

_ He  _ was sitting on one of those chairs which were waiting lonely on the edge of the room... waiting for someone to ask for a dance… She had seen this view a hundred times. She could picture the people around her with their fancy dresses and suits, laughter filling the air.  _ He  _ could be one of those people, only  _ he  _ didn’t laugh.  _ He  _ hold  _ his  _ eyes closed, the other hand touching  _ his  _ forehead, deep in thought. Something was wrong. Oh no, what? She could help. That was why she had been summoned, wasn't it? But Bellatrix didn’t dare to move, could hardly breathe. 

She heard steps approaching. No! Don’t come! Stay away! Someone stepped in the room. That worm! What was he doing here? 

“My Lord, I didn’t find-” 

_ He  _ raised his hand and Snape was silenced. They glanced at each other when the sunlight was blocked. The air changed into pure rage. What Snape hadn’t found? She would! Whatever was needed she would find it! The big windows and mirrors broke with a huge crack. 

“Has any of the Hogwarts students died or went missing in the past twelve months?"  _ he  _ whispered. 

“No, my Lord”, Snape answered. 

That look which Snape had to face was so terrifying she almost felt sorry for him. The silence was torture, but what followed was even worse. “Open your mind”,  _ he  _ commanded. Snape gasped and tried to hold his balance. “Completely.” 

Open it! What are you trying to hide? Open it! You traitor! 

Snape didn’t open it, for some incomprehensible reason. They both had seen what would happen if people fought back and he did it anyway… what did Snape know? His skull seemed to explode any second now.  _ He  _ didn’t care if it did. What did you try to hide so badly? 

_ He  _ closed  _ his  _ eyes again when Snape’s body didn’t move anymore. The silence continued. Nagini twisted itself in  _ his  _ legs, whispered something. Oh, she hoped she could understand what they were saying. A great, noble gift it would be. If only it could be taught. But  _ he  _ had said it couldn’t be. You either spoke it or not. 

Snape’s finger twitched. Aa, he survived. Wonder! Few could. Few would even have the strength to live after that. Finally that traitor had been punished properly! Others had got away too easily. More painful should be their punishment! But that man had got enough. Traitor he had been. This whole time she had known… he had spied for Dumbledore. 

_ He  _ touched his forehead again, completely drown into  _ his  _ thoughts. Snape’s finger twitched again. And head rose, looked at  _ him _ … the twitching finger around his wand. Bellatrix glanced alarmingly at Nagini, who began to hiss loudly. 

“My Lord?” she asked, gaze switching from Snape to Nagini and she didn’t need to speak parseltongue to know it yelled out of fear. 

“Expelliarmus!” she said. But even after all that had happened to him, Snape was still able to cast her spell away.    
“Avad-”, Snape whispered his last word by some miraculous force until Bellatrix kicked his wand out of his hand and screamed at the top of her lungs: “CRUCIO! CRUCIO! Traitor! How could you! Crucio!”  _ He  _ had been in danger… just meters from him. “Crucio!” she screamed until there was no need, until there was no danger. Her heart beat fast. It was hard to stop.  _ He  _ could have been hurt… Even if  _ he  _ could have been able to stop the curse, even if  _ he  _ couldn’t be killed, it didn’t matter. She called one of the glass shards in her hand and slid his throat, just to make sure he couldn’t survive, that there was not even the smallest possibility… Then she faced  _ his  _ eyes. The shard jingled when it hit the floor. 

“Bella… I sensed what was going to happen before you. Nagini was just going to end him, but you interrupted her.” 

“Sorry, my Lord”, she cried out. “Of course, of course you knew he woke up. I’m sorry! I acted without considering.” She waited for the pain. 

“Arise, you did nothing wrong. I am the one who was wrong. You warned me about him for years and you were right. His loyalty was never mine… I dug the truth out. It was carefully hidden, but there still.” Nagini circled around the body, but apparently wasn't eager to go closer. “I found out some interesting things…” 

The sun shined in the room once again.  _ He  _ wasn’t angry anymore… She had done the right thing. 

“My next request is an unusual one, but I trust that you can do it. The next time you feel the calling, I want you to go where this points”,  _ he  _ said and handed her a silver pendant. Something moved inside it… like red smoke… 

“What will I do when I arrive there?” she asked and took the pendant as if it could break from the slightest of touch. 

“I cannot say what you will find so I can’t give you any instructions but this: do what your instincts tell you to do. As long as you don’t kill anyone and come back to tell me what you saw. Be prepared to wait for a long time, even months. Remember; do not kill anyone.” 

She nodded. “What about training? These people have become lazy and weak. They need someone to put them in line.” 

“I’m sure, but that someone isn't going to be you. You need to consentrate on your mission without distractions. You are the only one who I can trust to do this. You have never failed me. For that I want to give you this token of my gratitude.” That same golden cup, which they had collected from her vault before, appeared in  _ his  _ hand. “Helga Hufflepuff’s cup. Unfortunately its healing powers have faded, but the symbolic meaning is the most important after all.” She took it. The golden badger glistened in the sunlight. 

_ Your place is in Hufflepuff, where your greatest feature blossoms _ , the sorting hat had told her. 

_ No! I want in Slytherin! Put me there! _ she had commanded it. Loyalty… Her greatest feature. 

“Now is the time for joy, not sadness”,  _ he  _ said. She felt her tears drawing back into her eyes. 

“These aren't for sorrow”, she said but tried not to cry nonetheless.  _ His  _ eyes blinked once, revealing the confusion. Then Nagini hissed something and  _ he  _ turned to speak with it. 

Bellatrix bowed and left. Tears weren’t a sign of weakness. That was the only thing  _ he  _ didn’t understand. 

She would find those traitors. They were in here somewhere.  _ He  _ got more important things on his mind, but she would make sure they would be punished for not being loyal. 


	21. Hopeful souls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the days grow shorter it will become a king. The other yields, for it won’t survive against the frost. These two trees are in constant battle, year after year. Like the seasons, darkness defeats light every time. Darkness is stronger, it will last longer.

As soon as they finished painting the runes they forgot the laws of gravity. It didn’t have the power to call them to it. Only they had. Or at least it felt like that. Thomas’ hands closed around his neck, supported him like they would never let go and created that amazing, addictive feeling, this time stronger than ever. How do you do that? he wanted to ask but couldn’t remember how to speak. 

_ “Don’t torture me, because now I have to do the same.”  _ The pleasure intensified, waves swelled together inside him like a raging storm. His spine melted, mind became stunned. He didn’t see colours anymore. 

He felt how Thomas tried to control the storm, but it wasn’t possible. He fainted. 

Everything was soft, drowsy. His head rested against something, for he couldn’t carry it himself. It had been too much. His heart tried to fight against the calmness, but it lost and stopped beating. 

I love magic, Harry thought, weightless and completely careless. There was no regret, not anything at all. Here he belonged. 

When he controlled his body again he runned his fingers lightly under his chin. 

“How did you do that?” he asked, voice sounding strange. His throat was too relaxed to talk. 

_ “I mimicked you. You do that all the time.”  _

Do I? he thought and opened his eyes. Thomas read Regulus’ book next to him, hands resting on his chest and the book floating in the air. Harry took Thomas’ hand into his own and moved his lips over the skin, took the middle finger between them and licked its end, smiling because the book almost fell from the air. Thomas had made him faint, using only his hands... What else could he do if he wanted? 

Harry climbed on top of him. The air smelled and felt of desire again. What they could find from that book didn’t interest him right now. They could read it soon… whenever… now he wanted to enjoy that which he had chosen. 

He had decided not to remove his second and third unbreakable vow:  _ And protect him with your best ability and show him eternal allegiance and affection _ , even though the temptation to remove them had been strong. 

The war had begun. And he could have ended it… just by removing the last two vows. Thomas wouldn’t have expected him to attack after removing the vows. The imperius curse worked on Thomas so he could have used that, grab the horcruxes, take them to the Queen and stab them with her teeth. 

Then, he could have marched to the Headmaster’s office and told everything. Dumbledore would have listened to him and done what he would have asked. A dementor would have come and sucked Thomas’ soul. Then, somehow, with great difficulty, he would have had to get Nagini and kill it. And then the dementor would have sucked his soul and the horcrux inside him. His soulless body would have been the Master of Death, all the horcruxes destroyed and Voldemort immortal once again. It would have worked. He would have made it to work. The most difficult part would have been finding Nagini but he was sure he would have succeeded. 

He could have done that. 

But he had decided not to. Because even if he was ready to sacrifice himself in order to save the world from Voldemort, he wasn’t ready to do the same to Thomas. He couldn’t have betrayed Thomas like that. He just couldn’t. Not when Thomas had just learned to trust him. 

He had decided to keep the last two vows, because when they were in him, he couldn’t betray Thomas. He had decided to keep the vows and force himself to hope there was another way to end this. A possibility for something else… to live. 

They could do this. Together. Thomas would do anything to destroy Voldemort. Thomas wouldn’t give up, never, wouldn’t even consider giving up. And he shouldn’t have either! 

He wouldn’t became just a soulless body. He hadn’t sacrificed so much and accomplished so much to accept that that was his end. He saw a future with Thomas. What kind of a future it would be, he had no idea. But it was a future where he could be happy. And he couldn’t throw it away. Not when there was still hope. 

_ “Do it again.”  _

Thomas turned them around and pressed him down.  _ “It would not be wise. What I did was too much. You were too relaxed, your heart stopped. I don’t want it to happen again so don’t even start this” _ , Thomas said and moved his hand on top of his heart. It started to beat faster.  _ “That’s better.”  _

Harry wanted to say it didn’t matter, but Thomas looked at him angrily and said:  _ “It does matter.”  _

Harry sighed. It didn’t, to him.  _ “Okay. I’m going to get breakfast. Do you want anything?”  _ He had rested and cleared his thoughts. Now it was time to read that book. But before that he had to go and say hi to Sirius and ensure him that nothing ‘out of the line’ had happened. 

_ “You don’t need to eat anymore” _ , Thomas pointed out, still sitting on top of him. 

_ “Sirius will break that door if I don’t show my face.”  _

_ “He can try.”  _

Harry smiled and levitated Thomas away. He hadn’t even thought about food in a long time, except when Ron or Hermione had reminded him to eat and dragged him to the Great Hall. He wasn’t hungry, but just now for some reason he felt like eating something sweet. 

“Good evening”, Sirius said very slowly when he stepped into the kitchen. Harry smiled and started to open the cabinets. Only one jar of porridge flakes collected dust in the bottom shelf, others were empty. 

“How did Kreacher survive all these years alone? Did he have permission to buy food?” he thought out loud. 

“I asked the same and apparently yes. The house-elves can use any means to procure food. It’s the only thing you cannot forbid from them. Kreacher told it used ten galleons from the Black vault to keep itself alive… Ten gallons, can you imagine? What kind of grains it bought that costed so little?” 

Harry shrugged and put the jar in its place. So no sugar, he thought disappointed. 

“I sent it to buy proper food. Don’t worry, I commanded it not to get caught”, Sirius added after seeing his face. “Merlin, you are just like my brother… always worrying… Well, did you find anything from that book?” 

Harry was just going to say he hadn’t even looked at it, but managed to stop himself in time. Sirius wouldn’t want to hear that something else had kept him busy. “Not yet. Thomas is reading it as we speak”, he answered and was pleased how natural it was to say that name. 

He was extremely relieved of how well Thomas had reacted to the first vow’s removal. He had feared it would cause a terrible fight, but luckily Thomas had understood he just did it to be free. He had told everything he knew and refused to let that vow limit him. Thomas could trust him without it. 

“Got any ideas?” Harry asked and sat next to him. Together they finished the book. The more pages turned to the left the more Harry’s thoughts drifted, where as he got lost in the pages and barely noticed how his magic turned them faster and faster. 

The book didn’t tell anything he didn’t already know, but reminded him about something which he hadn’t valued enough before reading this. How stupid he had been… Last summer he had browsed through every soul magic book he could find and it all had been for nothing. The answer had stared at him the whole time. 

He banged the book close. Dust burst into air. He waited for the particles to come down, considering what to say. 

_ “Yes I did. Making a horcrux requires certain conditions, as you know… What if undoing it requires the opposite conditions? Here” _ , he opened the page 72. Harry stared at a drawing of a dancing maiden.  _ “Midsummer day. The celebration of the life and the light.”  _

Harry raised his eyebrows, understanding nothing. Thomas sighed.  _ “Horcrux ritual begins with death. It opens the soul and unleashes it, the killer’s and the killed’s if the killed is a magical creature. It can be felt in the air. I felt Myrtle’s after she looked at Queen’s eyes. The magic follows the soul and shifts inside the horcrux. We just have to revert the ritual and the magic is ours!”  _

_ “I don’t understand”,  _ Harry said. 

_ “This chapter is about the Midsummer day, how people believed that on that day their souls would be cleaned and hearts turned pure and the whole world would suddenly be bright and full of life” _ , he continued patiently.  _ “Regulus realised I have done the opposite as these people, that I captured the soul and split it. That’s why you could almost defeat You-Know-Who. He was, is, lesser. I broke my magic many times. It can be saved, it wants to be saved. But the souls is trickier. It needs to be oppressed, because we can’t remorse making it and thus own it. It’s difficult but not impossible. You have already done it. So you could do it again.”  _

_ “You mean the horcrux inside me” _ , Harry said and touched his scar. He glanced at it too. He knew Harry didn’t like that people stared at it so he didn’t. That lightning was an eternal mark of defeating death. It tempted and terrified him at the same time. There was the spot where the killing curse had hit and where his soul piece had got in. Even though he knew that the soul was located close to the heart, every time, when he saw that lighting, he automatically thought: there, there it is, carved on him.  _ “Yes. You oppressed it to your will when you were just a one year old. You have been carrying it ever since that day, almost without difficulties. It has never managed to take control of you. First I thought because you were so powerful, because magic blooms in babies, it is at its purest then” _ , he said and put the open book on the sheet.  _ “But it isn’t the magic that is the most important. It’s the soul’s strength.”  _

_ “So… you think my soul could oppress the other soul pieces much easier than you could.”  _

_ “Yes. You could do it again. I’m sure of it.”  _

_ “And you can’t do it because your soul is weaker” _ , Harry half stated and half asked at the same time. He nodded. It was unfortunately true. 

_ “I’ve split my soul once. The magic follows the soul. I got the lost magic back, thanks to your sacrifice, but my soul will never heal.”  _

Harry looked at him thoughtfully.  _ “You broke it by doing the ‘horrible act’. What is it? How do we do the opposite of it?”  _ A memory of an extreme pain lashed into his mind.  _ “I don’t understand why you can’t tell me. After everything I know, what we have done…”  _

_ “Because you don’t need to know.”  _ Why Harry had to ask about it? Couldn’t he just let him be? 

_ “I want to know what it is. What could be so terrifying that the mere mention of it makes you shiver?”  _ A long silence fell between them before Harry continued:  _ “Look, you have to tell it to me at some point. I’ve been thinking about this for so long, for thousands of options. The truth can’t be as bad as what my imagination has created.”  _

_ “You are right” _ , he said and looked out of the window. He had enchanted the view to look like a snowy forest. The trees were emotionless and cold. Their fireplace had gone out as well. The wood had turned into ash.  _ “The truth won’t sound so bad to you because you don’t understand how horrible act it is to break your own magic. It is the worst you can do.”  _

Harry stared at him like he was the first human he had ever seen.  _ “That’s it? That’s the horrible act? To break your own magic? I thought it would be so much worse!”  _

_ “No magical creature can do a more hideous crime” _ , he said frustrated. He wanted Harry to understand the truth, although it might have been wiser to let him see him in a better light.  _ “Magic is the greatest gift there is. Nothing that a body could do is nearly as bad as breaking magic. That’s why it is so hard to remorse or undo the horrible act. But you could. That magic would rejoice being in you… To it, you are like that forest, perfect and strong where to grow and live. In horcrux it only suffers, like those gone out embers.”  _ That what he had done troubled him. But he had done what had to be done to achieve immortality. It must have been pure torment absorbing the Hufflepuff cup. How much self control it must have taken, to make himself less immortal, to understand how wrong he had been, trying to seek immortality using horcruxes. He was relieved he would never have to do the same. Oh how angry Voldemort must have felt when he discovered that the other pieces were missing, how terrified when he understood his immortality was in danger. 

You know I’m alive, you must have realised it by now. So why has no one died? first you will wonder, because in order for me to return, one must give his or her powers to the diary. Soon you will find out that Harry left from Hogwarts and that your diadem, locket and ring are missing. How scared you will be when you realise I must have figured out what they are and got them, with Harry of all the people who is still alive. How? That question haunts you. Because logically I had to take powers from someone and now that someone is most likely Harry, because he is the one who is missing. Right now somewhere out there you try to understand… How did Harry survive from a certain death the second time? 

You’ll start to doubt yourself and wonder if the prophecy is true.  _ But he will have the power the Dark Lord knows not.  _ Perhaps you will think the power is to survive from death? Thus your curiosity only grows. You will try to get to us, force your way into my mind. And when that doesn’t work what then? You know there is no way you can manipulate me or make me listen to you so what are you going to do? Maybe nothing? Would you take the risk to let me discover a way to take the horcruxes’ power? Do you have the patience and confidence to wait for me to find you and then defeat me? Or do you even care about me? Did you get enough power from the cup so it doesn’t matter what I do? No… you want it all. You will try to get Harry. But I have him, you just don’t know it yet. And when I have his friends in safety, you can’t get him. Not by magic or portkeys or elves, because he can fight back against them. So, what are you going to do? 

Everything you can. Because if you think Harry has the power to survive from death you will do anything to get him so you can see if it is true. Well, good luck with that because Harry is mine. 

_ “That reminds me of something Luna said. She and I were sitting in a tree in the Forbidden Forest one night, like we did many times… I don’t remember how she said it for word to word, but she said that the tree where we sat was the king of the whole forest, that it is at its strongest when the days are long.”  _

_ “Hmm” _ , Thomas thought, _ “English oak.”  _

_ “Yes, that was it” _ , Harry said and smiled, deep in his thoughts,  _ “What happens when the days grow shorter, I asked. The holly becomes the king, Luna said. My wand wood. She explained that it endures cold more… that it doesn’t need so much oxygen or something like that.”  _

_ “No, Harry” _ , he closed his eyes and sighed.  _ “Trees don’t need oxygen, they make it.”  _ How could Harry not know such a basic thing? Didn’t those muggles let him go to school?  _ “Luna probably meant the holly tree doesn’t release as much oxygen so its leaves are small little needles that are more resistant to cold.”  _

_ “Oh yes! That was it! Now I remember. Well, anyway... she pitied how muggles cut them down and use them as a building material. I pointed out that wizards do the exact same thing. We use them just as carelessly, for wands and such. But then she said something I just remembered... She said the trees don’t mind if we use them for wand making. The trees want to live and in wands their life continues, because we use their magic. They like it.”  _ Harry shook his head slowly.  _ “I should have known the horrific act has something to do with magic. It’s just so strange to think it could be broken, that it could feel how it is used.”  _

_ “Magic is the most sacred thing in the world” _ , he said. Harry stared at the slowly falling snowflakes and he at his eyes. The green colour darkened. They both thought about what they had heard from each other. 

_ “Harry?”  _ he asked after a while and had to repeat the name many times before Harry awakened.  _ “You told me that Fawkes came into the chamber many years ago when you fought against Queen. Have you ever wondered how it got there? You told me it found you because you showed loyalty to Dumbledore, but I don’t think that’s the truth. I think its real loyalty lies elsewhere entirely. Dumbledore was just its temporary owner. Fawkes came into the chamber all by itself, not because of Dumbledore or anyone else. I think that back when people were more experimental with magic, when there was no limits to what you could do with it, Godric Gryffindor made Fawkes his horcrux, or something like that. That’s why it is still in Hogwarts and helped you. You belong to Gryffindor house, to Godric’s house. The founders must have been very close before Salazar left the school. So maybe Godric came into the chamber and brought Fawkes with him, before he knew why Salazar was building it and before Salazar sealed it from outsiders. That’s why it knew how to come there and help you.”  _

_ “Did you ask that from Queen? She might know something or even remember Fawkes.”  _

_ “She doesn’t. She has forgotten everything over the years.”  _

_ “Hmm… well, whatever the truth is we will never know it for sure. So you think I could do it? Absorb a second horcrux?”  _ Harry asked and leaned on the window. 

_ “Yes, you could. It’s the opposite of making a horcrux which must be carried out in the dark so we need the opposite of that; light and life as much as possible. On Midsummer day the sun doesn’t go down in the North. That day is our best chance to do this. We could go on an open field… and light lots and lots of bonfires. And hope the clouds won’t cover the sky.”  _

_ “Why should we wait that long? Aren’t there many other sunny places right now?”  _

_ “Yes, but the ritual takes a whole day and night. The sun can’t go down. Otherwise it won’t work. And we need life and warmth so we can’t go to Antarctica which means the North is our only chance.”  _

_ “But that means we would have to wait six months to get the first horcrux, and that’s only the first one!”  _

_ “I know.”  _ He didn't like the thought of waiting that long either. After the first Midsummer day Voldemort would realise what they were doing… but they had to take that risk. 

_ “You know why he became so ugly?”  _ he asked suddenly. 

_ “Didn’t the soul breaking have anything to do with it? But wait a minute… How are you still so handsome?”  _

_ “Maybe the first one didn’t affect me so much… I’m not sure. I never thought about it. Absorbing the horcrux must have the opposite reaction.”  _

Harry snorted and rubbed the back of his neck.  _ “So you think You-Know-Whose soul would make me more handsome? Thanks very much.”  _ It would. Magic heals every flaw. He could only imagine how those eyes would glow after the ritual…  _ “Magic makes us better. Look what it has done to you for example. You don’t need to even breathe anymore, not to mention eat. Breaking magic is against nature itself but if you heal it…”  _

_ “Thomas, it would take too long. People are going to die every day because of him. Listen, I have a proposition. You said your soul is destroyed beyond repair and that we could only save the magic inside the horcruxes, not the soul pieces. Why do that then? Our goal is to destroy him, isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be wiser to try and come up with a plan where that actually happens? He becomes only stronger if I save the magic inside them, just like you felt yourself getting stronger when he absorbed the cup.”  _ Harry got closer and sat next to him.  _ “I know you don’t want to destroy the horcruxes, but why would you care about them if there is no way to save them properly? We don’t need the magic inside them, we just need to destroy them and lure him where we want and then destroy him too, with dementors help. If only one dementor would get close enough it would all be over” _ , Harry started rubbing his hand against his back. 

_ “Yes, yes it could” _ , he admitted. The touch relaxed him.  _ “But who would make sure the dementors succeed?”  _ he asked, even though he already knew what Harry planned. 

_ “You told me you weren’t able to make a patronus before so probably he can’t also.”  _

_ “Hmm… and who would make sure he wouldn’t escape? You? You wouldn’t be able to hold him still long enough. You are not that strong without the horcruxes. And besides, you can’t make a patronus either. The dementors obey him now. The only one who would lose his soul would be you.”  _

_ “What if I wasn’t the one who kept him there but someone who can make a patronus and who is strong enough to hold him.”  _

_ “You can’t mean it!”  _ Thomas snapped.  _ “You can’t mean what I think you mean.”  _

_ “Wouldn’t it be a better option? More risk free?”  _

_ “Harry… ”  _ After all that had happened, after all the misery and pain, Harry still trusted that old man. Why? Dumbledore had done nothing to deserve that kind of trust!  _ “Do you want to be a soulless body for the rest of your life?”  _

_ “No. But I trust Dumbledore far more than this plan to oppress the horcruxes.”  _

_ “He wouldn’t let you live after hearing the truth, after finding out you are with me. I thought this was obvious to you.”  _ He wasn’t just angry. He was disappointed.  _ “Dumbledore would throw you to dementors as soon as the opportunity arised, right after me. I can’t understand how can you even consider this!”  _ Don’t be angry, don’t be angry, calm down, he commanded himself. Ending the war and saving people meant more to Harry than he, but he had never expected that Harry was ready to go that far, to risk his soul to end it... He had to make Harry believe his plan worked.  _ “I know we can’t wait. I know that every second he will become stronger but so do you” _ , he said quietly, staring at the floor.  _ “Your magic has improved so much. I would say you are even better at wandless magic nowadays, because then nothing limits you. You don’t need to know the spell’s names that way, the magic just does what you want like now… your hand sends that warmth in me and you didn’t even know you were doing it this whole time.”  _ Harry’s hand rose to the back of his neck. The sudden warmth made him gasp and vanished his anger.  _ “See? You are a natural. Now stop. This is too much…”  _

_ “I still can’t beat him. I can hardly keep up with you” _ , Harry whispered and pulled his hand away, smiling so smugly that it was hard not to smile too.  _ “He will always be stronger, especially now when he got the cup. You saw into his mind. What if he saw into yours? What if he knows about all of this and just waits for us to bring him the horcruxes inside us?”  _

_ “We can strengthen our own bond so that if he tries to control either one of us the other wakes the other up. Our minds are weak only if we are separated.”  _

Harry sighed.  _ “Why do you hate Dumbledore so much? I know he leaves things unsaid, but with good reason. He mistrusted you for a good reason.”  _ Why did Harry still talk about that man? Could nothing make Harry realise what kind of a man Dumbledore really was? Why did Harry always stood up for him?  _ “I don’t think he deserves so much hatred from you. I wanted to be angry at him, I have many reasons to be angry at him, even more than you, but I’m not because that would be pointless. I understand why he does what he does. I’ve learned to see him clearly.”  _ Thomas sighed. Clearly? Harry’s view was anything but clear.  _ “He has a lot to carry on his shoulders. All he did to me was a part of his plan to make things better, to defeat You-Know-Who in a way he thought would work. He hated to put me through it all, but he did it because he knew I was his only chance. He made sure I would do the right thing, that I would be a better man than he.”  _ And what was the right thing? A suicide? Thomas rolled his eyes. _ “And underneath it all he blames himself for his sister’s death and for his powerlust, but he resisted it, kept the Hallows away from himself, gave the cloak and the stone to me when it was the right time. I’m sure he would understand our situation. He gives people a second chance, sometimes too generously in my opinion, but he would give it to you too, if I asked.”  _

_ “Your judgement is clouded by his excuses and false humbleness and your helpless sentimentality like everybody’s, but not mine. I don’t care why he did those things. He ruined your life. He is a two faced hypocrite!”  _

_ “I don’t believe you have the right to blame anyone for ruining my life” _ , Harry said but as soon as he said it he could see how he panicked.  _ “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it - I… you are not him, I didn’t think…”  _ Harry closed his eyes and bowed his head slightly. A cold feeling washed over Thomas. He didn’t want Harry to feel regret or sorry, not towards him or anyone. Harry had done that all his life. 

_ “I'm just trying to say that blaming doesn’t help” _ , Harry continued.  _ “I could blame You-Know-Who for everything that has happened to me or Dumbledore for forcing me to go through it all, but I won’t because it’s pointless. Everybody makes decisions without knowing where they'll lead.”  _

_ “Every action and motive and reason is predictable and understandable and I say that old man, who fights ‘for the common good’ chose to make your life hell because that’s who he is. He made you live with the Dursley’s because he thought that would make you more easier to manipulate! He chose to threaten me when he came to tell me I was a wizard, cast my things on fire-”  _ _  
_ _ “Those weren’t your things” _ , Harry pointed out. Thomas raised Harry’s chin up and shook his own head. He had almost forgotten Harry had seen what had happened in the pensieve.  _ “It doesn’t matter. I was a child and he forced me to fear him, showed I can’t trust anyone, even my own kind. He left me in the orphanage when I should have been in Hogwarts, safe from the war. Slughorn gave me permission to stay in Hogwarts for the summer but after a few days he comes to apologise and tells me I can’t stay after all. I knew right away why. That bastard denied me my home, just like from you! I’m sure Remus would have taken you. Have you ever thought why he never contacted you? Because Dumbledore made it impossible! He kept you hidden, ‘safe’. It makes me sick to hear how you defend him.”  _

_ “I don’t defend him. But I’m not going to blame him for what happened, because it’s pointless. I don’t care what could have happen. I only care about this moment” _ , Harry said and turned himself around so that he sat on top of him and hugged him. 

Nothing will change my mind, Thomas thought. That man will pay for all he has done to me, to us. He will see how I won, how I got the Hallows which he feared and desired above all, how his savior is mine and will be stronger than him. I will make him watch how all he believed in will burn to ash. And from there a new phoenix will arise, which will belong to me, forever. I will make him bleed and then I won’t blame him anymore. Then he will be forgiven. 

_ “Thomas, I trust you” _ , Harry said. Don’t. You fool, don’t, he wanted to say. Don’t trust anyone, not him, not me… I don’t deserve it. I haven’t told you everything.  _ “We know each other better than anyone. When this is all over, I’m maybe going to live forever. It is hard to understand, but that waits me nonetheless.”  _ Harry pulled away so he could see his face. There was that sad smile again. He didn’t know what to say.  _ “You don’t need to say anything. Just let me speak.” _ Those words made his head hurt in a way he had never felt before, like someone would have shrunk his skull.  _ “It is so liberating that I don’t need to explain to you why I am like... this walking statue. I can truly be who I am with you.”  _

_ “I feel the same way. I don't need to perform around you” _ , he said and wanted it to be true, wanted to make it true. 

_ “I will do it” _ , Harry swallowed.  _ “At least the ring. I will take its magic. Then we will see how the ritual works and if it isn’t lethal or dangerous you can do the rest.”  _

It felt like he had climbed endless stairs and finally arrived at the top. An immortal trusted him, was ready to save him again. He didn’t want to break that trust, not ever or hold secrets.  _ “I need to tell you something.”  _ He prepared for the anger. First it would come, but then the understanding. He could trust that Harry would understand.  _ “I fetched the fake locket, from the cave, after we separated last summer.”  _ Harry looked at him for a long time, without saying anything. He didn’t say anything either. There was no need to explain. 

_ “Who drank the poison?”  _

_ “A muggle.”  _

Harry’s grip tightened around the back of his neck.  _ “I appreciate your honesty.”  _ Something about that voice made his head hurt even more. He was amazed how quickly Harry recovered from the shock.  _ “I understand why you did it and why you didn’t tell me sooner. But don’t do that anymore. And if you think about doing something like that, tell me first so I can talk you out of it. How did you do it? The vow should have stopped you from hurting people.”  _

_ “First I asked for it to come without violence and when it didn’t, I stopped thinking it was a human” _ , he told the truth. The next sigh Harry made sounded so tired his head felt like exploding right there and then.  _ “I could tell you I tried to cure it after drinking the potion. But I don’t want to lie. I don’t need to. I can trust you completely.”  _

Then something, which he would never have expected, happened: Harry kissed him and sent such a powerful wave of warmth in his neck that for a second he forgot who he was. 

_ “No” _ , he breathed out. He didn’t want that Harry’s heart would stop beating again. When he had sent the same warmth Harry had fainted, had fell on his arms like dead. And even though he had known it wasn’t real, seeing it had been painful. He didn’t want to force Harry to stop, not by any means. 

_ “It doesn’t matter if it stops. I want you, now. Let’s remove these runes.”  _ Harry started to paint symbols on his shirt, conjuring the water with his bare hand.  _ “We have half a year until the Midsummer day. The pull can’t hold us trapped so long… _ ”, Harry spoke, after getting the first closing spell open,  _ “We are going to be here, all that time. The earlier we start the more we have time to stop.”  _

He turned them over and with great self control he pressed Harry’s chest down away from himself.  _ “You promised you won’t do anything without my permission” _ , he reminded.  _ “When I stopped you the first time you lost your mind. When I stopped you today by making you faint your heart stopped beating. I can’t do that the third time. You can’t control yourself yet.”  _

_ “I’m immortal, remember? It doesn’t matter.”  _

_ “The soul is where the heart is. Don’t treat it so carelessly.”  _ It was horrible to think how much Harry’s heart had had to endure and how much it would have to endure in the future. It was a miracle it still pumped. It had to be kept safe and at ease. He lifted his hand away from it and fell on his side.  _ “I hate that we have to use these runes as much as you. I’d like to do whatever I wanted with you” _ , he said and suddenly felt very tired. Well, no wonder. He had been awake over two days. He decided to let his body fall asleep. Dreaming would clear his thoughts better than anything. 

In his sleep his breathed deeply and calmly. Harry’s fingers touched his parted lips, carefully so he wouldn’t wake up. 

_ “Are you asleep?”  _ Harry whispered. He heard the voice, but his mind wasn’t in this world anymore. 

I love you, Harry wanted to say, but the words didn’t come out. They were too difficult to admit even to a sleeping person. He was so scared he would lose everything. Any second now it could all go away. He wanted to say those words when he wouldn’t need to be afraid anymore, someday when this would all be over. But somehow, someway he knew the day would never come. 

It doesn’t matter, just please don’t go away. Please don’t. Let me have you at least, he hoped. 

Suddenly Thomas’ breathing became unsteady. Harry quickly woke him up by charming the winter forest to be brighter like in day time. Perhaps Thomas didn’t remember to close his mind before falling asleep. Or then he just saw a nightmare. He hoped it was the latter option. Thomas’ eyes snapped open. The pupils dilated. The light annoyed the eyes, but they knew, like he, that it was better than the darkness right now. 

  
  



	22. Words of consolation

_ “Just a nightmare, right?”  _ Harry asked. 

Thomas sat up and looked out of the window, looking exhausted.  _ “Just a nightmare” _ , he answered. Harry touched his back with his hand, feeling relieved. Unlike he Thomas never sweated, not even during nightmares. It was one of the curious things he had learned to notice. No matter how much they practised or duelled, there was never a single drop of sweat on Thomas. Maybe that could be blocked by magic too. 

But nightmares couldn't be blocked. They would probably never get rid of them. 

_ “I wonder how is Hedwig going to get here?”  _ he asked, in order to give Thomas something else to think about. He was curious to know what haunted Thomas’ sleep but didn’t ask because he knew it wouldn’t help him. He didn’t want to tell about his nightmares either. They were just dreams. He didn’t want to dwell on them while being awake. He had enough to worry about without them. 

_ “I don’t know, yet” _ , Thomas said quietly and walked into the bathroom. The door closed but didn’t lock. Harry stayed to stare at the handle and sank into his thoughts. 

They couldn’t take the owl blocking spells away because then someone could use an owl to get to them, just like Dumbledore had in the summer. Using the fireplace wasn’t an option either for the same reason. Maybe they could send a portkey to his friends… or Kreacher could go and get Hedwig. Before that, his friends would surely take care of her. Especially Luna, who had become good friends with her over the summer… Those two fitted together so well…. 

_ “Come” _ , Thomas’ voice woke him.  _ “I want to cut your hair.”  _ Harry followed the voice and sat on the chair that was waiting him in front of the fogged mirror. Thomas had been in the shower so the air was warm and smelled amazing. Harry inhaled with his mouth slowly. The two familiar snake-headed faucets stared at him with their silver eyes. He stared at them back until the air cooled and the bottom of the mirror cleared. Thomas had transfigured his hoodie into a black, so familiar looking outfit. It fitted him, like the hairstyle to which his hair was gradually transforming. 

_ “I know how disappointed you are. I lied because I thought you wouldn’t understand why I had to do it. But I was wrong.”  _ Don’t talk about it, Harry thought. He didn’t want to hear what Thomas had done to get the fake locket.  _ “I promise to make it up to you.”  _ Now the steam cleared completely and the mirror revealed Thomas’ face too. It looked as bleak and gloomy as his.  _ “You have the right to be angry. Don’t suppress it for my sake. Speak freely.”  _ His shoulders cleared of hair. Thomas hadn’t cut much but that was just because he had cut it last month. It was still a little bit messy but in a cool way. 

_ “I’m not angry. There is none of that left in me” _ , he admitted. Harry felt how his words worried Thomas, even though he didn’t show it. Harry was grateful for that. He didn’t want to feel guilty for worrying people any more than he already felt.  _ “And what comes of you, making up for what you’ve done, don’t. You don’t need to.”  _ Harry knew Thomas thought differently but once again did what he wanted: nodded and let the matter go. 

Later that day Kreacher popped into the hallway, with him two wild owls that he had caught. Thomas had promised to train them, on the condition they would only send letters and not bring replies because that would endanger them. Harry had suggested using already trained owls, which would be considerably easier, but Thomas had said it would be risky: the seller would demand to know to whom Kreacher would buy them. 

“Kreacher apologizes for keeping you waiting Mr. Peverell”, Kreacher spoke. They could hardly make sense of what he said because at the same time the owls screamed at the top of their lungs. 

“It’s okay. I’m sure they were difficult to catch”, Harry said. The other owl struggled itself free and flew up to the ceiling, wings flapping furiously. 

Harry watched this a little distance away with Sirius, arms crossed and leaning on the wall, waiting for what would become of this. 

“Release the other one too”, Thomas said. Kreacher's hands let go of the other owl’s legs and it flew as far away from its captor as possible. “You can go now”, Thomas said and Kreacher disappeared. “Here”, Thomas commanded and Harry couldn’t believe his eyes when the owls landed on his straightened hand and stopped their screaming, eyeing Thomas eagerly… like waiting for a second command. 

“Did you use the imperius curse?” Harry asked and waved his hand. The letters tied themselves into their anckles. 

“Not exactly… It’s more like asking with confidence. You must trust they'll do what you want.” 

“And does this same principle work on humans too?” Sirius asked. 

Thomas glanced at him, went to release the owls and then answered: “Yes, if the person is willing to help. Our perceptions and wants are built by the same things as animals’ so it’s always easy for a person who possess something which others want.” 

“Hmm… I see you exploit these ‘things’ very often in order to get what you want. And what will you do if they don’t work, I wonder.” 

“To be honest, I don’t know. They have always worked”, Thomas said and smiled charmingly. 

Harry grabbed Sirius with him to the kitchen before he got time to think of something clever to fire back. 

After pondering for a long time he decided to write some comforting words to Dumbledore too. 

_ To Professor Dumbledore _ , he wrote on the envelope and then continued on the letter: 

_ I wanted to let you know I have left Hogwarts to destroy Voldemort. With me is a person who has promised to help me in anyway he can, who knows how to end this, which isn’t possible in any other way.  _

_ I hope you remember what you said to me at the end of my first year when we talked about how my mother gave me a protection that was stronger than Voldemort. That same protection will always be with me and I’m sure it can cure everything if given the opportunity as I have given to my companion.  _

_ Until we succeed, I wish good luck to you and to the Order of Phoenix. However, don’t risk your lives for nothing because this war can only end in one way and other attempts are pointless.  _

_ -Harry Potter  _

_ “Well? What do you think? You can speak freely too, you know” _ , he said when Thomas glanced at his writing. 

_ “Of course, I will” _ , Thomas said, took the paper and read it properly.  _ “This is a good idea. It’s important he knows you are doing what he planned… But what is this ‘I’m sure it can cure everything’ when you speak about your mother’s protection? Isn’t it a little too bold? I’m not saying he could figure out that you sacrificed yourself into the diary from this, but why add it? Or what do you mean by this sentence?”  _

_ “Oh… just that Dumbledore thinks that love can cure all and I want that he knows that I remember that” _ , he said. 

_ “Hmm… clever” _ , Thomas said and gave the letter back. 

I didn’t lie, Harry reassured himself and was so relieved he had been able to hide his message from Thomas. He was sure Dumbledore would understand what he was saying, even if he wouldn’t necessarily believe it: that he was sure Thomas was able to feel and understand love. He wanted to give Dumbledore the knowledge that he believed it if someday he wouldn’t be there to say it in person. Perhaps it wouldn’t make a difference and Dumbledore would only think Thomas had fooled him, but he had to try and tell it anyway. 

_ Hi Moony!  _

_ I’m sorry I disappeared this way, but I had to do this one thing as quickly as possible, which will help me to defeat Voldemort. I’m safe with Sirius and my boyfriend _ , he had written to Remus, even though it felt ridiculous to use that name of Thomas. Partner was better but too stiff to use like this so he had written boyfriend. 

_ I will tell you where when the term ends. Unfortunately we can’t receive letters, but I promise to write every week and tell how is it going.  _

_ Voldemort has returned and released Death Eaters out of Azkaban. He wouldn’t have pulled so much attention to himself without preparations to face the consequences. So, I’m sure the Ministry is already, or will soon be, under his control. After that it is only a matter of time before he turns his eyes to Hogwarts so take care of yourself and be careful.  _

_ Snape is on Dumbledore’s side, but because he has to ensure otherwise to Voldemort, Snape wouldn’t hesitate if he ordered to kidnap you to him and use you as a bait in order to get me, so watch out for Snape.  _

_ -Harry  _

  
  


_ Hi Ron, Hermione, Luna, Neville and everybody else!  _

_ I’m sorry I left without saying anything but I had to. Voldemort has returned and I must do everything I can to destroy him.  _

_ We won’t probably see each other before the summer so take care of yourselves!  _

_ I’ve put owl blocking spells around my house so don’t bother writing a reply. Could you look after Hedwig for me before I discover a safe way to get her? Thanks very much!  _

_ -Harry  _

  
  


_ “Shouldn’t Hermione ought to come here when the term ends? She doesn’t have the same kind of protection as your other friends have” _ , Thomas asked after a few days. 

_ “It might be the wisest thing to do. I hope she agrees to come."  _

On the first day of March Harry sent his firebolt to Ron as a birthday present, that which Sirius had given him, and a big box of chocolate frogs, like he had sent to Luna and Remus too on their birthdays. He had wanted to buy a brand new broom for Ron, but because they had to be more and more careful as days passed and using Kreacher to buy big expensive packages was risky, he had given up the idea. Ron wouldn’t mind that it was his old broom… and he could always buy a new one some other time, he tried to ensure himself. 

Even though Thomas had expanded a very real looking impressive field in the bathroom cupboard, he hadn’t played there with Sirius for a long time, because quidditch was pretty boring for two. They had tried to lure Thomas to play too, without success. 

Time passed surprisingly fast. Thomas and Sirius at least tried to get along, which made Harry’s life at Grimmauld Place relatively peaceful. 

Azkaban faded away every day a bit more from Sirius’ face. He laughed and joked often and Harry could tell he was happy to be with him. 

He had found the joy of baking and gardening so his days consisted of them, and dueling and other practices with Thomas of course. Sirius often joked that he acted like an old man. Harry always grinned as he said so. He tried not to worry what happened in the outside world because worrying wouldn’t make it better. 

One thing nevertheless troubled him constantly. It started as small hints that Harry had first passed with a shrug or a joke. Until one night after dueling Thomas had asked him to sit down and listen to a long explanation of why he wanted to become a vampyre. 

They couldn’t be sure that the Hallows would count Thomas to be their owner too after all and because they couldn’t naturally test it in any way Thomas had once again started to consider other options to get his immortality. Harry had immediately suggested that he was more than happy to give the Hallows to him in the future, but Thomas hadn’t agreed. They didn’t know what would happen to the ‘waves roaring’ if he died so that was out of the question. And not like the horcrux - or soon the horcruxes - would let him die, Thomas had noted, and which he had realised after considering it for a few seconds and then sighed out of frustration. 

Apparently Thomas wouldn’t even trust the horcruxes completely to bind him to this world in the same way when he would absorb them. Of course he would survive, but the possibility that he would have to go through the same process as Voldemort if he died: be weak and barely alive, trapped to suffer before he would create a new body to himself, wasn’t tempting. 

Harry didn’t want that fate to Thomas either, but the thought of Thomas becoming a vampyre didn’t tempt him any better. Vampyres were killers, monsters, cursed to live with human blood and lurk in the darkness forever. 

_ “They don’t even have a heart. It turns to stone as soon as you transform” _ , Harry said one night, trying to get Thomas to see sense once again.  _ “What happened to ‘the heart is where the soul is’? Vampyres don’t have a heart, they don’t have a soul.”  _ It meant they didn’t have magic either, at least not that kind as wizards.  _ “Are you seriously ready to give your magic away for the sake of that kind of life?”  _

_ “As I have said, the books say that vampyres can’t perform magic but maybe the books are wrong. I’m going to check that from someone who really knows.”  _

Harry made a frustrated hiss and walked around the room.  _ “And what if the books are right?”  _

_ “Then it’s a pity. But if there isn’t another way-”  _ Harry stopped. He was tired of hearing there was no other choice, possibilities or options.  _ “-would you agree to it then? Because if you don’t, I don’t know what to do.”  _

_ “I don’t understand why you’d choose to live like that forever. It would be a fate worse than death in my opinion.”  _ Living forever was bad, but living cursed forever was even worse. Why couldn’t Thomas understand that? He would give everything to... be normal… 

_ “Anything is better than death” _ , Thomas said, squeezing the backrest of his chair. 

Harry sighed.  _ “There has to be another way. The blood has to be fresh every time, I know that so don’t deny that you wouldn’t have to kill.”  _

_ “You are wrong” _ , Thomas said. Somehow as Harry saw how the flames of the fireplace gleamed in his dark eyes he understood what he meant. But before he managed to open his mouth Thomas continued. Every word seemed to hurt him. Harry had never seen him like that, so conflicted with himself.  _ “I wouldn’t need much… just a couple of litres a week-”  _

_ “A couple of litres a week?”  _ Harry laughed without humor in his voice, just out of surprise.  _ “Couple of litres a week… ” _ , he repeated and pulled his hand through his hair, straightening tangles.  _ “I see you really have thought this through... Oh for the love of Death! I guess it’s better to let you have my blood than others’. Maybe someday you can just finish the job and take the Hallows. The waves would hardly trouble you after that”, he said without thinking, meaning it as a bad joke.  _

_ “Harry… Don’t say that” _ , Thomas inhaled with his mouth, voice hoarse. Harry regretted his words.  _ “I know you are tired of all this, of war… maybe of life itself. But I promise to make you happy. You will never regret that you can’t die. I will never hurt you, I promise. You have given me so much already... and I just keep on asking more and more… If you don’t agree to this, I understand." _ Thomas looked at the flames. His transfiguration spells had cast the bleakness out of the house. It was still dark, especially now when the sun had gone under the horizon but comfortably so, old-fashioned and mysterious. Full of secret passageways and magic, just like they both liked it: Magical. Harry had a hard time thinking about Thomas without magic. It was such a big part of them. But if Thomas wouldn't have to kill... he could agree to it, he thought. _ "Oh, I should have never even put you in this position, because I know what you will do and it's not fair.”  _

_ "I know you just wanted to tell me what you were planning. If I hadn’t agreed, you would have taken the risk of trusting the Hallows?”  _

_ “Yes! Even if you can’t be sure of that now” _ , Thomas said frustrated. 

Well, he couldn’t but that didn’t matter. He didn’t want Thomas to live in fear of Death for the rest of his life. And that wasn’t all. He didn’t want Thomas to die either. It was selfish to think that but he couldn’t help it. 

_ “Don’t think that you have to be in some kind of eternal gratitude or debt for what I’ve done for you, because I did it for myself too. I’m sure you can make me happy and I wish I can do the same” _ , he said and tried to say the words he had wanted to say for a long time. All right… it can’t be that difficult, he encouraged himself. I love you. Just say it! If I’m going to lose him then so be it, but at least I’ve said it. But again Thomas managed to open his mouth before him. 

_ “I’m sure that you will. What would you like to do when all this ends?”  _

Harry smiled and answered immediately, without thinking it a second longer:  _ “Be free, live in peace without a care in the world. And fuck you, Merlin I don’t have the patience to wait until I can.”  _

That sentence almost made Thomas smile.  _ “You will have it all” _ , he said, as confident as ever. 

From that moment on, they were happy. Even to Harry it seemed perhaps this would end well after all. He could almost conjure a patronus at the end of April. It was just a shapeless cloud of mist, but more than he had managed to do for a long time. 

But as the summer started to become closer, it was hard not to worry about the future. Midsummer wasn't far away anymore. 


	23. A walking library

The second Hermione Side-Along-Apparated on the Gruinard beach with professor Lupin she threw up. Lupin rushed to hold her hair as the yesterday’s End-of-Term Feast emptied into the sand. 

“Well done Hermione. You did great for your first time”, Lupin comforted and vanished the mess. Hedwig blinked her eyes, sitting on top of her case, perfectly calm, like the bird was used to apparating. She had refused to go inside her cage, no matter how Hermione had tried to lure her in with the most buttery pieces of bacon. Maybe she had spent too much time free to ever return to cages again. Crookshanks, on the other hand, was not used to apparating. He hissed angrily, ears low and tail high and eyed the unfamiliar beach suspiciously. 

Lupin had received a letter from Harry and his godfather which had said to come here:  _ Where James surfed with defines.  _

Only the Marauders knew about it so Lupin had no doubts that the letter had come from the real Harry and Sirius. She had agreed to come too and meet Harry’s boyfriend here who would, according to the letter, fetch them to wherever they were currently living. 

Hermione’s parents had first objected this plan, for they wanted her home after such a long term. Only after many exchanged letters she had been able to convince them that it would be the best after all. She would be much safer with four talented wizards and that was more important to them than anything. They had patriculary been impressed about the fact that one of the wizards was her Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. She believed that had ultimately won them over. 

Safety wasn’t the only reason she had chosen to come and live with them however. “Do you see him?” Hermione asked and washed her mouth with seawater. 

“Yes. Look over there”, Lupin pointed at a hill covered of grass and other coastal vegetation. Behind the hill, between the big round cliffs, approached a dark figure. Tingling excitement spread to her stomack. Luckily they had apparated far from each other so she had time to recover from the journey and gather her thoughts. 

“Here, take this. It helps with nausea”, Lupin said and gave her an orange. 

“Thank you”, she said and sat on her case next to Hedwig to eat the fruit. 

“He will probably ask us a few questions to be sure we are not impostors, the kind which only the real you and me could answer. Harry wrote a riddle for me as well, which I’m going to ask from him.” 

“What was it?” 

“What opens at the close?” 

Hermione had no idea what opened at the close and she hoped her question wouldn’t be that hard. She didn’t have the patience to wait any longer. Finally she was going to get a chance to figure out what was going on, who Tom was, what they were planning, was Harry really alright and how could she help him. In his letters Harry had revealed nothing, absolutely nothing. It was understandable and she was glad that Harry was careful, even though it was extremely frustrating at the same time.  _ I’m fine… Don’t worry… Remember to be careful _ , she had read again and again and again, nothing else. 

Be careful too! she had wanted to write. 

“Kraak!” Hedwig screamed. 

“There is no more”, Hermione said and showed the empty orange peels. Hedwig narrowed her eyes, opened her big white wings and took off. Soon she circled around the approaching dark figure. Aha, they knew each other, Hermione realised when Tom stopped to welcome Hedwig on his shoulders. 

Now he was so close that she saw and heard how he smiled and said: “You’ll see Harry soon, just wait a minute.” The birds claws clinged into his black suit as she heard the name Harry. It was like she knew she had better chances to see him with Tom than with them. Hermione had to admit she was right… Tom was the only way to get closer to Harry. That thought didn’t make her feel as unease anymore as it had for many months, but it wasn’t calming either. 

Same conflicting thoughts only increased as Hemione eyed Tom. His look somehow fitted to her imaginations. A weak breeze went through his hair that was the same dark chocolate colour as his eyes. And even though they didn’t look like Harry’s, something about him reminded her of Harry… the eyes made her calm and nervous at the same time, for they were tired, absolutely tired, no smile able to undo that, no matter how charming. Would Harry look as tired as him? Hermione wondered, desperately trying to read him. 

“What cow moons during a full moon?” Tom asked, after casting protection spells around them. 

“James”, Lupin answered and smiled, probably to something the question made him remember. “What opens at the close?” 

“A snitch”, Tom answered. What? Hermione thought. Like a thief or the small quidditch ball? “What went wrong when you drank the polyjuice potion a year ago?” 

“I accidentally used Millicent Bulstrode’s cat’s hair”, Hermione answered quickly and gave up on understanding what was that particular riddle about. 

“Thomas Peverell, nice to meet you. May I check your baggage for tracking spells?” Thomas? Well perhaps that was his formal name, but Peverell? Had he changed his surname? Why? 

“Sure. I’ve checked them before we arrived but by all means, do check again”, Lupin said and watched with interest as Thomas waved his wand above his case and then proceeded to hiss parseltongue. 

Hermione opened her case hesitantly. When Lupin had gone through her stuff before they had apparated outside Hogwarts lands it hadn’t bothered her, but now, when Thomas did it and checked her bras and - even worse - her bag where she kept her period pads, she blushed out of embarrassment, even though Thomas hardly glanced at them and didn’t even open the bag. 

“All clear, let’s go. The address is Grimmauld Place number 12”, Thomas said and closed her case. 

“Okay, um… “ She turned to hide her face and called her cat, who pretend not to notice her. “We are going now Crookshanks. Come here!” she tried to grab the cat but he only hissed angrily. This was embarrassing! She still got the Trace on her, which meant anyone could track them here. “We have to go! Crookshanks!” 

“You mind if I try?” Thomas asked. 

“Umm no, please do. He isn’t usually like this. It’s just that he isn’t used to Apparation… How did you do that?” Hermione blurted as Crookshanks padded softly to sniff Thomas’ fingers, let him pick him up and hand to her. 

“All ready then?” Thomas asked. Lupin grabbed their bags and touched Thomas’ shoulder. Hermione realised they had no time for more questions. She held Crookshaks tightly against her breast and braced herself for another trip. 

She had hardly put her leg inside the big black mansion when two hands wrapped around her and lifted her up, Crookshanks just barely able to escape between them in time. “You came! You came you came, you came!” Harry repeated and swung her gently back and fort. 

“Of course I came”, she said. Small, warm tears rolled down her cheeks into Harry’s shoulder before she could stop them. “Was there ever a doubt?” she asked, relief spreading to her body. Six months since she had seen him, her best friend. 

“No, I’m just very glad to see you. How are the others?” 

“Very well, all are well, except… um, Ron was kind of annoyed that his parents forbid him from coming here. He said he would miss all the fun, but I pointed out that there was no reason for him to complain. He is there where the Order helds meetings after all. Ron’s parents are secretive about that, but he told me anyway”, she explained quickly and wiped her tears away. “Everyone are super curious. They ask about you all the time, what you are doing, where you are… Some believe there isn’t a war going on at all because nothing is happening! But most of them believe you. Even the younger Slytherins came and ask me questions. They believe you are the Heir of Slytherin, just like in our second year… I have no idea where that rumor is coming from, but you know how they like to gossip when there is nothing else to talk about. I said to them I don’t know anything but they don’t leave me alone because they see your letters coming every week. But I didn’t mind it! They were very nice to me and I think it was because they believed the snake would come and eat them in their sleep if they weren’t.” 

“Okay, good”, Harry said smiling and joined as a third party to Lupin’s and one black haired man’s hugging group, which Hermione knew to be Sirius Black. 

“Oh Harry how much you have grown!” Lupin was right. Harry looked much older than her even though she was supposed to be the older one. “You look… and sound… “ 

“Like James, I know”, Sirius said and tousled Harry’s hair. “There is bit of Lily there too. Look! The chin and nose is hers as well! Our little heartbreaker-” 

“Okay that’s enough”, Harry tried to squirm out but Sirius’ tattooed arms didn’t let him go. 

“I’ve been so worried about you!” Lupin said and took a moment to watch their smiling faces, like he would never get enough of them. “Who knows what mad ideas must have got into your heads while you’ve been stuck in there… Okay, tell me all about it! What is it that you’ve been doing? What’s the plan?” 

“I’ve tried to ask the same thing for months but these two stubborn brats haven’t told me anything”, Sirius said playfully. Then he turned to look at her and literally opened their little closed circle with his hands. “So this is the girl I should thank for keeping my godson alive! Hermione, you are most welcomed. We are honoured to have the brightest witch of her age in our humble home.” 

“Thank you very much”, she said, not noticing how Sirius put weight on the word ‘humble’ and glanced at Thomas at same time. She had just come from Hogwarts and was used to the grant, wide, magnificent architecture which meant the hallway that she was in didn’t make such of an impression as it would have if she hadn’t seen the same kind just a few hours ago. Sirius took her hand in his and kept it there for a moment. 

“We will also protect your family with all the possible ways. They have already received portkeys to work and back home, which will be activated every day at the time of their choosing. We also have a plan to link this house and your house using vanishing cabinets. You will be able to come and go between them whenever you want.” 

“That sounds brilliant! I am very grateful for all of this”, she said, feeling more welcomed than ever in her life. 

Sirius nodded smiling and turned to speak to them all. “What news from the outworld then?” 

“I’m afraid you won’t get much better answers from me either because it seems Dumbledore and the Order doesn’t count me in anymore”, Lupin said. “Probably because I’m with you now Harry, and Dumbledore knows it. Your mistrust is on both sides now. But at least I can tell you something new; Snape has disappeared.” 

“Showed his true loyalty”, Sirius sneered. “Not a surprise.” 

“So… who teaches potions now?” Thomas asked. 

“Professor Horatius Slughorn.” Hermione noticed how Harry and Thomas exchanged a very meaningful glance. “Yes, that old chap has returned. He taught potions long before our time”, Lupin said, nodding towards Sirius. 

“And he’s such a good teacher!” Hermione added. “It’s nice to go to potions for once.” 

“I’m sure. Everyone would be a significant improvement after that lying, sniveling bat. Especially our dear old Slug. I can’t believe he has returned… But hey, let’s talk more in the kitchen. Harry has cooked a real welcoming feast for you. Just leave the bags here, Kreacher will come and get them soon”, Sirius said as he walked upstairs, Lupin at his heels. 

“Who is Kreacher?” Hermione asked from Harry. 

“A house-elf. Yeah Hermione, I know it’s wrong”, Harry said after seeing her shocked face. “But we can’t release him. He knows too much. And we don’t command him to do anything anymore. He just likes to help us.” 

“Originally the house-elves were the protectors of human houses”, Thomas said behind them. 

“Oh, I didn’t know that”, Hermione was immediately interested. 

“They were very common in the North and they can still be found in abandoned barn, old houses, saunas and such. They guard humans, muggles and wizards alike, bringing luck and prosperity to the house and it’s dwellers, asking only food in return.” 

“Really? But, if they bring luck, then-?” 

“Why did they end up in where they are now?” Thomas asked and Hermione slowed her pace so she could walk beside him, leaving Harry a couple of steps above to talk with Hedwig. “It’s simple. Wizards noticed how beneficial they are and enslaved them for their own use. But, fortunately, many elves are still free and live in harmony with the muggle families, without them knowing it of course. The elves are masters in the arts of hiding.” 

Thomas offered her a seat in the dining room and Hermione sat down, getting so deeply absorbed into their conversation that she barely glanced at the other ones at the table as Thomas started explaining more about the history of elves. 

Harry’s cakes, pies and other baked goods were delicious. She munched them away, sipping homemade butterbeer. Thomas kept up with her pace without difficulty unlike anyone she had ever met before. It was refreshing and exciting, speaking to someone so well read, who had such good manners and points about the world. 

It was almost sad that she wasn’t there to talk about politics or solve how it would be possible for muggleborn children to get better and quicker adjusted to their world, even if it was a very interesting subject and helped to measure what kind of a person this Thomas was, or at least wanted to give the impression of being. Gradually she changed the course of their conversation to Hogwarts and from there to the Chamber of Secrets. To her relief and surprise Thomas continued answering without hesitation, confirming exactly which she had figured out months ago! 

“The petrification was purely an accident and I’m sorry about that. She wasn’t supposed to leave from the chamber during the days.” 

“Okay, apology excepted”, she said and meant it. “But what about the writings on the walls?” she asked suspiciously. She had a hard time believing those were an accident as well. “Why did you make Ginny write those awful things?” 

“To drive the headmaster away, which succeeded pretty quickly. I needed him out of the picture so I might have a chance to speak with Harry, to explain my situation.” Thomas turned his eyes - for the first time since they had sat at the table - at Harry’s direction, who had a lively conversation with the other men. “Since that day he has done everything he can to help me. And I’ve promised to do the same.” 

“I want to help you too”, she said. “And don’t say that the best way for me to help is to be safe and stand by because that will not be happening. Thomas?” For a moment it seemed he didn’t hear her. Well, that was nothing new, Hermione thought, thinking about Harry and poured herself more butterbeer. 

After a long silence, during which she realised that the conversation from the other side of the table had also faded away, Thomas said quietly: “All right. But if you must ask questions, ask them from me, alone. Do you understand?” 

“Okay”, she sighed, understanding that Thomas didn’t want to talk about those kinds of things here and now, when anyone could hear them. 

“When?” she heard Harry’s question. “When did they disappear?” 

“What are they talking about?” Hermione whispered but Thomas paid her no attention anymore. His face had turned a bit angry looking all of a sudden. 

“The day you two disappeared too, or came here, I mean”, Lupin said. “The Ministry announced it to me because I was your temporary guardian in their books… Well, now I am your legal guardian, like Sirius.” 

“I should have seen this coming”, Harry said. 

“It’s not your fault”, Thomas said, his voice carrying effortlessly across the room. 

“It was. I didn’t think that place was my home anymore. And they paid for it”, Harry said and collapsed further on his seat. 

“No Harry. Thomas is right”, Sirius said. Thomas glanced at him looking so surprised that Hermione got the impression it was a rare thing that they agreed about something. “It wasn’t your responsibility to take care of those… muggles.” 

“If it’s someone’s fault then Dumbledore’s”, Thomas continued. “He knew the fidelius charm would fade away and still did nothing to protect them! Probably because he wanted you to feel guilty of leaving them, hoping you would return there after taking me out of the picture. ” 

“Well I don’t know about Dumbledore, and I certainly don’t see why you blame yourself. You-Know-Who is the real villain there”, Lupin reasoned. “He ordered his Death Eaters to kidnap the Dursleys and caused all this havoc in the first place.” 

Now Hermione realised what they were talking about: The Dursleys had disappeared. And now were probably killed. She should have felt sorry for them, but now somehow the only thing she could think about was those marks on Harry’s neck the day their third year had begun, marks that they had inflected, his so called ‘family’. And then she thought about what Ron had told about the cupboard under the stairs, where Harry had lived. Anger burned her throat, mixed with sadness, mostly because now she knew Harry would have to live with that knowledge for the rest of his life. And it frustrated her too, because some part of her, some small little voice said they wouldn’t have cared if, instead of them, Harry had been killed. 

She cringed as the air around Harry started to change. So many times she had felt the same: It wasn’t darker than a second ago but if she had to give it a colour it would have been black, black emptiness, avoid of emotion. Just once she had felt it more stronger than now. It had happened in the Defence Against the Dark Arts class, when the Boggart had come. Now it wasn’t as consuming as then, but as troubling and it scared her. 

Harry looked older, but Hermione saw him now more than ever as a little brother that needed to be protected. At the same time both she and Thomas rose and walked into that emptiness. She hugged him and Thomas put his hand on his shoulder. It was a simple gesture but full of emotion. 

  
  


“If there is anything I can do to help you just say”, Hermione said after a week had passed. Harry hadn’t shown any signs of sadness or grief and she suspected something else was troubling him, something that had nothing to do with the Dursleys. 

“Huh? Oh, yes I will. You are sweet Hermione”, Harry said quietly, eyes closed, laying on his back next to Thomas, who sat comfortably reading a book on the big couch, surrounded of bookshelves and the fireplace. 

You keep saying that but I know you won’t, she thought. Absent mindedness wasn’t the only thing troubling Harry anymore. He seemed anxious, distracted. And it was very confusing because Harry was happy too, like Thomas. Really happy. It was just that every time she saw them watching each other for a long time, the happiness seemed to vanish and worry take its place. 

Harry rose to give Thomas a kiss, which was meant to last just a couple of seconds but really didn’t. She understood why Sirius and Remus, who she had started to call by his first name, couldn’t stand being in the same room as them. Harry and Thomas weren’t able to keep their hands away from each other, no matter where or with whom they were or had they seen each other a second or an hour ago, which was understandably irritating to Sirius and Remus, who still had doubts about Thomas, which was again very understandable. And the fact that Harry and Thomas weren’t bothered if anyone saw their affection and didn’t care if it bothered somebody else didn’t make it any easier. 

But Hermione wasn’t bothered by it. She saw no reason to. It amazed, puzzled and amused her and somehow calmed her down, because she could see - and right now even feel - how relaxed it made them be. 

Crookshanks kneaded the fluffy carpet in front of the fire, stretching himself properly. The cat was always where Harry was, knowing he would only need to purr and Harry would give him the most delicious snacks and the longest rubs ever. 

She started hearing hissing and glanced at them, thinking that they might have stopped, but no, they most definitely had not. Quickly she turned her eyes to her book, patiently waiting for Harry to go and maybe play quidditch with Sirius and Remus or something and finally give her a chance to talk with Thomas alone. 

Okay this is too much, she thought as the air in the room started making her feel drowsy… The smell of parchment was very thick… It called her… But she had to go! 

Hermione stumbled up and forced herself out. 

Phew, it was easier to breath in the hallway. Gracious my cheeks are red, she thought and covered them with her hands and was just going to run to the upstairs bathroom to check did she need a new impervius charm on her pants and maybe a new pad when she heard approaching leather boots against the wooden floor. Oh no! Sirius was heading this way! “Hi!” She called out. “Um, I was just wondering… How did you get those tattoos?” 

“These old things?” Sirius asked sounding surprised and pulled his sleeves up, leaning against the wall, dangerously close to the library door. “One of my fellow cellmates did most of them… She was very old, feisty lady. It had to be during my first years there because I remember it was one lunch break in the courtyard when I convince her to draw me one when I saw how cool they looked on her. I’m not entirely sure how she managed to get the ink to stay on my skin because the magic is supposed to spit it out… ” 

“Did you hear what spell she used?” 

“No, she did it without her wand. Why? Are you planning on getting one?” he asked and smirked. 

“No, I was just curious”, she said and, after failing to think of something else to say, scooted away hastily. She could feel Sirius’ confused eyes on her back. Oh no no no no. She could hear Sirius opening the door… 

“Fucking hell”, Sirius breathed out, slammed the door shut and stormed up the stairs after her, meeting a misfortunate Kreacher on the way. “Can you go to the library and tell Harry I want to speak with him.” 

“But Harry is currently with-” 

“I’m well aware! Go and say it anyway. Well?” Kreacher mumbled something and then Hermione heard Sirius say: “Fine! Don’t go then. I guess there is no point stopping them… Everything has probably happened already if you know what I mean.” 

“Kreacher will tell him you want to speak right away!” the elf shrieked. 

Hermione scorned amusedly. He is probably right, she thought and was just going to turn to the left when Remus emerged from the shadows of the corner so unexpectedly that she almost crashed into him. 

“What is going on?” Remus wondered. “Hermione, are you feeling all right? You look a bit feverish.” 

“Do I? Probably the result of running up and down these stairs”, she came up with an excuse and passed him with a sincere smile, touched of how concerned he looked. She climbed all the way up and then fell down on her knees on the floor to listen where she could hear and see what was happening down below, between the dark wooden poles. 

“What is going on? What is going on? Do I really have to say it out loud?” Sirius’ voice echoed on the walls. “I think you know what is going on better than the rest of us combined!” 

He must be talking about Remus’ werewolf sense, Hermione thought. According to the books it was much more effective than humans’. She was still not over of how stupid she had been, not realising Remus was a werewolf. The signs had been there: vanishing every month, the scars, everything… Perfectly obvious! And she had had no clue… 

“Sirius, I think you are overreacting here a little bit. I can’t deny that there isn’t something weird going on”, Remus said calmly. “But as you already pointed out, I can sense their affection is genuine. There is no point trying to stop them. You would only cause unnecessary tension.” 

“But he is thirteen!” Sirius groaned. “I think you have mistaken obsession with affection. ‘Something weird is going on’ my ass. Don’t say he has managed to fool you too. Soon we will all be under his spell if not careful. First Harry, then Kreacher and Hermione and now you. Speaking of Kreacher, this is taking too long.” 

“But Sirius-” 

“This is my house. I can go to the library if I want”, Sirius said. Hermione saw how his shadow on the wall put its hand on the handle. In that second, as the few inches between the door and the side frame opened, Kreacher lashed out, screaming: “Couldn’t see! Couldn’t see a thing!” before disappearing out of Hermione’s view. 

The elf’s confusing and a bit scaring behaviour didn't stop Sirius. He tried to open the door further using all the curses and hexes in the world, saying more actual curses between the magical ones. Some of them were surely his own making because Hermione had never heard of them. 

“I don’t see why you bother”, Remus sighed. “If an elf can’t get out of there, I’m quite sure you can’t get in. Thomas has had many months to study Kreacher’s magic. Maybe he found a way to get past it. He is a genius that one. Can’t believe he is only seventeen.” 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t.”

“He is. He spoke the truth when he said it. Honestly, stop that. You’ll break the whole wall. Listen, I got the old gramophone working. Let's go and listen to something.” 

“You did?” Sirius asked. His shadow quickly turned around. "Awesome! This place desperately needs some music.” 

  
  


From that day forward she rarely saw Thomas. Every day he disappeared before the sunrise and came back around sundown. Harry said he was somewhere making preparations but never told what for. And when Thomas actually was in the Grimmauld Place he was always either dueling or resting, which meant Hermione had a hard time finding a chance to speak with him alone. Not that he would answer to her questions, only listen, Thomas had many times warned when they passed each other in the hallways. 

It would have to be enough, Hermione thought, sitting around her desk in her room at midnight. I just need to get his attention and ensure I am trustworthy. Then he will open up and I will be able to help them. 

The world’s quietest knock came by the door. 

“Alohomora”, Hermione said. 

Thomas came in. “We decided to skip dueling today. You got three hours”, he said, sat on the armchair in the other side of her desk and closed his eyes. Hermione’s determination cracked. No, thought. She couldn’t spent his few resting moments like this. 

“Where is that iron confidence or what is the meaning of this silence?” 

“We can do this another time. Right now you need sleep, more than anything else.” 

“Hermione…”, Thomas said quietly. “Don’t tell me what I need or don’t need to do.” Unexplainable coldness teared her spine. 

“I only said it because you look tired”, Hermione said carefully and crossed her arms. A moment passed and another. Thomas sat there emotionlessly, a hand loosely around his wand. Hermione’s eyes widened out of wonder when she started to suspect he had fallen asleep, but then Thomas opened his mouth, this time all the coldness gone from his voice and said: “I don’t sleep anymore. So you may as well tell me what’s on your mind while I rest my eyes here.” 

Hermione sighed out of frustration. She wanted to say anything that would express her worry or ask how Thomas thought he could possible survive without sleep, but she cast those things aside. Now it was time to focus on the important things, to say what she had pondered a long time, whispered with Ron in the shadows of the common room after everyone had gone to bed. 

“Well, here it comes. After you two met each other Harry has become more withdrawn, reserved and also very skillful at magic. It’s now clear why. From that day at the Chamber you two have plotted and prepared to kill You-Know-Who. And I have wondered how, because Harry had no idea or intentions to really kill him before he met you. So, it was you who knew how it’s done. Now, only someone to whom the Dark Lord could trust could possibly know such things. And, because you are the Heir of Slytherin and everyone knows he claims to have a strong connections to that name and house, I have come to the conclusion that you are related to each other and were really close. But then he started to fear that you know too much or betray him so he cursed you into that diary and now you are ready to use your knowledge again and kill him as a revenge or then you were originally planning to kill him and the time in the diary only delayed you. Am I right?” 

“More or less”, Thomas said. 

Hermione nodded. “Just so you know… It doesn’t matter to me, where you are coming from. It’s all in the past. Harry trusts you and it’s enough for me. It is painfully clear that you love each other very much and um… I’m happy that he has someone.” 

“That’s good to hear Hermione. You mentioned Harry has become more withdrawn”, Thomas said and opened his eyes. “So I assume you have noticed that his… behaviour has got worse lately. I thought it would get better after he knew you were alright, but it hasn’t happened.” 

“Well, he has much more to stress about”, Hermione said. “Whatever it is it will pass. He just needs time.” She felt she needed to say something else… anything. Harry had troubles, but so did Thomas and at least Harry had many to whom he could talk to, whereas Thomas had none, not while Harry was like that. Hermione pondered had he ever had anyone to talk to. It wouldn’t have surprised her, considering where he was coming from. 

“And what if it doesn’t pass?” Thomas said. 

Hermione was taken back. How could Thomas say that? What did he know that made him doubt that it wouldn’t pass? And what could she say to that? Nothing. Nothing if she didn’t know what was going on. “You must tell me what has happened so I can help you.” 

Thomas’ face was expressionless but Hermione saw his eyes and they told all that she needed to know. Thomas didn’t believe she could help them, just like he didn’t believe that whatever made Harry acting the way he was acting would pass either. She didn’t know how she knew that. Maybe it was some kind of telepathy. Witches and wizards were able to do that, even without trying, she had read from some book that she had found here. Most of them were about dark magic but she browsed them nonetheless. No one hadn’t said she couldn’t. Sirius had just reminded to be careful… 

“Do you like singing?” 

The question surprised her completely. “Yes... Why?” 

“For some reason you remind me of someone and it has something to do with singing, I’m sure of it.” 

“Uh-huh”, she said and frowned. “I don’t see how. I’ve never sang publicly nor have any of my relatives.” 

“You never know”, Thomas pointed out. Hmm…. perhaps that was true. 

  
  


“Could I come and see what you are doing?” she asked before Harry managed to shut the dueling room door. It was three in the morning. She had tried to sneak in many times to see what they were doing, but every time she had it had been too late and the door already sealed close. Until tonight. 

Harry glanced somewhere behind him. She saw the airy room from the hallway where she was standing. “Okay. Come in.” She stepped inside feeling excited. Thomas was on the other side, already making a seat for her. 

“Are you sure you want to be here? Because you can’t leave before we are finished and that will take the whole night”, Harry said. 

“Yes I’m sure!” she sat down, crossed her legs and waited impatiently for them to start. Finally she was going to see them in action! 

“Okay. But you must stay there. You are under a protection spell now”, Harry said, holding two wands in his hands. The smaller one she recognised but had never seen the other one. Many questions popped into her head but she had learned to keep her mouth shut. She had made a list of questions and planned to ask them when that, what Harry and Thomas were going to do, would be in the past and not worry them anymore. 

“We got an audience. Let’s skip the boring stuff, shall we?” 

“My thoughts exactly”, Thomas said, bowing to Harry slowly, a small smirk forming on his lips. Harry crossed his other hand in front of him and the other behind his back, bending down too. Before he got up, he had already straightened his hands and attacked. 

Hermione gasped. Harry’s green flames burst to meet Thomas’ curses. Suddenly her excitement was replaced with terror. This wasn’t practising. What she saw was a real battle. 

She didn’t know what they were saying. Most of the time they cast spells without words, but she was sure that those they said would have been very painful if they had hit their targets. None of them fortunately did. Flames, water and something, which she could only describe as pure darkness, protected them, although once or twice Harry’s shield almost broke. 

That however didn’t stop Hermione from shuddering every time a curse was near to hit. She didn’t like this. Didn’t like one bit! She wished they would stop and take a break but that clearly wasn’t happening. They fought tirelessly. Only the more time passed by, the more frustrated they seemed to get. 

Harry hissed something, repeated the same word over and over. Thomas conjured flames to protect himself. The curses were burned into nothing, captured from the air, from every direction. 

Harry conjured a shield around himself and broke his attack. After that it seemed the fighting was over. Hermione sighed out of relief. Both boys were uninjured. 

“I’m glad that’s over”, she breathed out. They didn’t answer to her, only hissed among themselves. “Umm, what is going on?” 

“We have to test can he break out of my imperius curse. He can block it but that isn't enough”, Harry said and waved his wand before Hermione had time to actually understand what he had said. “Imperio!” Harry whispered. 

“Harry!” she shouted in terror. A dreamy look formed on Thomas’ face and he started walking around the room. “That’s - that’s dangerous! If you cast it wrong it can make severe damage to his brain!” 

“Believe me, I know. We hate to do this but we have to try it anyway. It is vital that he can resist it in the future. This is perfectly harmless. I just make him walk, that’s all. I will take it off if he can’t do it himself.” 

“Has he ever managed to break from it then?” 

“Three times, with my help. Very few people can do it, even if they have practised it their whole life. That’s why we do this almost every night”, Harry sighed. 

Hermione felt helpless. “He must trust you very much to let you do this”, she tried to say something positive. She understood why they had to do this but it was still terrible! No one should ever be under that spell or use it, which was equally as frightening to her. 

Harry hummed in his thoughts. “Look! He almost stumbled!” Harry called out and walked over to Thomas, who had stopped his voiceless walking. “Come on… You can do it”, he whispered and fondled Thomas’ cheek. The gesture broke Hermione’s heart. They did everything they could, worked hard and still didn’t believe it was enough. Thomas thought Harry’s strange behaviour would never heal and she could see Harry wasn’t much hopeful about the future either. The hope just wasn’t enough. She had learned to understand Harry wasn’t really happy when he seemed to be. It was just forgetting to worry, just for a moment, and not the other way around: forgetting to worry and otherwise be happy. 

“He must break from it himself, remember”, Hermione reminded carefully, realising that perhaps it wasn’t Thomas who had stopped his walking. Harry had merely wished so. 

“I know, I know”, Harry said. “It's just that he has to do this. We only have two days left to practise.” 

Hermione grinned uncomfortably. That most certainly was not much time. “Can you do it? Break free from it?” she asked. 

“Me? Yes I can. But not without difficulty. I still need time to break from it, which isn’t good. I should be able to do it instantly when the curse hits.” 

“And what about the killing curse? Can you resist it too?” 

Harry’s face turned from desperate to painfully tired. He glanced at her and then looked away. “Yes. That too”, he said quietly and took out the wand that she knew to be his first and waved it. 

“Well… that’s… very helpful”, she managed to mutter as Thomas woke up from the curse. 

  
  


The next couple days passed slowly to Hermione. She tried not to show her nervousness around Harry as they waited for Thomas to come back from wherever he was during the days. 

Harry poured melted chocolate to the cream he had whipped, which Crookshanks had eyed under the kitchen table, waiting for the moment to catch it when Harry’s eyes wouldn’t look. 

“It looks delicious”, she said as Harry heated the cake with magic and started to sprinkle icing sugar over the dark top. 

“It has turned better and better when I threw the recipes to the bin and started making things from my own head”, Harry said and cut her a big piece. “The secret is… magic”, he whispered. 

She chuckled and tasted it. 

“He should return any minute now… I’ll fetch Sirius and Remus here too. They should hear what we have to say.“ 

A couple more hours passed. Harry paced nervously by the windows. Hermione didn’t want to imagine what could have gone wrong. She was under the impression that Thomas travelled every day somewhere far away from here, somewhere where that something they had been planning was about to happen. There was probably a reason why they had to travel so far to do it, but now it only seemed stupid. If something had happened, they had no way to track Thomas. He could be anywhere, captured by Death Eaters or worse. 

Hermione felt that black, suffocating cloud around Harry once again. “What are you doing?” she asked when she caught Harry rubbing his scar. “Hey, what are you doing?” she repeated and shook him. Harry hissed something she didn’t understand. “Harry, stop that!” Something Thomas had said slipped from the edge of her consciousness into her mind: There was a connection between Harry and Voldemort, if Harry chose it. It hadn’t troubled her much when she had heard Thomas explain it because she had known it too from the moment Harry first complained how his scar hurt, even if she had refused to accept it. But now she realised what ‘if Harry chose it’ meant and had never been more terrified in her entire life. Harry tried to see was Voldemort the reason Thomas was late. “No! Stop it!” Hermione tried to force Harry’s hands from his head. “SIRIUS! REMUS! HELP ME!” she screamed. 

They saw no other way than forcing Harry to stop with magic, which Hermione doubted would have been possible if Harry had fought back. But he didn’t. He gave in and spent the rest of the evening staring at the outside door, twisting the weird black stone in his hands which she had seen him carry from time to time. 

Hermione rolled her curls around her finger, trying to calm herself. 

“What if you went to feed Crookshanks Hermione? We can watch over him”, Remus said for the fifth time. 

“No, I can stay”, she assured, sitting next to Harry on the staircase. He didn’t seem to hear them, only stared into nothing, turning the stone in the air. 

“Okay”, Remus said and continued his quiet conversation with Sirius a little distance away. 

Harry could never use that connection, ever. It was reckless and stupid and wouldn’t accomplish anything! And Thomas would agree with me, Hermione thought and made a mental note to add it as a subject to discuss with him when she could. 

Finally the outdoor opened and Thomas revealed himself under the invisibility cloak. “There was no ships so I needed to find another way to get over the sea”, Thomas explained, embracing Harry with a broom in his hand. 

“Don’t tell me I missed the only change to see you on a broom”, Harry said and hided the stone secretly in his pocket… Like he didn’t want Thomas to see it… This small movement got Hermione’s full attention. In that blink of an eye Thomas’ gaze moved to that pocket too, as he could have sensed what she was thinking through the air. The broom knocked to the floor as Thomas wrapped his hands around Harry’s waist, snapping that stone to himself, hissing something, suddenly looking very angry. 

“HEY! What’s the problem?” Sirius called out and marched closer. 

“Nothing”, Harry snapped, teared himself free and tried to walk away only to get surrounded again, this time by Sirius. 

“No no no no, don’t you think I would let you leave without an explanation. We have to know where you are going and for how long, because if something goes wrong, we have to be able to come and get you, and not be as helpless as we just were.” 

“If something goes wrong it will be too late”, Harry snapped, eyes closed. 

Sirius let out a long sigh. “Tomorrow it the Midsummer’s Eve, the beginning of the summer solstice. It’s clear you are going to perform some sort of ritual.” 

“And that ritual is going to change you in some way, is it not?” Remus continued. “That’s why you were planning to go hiding until we can’t see a difference. You can’t fool us Harry. We know more than you could possibly guess. Just promise to be careful, right? Rituals are tricky and can easily go wrong, even those dealing with light magic.” 

“Okay I will. Can I go now?” Harry hissed. 

“I guess so”, Sirius said, face as loving as worried. After Harry disappeared upstairs Sirius turned to Thomas and started reminding him - as he himself put it, but to Hermione it sounded more like threating - of what would happen if he wouldn’t bring Harry back safely and unharmed. “-and no amount of magical talent will save you then. Is that clear?” Sirius shouted to Thomas, who hadn’t paid him any attention and had already climbed to the second floor. Hermione scurried after him, decided that the fear of annoying him even more couldn’t stop her from saying what troubled her, because now was the last chance to say it before they would leave. 

She was relieved when Thomas didn’t carry on to the forth floor, where his and Harry’s bedroom was, but wandered to the library’s direction. At least she would only have to face just one angry wizard at a time, she thought as she heard a door banging shut from above. 

When Thomas entered into the library he laid the weird stone down extremely carefully on a table and then sat on an armchair that was as far away from the table as possible. Hermione approached him, glancing at the slightly open wardrobe on the way, where she knew Hedwig flew in her own winter world. A small breeze blew from there, going around the room, fluttering the pages of opened books. 

“Have you seen that stone before?” Thomas asked. His angry voice made Hermione startle. 

“Yes, here and there with Harry”, she said. 

“If you ever see it again, if you even doubt Harry might be keeping it close you will report it immediately to me. That stone causes only harm, especially to Harry.” Thomas waved his hand and a small book flew across the air in front of her. “Read the chapter The Tale of the Three Brothers. Then you will understand what I’m talking about. And be quiet. I need to think.” Hermione sat next to him and started reading. The silence in the room hurt her ears. She read the chapter two times. First quickly and not understanding why Thomas wanted her to read it but then, during the second time, the realisation hit her. 

Thomas began to explain, pressing his hands together so hard Hermione feared it would cause necrosis: “That is only a children's version of a legend whose existence only a few believe, but some of it is true. Harry is descending from the third brother. In his family the invisibility cloak has been inherited across centuries from father to son. I’m descending from the second brother. That stone has no doubt possessed many of its carriers, until its real powers were forgotten and it became just a mere heirloom, a proof of our connection to the famous Peverell brothers. And what comes to the most powerful wand in this world… It has, at last, after its bloody history, returned to the relatives of its original owner, to Harry and me. You have seen it once. When you followed our duel last week.” 

“How on earth did you get it?” Hermione asked. 

“I believe You-Know-Who was its owner when he tried kill Harry. When he failed its loyalty passed on to Harry. It should be the wand whose owner should be undefeatable, but, as the legend tells, its loyalty can be achieved without disarming its owner, for example by murdering, like I believe You-Know-Who got it, or like in Harry’s case by weakening its owner severely.” 

“But…” Hermione had to think for a moment how to form her thoughts into words. “Do you know how Harry did it?” 

“Yes, but that’s not important”, Thomas dismissed her question impatiently. Hermione strongly disagreed. “I wanted to explain why that stone is extremely dangerous, especially to Harry. It tricks people to their death, showing their loved ones: begging, luring them to join them. But Harry has never understood it. He refuses to believe the stone’s resurrected ghosts harm him, because… well, they have helped him to survive from danger before, when all help was out of his reach they came to protect him against You-Know-Who, not the stone’s ghosts but the real ones. There is no way to prove these aren't the same as the figures the stone shows him. And on top of it all he can’t die so he thinks it has no difference… That it doesn’t matter if he uses it.” 

Hermione nodded thoughtfully. “Well... if there is no way to prove those ghost and the stone's resurrected people aren't the same, have you considered that maybe they are? What if they really are his parents, those who came from the stone. Perhaps this stone just does what its owner wants? Like the imperius curse? Harry wants to meet his parent above else. Ron told me that he saw-” 

“His parents, in the Mirror of Erised. Yes, I know”, Thomas breathed out and straightened himself, staring hard into nothing. 

“And this explains the second brother’s story as well. He wanted to meet his loved one, probably more than anything, just like Harry. So, there is the answer! The stone does what the owner wants. All you need to do is to take it and command Harry’s parents to leave him alone.” 

For a second something flashed in Thomas’ eyes which Hermione couldn’t interpret before it disappeared. “There is no guarantee the stone wouldn’t fulfill Harry’s commands when he gets it back again.” 

“Yes”, she admitted. “But isn’t it worth a try? I mean, in this situation, something has to be done. And shouldn’t that stone obey you more, since its original owner was your ancestor, not Harry’s.” When Thomas didn’t answer, she continued pondering out loud. “So that’s why you chose the name Peverell. Was Riddle your mother’s name then?” she asked out of curiosity. 

Suddenly Thomas rose up. “I’ve had a long day and there is lot to be done tomorrow. I should go and calm him down. Good night.” 

“Wait! There is something I must tell you! Before you came back today, Harry um… was very worried. I believe he tried that connection you told me about, to see were you captured. He touched his forehead and started hissing something. We stopped him before it was too late… but I thought you should know.” 

Thomas banged the stone back to the table and yelled in parseltongue. It was a torturing and cold sound, endless hiss, jumping high and low, not sounding Thomas at all, or barely even human. 

Hermione realised he wasn’t just angry. He was terrified and covered it with anger. Hearing what he had, just before they were about to leave, was too much. 

“Thomas, even if it feel hopeless now, you have to believe you will get through this. Because if you don’t, it won’t happen.” 

“Believe?” Thomas whispered mockingly. “Believe is for the people who don’t know Hermione, I don’t need it. Now, I’m going up.” 

“Not to fight I hope?” she asked carefully. 

“No.” He said like it should have been obvious. “We have nothing to fight about. I’m not angry at him. I couldn’t be. He did it for me.” 

“Yes of course he did! He would have rushed to fight You-Know-Who one on one right there and then if he thought you were in danger because that’s exactly who he is! He would do anything for the people he loves. But you must tell him never to do that again! It’s too dangerous!” What had happened still made her shiver and her hands shake. This day had been too much for her too. 

“I’m coming with you. To say good night”, she said defensively when Thomas narrowed his eyes. “I could help you sleep, the both of you. Because seriously, you do need to sleep. You look as tired as Remus. And that’s saying something because yesterday was a full moon.” 

“That commanding tone may work on Harry but not on me”, Thomas said and walked between the bookshelves. 

Oh you have mistaken! Hermione thought and fashioned a determined look on her face. 

After a couple of minutes Hermione entered the boys’ bedroom, Thomas reluctantly behind her. 

“What are you two scheming?” Harry asked, fully clothed, not looking like he was planning to go to sleep. 

“I came to say good luck for tomorrow and put you to bed, using whatever means necessary.” She went to turn off the two night lamps from the opposite sides of the big bed and dragged a chair next to it. 

“Hermione, I don’t want to sound rude but I don’t think some fairy tale will help me to sleep.” 

“You can’t know that!” she hissed. “And besides, I’m not going to read but sing. Thomas told me you won’t sleep anyway so why not try this?” Hermione sat on her chair and turned a deaf ear to Harry’s protesting. “Shut up Harry. I’m singing now. Put your head down.” 

Harry sighed and did what she said. Thomas sat down on the opposite side of the bed. 

“A a aa, you too!” Thomas watched her a second with a pondering expression and then put his head on the pillow as well. Harry burst into laughter. 

“Harry, calm down”, she said and glanced at Harry threateningly, which silenced him immediately. 

Both of the boys looked at her weirdly, lost, like they weren’t sure what to do. A sad thought slipped into her mind. Maybe no one had ever put them to sleep… Or at least they didn’t remember that someone had. Hermione remembered how her parents had put her to sleep, how they read her favourite stories - which meant the biggest children’s books in the world - every night, after a long day of work. Homesickness stung her guts. 

“Is the clock ringing for tomorrow?” she asked the first thing her parents always asked before covering her under the blanket. 

“Yes”, Thomas answered and waved his hand. The door closed silently, blocking the candle light coming from the hallway. Now only the moon shined into the room, gleaming on the beautiful silver and wooded surfaces. 

“Good. You can close your eyes”, she suggested and felt much comfortable when they did. First she sang the songs her father always sang. Then she sang whatever popped to her head: hummed music from films, softly and quietly, then those songs she had learned playing the piano, then the song of Hogwarts, many Irish ballads, not perfectly and not remembering all the lyrics but it wasn't important. 

Neither of the boys breathed and from that she draw the conclusion they weren’t yet sleeping. She couldn’t think of any new songs so she started to sing those she had already sang again. Then she realised the christmas carols would be perfect for this, the oldest and most peaceful ones. 

The room was big but now it seemed small. There was only the bed and her voice. Harry’s chest began to rise and fall. Hermione lowered her voice a bit and turned to look at Thomas’ face. The eyes were closed, without worry or sadness, just like Harry’s. Hermione wanted to run her hand through his hair but thought better of it. She smelled that lovely parchment in the air again and realised it came from Thomas. How extraordinary, she vaguely thought. 

“He fell asleep”, Thomas whispered. Hermione opened her eyes, feeling extremely dazed. Thomas took the stone from inside his pocket, put it to the top drawer, rose up and led her into the hallway. “I realised why you reminded me of singing”, he said quietly. “Every christmas the caretakers in my orphanage took us children to the church. I absolutely hated it but they forced me to go. When I started my studies at Hogwarts I was so pleased I didn’t need to go there anymore. Instead I wandered in Hogsmeade. It was then when I heard something I would have never expected to hear in such a place. A young witch, who looked much like you, was humming a christmas song I had always heard on that day, a year after year. It brought back all the memories... At that moment, for the first time, I considered that maybe the song wasn’t made by muggles after all. It may have been made by wizards or witches too and in some way I felt… belonging, that maybe knowing that song wasn’t shameful.” 

“I understand. Sometimes it’s hard not to be ashamed that I grew up in a muggle family, even if it shouldn’t feel shameful. The whole hatred of muggleborns is based on the fact that purebloods don’t understand our world. We are pretty lucky actually, that we get to experience and understand both worlds.” 

“Yes… But if you had to choose you would still choose the magical one, would you not? If you had to choose?” Thomas asked. 

Hermione covered her mouth as she yawned. “Yes of course. Even if it would be very limiting. Living in hiding I mean.” 

“Hmm. My thoughts exactly.” 

  
  
  



	24. More light

Grey, ragged clouds covered the sky, but nothing could be done about it. The meadow flowers howled in the wind. Harry scratched the earth, not minding of the big stones or thick roots, removing them effortlessly from the way, surrounding himself inside the patterns. 

_ “Right, give me that.”  _ Thomas handed him the golden ring and Harry took it to one of the tips of the circle. The resurrection stone wasn’t a part of the horcrux anymore. It was just a ring and seemed completely harmless.

Absorbing it would require all his energy, for even though they were certain he could do this, that the horcrux didn’t have a chance to fight back against such a strong soul that he had, it still would never give up. It was a piece of Thomas and would go on until the end. And before that, anything could happen. 

But at least they were safe, no matter what. Thomas had prepared the meadow, on which they were in, with his protection charms over the past month. Even if the worst happened, and his occlumency shields would break and thus Voldemort would have access to his mind and know what they were doing, no one would get to them. They were surrounded by many hectares of vast nature, where no one, no human or elf could come, not by Apparating nor by foot. And even if the second worst thing happened, and the soul piece inside the ring got hold of him for a moment, both of them knew it wouldn’t want to leave their protection. For whatever the soul piece was, it wasn’t stupid. It didn’t radiate the same kind of hubris than the locket or the diadem. It didn’t hiss, wasn’t as restless. It contained more of Thomas’ soul, was the most unbroken, which made it easy to absorb, and also the most dangerous for it had more magic to use. Its specious innocence and calmness should not be believed. 

The wind waved Harry's shirt. The cold earth tingled his bare feet. Soon it would be dawn. The clock would strike and the Midsummer begin. The sun hadn’t gone down there yesterday either but they had agreed to make the ritual today, on the true day of the life and light. 

The sleep he had got before leaving had done wonders. He thanked Hermione of that quietly in his mind and watched at the fluttering flowers. Her singing had filled his thoughts, not letting space for anything else. 

Using the stone frightened Thomas, he knew that, and that last night must have been like hell for him, but Harry refused to feel guilty about it. It had been like hell for him too and seeing his parents had made it easier to control himself and wait patiently for Thomas to return when they had been there, Lily sitting beside Hermione on the stairs, his father leaning on the outdoor, tapping his wand on his thigh in different rhythms, not a care in the world on their faces, just sitting and waiting. 

For a moment he imagined being just a normal man, stading on a meadow where the wild flowers were just flowers, not his sacrifice. Thomas looked different outside, smaller, less intensive, couldn’t fill this large space with his presence. Harry opened his mouth and let the air calm himself. Just was, pictured a huge dragon whose wings carried to wind across the forest, behind the seas, to his lungs and back. He didn’t feel terror or fear. Only doubt troubled him. The doubt was this right, and he knew it wasn’t. Most certainly wasn’t, but it had to be done. Only this way they could get the power to destroy him… Voldemort, Harry sighed and shook his head. They couldn’t do it any other way. Neither of them could ever reach for that level of magical power he had on their own as quickly as they needed to. Even using the elder wand wouldn’t necessarily bring them victory. And asking help from Dumbledore would only cause them countless extra problems and they didn’t know anyone else who could have the power to resist Voldemort, let alone destroy or imprison him. This had to be done. He had to focus, want this to make it work. He would close his mind again as soon as the ritual was over… It is just a piece of Thomas’ young soul, he thought. Trapped and weak. 

_ “Step back” _ , he said. He had to do this alone. No outsider, living or dead shouldn’t, and soon couldn’t, step inside the circle. 

_ “Harry” _ , Thomas called him. 

_ “Yes?”  _ he asked and looked at his serious face. 

_ “You can do this, It has no chance against you. As long as you remember not to do what it says, no matter what.”  _ Harry nodded and wiped his muddy hands on his black shirt. 

_ “Could you say just one more time why I’m doing this again.”  _ He had to hear it. Thomas understood right away and used his calm voice to silence his nagging doubt: 

_ “To get more power so we can kill him and leave all of this behind.”  _ Harry nodded again. The grass bent where Thomas walked, created a straight path between them. He wanted to say something before beginning, while Thomas could still hear him. But didn’t find the words. The whole day he had time to speak. Why it suddenly seemed important now? 

_ “Harry…”  _ Thomas turned around.  _ “I… am just waiting on the other side then.”  _

_ “I know” _ , he said and would have smiled if he could. Time was wasted. He had to begin. Harry raised his hands high. Four massive piles burst into flames, surrounding him with light. Their wood, wet from the dew, cracked. Bark blacken and curled up. The smoke tried to rise up and the wind push it aside, making it dance around the flames like a thin veil, through which could see everything. The heat was strong but gentle, enough to cover him and still not hurt the skin. 

_ “You look beautiful.”  _ Harry turned around. Thomas was still there, watching him between the flames, stuck mesmerised. Harry glanced at his dark, dirty hands and feet, feeling confused. If there ever had been a moment when he had thought less of what he looked like, or considered himself beautiful, it was now. He hummed, right then incapable of answering anything else. After a second he sensed Thomas making the path between them longer, between the fires, straight and without obstacles. He wanted to follow. But instead he awakened the patters of the circle. Invisible magic closed him inside. There was no going back anymore. 

The golden ring glittered. The clouds covered the sky but it didn’t matter, nothing would stop this now. I am going to take you to myself, he thought watching the ring. He couldn’t hear the flowers howling anymore. 

_ “Open” _ , he commanded. It fought back, struggled in the air like tortured. Its magic was powerful. He needed more… More light! Harry hit the ground, feeling its life growing.  _ Ardete!  _ The meadow burned. The flames rose higher, sacrificing all life to itself: the flowers, animals and insects, filling the shadows and escape roads. 

The ring still fought back. Harry spread the fire, made it bigger. The trees of the nearest forest fell down, smoked into nothing. It wasn’t enough. It had no impact, only Fiendfyre would have, which he couldn’t use because it only destroyed, didn’t give light. It must want this too, Harry realised and picked it up and put it on his finger, now knowing it was the only way, inviting it in and showing what it could have. Its curse blackened his hand. 

He didn’t focus on the fire anymore. And in that second, when he directed his every will on the ring, something else took control of the fires and started expanding them, now finally escaping from the woods into Harry’s consciousness. The ring had been invited in and so had he. There was no separating who was who anymore. 

_ You can’t control me, but I can set you free” _ , Harry ensured, feeling the curse spreading to his heart. He remembered what Tom had told in the woods. The same darkness must haunt this horcrux as well. It wanted out.  _ It will end if you come into the light. You can’t win me either way. Your curse can’t kill me.  _

A voice, exactly the same as Thomas’, screamed full of pain. It hurt his heart in a way the curse could never, horrified him like his worst nightmares. 

_ Let me help you  _ , he begged.  _ A part of you lives inside me. Come and meet it again.  _ He felt Tom’s body struggling, desperately reaching to the darkness. The ring’s curse lost its power.  _ Let me help you! Stop fighting and this will all be over soon.  _ The next scream made Harry’s whole being deformed of agony. It ripped Tom’s throat open and broke his voice. There was no point on trying to explain, Tom didn’t listen. He had to guide him in, make them one to control him and his magic. 

_I’m sorry_ , Harry whispered and took everything he had. 

There was no heart beating, no lungs breathing. What was left of him hung in the air. A shadow came inside the ring, trying to protect itself from the flames that he realised - to his horror - he couldn’t control. 

All turned bright. The whispering voice who wanted to help asked him to stop fighting. But he already had. He could feel the powerful magic. They were one. 

_ STOP THIS WE WILL BURN TO ASH!  _ he begged. Had the voice lied? They were burning. 

  
  


The ash drifted in the air, staining everything in grey dust. Harry’s blacken bones laid fleshless on the ground. Thomas banged the circle’s invisible wall with his burned fists, not caring about the reason that said it was pointless. Wind and ash could pierce it, he couldn’t. No living could. Because it isn’t over, Thomas ensured to himself. He is not dead. He is not dead. The ritual succeeded. Harry lived, would come back… Any minute now. 

Three ravens circled over him, making a loop. They had sensed what was happening before other animals and thus managed to flee the flames high and fast. 

Thomas let them land on the other side of the circle. _“He is not dead”_ , he said aloud. They blinked their eyes and quieted down. 

┃⚬ △ 

The earth trembled the next morning. Thomas stood up, heart beating like a roaring river. The ravens awakened too, spread their winds and left them. The natural coldness turned unnatural, ash landed on cold relentless dead ground. Flesh started forming, covered the black bones with blood and muscle. It was hauntingly beautiful. Magic filled the air and embraced him. It was strong, absolutely strong. 

The circle gave in. Thomas stepped through it in trance. Perfect, he thought. As if carved out of desire just for him to have. And that was only the first ritual. More was coming. Now he knew he could never absorb the horcruxes without dying and even though it troubled him it didn’t matter now. Harry was alive and all the magic they had was shared and protected him too, now and forever. 

He pulled back to see the brightest green diamonds. The mirrors of the soul, some said, undamaged, he thought relieved. They had succeeded. Only the cost had been more than he had ever imagined.  _ “I didn’t know that would happen, that there was even the slightest possibility you'd have to go through it again… ”  _

_“Everything looks so sharp and bright”_ , Harry whispered quietly in his ear. Feeling his heart this close again, made him not only wanting to get Harry but join him, get him to make that bewitching sound again and again and again and even that wouldn’t be enough. _“I healed the soul inside the ring, it is mine now. With it I’ll absorb the rest of them much easier. Let me show you. Bring the rest, I can wait here.”_

_ ”Shouldn’t you at least take a while to adjust to your powers and recover?”  _ Dying may have affected the ritual, made consequences which severity they couldn’t be sure. 

_ “I have recovered.”  _ Harry’s expression was drowsy, almost sleepy. It tempted him to go to the same state.  _ “It worked, just like we planned. I have your memories now. Imagine the knowledge I can have from the locket and the diadem. I’m sure they know a way how he can be stopped.”  _

_ “You have access to my memories?”  _ he let out a small laugh.  _ “I didn’t know it was possible. They were supposed to be separate.”  _

_ “Nothing is separate. I’m one with it.”  _ Those words made him wake up and realise something had gone wrong. Harry was supposed to oppress the horcrux, not be one with it. Thomas smiled and tilted his head, moving his hand inside his jacket around the phoenix and raven wands and with the other held on to Harry’s shoulder, keeping him close but the same time far enough to be able to focus. He had to make sure Harry was the one in control. 

_ “Tell me what happened.”  _

Harry lowered his gaze and it glazed, like returning to distant memories.  _ “It was the woods, the same place where I met the soul piece many times. An endless dark woods. And there were you. You said a voice called us somewhere. It scared you enormously and you wanted to get away, to climb the trees up. I heard no sound. I didn’t even know what direction was up. All was endless, bottomless emptiness. You took my hand and rushed to climb all the way up. Then I guess we made it out because after that I don’t remember anything else.” _

_ “Who made it out first?”  _

_ “I did. At the end you said ‘go’, not ‘come’ like you said when we climbed. It’s strange… I always thought you cannot follow me, that the horcruxes block you from going on. But maybe things have changed.”  _

Thomas hummed thoughtfully. Was it Harry wondering could his soul be saved he heard or the ring’s convincing act?  _ “Maybe they have” _ , he said and ripped a piece from his jacket and transformed it into a shirt and trousers.  _ “Dress up.”  _ Harry took the clothes absent-mindedly, covering his body from hips to the knees, but made no movement to dress them on. 

_ “I thought that… now when I can control myself so well, we could finally relax for a moment. You don’t need to worry about it being too much for me. I can handle it now, I promise. Yes, I have activated the occlumency shields” _ , Harry added when he tried to dive in his memories but was unable. 

_ “Harry, there is something you must understand. The soul inside the horcrux is very treacherous, you said it yourself. I need to be absolutely sure it is you before I can let my guard down.”  _

Harry stared at him blankly.  _ “Of course. I understand. But may I just point out you took a while to wrap your hands around the wands. If the horcrux was in control, it could have taken them easily.”  _ Harry, or whoever had spoken, was right.  _ Careless _ , he imagined Harry’s voice say.  _ “Not that it wanted. It has no reason to.”  _ Right again. The horcrux had no reason to harm him so it being in control wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad thing, just unpleasant while it lasted. Harry had to be the master of his own body and mind. Only he was himself, not the ring. It was its place to be lesser and bend. 

_ “Why would you ever let yourself be one with it?”  _

_ “I had to. There was no separating if I wanted to absorb it, I know that now.”  _ Harry ran his hand on his arms, smiling in a sad way.  _ “It doesn’t mean the horcrux has control, only I have. It’s just a part of me now, like you. I know I can do this now Thomas. For a long time I wasn’t sure could we really succeed but now I know. I feel so ridiculously powerful and that was just the first horcrux. No wonder you are so confident all the time.”  _

Thomas exhaled without knowing what to think, not feeling confident at all. They stepped outside the circle and looked at the burned ground. It was dead. They knew it and so would every magical being who would wander across it. But what had done this to it, no one would know. Thomas said the words he had charmed to destroy his own Anti-Disapparition Jinx:  _ “I close at the open.”  _ All sings of magic disappeared with them and the ravens. 

  
  


When they arrived at the Grimmauld Place Harry wanted to sneak to their room without been seen, but barely they had made it to the second floor when the stairs started to rumble like a pack of bolted chimaeras had been released in the house. Hermione stormed in front of them, screamed out of relieve as she saw Harry behind him and jumped to the arms of the first one of them, who happened to be him. Thomas took a more steadier position and supported her a couple of seconds, pleased that Hermione didn’t show any sings of freaking out of the change in Harry, was only thankful for their safe return. To his surprise everyone else managed to hold their tongue too. Sirius even nodded to him somehow approvingly, to which he, out of principle, didn’t answer however. 

When he had locked the three wands into the top drawer of his night table and checked that the rest of the Hallows were where they should, he fell on the bed. Its white sheet covered in ash. 

He tried to get used to the possibility of having to spend time with the other him. Even though it was cruel to Harry, he couldn’t help but to think about the benefits of the situation. The ring’s horcrux, or whatever it now was, surely wanted to kill Voldemort and what better way to achieve it than with Harry’s soul; oppressing the rest of the horcruxes, without risking himself in any way. But he couldn’t let that happen. It would mean Harry was as good as gone, buried under the other souls in his own body. And even if the ring had no intentions of harming him, he could never trust himself. Living with the other him would be hard and exhausting… Whereas living with Harry was easy, light. If only the death wouldn’t cloud his thoughts and let him be. 

Harry wrapped his hand around him.  _ “How do you think you are going to find out whether the horcrux has got control over me or not?”  _

_ “If you have an idea, tell it” _ , Thomas said and breathed slowly in and out, enjoying how Harry’s body pressed against his. 

_ “Wouldn’t you prefer I show it?”  _ Harry asked, turned him on his back and started kissing him in a way no one else could. It was indescribable. Every movement was real, uncovered, not in any way teasing, giving it all. And thus it teased him more than anything, because he didn’t want to hold back before that divine free creature, nor let it be enough to prove who was in control. Too much was at risk. 

_ “You have taught me a valuable lesson: Take everything into account. I couldn’t endanger us by casting that lesson aside and letting my guard down now.”  _

_ “I see” _ , Harry said. Silence fell between them. 

They didn’t have their own sides in the bed, because on where they fell asleep wasn’t the place where they spent the rest of the night. Nightmares haunted them constantly. And when one of them woke up to them, the other one naturally woke too. Every time Harry saw a nightmare he went to take a bath. And while he was there, he had instinctively turned to face the bathroom door, which meant when Harry returned, he went to the other side behind him. This position lasted until he woke up and tried to focus on reading to take his mind to somewhere else during which Harry always turned half on top of him, sometimes freely offering something else to distract him. And once he had done reading, he turned himself on top, pressing Harry slightly deeper into the bed, feeling his lungs breathing when he didn’t concentrate on his magic to compensate his need to breathe, enjoying the sound of life. 

Harry didn’t even try to sleep but walked straight to the bathroom. He turned to face its door, vaguely thinking how Hermione had managed to get Harry to sleep. Maybe they should try it again... He could trust the girl enough to fall asleep in her presense... 

The bed felt empty. Something was missing. Everything was cold. There was no limbs, only a week spirit, a memory. He couldn’t get out from the darkness. It spread and crushed him together, breaking all to pieces. Suddenly someone opened him. 

_ My name is Harry Potter.  _ Finally! He would get free. The need to answer was forceful, anything to make him stay. 

_ Hello Harry Potter, my name is Tom Riddle. How can I help you?  _

_ You cannot help me. No one can. I’m leaving and won’t be coming back.  _ No, he couldn’t leave. It would be the most terrifying thing. 

_ But I can give you what you want _ , he answered desperately. 

_ No you can’t. You are just an empty page.  _

They were on their way to the chamber. Water rushed inside the walls.  _ “Why are we going here?”  _ he asked. The bleak light reflected on Harry’s face as he turned, a green tie hanging loosely around his neck. 

_ “You know why.”  _

Harry commanded Queen to bend down, and rose to his toes to rip a tooth from her mouth. 

_ “No, stop!”  _ he yelled and managed to tear it to himself, already at that age beating Harry both in strength and in height.  _ “Do you have any idea what could have happened?”  _ he cried out, threw the tooth to the nearest pool and commanded Queen to leave.  _ “You will not come here ever again. I won’t allow it.”  _

_ “You can live without me my love. I must get away. I don’t belong here” _ , Harry said and set himself on fire. There was nothing he could do, only watch the flames. The floor met his knees. 

“Do you see now Tom? He didn’t belong to you”, the old man’s unmistakable voice said behind him. Fear and anger paralysed him. He was alone and couldn’t win. All was over. 

Thomas woke up. It was only a dream, he thought. He was alive. He had a body that did what he wanted. The diary was just a diary. And he was alive. 

The bed was still empty. He knew he couldn’t fall asleep again, not after that kind of nightmare so he rose up and knocked on the bathroom door. No answer. He opened the door and hot air hit against his face. It took a while before his eyes adjusted to the darkness. A dark figure sat in the tub. Harry’s hair was dry. He moved his hand down and felt the wet edge of his shirt.  _ “Wake up” _ , he said softly and vanished the water. Harry woke up with a dry gasp and grabbed him with his burning hot hand.  _ “We can’t be here. We have to get home…”  _

_ “Calm down. It was just a dream.”  _ He tried to bring the temperature down and lighted the candles. Nothing could have prepared him to what the light revealed. Harry’s eyes opened and he lost his ability to talk. The beautiful green was broken, mixed of bloody red like two diamonds hitting against each other. They screeched a voice that he felt as a sudden pain in his chest. The bloody red was winning, conquering the rest. 

What could he do?  _ We have to get home _ , Harry said. But they couldn’t. It was too dangerous. 

The tub was filled again. The burning water rose.  _ “You have to fight it” _ , he said even thought he knew Harry didn’t do anything else but fought, on and on constantly and didn’t need reminding of it. This was his fault, he realised. He hadn’t been able to recognise who was in control. He had caused this, no one else. Small tears fell between the black lashes, disappearing from the heat against the white skin. He squeezed his hands painfully together. The green was almost gone. 

You shouldn’t fight it alone, he thought. And now he knew what to do. He vanished the tub and levitated Harry in his arms, who grabbed him like a drowning grabs his savior, and started the battle against the red from the outside.  _ “I know you are crying, don't hold it back. Just breathe Harry, breathe. I know it’s you” _ , he repeated the words many times and saying them almost convinced himself they were true. 

_ “It was all for you. I - you mussst know it. The flames were nothing.”  _ Thomas wasn’t sure what Harry was talking about but didn’t ask, for he seemed very, very dazed.  _ “We don’t need them next time. The sunlight is enough...”  _

The red didn’t leave them completely. Small scratches of it here and there reflected the next morning light.  _ “I can’t get them away” _ , he said, feeling sorry. No transfiguration charm was strong enough. Harry nodded, buried his hands inside his pockets and went downstairs. 

  
  
  



	25. ...

Bellatrix leaned her elbows on a small table as much as the corset gave in. Using the first seemingly horrible ribs crusher had after all been a good solution. It had improved her posture, entirely removed the back pain that had troubled her for years. 

The house-elves had left the windows open to air the drawing room. Under the table reaching black hair swung quietly in the air. A teacup, filled of whisky, was waiting forgotten on a small plate. There was no waves, no rattling breath… Nothing. Only the quiet wind. 

All the signs of yesterday’s Midsummer dance had been cleared away and the transfiguration spell on her face long since lost its effect. Like nothing unusual hadn’t happened. But it couldn’t be further from the truth. Something  _ had  _ happened! Something exceptional, which had momentarily filled her with a bliss for action. 

She had finally felt the calling. Squeezing her pendant, resisting the temptation to apparate to  _ him _ like the calling usually meant, she had focused on the direction of which the piece of jewellery pointed, pondering to whom the smoky blood inside of it would take her, far far to northeast, apparating after apparating, thrilled and determined to do all she could, all  _ he  _ had trusted her to do, arriving after the long journey outside of the strongest protection spell she had ever felt, for it couldn’t be seen. 

And it couldn’t be broken either, no matter what she tried. The fear of failing, that she couldn’t do anything but wait for the spell to disappear and return to tell she hadn’t been able to get in, was born and tormenting. She had to get in, had to! This was why she had waited for months… The protection spell had to get broken. She couldn't bring disappoint. There had to be a way. But there wasn’t. 

And so she had had no other option but to summon  _ him  _ to witness her failure. At least  _ he  _ could break the spell and get in, she had hoped, pressing her wand on her arm. But either  _ he _ was somewhere far away or didn’t want to come, for only after the day had passed,  _ he  _ arrived. 

The Dark Lord had taken  _ his _ time to eye the surroundings, circled the blacken ground back and forth looking for something, Bellatrix following behind as quickly as she could wearing her heels, guarding them, just in case. The ground had felt strangely lifeless, like the dementors themselves would have lurked under it, lulling everything with emptiness and cold. The waves of dread had been shuddering. The ground was dead. Rattling breath… But that island didn’t exist anymore.  _ He  _ had come, there was no rattling, no waves, Bellatrix reminded herself and sipped her whisky. They were somewhere else, not here and hadn’t been there either, she thought, repeating what had happened inside her head. 

“Back away, where the ash doesn’t reach”,  _ he  _ had commanded and taken a time turner in  _ his  _ hand, disappearing into different times, multiplying, appearing to the present here and there. It had been a weird sight and Bellatrix hadn’t been sure should she even look because time was something that no one should mess with, but nevertheless she had looked and seen  _ him  _ at least in four different places at the same time, sometimes closer and sometimes far away, always outside of where the old protection spell had been, until the circle of time had come to its end and there had been only one of  _ him.  _

She tried to ask who they were tracking but didn’t get a reply. And they circled around the ground a bit longer until  _ he  _ stopped abruptly. The place didn’t look or feel any different but something had made  _ him _ bend down and draw  _ his  _ fingers over the ashes. Seeing  _ him  _ in many places at once had been weird but even weirder still it had been seeing  _ him _ bending down, lower. So, she had gone down on her knees too, to be at the same level and also closer.  _ He  _ moved the upper ash layer out of the way and lifted a piece of something burned and shiny. 

The finding would have seemed meaningless if she hadn’t seen what joy it brought to  _ him.  _ The hood had fallen on  _ his  _ shoulders, revealing the triumphant eyes. There had been something different about them. But she didn’t know what, she remembered feeling confused. 

“Finally… ”,  _ he  _ said and dropped that which  _ he  _ had found back to the ground, as if suddenly it didn’t mean anything, and strode away to the old protection spell’s border, now admiring the surroundings, as if the burned ground had been fascinating. 

“My Lord, what happened here?” she had asked and just then the Dark Lord had seemed to notice she was still there. 

“A miracle Bella, a miracle! Which to my pity I couldn’t witness. But maybe next time… Tell Lucius to summon me when the council has made their decision. Then let’s see do we have to change it or not”,  _ he  _ said, smiled and disapparated. 

A miracle… Inside a protection even  _ he  _ couldn’t go. And it would happen again. What? And why wait such a thing? What could be so important? Why waste time scouring burned fields when the whole world is ours and everything possible? I don’t understand, Bellatrix snarled and felt a vile sting under her stomach. Like a knife it had been struck… 

“M - madame Lestrange, young master Malfoy is expecting you”, an elf’s creak interrupted her thoughts. 

The small table fell when Bellatrix rose up, the porcelain teacup shattered to pieces and the strong liquid inside it stained the dark floor. The shivering elf bowed and led the way past the portraits into a windowless room where nothing covered the walls. “Evening Aunty. Where were you yesterday? Mother was looking for you.” 

A smile spread to her face. “In a secret mission.” 

“Did you see  _ him _ ?” Draco asked, so excited that his voice cracked much higher than normally. Bellatrix smiled mischievously. “You did? That’s so unfair!” She just kept on smiling and took out her wand. 

They started dueling. “Faster! Faster!” She encouraged mercilessly, throwing her curses up and down, careful not to get too excited however, because Cissy wouldn’t like that. “Too predictable. Again!” She tossed Draco across the room. 

“Finite Incantatem!” the boy cried and stopped the speed before crashing to the wall. And they carried on until Draco lifted his hands as a sign of surrender. 

“Good Draco, very good! Now, drink water and lie down.” 

“But-” 

“No buts! Do as I say.” Draco rolled his eyes and did what was told. The Dark Lord had trained her like this as well: first the physical part and then the rest when the mind was clear and still. She followed the same method, although giving Draco more time to rest between these parts than she had got. 

Draco’s skills were improved enormously, instincts sharpened, movements quickened. She didn’t need to say what would happen next. He knew because they had done this already dozens of times. It was fun to teach, the see other’s effort and improvement, especially Draco’s. No wonder  _ he  _ liked this too. Teaching the young ones was important. Cissy had done a great job teaching the boy before Hogwarts. But for some idiotic reason, once the boy had started his studies, Cissy had taught him no more. Supposedly he learned all that was vital in school! This wouldn’t do, she had thought and began teaching the boy herself, thus also getting an excuse not to spend time with her husband. 

First Cissy had objected her tutoring but Draco had known better and agreed. And why wouldn’t he have? She had learned directly from  _ him _ , she was the best teacher Draco could ever have! She was the only living member of her family who could pass her precious knowledge to the new generation, now when Regulus had passed away. 

She had been sad, hearing about his death. That boy had been so promising, the only one in this wretched lot who had had the honour and privilege to learn… 

She had been and was still on this day very proud of him, and a bit jealous too, she had admitted, after all these years. Her cousin had had that something… that unexplainable something that had won  _ his _ favour. 

“Legilimens!” She dove into the grey eyes and was already looking for the newest memory but was met with an invisible wall, which gate closed down, sealing Draco’s mind from intruders and cast her out. “Good! On the first try!” 

“I’ve been practising”, Draco said and got up. Bellatrix slipped her wand inside its handle and folded her hands. 

“I can see that! You are ready to join our ranks! All you need is know how to apparate. Let’s go outside, come, come come.” And she dragged the boy outside the mansion. 

“It’s not enough to picture yourself there, but also your magic”, she said, circling around Draco. “Give me your wand, you don’t need it. Oh little one, does it hurt giving it? Good! That means you are one with it. But you don’t need it now. Your magic doesn’t lesser without it. It’s only a tool to channel it through”, she sat on the ground and petted a curious peacock that had come to find out what they were doing. “And now, release it. Whenever you are ready.” 

It took longer than she had thought. The peacock she had petted was probably the leader of its flock, because the other white birds followed it, gathering around her, cackling and cleaning their feathers. Not until the last peacock had relaxed on the ground they heard a loud pop and a scream a little distance away. The birds got scared and fled in a blur, all except the curious one, who instead of fleeing spread its tail wide open. “You got splinched.” 

Draco screamed in pain and showed what was left of his foot. “Oh really? Cure it! Quickly! Or I’ll bleed to death!” 

“Shhh”, she hissed. There was no point in scaring the birds. “Accio foot.” She caught the flying limb from the air and put it in its original place. “Vulnera sanentur, vulnera sanentur. Cartilagines medere, cartilagines medere. There, as good as new. Try again.” 

“No. Absolutely no”, Cissy said. 

Bellatrix’s mouth opened dramatically. “But he can even apparate now-” 

“No.” Draco made a frustrated snort and clanked his spoon in his dessert bowl. The whole family was sitting in the dining room. The big windows showed the majestic garden and if looked a bit further, one could see the edge of the foggy forest outside the high iron gates. “And don’t even try to turn to Lucius. My word commands in this subject.” 

Lucius was sitting opposite her sister on the other end of the table, reading parchments and letters, following the conversation only with one ear. 

“I have trained Draco better than anyone at his age! He deserves to show his talents, bring them to good use. There is no point hiding him here. He wants to join us and you can’t stop him! He is not a child anymore!” 

“Bellatrix, unleash your frustration somewhere else if I may ask”, Lucius said. “My son will fulfill his duty when he is at the proper age, not when you say.” 

“And when will that age be?” 

Lucius glanced at her, another eyebrow warningly raised. 

Bellatrix didn’t know how to carry on this conversation so she turned her eyes to the papers lying on the table. They had been enchanted invisible to anyone except to their owner, just like every other paper in Lucius’ room. Important, secret information was there, right in front of her. Information that she deserved to know! 

“What is  _ he  _ doing? Where has  _ he  _ been all this time?” she asked, even though the shame she had to ask was unbearable. She should know what  _ he  _ was doing and not ask it from others. Cissy and Lucius watched each other awhile, communicating without words, until Lucius sighed and said coolly: “If the Dark Lord hasn’t told you what he is doing, it would hardly be my place to reveal anything”, then glanced at Cissy and seeing her expression decided to continue immediately: “I don’t know where the Dark Lord is. I haven’t seen him in weeks. In his absence, we follow his orders. Which reminds me, shouldn’t you keep an eye on the Longbottoms?” 

“I have much more important things to do than lurk under their windows!” she snapped, frustrated that she couldn’t tell more. 

“Is that so? Do excuse me”, Lucius said and summoned his papers together and pressed a quick kiss on his wife’s cheek before leaving, paying no attention to Bellatrix murderous glare. 

“I could kidnap those blood traitors and redheads in seconds if I could go to the Ministry.” But she couldn’t. The Dark Lord had forbidden any known Death Eater of entering into the Ministry or cause any ‘scenes’, like  _ he  _ had put it, with a few exceptions, of which the other’s steps and walking stick’s sounds echoed in the stairs. They were ordered to stay out of front pages, to hide! 

“Patience, my dear. All will turn out in our favor before you know it.” 

“Doesn’t seem like it. Nothing is happening.” 

“On the contrary, the Wizengamot is turning on our side. Even Nymphadora came to congratulate me of our new official status yesterday.” 

“Yes, she came here to look for missing Death Eaters. Don’t talk of that filthy half blood! She was only here for Dumbledore’s command. Someone should kill that old goat”, she added and stabbed her plate. 

“That wouldn’t be necessary. He has been digging his own grave for years. People are tired of him. Anyone can see that he is the one causing all the havoc, not us.” 

Bellatrix remembered her young self listening to  _ him.  _ How  _ he _ had talked of the world they would build. She had always thought it meant war, revolution. Was that revolution here, now? It felt different than she had thought, like many other things. So boring and empty. Was this what  _ he  _ wanted? Peace? It couldn’t be. Something else was coming. Had to be, she thought and touched the pendant that was still hanging on her neck. 

“Anyway”, Cissy said and put her glass down, “I was relieved to see her looking all right. Our family has suffered many losses. Those of us who are left have to stick together. We can’t afford to be as picky as in the old days. Are you all right Bella? You look a bit pale.” 

“Can’t imagine why, when my own sister talks of building relationships with half bloods." She felt the stabbing pain in her guts again. 

“Bella, be reasonable. Two of the wealthiest families in this country will be inherited by a half blood, including our own.” 

“Don’t even mention it! It all should belong to Regulus!” 

“Yes, well, in his absence we are lucky Sirius named Harry his heir. Otherwise the money would have been divided into thousand pieces to Merlin knows where. Draco, could you excuse us for a moment.” 

“No! Draco stays. He knows about this far more than you let me understand.” Cissy looked at her, chin high and unafraid. Bellatrix had leaned over the table towards her like a predator. “If you think that the Dark Lord doesn’t care about Potter anymore you are wrong! He is responsible for  _ his _ defeat and our time in Azkaban, he is guilty!" she blurted, rage inside her making her say what came in her head without thinking, "And if you think that because they boy has been left alone means that he doesn’t mean anything, that - that you can encourage Draco to be friends with him you are wrong!” 

“That’s exactly what it means. We need to build connections for him, Harry is the only heir left of our family. Draco needs better partners than those brainless idiots which are all that remains of The Sacred-Twenty-Eight.” 

“Mother!” Draco yelled in between out of bafflement. 

“What I’ve heard, Harry is the most interesting person: the top of his class in many subjects, respected and well mannered. It’s hard to believe from where he has grown up, but I think we can forget that misfortuned arrangement. At least he is living with Sirius”, Cissy shook her head slightly, “-it’s an improvement of some sort.” 

Bellatrix banged her fist to the table. “This is MADNESS!”, she pointed at Draco, speaking to her sister, “You’ll kill us all! If someone saw that half breed here-”, she sniggered hysterically, “Dark Lord would never accept -  _ he  _ may have said keep Potter safe and untouched but there it’s a long way to partnership from that! You all have lost your minds! Ow!” Bellatrix pulled her hand over her stomach. The pain had returned again. 

”Bella, please”, Cissy made a break before continuing, “Isn’t it the time for you to finally accept the fact we all others have acknowledged?” 

“No! Don’t you dare mention it!” she hissed, already knowing what her sister was about to say.

“Lucius’ father-” A painful grin formed on Bellatrix’s face, “told that in their school years, the Dark Lord mentioned countless times that he was a half blood.” 

“Shut your mouth!” she hissed harder. 

Cissy sighed. “It was never a problem for him to admit. So why it is such a thing for you? Bella, what does it matter?” 

Bellatrix collapsed back to her seat and shut her eyes, feeling as if the roof had disappeared and the walls come crashing together. 

“Is it because it makes him lesser in your eyes?” Cissy asked. 

“Stop”, she whispered. “Why are you saying this? They are lies! Filthy lies.”    
“Then why don’t you ask him is it true?” 

Bellatrix tried to control herself and turned to face the window. She wouldn't hurt Cissy, Cissy was kind... her own little sister, who sat there looking like a queen on her throne, white hair under the chrystals... seizing the room with a power that was delicate and yet strong in her own way. Lies... Lies she was saying, only lies. Those lies, those were the things she was angry at, not Cissy, she reminded herself. 

The fog spread from the forest, quietly covering the field with dew, creating a delicious meal to the deers, which were watching the view behind the iron gates... wondering how to get around it. 

“At this moment the heir to two of the Britain’s wealthiest families wallows around the country with Sirius. Sirius, who is hardly stable enough to take care of himself.” 

“So that’s worrying you?” Bellatrix asked disbelieving, snapped out of her calm state which she barely managed to maintain as she continued: “That no one takes care of him? That the poor Potter has no one to advice him or - Merlin help us, you want to adopt him!” 

Cissy stood up, her controlled mask melting off her face. “And what if I want to?” 

At that moment Draco stood up too and backed away slowly, listening to the conversation dumbfounded. He had never seen his mother like that. 

“You can’t understand. You never could. You are bleeding again. That’s why your stomach hurts!” Bellatrix frowned. The news that her body had healed in that way did not make her feel better. Luckily she could make herself infertile again with potions, like she had done from the moment she had been forced to marry. The possibility to have children had never interested her, not one bit. She would never let anyone waste her time like that, except  _ him  _ of course. What an honour it would be to carry on  _ his  _ legacy... But  _ he  _ wasn’t interested of such things, they were above it... 

“But I can never have more children!” Cissy screamed and slapped her hand on her mouth, trying to stop the outburst that had built up inside her for so long. “So don’t you sit there and say I’m mad for trying to save what is left of our family. Don’t you dare Bella. It is not your place. Come Draco”, Cissy said and walked to the door taking her son in her arms. “I have done nothing to deserve your judgement. The great world which you always wanted is here. It is here now Bella, finally achieved after all our suffering and bad blood. Can't you see it?” 

“ _ He  _ did it.  _ He  _ gave you that, united us, don’t you forget that.” 

A sad smile formed on Cissy's face. “We are grateful that you taught Draco, but it ends now. It is time for you to go to your husband and do your duty.” 

Saying that her little sister looked and sounded exactly like their mother. Mother had never lived as old as they, but only now Cissy managed to embody her stone hard character. 

The ghost of the past stared at her across the table. I am doing my duty, she thought, twiddling her pendant. It just never will be the same to me as to you. Mother shook her head disapprovingly and disappeared. She was left alone. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> English is my third language so forgive me the mistakes.  
> I haven't made money from this. All characters belong to J.K.Rowling.  
> 


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